Brother In Law Invites Me To Other Room & Gives Me Piece Of Paper With A Note... I Start Screaming

i female34 lost my husband eight weeks ago i'm trying to stay collected and welcoming to all the supportive family members who come to offer help my sister is the most supportive one although her husband sometimes acts inappropriately especially after he told me that now i'm burden-free and can live my life given i was my husband's soul carer i tried to let go of those comments thinking he didn't know better he my sister and my family came to visit last week they cooked dinner for me and kept me company for a bit after dinner my brother-in-law asked for a minute with me inside the kitchen he started telling about a co-worker of his who is single then listed everything good about him i was confused as to why he was telling me all that he then reached out for his pant pocket and pulled a piece of paper with his coworker's phone number on it telling me to give him a call sometime i was flawed i couldn't really tell if he was joking or what but he looked serious and kept insisting i take the number i lost it i just started yelling at him that my husband had just died and he was out of his mind to try to hook me up with a co-worker of his he tried to explain that it wasn't like that and offered me something helpful but i didn't know what he meant i called him disrespectful then yelled at him to get out of my house my sister and the others ran into the kitchen not knowing what was going on i told them then pressured him to leave my house but my sister asked that i calmed down but i couldn't he left then my sister left quietly after i calmed down i sat with my family and they said i was in the right in that what he did was not okay still i needed to keep in mind that he and my sister helped so much by cooking for me comforting me and doing so much for me in these difficult times so i shouldn't have reacted like that and could have been a little more considerate and graceful they said kicking him out was too much and i should call him later and talk things out so i won't ruin my relationship with him and possibly my sister it's been days and i haven't called and my sister hasn't visited or called which means she's upset with me and now i'm beginning to think they're most likely hurt because i acted ungrateful after everything they've done for me not the idiot i can't tell if your brother-in-law is an actual jerk or just astoundingly lacking in empathy and social judgment still either way his actions were wildly insensitive and inappropriate and your actions were completely understandable you don't owe anyone an apology what he did was outright callus you can call your sister and say that you appreciate everything they've done to support you since your husband's death but that your brother-in-law's offer was too soon and misguided and that in your grief your reaction was amplified if he's willing to apologize for his lack of tact you can apologize for the force of your reaction you did not overreact i think he should be the one to make the first gesture towards reconciliation but he's proven he lacks completely in compassion and sense so if you feel like it this could be a way to move past this not the idiot i'm autistic and no this is a bad idea i usually have a hard time understanding facial expressions and body language but grief is a pretty obvious expression and i usually don't miss it this guy was playing a game called i'm only trying to help where he offered an unhelpful or offensive solution to a problem however you didn't ask for help when the help is offensive and rejected the payoff is confusion and attention for the guy and anger for you the easy solution is not to play and not give the sister's husband the attention and confusing rejection he wants the fact that he pulled you into another room to do this as if he alone understood you at that moment and wanted to be privately acknowledged for doing a good thing is a huge indicator that he's being selfish and wanting praise for the gesture the burden comment is a huge red flag he sees the caretaking of a loved one as an interruption of his life which should be concerning for your sister when my children went to college i put aside money to buy them their first house this money was from an inheritance i'd received the only caveat was that i had to wait a few years between taking the money out so only one house could be bought at time my youngest was expecting a child with his wife so i first bought his house in 2018 my oldest wasn't happy with this but i convinced him it was the better decision i can now take out the remaining money to give to my oldest well he's now asking me to buy a house for him in the same area as his brother but since 2018 house prices have quite literally doubled so the money i put aside can in no way pay for that and this has created a huge conflict in my family with my oldest being extremely angry at me i've apologized but i didn't think the market would be so unaffordable i offered to give him the entire amount to do as he wished and the cash gift amount from my estate in my will my oldest took the money bought a house in a different state and we now have a very tense relationship i'm incredibly sad that what i thought would be a lovely gift has broken up the family i feel even worse because this has messed up the relationship between my two sons am i the idiot not the idiot you couldn't control the housing market you did your best to give him an equal share and even compensate for a situational discrepancy that was outside your control he took the money and he's still being crappy to you i'm sorry opie you are the idiot i don't understand why you wouldn't split the amount you could take out between them so they could both afford a down payment on a home and then split the remainder when you could help them pay off the mortgage frankly if you help with the down payment i don't see why you'd even need to pay off the house why does one kid need an