We humans are crafted in a delicate
manner but also are infused with amidst vigor but still there are moments when
we find our heads underwater. Many people crumble under pressure some
may even break down and fall into the trap of self-pity and loathe holding on
to a narrative that the odds are stacked against them. But there are exceptional
individuals who can see the beauty in their darkest moments. They can recall
their struggles and pain as something that made them stronger and invincible. Throughout history we have witnessed
certain individuals who are strong-willed tenacious and resilient
possessing unshakable grit and confidence. These people are not born
this way they have fallen a lot of times and gotten back on their feet which
cultivated an ability to deal with things in a better way. They choose to
remain unaffected and indifferent to the negative opinions and criticisms that
are thrown at them by people rejections and failures. They have the uncanny life
skill to deal with the inevitable circumstances of adversity extreme
challenges and uncertainties of life. They lead of life on their terms. They
have a mastery over their external circumstances because they have a strong
internal mindset to master their environments. Let's call them the
invincible. This documentary is about dealing with fear, cultivating confidence
in yourself, and helping you master your environment so that you too can develop
a quality of persistence of continuing resolutely despite setbacks and
adversities in life. Being invincible and confident is not the absence of fear.
Invincibility is about transforming a relationship with fear. Fear is not the
enemy. The feeling of fear is just like any other emotion. Fear is actually
informing you; fear is telling you that you need to do something either do more
research get some support, get some insight, study a little more, slow down-
fear is actually feeding you. So then ask yourself the question what do I need to
do, think, or go get to dissipate this fear. And then secondly recognize that
fear doesn't mean STOP!. People think Oh!! I'm afraid, let me stop. Okay that's a
choice to stop. Fear doesn't necessarily mean stop. Fear might mean proceed with
caution, or proceed with more strategy. Fear doesn't, whenever I'm feeling fear
it doesn't tell me. So I don't you think now to stop with a fear. I do think to
slow down, go get some help, go get some insight.
Voice my fear so that it's not just all in my head.
Recognize that fear is going to come in; when you're playing bigger than you've
ever played before. I say if your knees aren't knocking and your teeth aren't
chattering, just a little at least then you're not playing big enough. The bigger
you play, the more you're gonna feel your knees knock and you hear your teeth chatter. And I am always playing big I'm always feeling my knees knock. And
I'm always hearing my teeth chatter. But I've created a relationship with that
fear. Every culture demonizes fear as a major sign of weakness especially in men.
They depict great men of courage as people who are fearless this gives us a
delusional idea that confident people don't experience fear. As kids we get
conditioned into thinking that feeling frightened is silly and stupid. Maybe at
some part of your early life you've been called a crybaby or heard taunts like
boys don't cry, or don't be a sissy. These taunts are powerfully reinforced
by our pop culture. Also we see heroes and superheroes who are fearless in the
face of the villains. We see these heroes laid back with a straight and
confident face even when the villains point a gun at them.Ccourage is glorified
in movies and puts it on such a pedestal which makes one feel that feeling
anything less than that is being less of a real-life hero. So fear is despised as
something we should never feel in our lives, while its omnipresent residing in
every living man and in every step he takes. Fear is a powerful tool. It's a
powerful fuel that makes us human. We don't succeed despite fear; we succeed in
the face of it, and by conquering it, rather than by avoiding or ignoring it.
Invincibility is a strength of character. We develop this through our self ideals.
Your self ideal is a combination of the qualities and attributes that you admire
most in other people living and dead. It is the sum of all your dominant
aspirations. It is your vision of what the perfect person should be. It is your
vision of your future self. Your self ideal is what you dream about yourself.
It's the dream self, who you want to mould and develop into. But self image is what
you think about yourself. It's the sum of your current self.
