Master the Habits that Transform Your Life! Mel Robbins' Top 10 Rules to Stop Screwing Yourself Over

Mel Robbins went from having a career as a criminal defense attorney to becoming one of the most popular commentators on CNN covering the george zimmerman trial she has a TEDx talk how to stop screwing yourself over that has over 15 million views which launched her speaking career her latest book the five-second rule was the top book on audible and six most read book on Amazon in 2017 new motivation watch a top ten with believe nation what's that belief nation it's evan i believe in you and this channel is designed to be a part of your daily success routine so let's get your motivation to attend and have you believing in you here's my take on Mel Robbins top rules for success volume seven also if you want to know what Mel and other successful entrepreneurs have to say about building unstoppable confidence check out my 250 for confidence series where every day for the next 254 days I will send you a morning video for free to help you build your confidence the link to join is in the description below I know that everybody's problem comes down to one pattern you're repeating that you can't see when you set goals when you have an intention on something that you want to change about your life your brain helps you if you didn't give what anybody else thought what's the thing you would love to be doing with your life okay let's kick it off with rule number one give yourself up push you're never ever ever ever going to feel like doing the things you need to do in order to have what you want you're always going to need to push yourself you're always going to need to parent yourself so what is the net advice on this what what is the bottom line the bottom line is no one's coming no one no one's coming to push you no one's coming to tell you to turn the TV off no one's coming to tell you to get out the door and exercise nobody's coming to tell you to apply for that job that you've always dreamt about nobody's coming to write the business plan for you it's up to you and because you're only ever gonna do the things that you feel like doing right now or that feel good right now unless you understand that you've got to parent yourself you got to push yourself you're not gonna make your dreams come true you're just not we're not wired that way you weren't born that way you weren't that way when you were growing up and you're certainly not that way as an adult and there's a tremendous amount of liberation that comes when you accept the fact that you're always going to need to give yourself a push rule number two hone your skills well I want to talk to those of you that are working toward your dreams whatever it is that you're doing right now it's leading to the thing that you dream of doing and you're not going to progress until you get the skills and the experience that you need at the level that you're at I guarantee you even if you're working at a front desk job at a local gym you're learning customer service you need to learn that kind of stuff before you can launch your own business for me in order to be an incredible speaker that can command a stage with 3,000 people in the audience for an entire hour I first had to learn how to have the courage to speak up and have hard conversations in my life then had to learn how to speak up in a small meeting then I had to learn how to speak up you know in a church basement then I had to learn how to give a little bit of a talk at a brown-bag luncheon then I had to learn how to stand on a slightly bigger stage so if you're frustrated with where you are right now because you've got these big dreams and you think you're really far away here's one way that you can continue to be patient and you can milk wherever you're at to help you build the skills and the experience that you need as you climb toward the thing that you want ask yourself what is it that I am learning what's the skill that I'm honing by sitting here at this front desk job or driving this uber or lyft vehicle what am i learning that I'm gonna take with me on my journey to do that next big thing because I guarantee you there's something in the minutiae of what you're doing right now that you are developing an expertise and a skill around that you're gonna need as you launch yourself towards the next thing rule number three win the morning so here's what you're gonna do it's actually simple and it's not gonna be easy because you're gonna create all kinds of excuses and drama for yourself okay you're gonna set your laundry stuff and when the alarm goes off that's what happened that gap is gonna open up and you're gonna feel all rolling I don't feel like it I'm over I don't want to I don't feel like writing a song anyway you know like that's when you have to take control you have to take control you have to get up every morning it begins by getting up because if you let anxiety excuses self-doubt all the win in that first decision the rest of the day aside that so when the first decision then exercise I don't care about the eating as much I know it's important that's put garbage in but I would rather see you first master getting up on time do that for a week then let's add in exercise every day ten minutes don't start with like two hours because then you're gonna find an excuse not to do it get up at seven exercise for ten minutes then the third week you're gonna add in like I'm actually gonna eat clean this week or whatever the diet is that you want to eat right I'm just gonna add in things as you master the little things but you've got to get up on time it starts right there rule number four become a great problem solver you know we all face problems in our lives it's just part of being a human being but if you ever considered that there are really only two