BRITTANY DAWN'S TESTIMONY | This is Different For Me

[Music] what's up I'm B and whether you're watching this on YouTube or you are listening to the podcast I hope you are having an amazing day today we are reacting to another episode of Brittany Dawn's podcast chiseled and called This is the episode where she will be talking about her testimony so it's definitely going to be an interesting one before we do get into that though I just need to give a blanket disclaimer I've never listen to this episode before I am listening to it for the first time with you obviously if you follow Brittany Dawn on socials you've seen certain elements of what we can kind of assume is going to be shared in this podcast episode but um I don't know what's going to come out of her mouth and what my reaction is going to be to it so I just feel like I need to say like Straight Out The Gate any criticism I give of the things that she says does not mean that I am saying Britney Dawn is not a Christian I believe that she is a Christian because she says that she is and so even if the way she practices her faith is different than I do or if we hold different beliefs regarding what the Bible says or certain interpretations of scripture I'm obviously gonna have my opinion and I know what I believe to be true and even if that goes against what Britney believes to be true I don't ever want it to seem like I'm on here saying like well she believes something different than me in you know in terms of this or regarding this so she's not a Christian because I'm not saying that I'd be like I need to put that out there I'm not trying to take anything away from her belief um or from her her faith her religion whatever it may be I am just reacting to the episode this is her like kind of sharing her side of things that she says she's not been able to share and you guys really like I think um having kind of the buffer of me listening to it with you and giving my opinion so that way you're not just purely getting Brittany and Jordan and being like Oh my gosh this makes no sense my mind is going haywire we have a little bit of conversation about it and I've seen a lot of comments saying that so I'm going to react to it I'm going to give my opinion I'm going to be honest but again I don't want anything I say to make it seem like I am saying that Brittany Dawn is not a Christian or not a real Christian because I don't think that that's a fair thing to say about somebody else I think we can critique the actions and we can discuss beliefs that we might see differently or you know we might perceive different aspects of Christianity differently and we might live those out differently and I'm certainly going to share my opinion on them but I'm never going to say that Brittany Dawn doesn't believe in God or that she is not a Christian because that's not my place to make that judgment I just wanted to put that out there make that disclaimer get it out of the way before we even get into the reaction and we're going to get into that reaction right after we do win for the week and if you are newer to my channel a win for the week is where we all share something positive that happened over the past week it could be something big small in between whatever it may be just something that you had fun doing an exciting thing that happened to you in your life something cool you got to do whatever it may be just something that made you happy or grateful or gave you Joy leave it in the comment section down below if you're watching on YouTube and if you are listening to the podcast on Spotify you can leave it in the Q a section for this specific episode I'm gonna have to say my win for the week ultimately is being able to somewhat Salvage last week's video if you saw my pinned comment oh that was a tough one I'd filmed last week's episode before I went on vacation and I had mostly edited it but there was still just a little bit that had to like get finished up and then I was gonna export it and upload it while I was in San Diego because I was in San Diego on vacation with my husband and my parents and my siblings and my nieces and nephews and it was super fun but I was going to export it and upload while we were on vacation so I didn't miss a week and the footage got corrupted so the video part of the footage I don't know what happened but I edited the entire thing and then I went to export and it kept failing because the footage was corrupted I tried a bunch of stuff I tried to find all of the corrupted Clips but it was just it was above my pay grade I'll say that I'm not super tech savvy and so in trying to find these clips that were corrupted and see what I could do it just was not working out for me and so as sad as I was to lose the video footage for last week's episode I'm super grateful that I was able to export the audio and get something up for you it took me a long time to film that the video itself at the end was almost two hours and so just the thought of having to re-film that entire thing I was like oh no but we finagled it we made it work and thank you so much if you watched or listened to last week's episode and left a comment it really does mean a lot to me that even though it wasn't what uh the people who watched the video are used to you still took the time to check it out and I really appreciate it so that's my win for the week I cannot wait to hear yours and celebrate with you and without any further Ado let's get into this latest podcast episode from Brittany Dawn Jordan's gonna be in it too I'm going to read the description of it to you because I think it'll set a good stage for what we are going to be hearing about when Britney shares her testimony okay so this episode is titled my testimony and in the description of this particular episode it says I'm just a washed up Fitness girl transformed by the grace of God as we move into part four of this series I'll be sharing my testimony for the very first time I've briefly shared the cliff notes version of My Testimony at speaking events but I've never shared it in full with my community on my social media platforms if you find anything in this episode that resonates with you and the things that you faced I pray that my story will lead you to Christ he is the answer he is the way the truth and the life my husband Jordan is by my side for support today and I'm so grateful for that as always here are a few reasons to listen to the entire episode with my husband Jordan how the enemy has been trying to take me out since childhood next bullet point says sexual sin pornography and the many strongholds in my life talk about caffeine addiction I would bet the waves and seasons of depression reaching the end of myself which I'm assuming is going to be like her having a realization that she's not the one who is all-knowing or in control of everything and she can't be the only person that she relies on she has to give things up to God and like that's just my prediction again last one is my radical Encounter With Jesus and then it says if you don't know how to walk this walk out or if you want to know Jesus and don't know where to start please message me over run the chiseled and called podcast Instagram I'd love to chat with you encourage you and be a sister in Christ to you and then she does also have something that says support the show I've never really looked at the description of her episodes too much but I just want to see what it is oh it's a patreon okay I didn't know she had a patreon but all right she does that settles that let's go ahead and get into this podcast episode forever marked forever changed forever going to live for the glory of the Lord because I I shouldn't be here today I shouldn't be alive to be able to share this testimony but I am by the grace of God you're listening to chiseled and cult with Brittany Dawn a podcast about finding freedom and imperfection and peace in your broken pieces through Jesus our prayer is that today's message will bless you embolden you and fix your Gaze on the king that it will stir up the calling God has placed within you without further Ado here's your host Brittany Dawn [Music] dance to it welcome to the chiseled and called podcast my name is Brittany Dawn and I am here with my co-host uh yeah is it shocked I don't know if I'm a co-host because I'm not on all of them well but you said that last time you were like have I earned the title did I get promoted yeah yeah I'm just a featured guest yeah you're my favorite guest oh thanks babe yeah happy to be here gave me a pep talk before this because honestly I'm pretty nervous about