Between your current self and your future self, there is a gap that you tend
to fill through your growth journey. To put that in perspective- 'we are not just
human beings, but human becomings'. We all tend to pursue our ideal self. There are
two people within us: one of them is who we are which is your self image, and the
other one is who we want to become- which is your self ideal. To understand self
concepts further, you need to also understand both the 'self esteem' and 'self
confidence'. Self esteem is how you feel about yourself. Self confidence is what
you do. Invincible people envision an ideal life. They also possess a positive
self-image. Their self esteem and confidence help them move forward and
conquer any challenges. Therefore you become an invincible person; when you
begin to think, feel, and act like one. To become invincible you need to be a
person with a mission. The purpose in life gives you the directions, and your
inner compass guides you. But first to understand invincibility you need to
accept that the real hero in your life is YOU. It is not the ones you see in
that idiot box of yours or in the theatres who are fabricated to
perfection. You are the hero. And your life is your
story. You script it with your aspirations and dreams. And once you're
passionate enough you take action irrespective of what may come your way.
You persist because you need to complete your journey. You have the power and
nothing has more power over you. To become invincible you need to become
the person with a mission. You need to feel A SENSE OF DESTINY that is calling
out for you. When purpose is awakened in your soul, life becomes meaningful and
fulfilling. The long term optimism of invincible people is unshakable no
matter how many speed breakers they hit. They have a deep enough faith a sense of
destiny and that is very much the foundation of being invincible. Here they
know for the fact that no matter what happens, no matter what the obstacles are,
they gonna achieve the outcome eventually. Being invincible can help you
overcome any kind of adversities, self-doubt lack of motivation, cynicism,
pessimism, criticism or contempt. People who lack this they feel that, there's
nothing in their control. They feel like the victims of circumstances and they
also have a very negative and pessimistic outlook towards their lives.
Another nickel you want in your pocket to become invincible is having a great
self image. Self image is the way you think and perceive yourself. Do you know
that you have an image of yourself inside?. When you stand in front of a
mirror, you see a reflection of the physical you. Now that's not the real you.
You have a picture of yourself in your mind. Do you know when a person improves
their self-image, they change their entire life. Their income change. Their
relationships change. Their health changes. And you know how you do that?
Start studying you!!. Start to find out more about you. There's something
phenomenal about you. Do you know when I began to study this material 57 years
ago. I had very poor self-image. I had low self-esteem.
I took dumb jobs. I never earned any money. I never had fun. I had poor
relationships. And as I started to study- start to study real solid information;
everything in my life started to improve. I've got friends all over the world
today. I earned millions of dollars. I'm in my 80s and I get as much energy as a
person in their 30s. You see when you start to understand really who you are!.
You're God's highest form of creation. There's things about you that just about
blow your mind as you start to study and really understand them. You'll walk a
little taller you'll stand a little straighter, and you
know something - you'll enjoy a whole lot more of life. You can have a healthy
self-image or an unhealthy self-image. But what is more important for personal
development is a realistic representation of you with all your
strengths and weaknesses. Self Image acts like an inner reflection or a mirror, or
what you choose to see in yourself.It is developed by the conversation that you
have with yourself when nobody's around - just you and your being. What do you
think about your self matters, and it is influenced by everything that envelops
you. You know; it is said that people are made up of the people they meet and the
books they read. So, in your inner conversations - in your inner dialogue,
you could be talking to yourself like a coach - like every time trying to give you
the words of encouragement or giving a pat on your back, every time you achieve
a goal. Or you can have a conversation like a nagging critic - constantly trying to
badger your self-esteem- "that you're not good enough", " you have messed that up". And
those kinds of conversation. Because your self-image matters. Because you radiate
in the outside world what you think about yourself. One thing that can be
more tangible about self-image is the concept of inner scorecard. We all have
an inner scorecard and an outer scorecard. The inner scorecard is about
how we measure ourselves and the outer scorecard is how others measure us.
Warren Buffett puts it like this: 'Would you rather be the
world's greatest lover but have everyone think you're the world's worst lover' or
would you rather be the world's worst lover but have everyone think you're the
world's greatest lover'. In doing so Buffett outlines one of the ideas most
vital to leading a good life- the difference between an inner scorecard
and an outer scorecard. Which matters more to you? How you evaluate yourself or
how the outside world evaluates you? Well in most cases, one can say that what
others think of you is none of your business, and what you think about
yourself must be your real concern. But what's wrong in having the best of both
worlds. Since the outer world is a direct reflection of what is going on inside us,
the scorecard begins with our mind. If you want others to value you highly, you
must first begin to value yourself the same way as you radiate what you think.