kinds of problems that you're ever gonna face there are temporary problems and then there are permanent problems that are more like conditions that you have to learn with now a temporary problem is something that you have tremendous power to change and permanent problems though are something that require a different skill and that is the ability to just accept things as they are and let the complaining go now one of the skills in life that is really going to help you become a great problem solver and it's also going to give you more control over your life is knowing what kind of problem you're actually dealing with because we all complain about our problems but to actually solve a problem you got to understand what kind of problem you're dealing with the truth is you can't change a permanent problem so no matter how much a complain about it how much you try to change it how much energy you put into it nothing's changing it's a waste of your time and your energy to focus on those now when you try to change a permanent problem you know you aren't stuck because you feel like you're just spinning in circles temporary problems or what you want to focus your energy on these are the decisions and the life choices that you keep making that might feel good in the moment but they actually make you miserable now here's the thing about temporary problems they're not permanent you may hate your body but you can change it you may hate and be unhappy in the relationship that you're in but you can change it you might complain a lot about how your boss treats you or how you feel passed over at work but you can change how you interact with your boss and you can change how you show up at work and you can even change your job that's the difference between a temporary and a permanent problem temporary problems you can change now here's an a simple exercise that I want you to do I want you to make a list of all the things that complain about maybe you complain about your commute where you live the person you're with your health your boss the amount of money you have now I want you to look at every single complaint you have and ask yourself what can I do to change this problem what can I do to fix my relationship with your boss because you can't change your boss's personality but you can definitely change how you interact with her and when you change yourself and your own behaviors and how you think you're gonna change everything rule number five act I've always been very scared and lack of confidence and thought that I was never good enough like some of my partners hold on we've all bought into a lie we've bought into a lie that confidence is belief in self and so when you're in a situation which is normal where you don't believe in yourself you're like oh my god I have no confidence the truth is and I want you to walk out of here with a new definition of confidence confidence is the willingness to try because when you try and you take action what happens and what's happened for France is that when she sees herself taking action what happens is she sees herself being the kind of person that takes action so she has evidence that she can rely on herself and that action is what builds confidence it doesn't start with belief the real way the real way for most of us is not to wait to believe but to push ourself to act and through the action you will build the belief rule number six use a brain dump so let's pretend that this right here this empty mason jar is your brain in order to do your best thinking you need to make sure that you've got the full capacity of your brain leveraged and pointed at the things that are important to you here's the problem when you go through life as you go through life what happens is you know your brain starts to fill up with information and that's what creates a state of feeling overwhelmed being overwhelmed is nothing more than having a full brain so as you go through your day-to-day life and you start checking email and texts and looking at Facebook and sitting in meetings and flipping through television channels and sending emails and writing Excel spreadsheets and running and picking up the kids at work and getting another text and looking at Instagram and looking at Twitter and checking out the news your brain gets pretty full doesn't it and so when you feel overwhelmed what I know about you is that your brain is full of a bunch of garbage and so oh I didn't think about the drain draining I hope that's not bothering you but it's certainly gonna bother me what you need to do in order to fight overwhelm is you've got to actually do a brain dump you got to get rid of all that stuff so that you've got an empty brain so you can focus again so how do you do that it's easy to do with a cup of water because you just pour it out this is what you're gonna do you are literally going to dump out everything that's in your head onto this piece of paper every concern every worry every to do every thing that's bothering you that you're thinking about you're gonna write down [Music] all right and when you're done writing down everything that's in your head and there's absolutely nothing left oh I've got something due tomorrow that I kind of forgot about once you get that stuff all down on a piece of paper pull out a highlighter take a look you could do everything on this list you could but what should you do what are three things just three that you should do in order to advance the things that matter to you let's see I got to do that one I got to do that one and I got to do that one the rest of this list is complete and other garbage it's other people's stuff it's the email stuff it's the meeting stuff it's the stuff that's not all that important to me it's not that mission-critical so by dumping everything out I now not only have the three things I need