this episode and he already has me crying yeah well the the struggle of being a husband yeah well you're the best husband you give a encouraging you can do this speech and it results in tears and you're like I didn't even say anything bad here we are yeah a loss here we are oh what are you talking about today we're talking about my testimony for the very I feel like especially with these past few episodes I don't know about in general but with the past few episodes it's been very much like I rely on my husband to get me through this I need him here as my backup to share my story and I don't know if that's genuine or not like if she's just saying it to again appeal to a certain subsect of her audience of like I'm just a little girl and I need a big strong husband to support me because I can't do anything on my own or if it's genuine I I don't know you do you think that he actually gave her a pep talk that made her cry before she started filming this or it's just like a way to Prime the audience of like I'm being so vulnerable right now this is going to be really emotional I'm curious to hear your thoughts on whether or not that's genuine first time I've never shared my testimony anywhere um but it will be going live officially I was gonna say out to the world and then I saw like a picture of spider legs in my head like Spidey webs that was weird anyways I don't know what we're just gonna delete that that was so weird I think we keep that part in do you ever do you ever like your mouth wants to say one word but then your head thinks of another and you're like you get caught up on your own tongue yeah this is pure gold they have to keep this part in like this is ridiculous you are such a weirdo sometimes and I'll love it like you are the most beautiful disaster I've ever seen in my life like I I that's so mean I would be so offended if somebody said that to me that I'm A Beautiful Disaster like oh okay I legitimately wish I knew what was going on in your head sometimes babe I don't even know what's going on in my head sometimes I think your head knows what's going on inside of it thank the Lord I have the Lord thank the Lord I have the Lord that's a t-shirt idea if I've ever heard amen yeah but we're jumping into my testimony today where are we starting I'm just here for moral support yeah and I don't know well keep you honest on your time because I feel like you probably talk on this for three hours well I don't think so you know I'm actually I have notes in front of me but these notes are from like two years ago you know because I've shared my testimony in speaking events that kind of thing um but I've never shared it with my platform on any of my social media pages and whatnot and so I've mastered the five to ten minute Cliff Notes version of a testimony which I feel like as a Christian we should be able to give someone our even two minute one or two minute version of Our Testimony about how we came to know the Lord and what the Lord has done for us and so I've mastered that but having a full-blown conversation about it is not something I've ever done yeah so I've actually been a little worried not worried but like concerned about okay how is this gonna go because you've never done this before you've you've done it a thousand times the other direction but never this one and so it's like it like I suck you suck thanks Eve you can't do it without him amen you gotta get to the end of yourself I got a bone to pick with you when I get to heaven oh yeah there's a tick tock about that it makes me laugh every time I don't even know who it is that made it but it's it's gold I suck you suck thanks Eve we're going to hell but for the grace of Jesus were you singing maybe you just sing I can't hear it I didn't hear that yeah all I saw was your mouth moving as if you were singing and I was like oh no yeah that's me yeah he is so mean to her it comes off as a joke like a friendly roast but that's so mean and I'm not saying that you shouldn't roast people that you love because that's like one of the love languages in my family is like joking about each other but in this particular episode when Britney is going to apparently be getting very vulnerable and sharing something super deeply personal you can't like resist you can't help yourself and being like Oh God you're gonna sing if this hey if Britney is happy in the relationship that's great but I say time and place well Jesus will he do it that was terrible beautiful babe okay what were you starting babe well I'm gonna get through this with no tears I believe it well okay there's no such thing as bad tears when you're talking about the the most what you led you to the best and most beautiful decision of your life yeah and uh and what gives you infinite hope so there's I mean everybody's got a story everybody's got a past yeah everybody's got you know most most Christians who took their you know decision to turn from sin and and go towards the Lord um most of those people have a rough story yeah you know and that's their story because their God's a redeemer yeah he comes to set the captive free yeah so hit me with it Exile exile um all my prayer is that these words that I'm about to speak are the words and not my own and that the Holy Spirit would speak through me to anyone that's listening to this that maybe is in a season of life that I was previously and or has been rescued from That season and is looking for you know just encouragement today I believe that the Lord is gonna do a good thing the Bible tells us that we overcome by the blood of the lamb and the word of Our Testimony in Revelation I believe so that's what we're doing um well most of you guys probably know me uh I'm gonna be so honest mentally I just checked out for a second and the thing that brought me back is she said it says that in Revelation I believe and it caught my attention because Britney tends to do that pretty frequently she'll say something and then she'll be like there's something about that in the Bible I think the Bible says that too I think it says something like that in Revelations I think it's like if you don't know you don't know why are you gonna throw it out there and be like I think that's in the Bible like either look it up or just say the thing and say like this is my opinion on it or this is what I understand to be true and you don't have to add like oh it says that in the Bible I think I don't know why that bugs me I think it's a really Petty thing to be bothered by but for some reason every time she does it I'm like stop just just say what you believe you don't gotta add the I think it says that in the Bible or I think it says that in Revelation either look it up or don't add that second part all right I gotta get sat up straight so I can focus and pay attention to this it's 110 degrees outside and so like just functioning in everyday life right now is a little bit of a struggle and so I was sitting here thinking like man it's really hot but I gotta push that thought out of my brain I gotta pay attention let's hear it it's the washed up Fitness girl transformed by the grace of God but again I've never actually shared that story and so let's um let's jump in and talk about it so um the enemy has ultimately been trying to take me out since I was a kid I'm not gonna really go into my childhood but there are two really one um moment in my childhood that really impacted me for the rest of my life um but he was at me from a very young age when I was born I was in the NICU then I started having seizures and I almost drowned twice and transported by ambulance crazy stuff and um and then when I was about six we're just gonna we're just diving in babe um okay I don't know the full story behind that but if you almost drown twice to me that sounds like a supervision issue I could be wrong these could be like total freak accidents of like something that was totally out of an adult's control but if as a child you almost drown twice that's the first thing that pops into my head is like there's a supervision issue happening that that almost occurred twice way to do it this feels vulnerable to say damn yeah yeah of course yes when I was six I was placed in a situation where I was exposed to sexual things and it wasn't it wasn't by Family it wasn't my family at all it was by someone that I considered a friend at such a young age and that forever impacted the rest of my life um I ended up struggling with here's the first thing on the list ended up struggling with masturbation from a very very young age up until the Lord sent me three years ago and ultimately that