Bruce Willis can't see RED

bruce willis has starred in a lot of movies over the course of his career and i admit i haven't seen every single one but this movie has to be up there with the most bizarre and terrible and not just with all of his filmography i would say with all of the movies that came out that year right beside north he was in that too hey guys welcome back to the show and on this episode i'm going to be talking about color of night it's a movie from 1994 that goes all over the place it's a murder mystery sex-filled romp through the adventures of group therapy and if that doesn't get your attention i don't know what will yes for two hours and 19 minutes i experienced it all at times i was scared other times i was aroused but most the time i was laughing even though the movie's not supposed to be a comedy the movie starts with this lady trying to put on lipstick and you're probably thinking what the hell is she doing this isn't right at all well you have to remember this was in 1994 and before youtube makeup tutorials nobody really knew what they were doing everybody just guessed and hope they were doing it right so she goes to see her psychologist bill and i have to say i don't think he's very good one minute you have friends the next moment they've slipped away you leave here and i wonder who's who is michelle hating this week i try to remember i can't anyways bill's patient decides this isn't really working for her so she jumps out the window [Music] also i just want to point out i hate these types of shots you know where they make it seem like you can see through the ground i just it always takes me out of the illusion i don't know maybe that's just me so he looks out the window and sees all the blood and he's just like ugh and his brain basically says well you're not seeing that anymore and now we have our protagonist fatal flaw he can't see the color red that's obviously the real tragedy from this whole thing he's the real victim here well think about it how is he ever going to be able to tell the difference between an apple and a tomato how will he be able to drive anymore i mean we all know what a red light means but gray that's not covered in driving school same with stop signs i mean sure it says stop but if it's not red should i really take it seriously what if it's fake well on the bright side maybe he can learn from this whole experience maybe he can take this as an opportunity to grow as a professional and start renting an office on the first floor so bill decides i'm gonna fly out to los angeles and see my psychiatrist friend bob which i can only imagine if he could scott bakula would time travel back to before he agreed to be in this movie i guess bill thinks that hanging out with his old friend and sitting in on his group therapy sessions will be good for him in terms of dealing with his patient suicide and that's when we're introduced to the group a collection of uninteresting characters with a variety of different issues but i bet if i told you that one of these people was wearing a disguise to hide their true identity you could probably figure that out right no it seems like the movie likes to draw our attention to one of these people for some reason i wonder what that could be so anyways it doesn't take long for the anger to boil over and the action to start the thing i really want to know is how do they decide who gets to sit in the baseball glove chair every session i mean there's got to be a system in place right you can't just leave it up to them this does not seem like a rational group so they arrive at bob's house which is in a very smoky neighborhood and bill is like damn bob didn't know you were so rich even though we're supposed to be friends bob mentions his young girlfriend i'm sure that won't come back later in the movie so then bill gets emotional and says he might be going crazy and bob says yeah maybe but let's go on a bike ride and that right there ladies and gentlemen is a sign of a true master at work this is probably how he got so rich in the first place i mean why take the time addressing and solving people's problems when you can just distract them with something else oh you're starting to feel like a failure of a psychologist because your patient committed suicide right in front of you and you're starting to feel like you're losing your mind bike ride so during the bike ride bill asks hey what's with all the home security well it turns out someone is trying to kill bob and he suspects it's someone from the therapy group and i bet you can guess what happens next they race all the way home oh yeah and then later that night bob gets murdered this is actually kind of a weird sequence because bob is in his office and gets scared so he takes a gun out of his desk then realizes he's just being paranoid so he puts it back but then when he actually sees something he doesn't go back to get the gun and then this whole thing turns into assassin's creed and he's dead anyways this is where we're introduced to lieutenant martinez who is basically the combination of every hard-nosed cop in every movie that you've ever seen if i didn't know any better i'd swear this was a parody but it's not and i know you've heard me say that on this show before but i'm serious there's one part in the movie where as they're leaving a bar he bumps into a guy and just does a quick stop-and-frisk mid-conversation yeah you see this i can just feel people up whenever i want because i'm a cop and it's not groping because i have probable cause he bumped into me which means he could have drugs so bill goes back and just starts living in his dead friend's house i guess bob didn't have any other family members at all so martinez comes to the house the next day and says hey bill i want to search the house for clues and bill asks if he has a warrant and martinez says no dude i don't have a warrant i'm trying to figure out who killed your friend and bill is like ah yeah i guess that makes sense what you think you can just waltz in here and start looking for clues just because my friend was murdered well you gotta you know have a warrant or something because you gotta you gotta respect my rights detective as a squatter i'm trying to take over my friend's life here so anyways as bill is out driving bob's car and talking on bob's phone he gets rear-ended by a beautiful young lady named rose i'm rose hi rose i see you to run into me like this i know it's against the law and everything don't buzz my chops by the way the broken tail light is like the economy car accident for film and television if you're producing something and you're on a tight budget and you want to show you know some kind of a car accident or