The scorecard is about your self expression of who we are on the deep
inside. You don't live to impress people; but to express yourself in all ways
possible. To deal with a positive inner scorecard, you must learn to use your inner
critic constructively. You must assume 100% responsibility for your thinking,
and actions. Psychologists agree that people who have an 'internal locus of
control' tend to be less influenced by the opinions of others, and work hard to
achieve the things they want, and often achieve greater success in the workplace.
Now maintaining a positive self-image is a deliberate exercise. You know it's
natural to think about things that are negative. It is natural to think about
what is missing in life. It's very common to whine aboard things. So how do we
think positive? How do we stay in a state of mind, where you get to have positive
thoughts. One of the best ways to do that is to substitute negative thoughts with
positive ones- instead of just suppressing negative thought.
Suppression doesn't help, okay what is SUPPRESSED
will be EXPRESSED in the later in UGLIER WAYS - that's what it's been said. So the
best thing is to think about things that is going great with your life - I call it
the ASSET BASED THINKING. Look at what is going great with your life at the
moment. Think about things that you can be grateful for. Make a list of things
that you can be grateful for. Cultivate an attitude of gratitude. Making a
gratitude list every day is a healthy habit to get you focused on your
blessings. This is not wishful positive thinking. This is pure asset based
thinking. When you feel grateful for something, you are automatically focusing
on your assets rather than liabilities. You begin your day by counting the
blessings rather than focusing on what is missing in life. Now many people find
that it requires great diligence to cultivate an attitude of appreciation. We
are culturally conditioned to focus on what we don't have,
rather than appreciating what we've already received. Now it's important that
you always take the time to appreciate even the smallest blessings. It's
important to activate your gratitude by acknowledging the gifts most people take
for granted. Now if you had food in your refrigerator, clothes in your closet, and
a roof over your head, you were better off than 75 percent of the world's
population. Almost half the world over 3 billion people live on less than 2
dollars and 50 cents a day and at least 80 percent of humanity lives on less
than $10 a day. If you eat three meals a day you're far better off than the 1
billion people on the planet who eat once a day at most. So take time to
appreciate and celebrate these simple blessings. A daily habit of writing
things that you are grateful for shifts you are thinking from negative
reflection of life to positive reflection. It's easier to get triggered
by negativity when there is within you. You know, having a calm and relaxed
mind can help you stay relaxed and composed when people are trying to get
onto your nerves. People with a positive self-image, they live their life
rationally and objectively unlike the people who suck into the
drama tend to live their life emotionally and subjectively, being very
subjected to their external environment. People who have a great self-image do not
take the external negative environment to become their mindset - to become their
internal environment. They are in charge of their internal environment. And there
is people who feed, who constantly feeding negativity, people are constantly feeding
drama, these people don't pay any attention. They are focused. They're
composed and they're calm. And they're also well connected with people who are
just like them, who just believe in mutual empowerment. Always remember what you
think about yourself is what you bring about. Your face is the reflection of the
conversation that you have with yourself. So if you want to be cheerful, entertain
happy thoughts. You are the creator so choose the thoughts that have the power
to empower you. If self image is what you think about yourself, then self esteem is
how you feel about yourself. And our self esteem is constantly attacked like a
weakest player in a game and it's seem very low among the adolecsents today.
This is because we have just like any other fragile beings who are constantly
judging, constantly evaluating our progress every day. We feel good and
excited and we feel elated when things go according to our way - when we meet
our expectations. And we feel extremely bad and disappointed when things don't go our way. Self-esteem is your vibrational and
emotional state of being. Your mental state is determined by what you think
and how you feel about it. Whether it's about what happened, or what is happening,
or what would happen; this state is also determined by your surroundings, with the
people you associate with and the circumstances you live in.
We are constantly reacting and responding to our environment. We get
stimulated and we respond to our stimuli- the responses.