built into me a very addictive personality that took over my life in my later years when I was a teenager um I I grew up in a Christian household I grew up knowing about the Lord but I never lived for him um we went to church went to church camp I knew of him but by the time I was 18 I was running so far from him and uh you know all the typical things that a teenager gets caught up in boys and partying and and alcohol and that was that was kind of the direction I started going very quickly okay so going back to what she shared happened when she was six that's very very vague saying that you were exposed to something sexual as a six-year-old can mean a million different things and so I don't want to speculate too heavily on that but it does just like it it makes me have different thoughts in my head of like well what was it specifically like what happened you know again I don't I don't want to speculate or say like it could be this or it could be this or it could range from like this thing to this thing but like logically I think if you're listening to this and you hear that being said I'm sure you can kind of infer what my thought process is like we probably have a lot of the same thoughts of like just saying at six you were exposed to something sexual by a friend can mean a wide variety of things and so I don't know what it was it could have been something deeply traumatic for her it could have been a case of childhood curiosity that made her feel uncomfortable that wasn't good for her right so I don't want to like dig into it and be like well maybe it was this but I do want to comment on her saying that it led her into a pattern of masturbation until the Lord set her free from that sexual shame is such a pervasive part of Christianity in America at least in my experience and in the experiences of so many other people that I know it's so commonly talked about like not the fact that the the shame is an issue but implanting shame on people is something that happens quite a bit and so I've talked about this with girl defined before I don't think that's something that someone needs to feel shameful for I think we all have bodies and urges and Curiosities and like I I don't think that there's a problem with people masturbating I'm just gonna say that and it makes me sad to think about people who take it very seriously like I think about Kristen from girl to find who has frequently talked about the shame that she has felt and the struggle that she felt and how she went and confessed this sin to her parents and how awful she must feel purely for exploring her body and doing something to her own body that feels good it makes me so incredibly sad to think about the the women and and men too in Christianity who just have this immense sense of like I'm disgusting I'm a dirt bag for touching myself it makes me really really sad that there are people who genuinely feel like they've done something wrong or are dirty or shameful or sinning for exploring their own bodies I don't think that's right and I wish that like as Christians we could step away from that because there are far greater issues that we should be worried about than that there are far greater issues in the way that we treat each other and the way that we treat people and how we live up to the example that Christ set for us that are so much more impactful and so much more important than somebody exploring their own body by the age of 20. I had slipped into my first eating disorder I remember that addictive personality coming over me and wanting to lose weight and one thing led to another and before I knew it I had dropped so much weight that I was almost hospitalized did you have like an image of yourself do you have an issue with the way you looked yeah I did and that actually I'm glad you asked that leads me to my next thing so I I'll never forget this by this point I'm probably 21 and I'll never forget standing in front of the mirror and I was in a bikini because I was I would take progress pictures of myself they were not nothing for anyone else to see but myself and I was taking a picture and I remember being confused because when I looked in the mirror I saw my old self the the previous to the weight loss Brittany but then when I would look at my phone at the photo it looked different than what I was seeing and that was really when body dysmorphia got a hold of me no matter how well you eat yeah no matter how hard you would work out no matter how much weight you lost you still saw yourself as yeah the old you yeah and I I now looking back know that that's a very strategic attack attack from the enemy to distort our perception of ourselves to lead us down a path like he did me um it made me sicker and sicker and sicker and um from there I I actually um my mom sat me down one night I came home from work and she slid a piece of paper in front of me that said anorexia athletica it was like a Wikipedia you know informative type article and she looked at me and she said Brittany either you get you go get help or you fix this yourself and she gave me two weeks and I was so stubborn that I tried to fix myself and um flash 40 year you know it's when you have an addictive personality you just mask it with the next thing and the next thing and the next thing and that's what I did I went from my first eating disorder into competing which this is another thing where I'm not gonna add too much commentary other than to say I feel sad for Brittany in this situation I knew that she'd struggled with eating disorders and um it's like that this isn't anything particularly new for for me to hear but it does make me feel sad I feel empathy for anybody who struggles with the way that they look or looks in the mirror and like the reflection that they see back makes them feel Unworthy of Love or less than or you know whatever negative emotions they feel looking at their own body and especially when it gets to a point where it starts impacting your behavior in a negative way or it takes over your thought process and you know you have trouble focusing on other things because you're so concerned with how you look when this is literally like just a body like it's just it's bones and skin and muscle and fat and it has nothing to do with your worth as a human being and so I feel really really sad for for Brittany in this particular circumstance and I am glad that her mom addressed it I don't know all the details like it kind of throws me off to hear a parent say like either you fix it yourself or like you know we're gonna call somebody to fix it because obviously if she was struggling in secret with an eating disorder and not telling anybody like how do you fix that in two weeks I I don't know that's a completely other conversation but that's all I wanted to just kind of interject here I was very good at because of how disciplined I was and really lost myself around that time I I fell in love with Fitness but my entire identity became Fitness it became my body my looks the attention I was getting this is also simultaneously around the same time that Instagram had started and so my platform was growing and that dopamine hit from you know the likes and the comments and things going viral and and I was hooked I wanted to oh I bet if you feel bad about yourself if you have body dysmorphia and you don't have a positive image of yourself like your your self-esteem and your validation isn't coming from knowing your own worth like internally and you're getting external validation yeah of course like of course she's gonna be hooked work harder be better you know all of the things the the hustle grind mentality and pretty soon what do you think that those situations like having the addictive personality I think that you that's just a front yeah it's something to dive into and give your entire being your entire all of your attention all of your effort when you're just it's a Band-Aid on a gunshot wound yeah well and I was so scared of showing anyone my heart in that time in my life like there was so much chaos going on inside of me that I mean I remember I would be alone and I would just have breakdowns and meltdowns and um I think that was around the time when I started experiencing the first waves of depression because I and I didn't understand why because I had a growing business by then and I had the body and the the career and this and that the following you know I I and I didn't understand why I wasn't happy so because that's not where true happiness comes from yeah amen amen is that a spoiler alert no I think you're saying what everyone uh everyone