something even just a small one broken tail light because it's relatively easy and inexpensive to fix and you don't have to get any body work done on the car so now bill has to tell the group that bob's dead which of course leads to everyone yelling and the guy who's obsessed with counting asking how many times bob was stabbed many times clark more than 30. that's all i can tell you now you're probably sitting there thinking wait a second that doesn't make any sense mark we didn't see him get stabbed that many times in the actual scene well yes but there's many explanations for that i mean we saw the killer leave maybe he just left to take a break and then came back later and just stabbed him a bunch more times or maybe the autopsy uh counted all the times he was cut by glass as stab wounds that could happen the point is the numbers aren't really important what's important is how long bill intends on squatting in bob's house and living his best life while his friend rots in the ground so bill goes home and i guess he not only lost his ability to see red but he lost the ability to see liquid as well because he doesn't notice that the floor is completely covered in running water of course it might be the killer maybe they're in the house right now oh no it's just a hose which was turned on and pointed towards the door for some reason that we'll never find out but that's okay because as bill is hanging up a bunch of wet clothes i guess bob wasn't rich enough to afford a dryer rose suddenly shows up and bill starts narrating as if he's writing his own novel in his mind there she is little angel dancing on the head of a pen and this is actually really weird he does this throughout the movie it's as if he's trying to do uh like a film noir voice over except that he's saying it out loud to himself in the scene so are we eating anna are you taking me out man isn't this just the epitome of movie fantasy you get rear-ended but there's no real damage and the person driving the car is this beautiful young woman who just randomly shows up at your house asking for a date right then and there see i'm just too skeptical of a person if this happened to me in real life i'd be looking over my shoulder every step of the way i'm too cynical there's no way this has got to be a set up that's or i'm going to go to dinner with this chick and find out something horrible about her you know like maybe she's one of these people who doesn't eat her pizza crusts yeah i said it i know you're out there i bet there's some people watching this video right now who are crust abandoners now i'm not gonna go off on a huge tangent here but i'm just gonna say this the crust is a wonderful part of the pizza it's like a built-in breadstick at the end of the slice and who doesn't love breadsticks i would be willing to bet that there are some real psychos out there who not only don't eat their crusts but actually order breadsticks with the pizza you know or crazy bed or whatever so let's just draw a line in the sand right now okay i need to know where my audience stands on this so this is the question for the comments after the video check the comments section i'm going to have uh two comments and you like the one for which team you're on all right i'm gonna make one comment for team eat crusts and one for team quitter because that's really what you are but what if i'm ashamed of what i do why why would you be ashamed of being a shrink i told you i was straight okay so she tries to pass it off as if she knows his profession based on the way he looks at her wow the evidence is really piling up that she clearly knows more than she's letting on she's most likely the young woman who bob was involved with but who cares bill has already taken over bob's life anyways it's time to make out quickly before the valet guy sees us everyone knows how judgmental he is so dale the brother of richie from the therapy group you know the character that the movie keeps drawing your attention to goes to bob's office which again i guess is bill's office now to ask him to take richie out of therapy which was court ordered and bill says he'll talk to probation about it bill goes home to check the mail that isn't his and boom it's the old snake in the mailbox trick i'm gonna be honest i have a hard time sympathizing with bill here now you're probably thinking mark what's the problem he's just taking the mail out of the mailbox what's wrong with that well because that's how it all starts and then it leads to him opening the mail and that my friends is a federal crime next thing you know he's responding to the letters and where does it all lead to identity theft he's already pretty much stolen his house his cars and his profession he's more than halfway there already so yeah snake in the mailbox maybe see this as a lesson bill something you can learn from grow as a person be better i also love how there's a car coming down the road and instead of just slowing down the guy screams at him like hey get off the road then he calls to some guy for help but he can't hear him because he's using a leaf blower by the way i've always loved the concept of a leaf blower it's like a mechanical version of sweeping something under the rug it's like oh look some leaves well i could pick them up myself or i could just strap on this machine that will just blow the problem somewhere else see now instead of one problem for me i've just turned it into many many problems for somebody else i'm just kidding i know they have a practical purpose so then bill takes a shovel and gets rid of the snake which apparently hates people from the east coast i am not going back to new york harry stuck with me okay so then rose comes over and he starts narrating again here she comes hanging from the sky wearing short dress of indeterminate color you know on your first date you said you were going to give up lipstick out of respect for his color blindness and now you come over here dressed in red what's the deal here rose but it doesn't matter anyways because it's pool sex time yeah so pretty much all of this i can't show you because youtube would just demonetize me to death so instead i'm going to show you a reenactment not with me weirdos i'm going to use toys [Music] and then suddenly rose says that she wants them to get dressed up and serves him dinner wearing absolutely nothing and then we're right back to sex this time in the shower and you know what i don't see any soap i don't see any shampoo there's no conditioner this is just sex it's a complete waste of water and i for one am appalled now i'm not like a hippie or anything like that but i try and do my part for the environment i recycle i reuse as you've probably noticed