to do I've got a clear head so I can get it done rule number seven go for it if you're about to do something for the first time chances are high that you might embarrass yourself but what it means is if you're willing to be the kind of person that is willing to embarrass themselves it means you're trying something new it means you're going for it when everybody else sits on the sidelines and so one of the things that I would encourage you to do is that when you feel that tingling like you're starting to hold yourself back because you start thinking about what all your friends are thinking about that's a moment to go oh this is what that lady was talking about five four three two one I'm going for it rule number eight stop procrastinating you're not a procrastinator you have a habit of procrastinating big difference because if it's a habit I can teach you to use science to break it you see all habits have three parts there's a trigger and in the case of procrastination the triggers always stress then there's a pattern you repeat and in the case of procrastination it is to avoid doing something and then there's a reward you get a little stress relief the only way to break a habit you guys is not to deal with the triggers you're never gonna get rid of the stress in your life but you can one percent change your pattern of avoiding work so next time that you're in a situation where you feel yourself hesitate you spent way too much time checking out the highlights from last night's scores what you're gonna do is you're gonna go up I must be stressed out about something acknowledge the stress then go five four three two one I want you to count to yourself because I want you to interrupt the habit that's stored here and I want you to awaken your prefrontal cortex then I want you to just work just for five minutes the reason why I want you to only work for five minutes is because your problem isn't working it's the habit of avoiding I just need you to start and here's the other cool thing we know based on research that if we can get you to start eighty percent of you are going to keep going rule number nine make the best decisions if your friend is facing a problem when you have to make decisions on behalf of your friend you tend to think from multiple perspectives you think about multiple outcomes and ultimately you make a much better decision what they found research though is if they put you in the exact same situation facing the exact same thing that your friend is you're not able to be so objective because you're emotional and you don't make that greater decision what's the conclusion well when you make decisions for other people you're great when we make decisions for ourselves decisions that can be emotional we're not so good at it that's where the power of objectivity comes in it's the ability to make a decision from a third party's perspective let me explain so if you're facing a really important decision and you can feel yourself getting emotional maybe you're thinking about asking for a raise or changing your career or changing your major or ending a relationship or starting a relationship whatever it may be if it's something that is emotional for you you're gonna have a hard time thinking about all the options and you're gonna be really attached emotionally because maybe you're concerned about the people who may be impacted by your decision maybe you're managing that somebody's gonna be disappointed or hurt by what you need to do for you this is when the power of objectivity is really important pick somebody that you really admire I mean it could be somebody like a Bill Gates or a Richard Branson or an Oprah winfrey or maybe have a mentor and stop yourself and ask what would Oprah do in this situation what would Richard Branson do in this situation what would your mentor do in this situation bringing that level of third-party objectivity will yank you out of your body in your emotions and it will help you give yourself the perspective that you need and the distance from your emotions so that you can actually assess your options and make the best decision for you what would Mel do if Mel were making this decision the best decision you know there's a really interesting example of somebody who did this in sports and at the time he actually got a lot of flack for it it was LeBron James now LeBron James as you know played for the Cleveland Cavaliers for a really really long time and he's arguably one of the best basketball players to ever hit the NBA so he made this announcement that he was going to leave the Cleveland Cavaliers where he had been playing for ever had rabbit rabbit fans he was gonna leave them and go to Miami Miami Heat that was the conclusion you woke up with this morning that was the conclusion I woke up this morning he was giving an interview to ESPN and what he said was this he said LeBron James needs to do what's best for LeBron James now people kind of laughed at him because it's a funny way to say the sentence but this guy's really smart he was leveraging the power of objectivity Mel Robbins needs to learn how to do what's best for Mel Robbins and you need to learn how to do what's best for you and rule number 10 the last one before a very special bonus clip is write things down I think I'm stuck one is that I have a bazillion ideas about things that I can create and do in courses and trainings and la-de-da-de-da who can relate and so actually moving from the idea and even creating the whole curriculum and all of that to actually making it happen yeah and doing so I have a cool strategy that I use and I hope that works for you so I carry a little notebook and I actually borrowed this from Chris because when we lived in New York City he used to carry around a notebook like this size and whenever he had an idea he'd just jot it