already knows here but yeah so it's it's not news to anyone here that I was previously married I got married at a relatively young age I was 25. and that was very short-lived while I'm not in the business of ever bashing anyone that's just not my character nor do I ever want to be responsible for making someone feel the repercussions of the things that I've gone through um I will say that it it was for the best that you don't want anyone to experience the repercussions from the things that you've gone through what I'm trying to process that sentence and figure out what she meant by that does she mean she doesn't want anyone to experience things similar to like the repercussions that she's experienced because of what she's gone through or with her ex-husband It's like because of this relation to me I don't want to say anything negative at this point in time I have no idea but I will say when they first got divorced she didn't have a problem speaking negatively about him so I mean people's opinions on situations and how much they're comfortable sharing and how they want to speak about somebody that can definitely change over time but for her to be like I've never been like that well I don't know about that you sure about that it ended and I'm grateful that the Lord gracefully guided me out of that so that was we got married in 2016 and I was leaving and signing my first apartment lease that I could find in Dallas by the end of 2017. so a little over a year and a half um and that was that was really a rock bottom for me which curveball that wasn't even the biggest rock bottom we haven't quite gotten to that part yet but I remember moving to Dallas and he had been my high school sweetheart so everything I had known had been just had crumbled it made me realize you can't trust anyone and made me feel like so much of my life that I had built was a lie and it really made me question reality like what is life you know and that's those are kind of some of the moments where I started struggling with suicidal ideation um the the hateful things that were being said about me by the other party um crushed me and yeah so you know when you don't have your identity rooted in Christ when you're desperate and hungry for attention and and seeking validation you're going to try to find it in the world and so immediately I was like oh well you know we haven't tried this Avenue yet and immediately started walking myself straight into sexual sin um and that she definitely doesn't have to share this but something that just popped into my head as a question just like purely out of curiosity is if they were high school sweethearts and she developed a kneading disorder at 20 and then they got married at 25 it's like if y'all were together presumably for that whole time did what did he do about the eating disorder like did he notice did he do anything to try and help you she had also said that she at that time when she was like 20ish wasn't willing to share her heart with anybody so maybe they dated broke up got back together I don't know maybe some of you all know um like more of the finer details of that time period I didn't really start paying attention to Bernie Don until 2019 so I'm definitely not well versed on the details prior to that comes with a whole strand of you know ties soul ties and pornography um lust you know masturbation I mentioned that pretty early on that was something that heavily heavily impacted My Life um because what it didn't validation in attention yeah well and what I I didn't realize was that you know I now know this but every time you masturbate you're inviting demons in and knowing that now like it's it's wild to say that because I look back on my life and I I see all those moments where like wow that's why I struggled with lust that's why I struggled with this temptation and not Temptation and sexual sin and pornography it's because I was I was welcoming those Spirits in and it breaks my heart to know that my innocence was robbed from me at such a young age and that's hard for me to even say I think the reason I got choked up when I first started talking about that is because I I know my parents listen to this and I've never told them that you know that's really hard can you do like a little bit of okay but before Doran asks his question what you're inviting demons like I'm so sorry to have this demeanor as she's like starting to tear up about something else but what like can you cite your Source provide something how did you learn that who told you that what is your biblical backing of inviting demons every time you masturbate uh what um I just got stuck on stupid and like malfunctioned for a minute there okay without sharing identities or too much detail can you give a little bit more context onto that situation yeah how it happened yeah I was like I said I was six years old and I mean I can I can still remember it like it was yesterday it was out of friends and I remember had been dropped off either my mom or my dad I don't remember that detail but they had dropped me off and I was at her house and we were just in her bedroom and just doing kid things you know playing with toys and listening to music and innocent innocent kid things um and and just like that it turned and and it shifted and all of a sudden like I was it was being touched and by another child yeah your friend yeah yeah I I remember being so confused like like and now kids don't know they they're so innocent they don't understand those things unless they're taught yeah those things and like this is why I mean you know I have such a heart for for children because like I never want a child to experience what I experienced and yeah so that that really I mean from that moment forward it it opened up you know we see it in the news and the media like those things opening up doors for kids curiosity and questioning and wondering and that's what happened to me and I don't want to go down that rabbit hole but that is ultimately what started a lot of the sexual sin and the the strongholds in my life I uh I just jumped in Full Speed Ahead and okay so from the details that she is sharing my understanding of the situation is she was at a friend's house they were playing just having fun and then somehow there was a shift and instead of you know like just playing with toys and having fun this friend who was either Britney's age or around Britney's age started to touch her in a way that was sexual it does make me really sad to know that like Britney felt like that was a really impactful impactful thing in a negative way like a hurtful thing and she didn't feel like she could talk to her parents about it I I do think that that leads to a complex relationship with how you view sex and sexuality is if inherently like she and again this is me speculating if she was uncomfortable with that which it seems like she was because she's crying about it now and she said that like her parents have never heard that she's never talked to them about it and and again she's being emotional and she's crying if that was something that made her uncomfortable and impacted her in a negative way and she felt like she couldn't tell her parents about it or it didn't even occur to her even though she was uncomfortable to say something to her parents or to like ask if that was normal or say like hey this thing happened I don't know how I feel about it that can lead to a really confusing relationship with how you view your body and how other people are allowed to interact with your body and consent so it makes me really sad that something like this happened to her at a young age and impacted her negatively and I have no doubt that that sense of confusion or shame followed her into her sexual experiences as an adult because she didn't process it with anybody promiscuity sleeping around just all of it all the above um watching pornography and I was just completely consumed within months of the Dallas life now I say that I absolutely love Dallas Dallas Will Always Feel Like Home to me because it was such a big season of My Life you're smiling because you're like nah Fort Worth is home because it's you're the only one but it was it was a it was really a season of trying to find out who I was only to find my identity in Christ if it wasn't for Dallas you wouldn't have been put in the setting to find the Lord yeah so that space was created by a church over there yeah absolutely which is obviously to this day a special place for you very special place yeah and we'll get to that so completely consumed by the Dallas lifestyle um I want to read off a list of