Our environment has a major impact on us. The environment determines how we must
feel. But when the environment is not good or supportive; invincible people
work on creating better environment for themselves. We are now living in a social
environment. Our feelings are entangle in this web of life. Every day we are
absorbing information through breaking news and social media. As a response to what
is happening around us, whether it is political, or economical, or the
exploitation of the weak, we often feel anxious, helpless and
angry. So if the evening news makes you anxious, it's better to turn off the
television. One of the major killers of the
feel-good factor is jealousy. Comparison is that thief of joy. It robs everything
you admire about yourself and throws you into a pit of insecurity. It's human
nature to feel envious, when you encounter successful people. But people
who are invincible admire successful people. If they see a rich man with a
fancy car, they will tell themselves that soon they will also have a car like that.
This is so as they have wired themselves to scrape out something good in
everything, so they take this moment to manifest the car for themselves. You have
got to first, and fundamentally believe; that there is success, happiness, money,
riches, possibility for everybody. There's enough for everybody; that nobody's in
competition with you. And that in fact- when you see somebody that has something
that you desire; you should be happy. You want to know why? You should be happy
because it's a sign that it's possible. It's a sign that it's
coming to you. It's a sign that you're on your way. If you allow envy to creep in;
you have now aligned your life with the belief that there's not enough to go
around. You need to stop that right now. See, social creatures tend to live in
comparison and the more we compare ourselves with the others, the greater
the danger of jealousy. See comparison is the thief of joy. And here's a thing with
envy or being jealous, we tend to be envious of people were just like us -
people who come from the same background, same career, same environment.
It's like sportsman compare themselves with sportsmen. Actors with actors. Top executives compare themselves with other top executives from other companies.
Youtubers with youtubers. See, you are not feeling jealous or you're comparing
yourself with the Pope or you're not feeling jealous with the lifestyle of
the Queen of England. You're always making this comparison with people who
are just like you - people who come from the same educational background, same
firm, same environment or people who move around in the same circle, which is also an
indication that you're not dreaming that big. The temptation to draw comparisons
is all around us. The proliferation of the internet and social media has turned
jealousy into a modern-day obsession. We are part of an ongoing social experiment
called the social media. Social media is the easiest breeding ground for jealousy.
This is the platform where people document the best moments of their lives.
Or if not the best, they make it their life's mission to make their lives look
exciting. But deep inside are as hollow as the people watching them and doubting
their own lifestyles. Social media is practically designed to make similar
people compare themselves to others. You laugh at the idiots but envy the ones
who got what you don't. So whenever I feel jealous of someone else's success
or body or intelligence I remind myself: what reaction is going to help me
achieve what I want? Internalising this envy as
insecurity or as inspiration? I don't know about you, but I like
feeling inspired, a hell of a lot more than I do feeling insecure!! And what's
wonderful is that when you do feel inspired by someone else's success, the
next natural question is well- how do they get there? What can I do that they
did to get where they are? Versus if you let your jealousy fester into resentment.
Yeah whatever?!! I'm sure, she just got lucky or headlight
connections or something. You dismiss their success without ever exploring the
methods of how they achieved it. So when you feel jealous, and we all do, you have
a choice: You can let that jealousy make you feel like you're not good enough or
you can turn it into ambition. Invincible people have a control on how they must
feel. Their 'feeling good' factor is not entirely controlled by their outer world.
But is controlled by their inner world. Remember that nobody can make you feel
bad without your permission. Even if the people around you try hard to make you
feel bad on the inside; look within yourself and check your inner scorecard.
Real action follows thinking and feeling and it's self-confidence that triggers
action. You embrace a sense of destiny when you have a strong purpose backed by a
strong will and confidence. You see, confidences is both a
feeling, and action. Confidence is a feeling of certainty and assurance.
Confidence is also an act of trust and reliance. Self-confidence is a powerful
emotion of being in control, a lack of self-doubt, a sense of feeling cool under
pressure, and it's also a belief that you feel that, you can perform very well, and
achieve a positive outcome under any circumstances. Self-confidence is also
the ability to act despite fears and transcends the mere feeling part of it.
It's important to know that it's an art that can be developed by anybody.
According to Dr. Russ Harris, the author of the book THE CONFIDENCE GAP, there are
five reasons why people lack confidence. One: Too many expectations. When you have
a mind that is never satisfied and always demanding to conquer more quests,
but also fearful of making mistakes and become self-critical on not meeting
expectations, you suffer from perfectionism and it diminishes your
self-confidence. Two: Harsh self judgment. When your inner voice becomes highly
critical of you and undermines you into thinking that you are not good enough or
talk you out of your plans and dreams, your mind is playing with caution to
stop you from doing something. It's natural to feel that way. Even the most
talented people feel at times that they are not talented enough. Sometimes you
will suffer from an IMPOSTER SYNDROME, where your mind manages to convince you
that you're not really good and at any moment now your facade will come off.