i mean a lot of these shirts i've been wearing for 10 years now and when it comes to water usage i try to be very efficient i have a very simple shower routine i get in i soap i rinse and then i stand there for about five minutes under the hot water as i psych myself up mentally to start another day in this cruel world yeah sometimes on this show i tell jokes sometimes i get real so sandra from the therapy group is taking part in a romantic relationship with bonnie who is actually rose in disguise putting on a british accent i could tell right away it was her based on her teeth not saying that her teeth are ugly or anything i just found them to be recognizable bella is inquiring about richie's history and finds out that richie was molested as a child and if it hasn't clicked for you by now i'm actually envious because it was around this point that i realized that rose again the mysterious woman who's clearly disguising herself as bonnie is also richie as well so bill tries to visit the wizard of oz but he can't get past the biggest front door in all of america then while bill is driving the killer calls him from a car phone and starts taunting him saying that they're in the red car but bill can't see red oh no i knew was gonna come into play at some point it could be anyone what's he gonna do so he looks around trying to see who has a car phone antenna and it could be anyone i mean come on bill it's la then the killer starts ramming bill's car and this is just heartbreaking i mean what kind of a world do we live in when a man can't drive around in his dead friend's car without constantly being rear-ended see now this is the type of stuff that i love it just adds that little bit of destruction to the chase scene you know it could be a hot dog vendor or a fruit stand two people carrying a giant pane of glass across the road but if you're on a budget yeah a shopping cart full of food works just as well now this is weird bill and the killer kind of have this reverse tug of war on the train tracks where bill puts his car into reverse backing into the killer keeping their car on the tracks while the killer is trying to push bill's car forward so why doesn't the killer just reverse especially at the last second that way bill will reverse right into the path of the train anyways bill comes home and oh my god the gate is open well it turns out it's only rose in the kitchen wearing nothing but an apron how did you get in here that's why i was here i stole the kids what about the alarm oh people are getting killed around here you're walking around like it's goddamn disneyland what if something were to happen to you i'm sorry i'm so sorry i'm sorry this is a very nice surprise bill man okay i get it all right she's hot the sex is great but dude there are crazy flags popping up all over the place you've seen this woman what maybe three times now and she steals a key to the house how much do you know about this person you don't even have her number and every time you ask for it christ kappa i can't have people tying up the phone lines i'm trying to run a business here yeah bill she's trying to run a business here she can't tie up the phone lines you know you just gotta keep it open for her business doing i don't know something she'll just come over randomly and if you're not there she'll steal a key so she can get into the house i mean come on be reasonable here that's normal so then bill finds a photo of rose and bob's diary and it turns out she's been dating everyone in the therapy group and using the name bonnie but none of them knew it and now it's the return of the red car and this sequence makes absolutely no sense the car follows him bill parks his car inside of a parkade and somehow the red car knows where he is and what direction he's walking even though the red car is on the top floor look at this angle there is absolutely no way in hell the person driving this car would be able to see him and not only that it's somehow able to predict when he's going to walk in a different direction and tries to push a car on top of him so then we have the big reveal richie dexter is dead he killed himself four years ago oh my god i am so shocked you mean to tell me that this person is not who they say they are i'm in total disbelief i can't believe it won't believe it turns out that richie killed himself four years ago and dale and rose are his siblings and it turns out that rose has a multiple personality disorder and dale is the killer who forced rose to become richie and not only that he's very proficient with the nail gun so much so that he's able to nail martinez's hands to the wall and now after rose kills dale we have one final attempt to make a hitchcock film with this final vertigo-like scene where they climb to the top of this i don't know tower and bill has his chance to redeem himself to save his patient from jumping to her death and you know he succeeded because look he can see red again and then during these last few emotional seconds we hear martinez yelling at bill to help him i'm not sure if this was supposed to be funny you know one of those moments where the audience is like oh that's right that other character is still trapped down there oh well since everything's resolved we can laugh out of relief now but it's not like this guy is you know just locked in a room or something goofy like that he was shot multiple times with a nail gun and has his arms and hands stuck to the wall that would be really painful it's not exactly a source of comic relief and that's the end of the movie i know some of you are probably saying but mark what will bill do now i mean will he go back to new york where he actually lives or will he continue living his dead friend's life what about the patients in the therapy group will he be actually able to help them well i really don't know weren't you paying attention bill can see red again who cares about all the other stuff this is remember what i said at the beginning of the video this is the real tragedy here solved now this movie won the razzie for worst film of 1994 but it also won the award for best sex scene of all time in maxim magazine an award that i completely disagree with because as we all know the greatest sex scene of all time is the popcorn scene in troll 2 with show girls coming in at a close second and as usual i hope you guys had more fun watching this video than i did watching this video so thanks for watching and i'll see you all next time

Channel: undefined

Views: 90,618

Rating: 4.9661827 out of 5

Keywords:

Id: f0QU0Oa1e0Q

Length: 22min 12sec (1332 seconds)

Published: Sun Jul 19 2020

Reddit Comments

[u/eliteprephistory]

That mid-review break had me in stitches