some things that I really started struggling with once I moved to Dallas in search of like trying to find my identity trying to find who I was trying to just find myself again and that's a dangerous mindset to have when you're trying to find yourself it's just like that new age like do you be you do what makes you happy in our culture perpetuates that yeah exactly yeah self-indulgence yeah absolutely so I don't think trying to find yourself and form a strong sense of who you are is the same as being self-indulgent I'm not sure how those two are related except if you are like if you're trying to find yourself and you discover that you're a person who only cares about yourself and is going to do whatever you want regardless of whether or not it's healthy or it hurts somebody else but just truly trying to be like what is my identity and I know that for Christians it's that your identity is found in Christ and that's kind of the the central focus is trying to follow Christ's teachings but it doesn't mean that it's wrong to be like what do I value who am I like what what kind of person am I what is my identity and being reflective and like looking inwards to see like what do I do how do I act how do I align with this or that am I proud of who I am are there things that I wish I could change like self-reflection isn't a bad thing and they're trying to make it sound like you shouldn't even think about those things it should just be like my identity is in Christ so that's my identity I don't have to think about my actions I don't have to think about what I do I don't have to be retrospective or introspective and like think about things that are going on like it's just Christ where I think that there's a balance there I really just got switched back up into you know sexual sin promiscuity um pornography I got my second eating disorder I was dressing provocatively um trying to get any and all attention from men which if my legs looked like that I would wear shorter shorts as well but here's the thing babe mine don't my legs still not I wear that it's a heart posture like sure you know and it's we'll get to that which that's a whole podcast episode in itself modesty because it's just it's a hard well if you can't wear short shorts because your heart posture has changed why do you wear bikini bottoms like what I don't know maybe I'm ignorant and there's something that I'm not getting about the sentiment behind that but that's my first thought when she says that conversation to have I think a lot of women are either on one side or they're not you could probably take a deep dive into modesty it all starts with the heart there's a heart's intent behind everything even you wear um materialism vanity Addicted to Fitness I had anxiety panic attacks I started abusing pills um eating disorder again just everything there was there was so much that I was walking through and um my business had been at an all-time high I was just living my dream life this was by 2018. I mean I had all the attention I could want the the social media status the career I was traveling every month I was getting to go you know anywhere across the country that I wanted to go I wasn't really traveling internationally haven't done that yet we'll get there but um just it was like the the enemy handed me an apple and a bit into it and can I say something yeah like no you can't what's funny to me is and you know not to get back into your Fitness business but there were a lot of women who paid for Fitness plans and diets that you followed that you had created yeah to try to look more like you to be fit and have what you portrayed online right this this fit and healthy lifestyle yeah and just to call a spade to Spade here but it you were a mess yeah on the inside yeah that's not what like you looked like you had it all together on social media but you really didn't no and I think is it just me or is he speaking extremely slowly that that was hard for me to listen to I think what I was putting out there on social media was in hopes that I could even feel like that like I remember I would post encouraging things and I would I would post scriptures and I was the furthest from the Lord that's what was so scary like I thank the Lord every day that he wrecked me when he did and we're getting to that because I would have been had something happen to me I wasn't going to heaven nope there you go bowling the china cabinet again sorry every podcast I don't know why I was thinking about this as I was editing the last episode did did they both say a bowl in a China cabinet or a bowl in a China cabinet it really doesn't matter but I've always heard like a bull in a china shop but I've never heard bull or bull in a China cabinet again completely irrelevant but it caught my ear when I was editing the last episode and now with this one too how she said it I'm like what are you saying I keep getting invited back because is it because I'm just here and you feel like bad for me that you're like well I'm gonna record a podcast and Jordan's here so I guess I'll just bring them in on this no I mean just like you said it's entertaining for me one I can't sit still it's because having a husband is part of Brittany Dawn's social media identity so she's using him being there to her advantage two I'm always moving something when you've got gadgets on your side of the desk right now like let's not talk about our desks right now I'm in a I'm in a transition season lots of things yeah and that season's sticking around a lot longer than I think you would hoped for amen it sure is all right we were really talking about something serious yes and I had to mess it up way to go babe sorry where were we way to go um I think that that is an overt projection yeah like you looked like you had it all together your post in the scriptures your you know portraying this healthy lifestyle but at the end of the day like you're not you're you know you started abusing pills you started which this isn't about me um none of this is being said in a in an accusatory manner it's I'm just helping you with the conversation here because my stories I mean I'm a functioning derelict and a piece of crap human that is only made somewhat tolerable and if left in my own devices I'm pure evil um yeah what but but for The Graces of God so um but it's just yeah you were portraying this what like you you oh oh you shouldn't need the fear of Hell to be a moral person like to say I would be a piece of crap if left to my own devices is just a statement on your integrity and I know that that's what he was presenting it as but it's like you're a Christian so you believe in heaven and hell and you want to follow Christ so you don't go to hell so you can go to heaven and you're saying that if you didn't have that threat of Eternal damnation you would just be a POS like that that's what I hear when you say that you're saying that people are incapable of being ethical people or morally sound or even like kind people unless they believe the exact same thing that you do and you're saying that the only reason that you are a decent person not even a good person because he's a functioning derelict being a relatively tolerable person the only reason that you are relatively tolerable is because you're afraid of going to hell and I know that he didn't say that going to hell part explicitly but that's the implication of it is I'm a Christian so I believe in heaven and hell and I want to be a good Christian so I can go to heaven and so that's why I'm going to be relatively tolerable bro you stumped me on that one my gosh super healthy amazing lifestyle but you were just so broken on the inside is so that is so many people yeah and I I think you know because we can't fully one we can't fully know who we are without Christ and two we can't fully heal without Christ like there's so much information and and I felt pray to that the new age beliefs of well if you get this you'll be happy if you do this you'll heal if you take the bubble bath go read the book go on the walk like all the self-care which are great things yeah but they're in this world they're not yeah those without Jesus you're missing the whole point yeah you're missing the mark well it's like the people that and I know people like this God bless them they're amazing I love the people and and there's a place for them and I love them but like you and I our stories were we had to get to the end of ourselves yeah we had to get to the end of that there are some people who encounter the Lord during a good season yeah they are not in turmoil in Strife they