When you feel like an impostor, your mind is telling you that you need to work
hard on something, to stay in the game. These feelings can be shut off with
utmost resolve and confidence and belief in self. Three: Preoccupation with fear. Fear
is a natural human emotion that helps us with proper functioning of sympathetic
nervous system that works on our fight-or-flight mode. Fear in itself
does not affect your confidence but dwelling in fear can paralyze you. The
more you feed into these fears, the larger it becomes- like a monster which
is set to annihilate everything in your life.
Four: Lack of experience. If you've had little or no experience in doing
something, you can't expect to feel confident about it. You might be an
excellent guitar player but if you've never had the experience of playing live
before a huge audience, then the first few gigs might be busts and you're
highly unlikely to feel confident on stage. Five: Lack of skills. It's not
natural to feel confident about doing something unless we are reasonably good
at doing it. Having poor skills or no skills can make you withdraw from
opportunities when they are presented to you. You can improve your confidence just
like any other skillset. Some people believe that just feeling confident can
do wonders and their confidence is built on their belief. For others, it goes
beyond the mere belief.Their confidence is based on the ability to do something,
and it is measured on how they rate their ability to achieve it.
Therefore self confidence can be improved in two ways. ONE. You have to
work on your belief system by brainwashing yourself into believing
that you can do it even if you can't. This approach might work for some
situations but fails big-time when the feelings alone can't amount to success.
There is a huge difference between 'feeling able' and 'being able'. Best-selling
author Dr.Tomas Chamorro-Premuzic in his book CONFIDENCE asserts that
confidence and competence is well connected. According to him Barack Obama
did not become the first black president in US history because he was confident.
Sir Richard Branson the founder of Virgin did not establish 400 companies
because of his confidence. Madonna did not sell 300 million records because of
her self belief, and Michael Jordan, Muhammad Ali, and Roger Federer did not
achieve total domination in the sports arena because they felt good about
themselves. The reason these exceptional achievers
have confidence is because they are exceptionally competent. It takes an
extraordinary amount of talent and even more hard work to attain such levels of
competence. In fact, the only unusual thing about these people's confidence is
that it is an accurate reflection of their competence. This sets them apart
from the majority of confident people who are just not very
competent. You know psychologists often call the 'Confidence - Competence Loop'. As
you become more competent in something, you learn how to do it. You're more
confident in doing. As you learn how to ride a bike and you rode the bike more
and more and more, you became more skilled at it. You develop more
confidence in your ability to ride the bike. Any area of your life you're gonna
go into the for the first time, be okay with being uncertain!. Be okay with being
uncomfortable!. Be okay with not knowing how it's gonna turn out. Because it's
your first time, but stumble into it anyway. Because you stumble into it you
develop skill. You develop comfort with it. And then suddenly one day you wake up
saying I'm pretty confident doing this. Nothing changed in who you are. What
changes is your level of competency, knowledge, skill and ability. That's what
competency is. Knowledge, skill, ability and talent. And so when we finally
realized 'Oh wow!, I just need to learn a little bit more here. I'll be more
confident. I just need to apply this a little bit more here, I'll be more
confident. As you develop skills and abilities in your life in your unique
areas you become more confident. There is a correlation between competence and
confidence. Ironically, people who appear to be highly confident are less
competent!!. There is a reason behind this: Most people are biased to think that
they are better than average. Even hypothetically, we tend to show our
overconfidence. Psychologists call it as THE OVER CONFIDENCE EFFECT. In surveys 84%
of Frenchmen estimate that they are above-average lovers. In another survey
93% of the US students estimated to be above-average drivers. Sometimes when I
give a presentation on my book I ask the audience, compared to the average person
here do you see yourself as an above-average safe car driver or below
average safe car driver. People raise their hands the result is always the
same. 90% of the people consider themselves above average. Realistically
it should be 50/50 because the average more precisely the meaning is in the
middle. This many people in the audience overestimate their driving skills. This
is called' the overconfidence effect'. There's no balancing under confidence
effect. People just tend to systematically overestimate their skills
and knowledge. Not to underestimate them. You may not be surprised that men are
more prone to overconfidence than women. Now women overestimate their knowledge
and skills too but less strongly than men. Even more troubling, optimists are
not the only victims of overconfidence even pessimists overate themselves
just less. In fact entrepreneurial activity would be a lot lower, if the
overconfidence effect did not exist. And so many of the decisions that people
make especially starting new businesses, I mean that is where it's
been studied most extensively. People think they will succeed. They open a
restaurant because they think they will succeed. But in fact less than a third of
small businesses, they'll survive for five years.