entire house free and clear while the other kid has to rent for two more years people with children can still pay a mortgage i'm hesitant to call you an idiot for an incredibly generous gift but i'm going to say you are the idiot you could have split the money up fairly but instead you made yourself the judge over their life choices and arbitrarily decided against your older son this isn't really about the money it's about the way you decided who deserved what when if you want to fix this i think a genuine apology and admitting that you made a mistake might go a lot further than a cash gift in your will i think i would say everyone's the idiot here though the oldest sucks for feeling entitled to opie's money oldest got 200 000 free and clear for just being born to the right parent that being said i see why the oldest would feel resentful they probably feel like they were punished and devalued for not starting a family early and having op's grandchild i feel like we see this a lot for example treating adult children who provide grandchildren as if they deserve more than their childless siblings i'm sure most parents don't intend it to come across like that but that's how it can feel i agree with people saying opie should have just given them half of each withdrawal instead of deciding that the youngest deserves it more because they decided to start a family first i female 30 live with my husband 35 and 3 children i work as a freelance artist from home and my husband works long hours driving as a result i do most housework and look after our three children when he's off of work and home he takes on his fair share our lives mean that we don't have much free time i enjoy cooking and as a mum i make sure to give my children a wide variety of foods to eat i want them to appreciate different cultures flavors and different types of cuisine from all around the world and grow up kind and respectful of others so a few days a week three out of seven my children and i cook together and make a recipe from another country we all enjoy this and it gives a perfect segue into learning about a foreign country on the other hand my husband has a more plain palette and prefers simpler english dishes that he grew up with such as pies fish and chips roast dinners etc we eat plenty of meals like this too a week ago we hired a babysitter and went to a friend's house for dinner they cooked a beautiful vegetarian pie with mashed potatoes and vegetables my husband turned to them and said oh god finally a decent meal for once hope he's always cooking these awful smelly dishes hurt i looked at my husband and asked him what he meant and he said that he only puts up with it because he doesn't have time to cook something decent for himself the meal was a little awkward after that but neither of us brought it up again while there until we came home i told him that i wouldn't stop cooking foreign food with the kids and if he didn't like it he would have to cook something for himself he once again said that he didn't have time for that and i should just cook him something he likes at the same time which i refuse to do mainly because when he comes home after work he spends all his time up until bedtime gaming this is around four hours of time after he comes in so he has plenty of time to cook a quick but decent meal for himself and enjoy his hobby once again this week i cooked with my kids and like i told my husband i didn't leave him any he was angry but ordered takeout he went around to his parents house the second time and his mum cooked for him the next day i got a phone call from my mother-in-law saying i was an idiot for not cooking for my husband and that i spent all day doing my hobby my actual job and why shouldn't he enjoy his hobby which again he still can and does do i also still cook for him when i'm not cooking anything foreign am i the idiot for refusing to cook for him on these days edit bill's a split 50 50. as yes as an artist i do make enough to support my family my husband isn't the sole breadwinner not the idiot he was an absolute idiot for making that comment in front of company and for his wording he didn't want smelly food well you did as he asked and didn't leave him a shout so he wouldn't be forced to eat it no matter how little time one has everyone has five minutes to do an omelette cut some mozzarella and some tomatoes on the side sprinkle salt basil and oil and boom food if he doesn't want to do that and has to run to mommy to feed him there are way larger issues than his childish palette maybe mozzarella and basil are too exotic for his fragile palette your husband is an adult and more than capable of cooking for himself if he has time for gaming then he can find time to cook himself a decent meal also i'm so fed up with adult men running to their moms when they have any problem with their spouses why do they even marry they should stay with their mothers forever and be their mama's boy also if he's gaming four hours a night then how is he doing his fair share of parenting when he's home he sounds selfish rude and entitled let's just say it most women are conditioned to think a man doing anything except moving and bumping gas is extra she's married to someone who didn't hesitate to ask her to cook two dinners so there's no doubt in my mind that they have such a dynamic those special meals with her kids are her way of making sure that the kids don't end up like husband instead they'll grow up to be much more adventurous and respectful opie your husband and your mother-in-law are horrible people sorry that you have to put up with their bratty selves me 28 female and my husband 29 have been married for five years my husband was a nurse until he told me he wanted to become a doctor i was fully supportive and he's now in his first year of medical school i've supported both of us as he can't work while in school but i recently found out that our rent was being raised by 500 at the end of our contract april this was honestly the last straw as