are not on the verge of suicide they are not on you know this broken road yeah they're they're just fine yeah and there's a seat at the table with the Lord for them just as as there is the broken and the people that are at the end of their their themselves yeah absolutely I think it's the stubborn ones like probably you and I that really truly have to find the end of themselves maybe we're a little arrogant a little pompous that we can do it ourselves and that we can find that happiness with the things of this world but it's so true and that's what it was is it was Pride my pride was in the way and the Bible tells us in Proverbs that pride comes before the fall and it was the perfect setup for a huge downfall again um you know 2018 was what I thought to be the best year of my life I had everything going for me I had the world at my hands but to have the world in your hands without Jesus being the one holding it is a very dangerous place to be and leading up to 2019 I had been struggling with the worst panic attacks I'd ever had um so much anxiety I I've shared my story on YouTube but I had I was encountering sleep paralysis which is a demonic attack truly some of the scariest nights of My Life um I fell into my third eating disorder I at that point was in an abusive relationships that really pushed me into my third eating disorder um popping pills things like that and 2019 rolls around um it just felt like my life again this is something that she does not have to share the details on but I'm curious as to what kind of pills they were if she's talking about like laxatives or caffeine pills or Percocet like there's there's a wide variety of pills that you could be quote unquote popping in an unhealthy way and so I'm just I'm I'm just a naturally curious person and if you if you're gonna say like I was popping pills I was addicted to pills I'm gonna want to know what they were again she doesn't have to share it it's her story she can share as much or as little as she is comfortable with but I'm just curious life was moving so fast and yet ever maybe that's a me problem maybe that's like an undesirable trait in me I don't know but I'm just being honest everything felt like it was stuck in in cement like I don't know if that makes sense like when you feel like your life is spinning out of control but yet you're still trying to control it yeah you do it's that you still have that one final like grip you're like you're you're just hanging on yeah on the edge and you full well know you know that it is you are in the midst of a disastrous spin cycle yeah like you are literally in the washer yeah and you're just going around and round and round and round and you're holding on but you can't get out yeah yeah like because the world has such a just a firm yeah death grip on you and that's what it is that's what it is it's a death grip it is when it's like we know now you know this war we're fighting in life is not physical it's spiritual and the target is our soul and I was so far from the Lord yet I'm posting scriptures and I'm like oh yeah like I'm a Christian and then I'm going and having sex with guys or watching porn in my town home by myself and it's just it was terrible so 20 it's interesting that right here right now she is admitting to presenting herself one way on social media presenting herself as a Christian and somebody who has influence and is a Christian isn't necessarily a religious influencer but it's like posting like they have like like they're very close to God like they're very strong in their faith yet behind the scenes she was the furthest she's ever been from God and yet she's shocked when people question the authenticity of her motives behind she lives freed like past Behavior pretty good predictor of future Behavior I mean obviously people can change and just because somebody does something in the past doesn't mean that they're doing it now but it's like if if somebody steals from you they might not ever steal from you again but you're gonna be a little bit suspicious leaving them in your house that's just how things go 19 rolls around um you guys already know the story if you've been listening to the series but I was flown out to Los Angeles to be the face of a booth out there and a prank was pulled on me um a prank that humiliated me but again I didn't really I didn't think anything of it I didn't realize it was being filmed or recorded for YouTube's sake and when that Prank Went live that video went live you know I don't know if I shared this detail babe I don't I don't think I did what I'm about to share um I was I was going to dinner it was supposed to be going on a date that night legit what day date or was just this one of the ones where you just went for a free dinner no this is legit I mean I had never met the guy nor did I ever meet the guy because after this he was like yeah I'm out he must have seen the reason I bring that up is because if I give Brit a hard time all the time I'm sure you do I love those girls that would go to dinner with zero interest in the guy just to get a free free meal because I was broken I was using men for whatever I wanted that night dude I don't know if it was necessarily about the meals because again this was like the height of her Fitness career after she got divorced and moved to Dallas and she said in 2018 it was like the best year of her life she was living her dream life traveling career business Boomin money all this stuff and then this is 2019 so uh I don't know that she necessarily needed to use them for food but also Jordan like again I said this in the last video he cannot pass up an opportunity to take a dig at her it's it it gave me it makes me sad as much as I don't like her I feel bad for people who are in relationships with people who belittle them like even if they're doing it in a joking way because at a certain point it's not a joke anymore it's not funny anymore and you have to like let it roll off your shoulders because otherwise it's going to cause a fight um but deep down like that can be really really hurtful uh so like just hearing him talk to her like that I don't like it sings like it's terrible so I get this text this video goes live I get the text message and it's the video link to this YouTube page and I watch it and I'll never forget this moment um I I remember realizing what it was and having to one relive that trauma of that encounter all over again but to um I knew I knew that the cycle was over because it was all crashing down and I it feels like a scene out of a movie but I I remember dropping my phone um and sliding down my stairs screaming because I knew what was coming and within the first two hours I lost my management my contracts my spot dude that's a sign that you knew you were doing something wrong screaming and sliding down the stairs like that's the realization of oh shoot somebody filmed me getting exposed for something that I did wrong and now everybody's gonna know about it like you will never convince me that she did not know what she was doing when she was giving out those cookie cutter plans it wasn't people slipping through the cracks there is nothing she can say that will convince me otherwise and I'm not saying that as a fact legally like disclaimer that's my opinion but that's my opinion she knew why else would she have that reaction if it was something where it could be like no I didn't sell cookie cutter plans like I have individualized Fitness plans I you know like if it was if it were something where she was accused of something that she didn't do I could understand being like Oh God we got to address this like let me call my team up let me get my management how do we prove that I didn't do this like let's let's handle this that reaction is like I got caught it's over in my opinion allegedly sponsors my entire team my reputation the online Fitness business that I had built I lost everything and it was like I was an onion and the Lord was stripping Lair after layer after layer after layer away to get to my core and I thought that was the worst it was gonna be and then the media started hitting me up every single major News Network that one could imagine was in my email inbox and so I went with Good Morning America you guys know this story thinking that yeah they would give me a fair place to share the truth and they did nothing but truth manipulate it I felt good the morning after that interview thinking okay this is my chance to to get the truth out there and and mind you like at this point I I'm embarrassed to go out in public I I'm humiliated I'm already receiving