So clearly overconfidence is rife and overconfidence and loss aversion seem to
be acting in opposite directions. Bottom line humans have a tendency to
overestimate themselves. Most people overestimate their ability to perform,
dismiss negative feedback as inaccurate and end up doing much worse. If you watch
American Idol or any talent show on television, you can see countless people
who have a distorted view of themselves and they appear very confident often
lacking the real competence to be there in the first place. High confidence can
mask low competence. Also people who appear to be very confident think that
they are competent. When they blindly assume that level of perfection for
themselves they stop working on improving themselves. On the other hand
low confidence helps you see your weaknesses and motivates you to overcome
them. It's better to have realistic self knowledge than distorted self belief, so
that you will know what you need to work on to get better. If you lack confidence
in your abilities you'll be motivated to work harder for what you want to achieve
and you'll be more likely to increase your competence as a result. The point is
that high confidence can be a curse because it can stop you from improving
says Dr. Tomas Chamorro-Premuzic. What happens when you're competent but lack
confidence. Now, if you study the lives of many professional athletes, to accomplished
achievers, to millionaire entrepreneurs; you see that they lacked confidence. So
to gain confidence they needed to perfect their craft to a level of mastery.
They had to really work hard to become competent. And if you study that process
then you will realize that; that's how they became exceptional achievers in the
first place. One thing that high achievers have in
common is that they self-medicate their insecurities with success. Indeed
although we are repeatedly told that exceptional achievers owe their success
to their high confidence or self belief, it is more feasible to attribute it to
their insecurities. Why else would anybody work so hard and continue to do
so even after accomplishing much more than most people. In that sense, one could
argue that the only difference between successful and unsuccessful people is
that the former care much more about their insecurities. So they are driven to
work hard to overcome them. And the key point is that they work not on their
insecurities but on achieving big things. The eminent psychologist Albert Bandura
famous for coining the term 'self-efficacy' which has been the
preferred academic word for self-confidence since the 1980s, also
postulated that high competence leads to high confidence. So how do you feel about
your confidence level? Where do you gain your confidence from? Do you naturally
have confidence? Well many of us get confidence either naturally, because
that's kind of who we are or we build our confidence through different ways.
One of those ways to build your confidence for some people is through
competence. So when you think about the difference between competence and
confidence: confidence is really about understanding- right understanding a
skill, understanding a task and what it takes, and and knowing that you can be
maybe an expert or you can master something; because you're comfortable
with content, the knowledge, or the skill on
how to do it. So we think about competence, that we think about how do we
get better at competence. Sometimes competence is a natural thing. But many
times competence is like a skill that we learn. And so when you think about
competence, think about something - maybe like, when you jump into things quickly,
you might feel more competent because you know how to do it. When you don't
jump in, you probably feel like you don't have the competence. So think back maybe
when you were younger and maybe just getting in started into sports and
trying a few different things and going okay I'm gonna first either you know
step back because I really don't know how to play baseball or I really don't
know how to play soccer I don't have the competence in this the actual sport to
know what I need to be doing. And you think about how did you respond to that.
Did you respond to that by jumping in? Because you're like 'hey I'm willing and
ready to learn' which that's more about a confidence right- that you have
confidence in yourself that when you get into something you can kind of figure it
out. Where competence is really ' I don't know'. And so when you really think 'Gosh
how do I approach things, what probably depends on the content right!, for some of
us that content is comfortable, and when it's comfortable, we build our confidence
with that competence together. Talk about this idea of 'the competence - confidence
loop' and the fact that confidence so often is based on our competence in a
particular skill or familiarity with that situation. The more comfortable we
are, of course we're going to be more confident, because we know we can perform.