it pushed us past where we were financially comfortable so i raised the idea of buying a home this had been a conversation for years but my husband had always said we could after he had paid off his school debt from nursing paid off early 2020 i asked my mother real estate agent who told me that it'd be better for that money to go towards mortgage repayments and not rent with what we've been paying i brought this all up to my husband who shut it down almost immediately he told me we agreed to wait until he paid off all his debt i told him that was for nursing and that he was in school for six years which was hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of debt and some doctors don't pay off their debt for 20 plus years i told him i'd been supportive of this career change and by financially supporting the household but that it was the best financial decision for us and would relieve the financial burden on me i brought up the saving we had for our deposit and how we could afford something small and modest within our budget but he told me it was in our interest to use that money to pay off his loans i asked him if he realized the financial burden this would put on me but he said it was temporary and eventually he'd make more than me so it would be even and i'd agreed to this my mother called and asked if we were going to look into buying a house but i told her we weren't and we'd be looking for somewhere cheaper to rent instead however she insisted we at least consider it because it made the most financial sense and asked if it was because we didn't have a down deposit i told her that we would probably use that to pay off my husband's debt and he didn't want more debt until he was debt free from student loans days later my mother and father came for lunch and told us they had news they offered to gift us the down deposit of a home i was over the moon and shocked by the offer once they left my husband exploded on me claiming i emasculated him and made him look bad in front of my parents i told him i never asked for this but we should take it as it was a privilege most people don't get and would relieve so much financial burden on me he refused to talk to me or my parents until we apologize for shaming emasculating him but i refuse to i apologize but told him i wouldn't make my parents as they'd done nothing wrong am i the idiot not the idiot your husband is straight up ridiculous is he otherwise a good partner is he thoughtful is he kind does he respect you in every other area of your life besides this one and i mean everywhere because if he isn't i would even wonder if it's worth being married to someone acting like this the kind of emasculation he's describing doesn't actually exist it's a byproduct of toxic masculinity and it's just nonsense 100 agree his wife is supporting him through costly and lengthy training to realize his dream it's funny how that does not emasculate him but he is emasculated by the generosity that would ensure she isn't massively struggling and has some stability op do not use your savings to pay off his debt you could end up with absolutely nothing if this indicates his attitude generally then leave now take your half of the savings and buy a place with your parents help not the idiot just something to consider but if you help pay off his student loans and financially support him for the next 10 years say then he divorces you you are left with nothing and him a debt-free life earning a doctor's salary so sorry op but you're simply this guy's starter wife and he knows it that's why he's so worried about going in on the house and carrying his own debt load past med school i think you're going to get burned here since last year ie 30 male and my fiance 32 female have been searching for a new apartment my fiance wants to be closer to her family and hates the commute from the apartment another issue is no animals are allowed my brother 34 passed away in november 2021 and we adopted his dog doug doug is a four-year-old husky mix and a very well-behaved dog my brother and i were very close and i promised to care for doug if anything ever happened my fiance found an apartment close to her family and was close to our jobs the rent was a little cheaper and had more room the issue i have with it is that only animals under 40 pounds are welcome doug is heavier than 40 pounds and i'm not looking to re-home him my fiance scheduled the tour of the apartment and had her parents meet us there when the tour was finished my fiance and her parents talked about the apartment and when we planned to move in i told them that i wanted to keep looking and find a place that does not restrict animals i added in that rehoming doug was not an option my fiance didn't take my response well and got angry that i would give up a nice apartment for an animal her parents think i'm being unreasonable and should look at re-homing options am i the idiot for choosing my dog over an apartment not the idiot if someone suggested i re-home any of my cats i would suggest they re-home themselves your fiance's behavior means she doesn't care about your wishes like keeping your damn dog and she is trying to turn it around making you look like the selfish one are you sure she isn't using this apartment issue to get you to abandon your dog also if you're engaged it should be our dog there are other apartments out there but only one dug not the idiot most animal lovers would give up more than an apartment for their beloved pet doug is part of the family and a home that doesn't welcome him is not our home for your family i think your fiance is being manipulative by bringing her parents to view an apartment that she knows you won't take she knew right off the restrictions and brought them along knowing you wouldn't be okay with it to try to manipulate you it sounds like a great way to start a marriage [Music] you

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Id: iNp9f5t_UxY

Length: 17min 9sec (1029 seconds)

Published: Mon Jan 24 2022