death threats I'm already receiving the the brunt of cancel culture and then Good Morning America aired their story and completely manipulated the truth to what happened to what was really going on and any leg that I had left to stand on was completely knocked out from under me I I just remember feeling like I can't keep going I I was receiving thousands of hate comments and not just like oh your hair looks bad I'm saying like hateful comments things that I don't even feel comfortable repeating death threats I was being followed um stopped harassed I mean the list can go on they were people on Reddit were posting my address and um I just I remember being in such a dark place again that would have had to have been on a different subreddit if this was in 2019 because the Britney Dawn snark subreddit did it not exist at that point I think if she's gonna make accusations like that she should be a little bit more specific about who she's talking about um but maybe it she's intentionally not doing that so people think that it was the Britney Don snark subreddit um and they like direct negative attention towards them or maybe she just doesn't remember I'm not sure of I'm so ashamed to be who I am and I'm I'm not what they say I am the the comments of oh why don't you do us all a favor and go jump off a bridge and make this world a better place and put a gun to your head I was already abusing pills I was like I could solve this and on Valentine's Day of 2019 I wrote a message to my sister admits India and went and filled the bathtub up in my bathroom came downstairs had my phone there ready and had a huge bottle of pills sitting right in front of me and I I popped the cap off and I went to take my first hand filled handful to swallow as many as I could and uh okay I think foreign to put into words the the overwhelming love that I encountered in that moment I remember falling it was like something just knocked my feet out from under me I fell to my knees and those pills went everywhere there were hundreds of pills on my kitchen floor and um I remember just feeling this presence that I had never felt before in my life and I don't know how long it was sitting there it it could have been hours it could have been all night I Had No Agenda I had nothing to look for at that moment and what I didn't realize was that was exactly what the Lord needed to come in and and save me from myself and um foreign standing up from that floor and just being a different person like there was some radical Supernatural shift in my heart in that moment and it doesn't make sense it's still to this day hard for me to put into words but in a moment where I would have gone to hell Jesus said not you not now he he left the 99 for the one and he came and he set me free and forever be grateful for that um so that moment forward I I was never the same I didn't have a Bible um remember the next morning scrambling to get a Bible I don't have anything to comment on that like I I have nothing to add or anything that I want to dive into in terms of her talking about her suicide attempt I think the concept of suicide is really tragic and I don't want anybody to ever feel like they are worthless or a burden or the world would be better if if they weren't here people would be happier if I wasn't here or I'm in so much pain that if I do this this will go away like it's a really devastating thing and it happens far too frequently and it like rips my heart out every time that I hear about it so I like I I feel bad that Britney got to that place and I I don't ever want anybody to feel like that so that that's my that's my comment on her telling that story um just kind of something to add for for context because I realize that a lot of people who um listen to my videos aren't Christian um Brittany said like you know he left the 99 for the one and so in case you were like what does that mean that comes from the Bible um in the Book of Matthew there's a point where Jesus is talking and he kind of gives this example of like how it's a whole long thing and I don't I don't mean to like make it take away from um the topic at hand but Jesus is like the Good Shepherd and we are his sheep and so like that's kind of a common theme of how Jesus is viewed or referred to by Christians and so Jesus at one point says like if a Shepherd has a hundred sheep and one of them wanders off isn't he gonna leave the 99 to go look for the one and when he finds the one he's going to rejoice and he's going to be so excited so kind of like surface level interpretation of that I have not dug super deep into um the context of those verses so maybe there's a deeper meaning but just kind of the way that it's used in you know in churches if if that story comes up is that God's always going to come after you he's going to pursue your heart even if you wander even if you strike God is going to try and find you because you matter to him and so um I just wanted to add that context because I know that Bernie does tend to like just throw out things and expect the audience to understand and maybe her audience does but if you caught that and you were like what does that mean that's what it means to Amazon as silly as it sounds and it had no job I had no work meetings I literally had nothing going on and so I would just spend hours in God's word I had no idea what I was doing I had no idea what to read how to read it I just I just let the holy spirit guide me and and he did and pretty soon after that I um I got plugged into upper room and that's really where the Lord started doing open heart surgery on me and started sending me beautiful broken convictions of modesty and and changing how I was you know carrying myself and and the things that I was living for and idols on my heart and sexual sin and one by one by one the Lord started removing those things from my life and um he's definitely left a few thorns in my side just like the Bible says because those have kept me close to him but um yeah that's uh that's my my testimony and now I'm here and I was never the same person forever marked forever changed forever going to live for the glory of the Lord because I I shouldn't be here today I shouldn't be alive to be able to share this testimony but I am by the grace of God and yeah like I said earlier some people some people have these they find the Lord when they're on a Mountaintop and they're not in a valley yeah and uh both of our stories are our valleys yeah after full well-knowing for the majority of our adult lives that Jesus was the answer and he is the way the truth and the life you know sometimes you you got to get to the end of yourself yeah before you can realize that he is that answer well that all the all the fame and and the career and the money and it's fleeting it's all fleeting it's it's all gonna fade away and you know the the enemy wants us to be so distracted by the things that are physically in front of us because it's a war against our soul and I'm so grateful that the Lord out there to say I'm grateful for everything that happened yeah okay so obviously it's Britney's testimony and she has her notes in like she can frame it in whatever she whatever way she wants I feel like I'm so annoying in this episode because I want to make it abundantly clear that I'm not trying to criticize her faith or her relationship with God or her story which by all by all accounts sounds very personal and impactful to her so like I'm not trying to be nitpicky or anything but something that bothers me a lot about when people um talk about like coming to a Christ later in life is that sometimes it can be presented as like here's this long awful history of horrible things that happen to me and awful things that I did and things that I'm not proud of and I'm ashamed of and all this bad terrible awful stuff and then I encountered the Lord and I was never the same and it can kind of give the impression that like once you become a Christian or once you get baptized once you find Jesus or you know you find your faith whatever then everything's different and and maybe for some people it is and I think perspective wise like your mind does have a shift when you decide to follow Christ or become a Christian like you know any religion really once you find that thing that that you're like this is it for me this is what I want to do this is how I want to live my life obviously perspective wise there's a mental shift but everything that you were struggling with up until that point that still exists like that's still there and Brittany said that God gave her convictions about modesty