There's less uncertainty and then that confidence allows us to take action and
practice to develop more competence. And of course when we're starting at we
don't have very much competence, so to speak and so it makes sense that we
would feel less confidence. And so the challenge is that, well how do we
actually gain the confidence, to be able to start practicing- to build competence.
And the answer really is in changing our expectation, that things are supposed to
be comfortable when we first start out. And challenging that belief that I need
to get to a place where I'm comfortable and I'm not feeling anxious before I
take that first step. The secret to developing true confidence
is really understanding that we get to become comfortable with being
uncomfortable. To back to the idea of that loop, if we can't be confident in
our competence, at the very least we should be able to be confidence in our
ability to move through fear. To take action despite any discomfort. So that we can
start building competence that can reinforce our confidence in that area.
And that ability to really be comfortable while being uncomfortable is
something I wish was taught way earlier if at all even. Because it's a skill that
can be applied to any area of life. Towards any new skill or unfamiliar
situation that we encounter later on. The key is this: being dissatisfied with
yourself is the best reason for wanting to improve. Having a little self doubt
can actually help you improve, and get better at your craft; but faking
confidence without competence can expose your lack of skills someday. So if you're
balancing your confidence with competence, stay hungry for more competence and
skills rather than just looking confident. The bottom line is you gain confidence
from competence. But when it comes to performance, whether it is in sport,
business, or stage performance; you need confidence. Every great performance has
three phases of performance. The pre- performance phase, the performance phase,
and the post-performance response phase. In the pre-performance phase, your
confidence will emanate from your competency, skills and previous
experience. For example, if you have spoken in front of an audience before,
and if you possess great oratory skills, you will set the stage on fire, yet again with your words. The performance phase is about giving your
best. And to give your best you need to constantly improve and to work on your
competencies and skills. Deliberate practice helps you build this kind of
confidence. Confidence in the post- performance response phase is the real
test of confidence. At this phase, you need the confidence to handle
consequences both favorable and unfavorable. You must possess the
abilities to handle rejections, failures and criticism that will be thrown at you
without your consent. The real confidence is in dealing with
the consequences whether it's success or failure that comes after each action. In
building confidence we must choose to live our life like a daring adventure, to step out of the comfort zone, to grow and explore and face newer challenges.
Remember the only difference between confidence and lack of confidence is
action. See, action is the cure for low confidence. In
fact, low confidence has a tendency to immobilize us. But when you have
confidence, we act, we venture, we plunge as though it is impossible for us to fail. We
act despite the fears. Being able is the action part of the confidence. Therefore
it is important to ask questions like- what is that one thing you dream of? or
dare to do if you know that you won't fail?
Remember confidence gives us the power to be invincible. From feeling to action,
it must become a realistic belief. When you start believing yourself it becomes
self-confidence. When you start believing in other people it becomes trust, honor
and respect. When other people start believing in you; you become a true
leader. You become a beacon of hope, a symbol of your invincible self. You
have been introduced to various self concepts that can help you build a great
invincible personality. There's always a gap between your current self and your
future self. Your future self is your 'ideal self.' Some people are clear about
their 'ideal self'. So the set plans, they have goals, they have schemes, and they
engage every day chasing their ideal self.
When Matthew McConaughey won an Oscar for Best Actor in 2014, he gave an
acceptance speech about 'who he looks up to', 'what he looks forward to', and 'who he
chases - his hero. He said "when I was 15 years old, I had a very important person
in my life come and ask me - who's your hero?" I said "I thought about it and it's
me in 10 years". So I turned to 25, ten years later and that same person comes
to me and goes "Are you a hero?" I said " not even close. She said why? and I
said "my hero is me at 35". You see every day, and every week, and every month, and
every year of my life, my hero is always 10 years away. I'm never going to be my
hero. I'm not going to obtain that and that's
fine with me. Because it keeps me with somebody to keep on chasing". Actually
invincibility is embracing your self-ideal whether that's self ideal is 10
years from now or 20 years from now, we are all in this pursuit, we are all in
this chase for a better future for ourselves. So here is the key. To
understand your self-ideal, with more clarity; you need to understand it's
differences from your current self. Here is a simple step that you can follow.
Step number one: is to understand your current self - to know who you are and
where you are right now. Step number two is understanding your ideal self, who you
want to become and when you want to become that person. The third step is to
know the gap between the two. And the fourth step is to bridge that gap by
becoming the person that you want it to be, which is your ideal self and act like
that person right now. See when you act like the person that
you want to become, you end up becoming the person that you always wanted to be.
So invincibility is about understanding the vision about yourself
and having the clarity about that person- that the person of the future- the
person of yourself ideal, and behave like that person, when you believe like that
person, when you act like that person, when you talk like that person and when you
incorporate all the qualities of that person in the present sense, you end up
becoming the person that you want to become.
You become your self ideal. That's how personal transformations are
done. That's how people change. That's how people become invincible. When you check
on your current self you get clarity on your current mindset, habits, environment,
goals, and focus. Your ideal self will require a change in the mindset, habits,
environment, goals and focus. For example in your current mindset you
have specific thought patterns, beliefs, attitudes, and values that are different
from your ideal self. The same goes for habits. There are certain habits in daily
rituals that are required to achieve your ideal self. Your environment and
living circumstances do change over time but conscious changes and improvements
can be done to reach your ideal self. Similarly, to set new goals, plans and
projects, to get to where you want to go, the focus, priorities, and time management
also requires a lot of revisions to fill the gap between your current self and
the self ideal. Identifying the gap and filling the gap is a conscious,
deliberate choice of personal change that will give you the desired results.
Over time this is how personal transformations are done by making
conscious changes in your thinking, behaviors, habits, and focus day after day
until you become what you want to become. For the vast majority of us, confidence
is a choice. It's what we do during the course of our lives. It comes from doing
hard things, taking on challenges, risking and failing, going outside our comfort
zones. And every time you do something like that, you build a little bit of
confidence. The personality has other dimensions as well. It's how you want the
world to perceive you as well. You will work on building a better outer
scorecard as well. You will look the part. An invincible
person radiates confidence, when he or she walks into a room. People notice them.
They will look the part and will dress the part. You need to command attention,
not by making yourself look important; but making your presence felt. Your
personal energy and magnetism must radiate around you. You are lively,
empathetic, kind and genuine. You are a source of infectious energy. People love
to flock to you, stay around you, and will miss your presence; when you're not
around. When you speak, others listen. You pay attention to others by respecting
others, and your humility will dwarf others around you. You treat others well, and others respect you well. One of the biggest signs of being
invincible is, you know, being larger than your problem. When you've become, bigger
than your problems presented, you become the solution. You will not panic or get
overwhelmed, or act helpless when a problem is presented to you. Rather you will
start analyzing the situation and get to the root of the problem, and will find
all the resources possible to solve it. You are resilient. You are dependable.
People will come to you for solutions. Because they also know that, nothing in
this world can break your spirit. You gain invincibility through self-acceptance.
You accept who you are with your strengths and shortcomings. You have a
sense of certainty, that no matter what the obstacles are; you are going to reach
your goals. You will not be bothered by what people say about you, because what
you think about yourself and your inner scorecard matters the most. You will
accept criticism constructively. You will analyze it and take the best out of what
the world throws at you. You will take each day as an opportunity to discover
more about what you can become. When there are disappointments, you will work
on better strategies to meet the expected outcome. You will see everything
with the eyes of an optimist and you will work hard every day to make your
dreams a reality. You my friend, have an unshakable spirit that is hidden inside
you. Do not let that spirit reduce to mediocrity. Stay motivated, to raise the
bar. Go for the next milestone in your life. You are a being, that is constantly
evolving and becoming. Become the person that your heart desires the most.
Challenge yourself each day to move away from your current self to embrace your
ideal self. Break your comforts by choosing the path of the most resistance.
Have the courage to make bold decisions. Conquer your fears by doing things that
you are uncomfortable with. Remember you are made invincible. You just need to
recognize that and let go of everything that stops you from being invincible.