and her actions and stuff like that and I want to hear I think it would be super helpful especially for people who become religious later in life or people who follow her who became Christians later in life if we had uh if as a collective like Christians put more focus on what it looks like after you find Jesus what happens after you find Jesus because if you were living in a way that is completely opposite of how you want to live now as a Christian you're going to have some Growing Pains you're going to have some issues still like you're gonna have to overcome certain things you know you're still going to have habits from before you decided to live a different way and you're still going to have relationships with people from before you decided to live a different way so I want to hear like what does that look like what did your family say what did your friends say did you lose relationships from this what did it look like to struggle with her conviction of modesty again I have a different view on modesty I do not align with Britney's like like upholding of it as like one of the most important things in the world and we just have a different perspective I don't need to go deep into it but if you're saying like God convicted you in the way that you were dressing what did it look like to go through that how did it happen like did you gradually change your clothes like what what was the deal did you lose friends because you were acting differently I just think it's good to share those things so people don't think like I people who become Christians later in life don't think I found Jesus now everything's different I'm not going to have any problems like everything's gonna be smooth sailing because that's definitely not as a Christian you are still gonna go through tough stuff you're gonna go through bad things you're gonna go through tough lessons like things are not just gonna be easy for you simply because you're following God in fact it says like as a Christian you're going to face hardships and trials and how you act in those things is something that's going to build your faith like the way that you respond to those things is a reflection of how much you trust God and where you're at in your journey and so again like I this is a totally wild tangent not related to what Britney is saying in this moment but I would love to hear what that transformation looked like after she came to Christ after she started going to church what what followed that how did it happen how did it look what did you experience what challenges did you have because it's not like I had all these awful things happen in my past now I'm a Christian and everything's perfect it's not how it goes and I want people to be open and honest about the tough stuff that they go through even after finding God because again as a Christian like I don't want somebody to um believe in God and like start going to church and like throw themselves into it and then get discouraged or feel like they're doing something wrong or God isn't real because they're still experiencing hardship and be like well never mind like I never mind I thought things were going to be totally different and I still experience the same trials and tribulations of being a human on earth and so I'm out because people painted Christianity or being a Christ follower in one way when that's not really the reality of it that's just me that's my opinion I would like to hear more about that after finding Christ part of her life as opposed to um you know spending 40 minutes talking about prior to that and then only having like five minutes at the end of being like yep and then I found Christ and now I'm different and want more like I'm just I'm trying to like tug it out of her I'm like come on give it just give us a little bit more give us what happened after because I think it would be like I genuinely I think it's it's helpful for people to hear those things because at the end of it all was Jesus at the end of my rope was Jesus and if it takes going through everything that I went through to sit at the feet of the father it's all worth it yeah so I'm really proud of you you kept that at 45 minutes I'm proud of myself for being able to go into details because like I said I'm used to the cliff notes version and I I didn't think I was gonna get choked up as much as I have I don't know why it's just because it feels way more vulnerable this time around then wow you've gotten choked up for the past three episodes I feel like you probably knew that you were gonna get emotional with this one what's the point of saying that you didn't think that you were gonna get choked up thanks babe yeah so happy to be here to help and make noise and you know just people want to China cabinet just all around mess things up that's what I'm good at well I mean amen did you not just hear my testimony more walking train wreck saved by the grace of God just the conductor yeah well God is thank the Lord for that well we are going to wrap this up um thank you guys so much for taking the time to listen to my testimony and I pray that if there's anything in here that correlated with your journey or your life or the things that you've walked through and lived through that they that my story would point you to Christ that you would see that he is the answer he is the the end-all be-all um and that with him and through him we can overcome and we can heal and the Lord comes to set the captive free that's what he did for me and I know with my whole heart um because of what the Living Word of God says that he wants to do that for you listening to this right now too so if that's you and you don't know how to walk this walk out or you want to know the Lord and you aren't sure where to start please feel free to message us on the chiseled and called podcast Instagram we would love to chat with you I'm a voice memo queen and I love sending voice memos and I would love to love on you so thank you guys so much again and we will see you guys talk to you guys so you guys talk to you guys in the next episode that was a tough one for me to react to just because it was um Brittany sharing her testimony and I always want to be respectful of people's religious beliefs and their experiences especially as it relates to something that is so deeply personal and like meaningful in their lives you know like somebody's religion typically tends to mean a lot to them so um it that was a tough one but I do think there were certain elements that she brought up that um opened up some like good I don't want to say conversations because it's just me in a room by myself but maybe if you resonate with anything that got brought up or any point that I made like we can have discussions about it in the comments section so again this was one where I definitely um treaded a little bit more lightly but I hope that you still enjoyed hearing my thoughts on it and I would love to hear your opinions if you are watching this on YouTube you can leave it in the comment section down below and if you are listening to the podcast on Spotify you can leave it in the Q a section for this specific episode it's fun to see your responses because it's kind of like a comment section really the Q a just says like what did you think of this episode it's generated by Spotify and so it's like a place for you to share your thoughts which I think is really cool because typically you can't do that on podcasts so I like it I like seeing your responses there anyway leave a comment on YouTube or a response if you're listening on Spotify and while you're doing that if you would consider liking this video or subscribing to my Channel or leaving the podcast a rating and or review that would be incredible and if you have done any of those things already thank you so much I am so appreciative of you and I love being able to just sit here hang out with you and talk about whatever thank you so much for watching or listening please be kind to people and I will see you in the next one bye

Channel: B Haney

Views: 21,048

Keywords: dawn foster, brittany dawn, jordan nelson, brittany nelson, sued by texas, lawsuit, fundie, evangelical christian, religious influencer, fraud, foster placement, family vloggers, trial week, podcast, reddit, brittany dawn fitness, brittany dawn lawsuit, brittany dawn scam, chiseled and called, settlement, social media fast, brittany dawn sued, influencer scam, brittany dawn apology, cassady campbell, canceled, cancelled, drama, retreat, she lives freed, buzzfeed

Id: ITOtT2PmA9I

Length: 84min 19sec (5059 seconds)

Published: Wed Aug 02 2023