down then he'd stick it in his back pocket and it was just full of all kinds of stuff so I carry around a notebook and this one's new so it doesn't really have much in it as ideas come I just jot it down in that notebook and then what happens for me is I get anxiety because I'm afraid that I'm gonna forget the idea then that anxiety makes me get distracted and unfocused and overwhelmed and so I think if you were to have a little notebook on you at all times and when those creative juices and those impulses go that you jot them down that's gonna remove one layer of the over oil now I've got a really special bonus clip on how to not let your friends stop your growth but before that it's time for the three-point landing questions time to move from just watching another video to actually taking action in your life or in your business and if you're feeling bold answer these questions in the comments below here we go question number one how will you win the morning starting tomorrow number two what's the push that you need to give yourself and number three what's the biggest lesson from this video that you will write down if you have friends that make you wrong for changing your life for the better that's their issue it's not yours and so you got to untangle the fact that they have baggage about getting in shape or they have baggage about going to the bar that's theirs and it has nothing to do with the decisions that you're making so if your friends in general give you blowback for changing for the better what you need to say in the back of your mind is interesting they're obviously very conflicted about their choice to go to the bar and drink every night but that has nothing to do with me here's the other thing you can do if they start to make you wrong you can say well you want to go to plan a fit which was me instead it doesn't sound like you want to be at the bar so that said let me talk to you a little bit about friends friends are people that you care about and I have this test I call it the funeral test if somebody in your life were to die ask yourself would I go to their funeral if the answer is yes their friend of yours that's the test for whether or not in my opinion someone is a friend because it means you care about them now here's the other thing about friendship that I want you to understand you can care about somebody and not like hanging out with them and that's the situation that you're in right now that you have plenty of friends that you care about if they were to die you would go to their funeral if they needed you you would be there if you saw them you'd be happy to see them but you don't like to hang out with them the other thing that I want you to think about is that and that's okay that's like a normal part of friendship and the reason why that's a normal part of friendship is because one of the things that we know about life is that you're always going to be changing in the old pattern and the old chapter you had certain patterns right in the old chapter of your life you would go to the bar and drink you would go to the store and spend money you didn't have you're in a new chapter now and so you have different patterns when your life takes on different patterns whether it's you're no longer going to the bar you're going to the gym the pattern might even be that one of your kids is playing with a different soccer team or maybe you've moved to a different Street in your town when the patterns change so will your circle of friends it's a fact of life but that doesn't mean your old friends the ones that used to drink with aren't friends anymore it just means that you don't want to with them you still care about them but you don't like doing what they do the patterns have changed for a long time I had a lot of drama around this until I realized that it's not personal it's not personal that you don't want to hang out with them patterns in your life have simply changed the final thing that I want to leave you with that may also help you is that remember I've given you the funeral test if you'd go to their funeral they're definitely a friend it means you care about them but you might not like hanging out with them that much and that's cool that's normal the other thing that I want you to think about when it comes to friendships is you can typically put friends into three buckets you got friends for a reason you got friends for a season and you have friends for a lifetime and one of the interesting things that I know about my own life is that as the patterns of my life change so do the friends that I hang out with more frequently and I also believe that as you change and the patterns in your life change people show up in your life for a reason the right people will show up when you start going to the gym the right people that you need for the pattern that you're in right now will start showing up when you're working on your project instead of shopping and it's exactly the kind of people that you need they're there for a reason and the Friends of yours that are friends of yours for a lifetime I bet you don't hang out with them that much at all anyway but I bet they're the first person that you call when you need to talk to somebody about somebody important those are the friends for a lifetime and those folks that are still sitting at the bar and love to blow money that they don't have those were friends for a season raise your standard Apple at the core its core values is that passion [Music] not one drop of myself work depends on your acceptance of me if you liked this video I want more mail check out the top 50 rules video we did on her the link is right there next to me I think you'll enjoy it continue to believe and I'll see you there our minds are designed to stop you at all costs from doing anything that might hurt you

Channel: Evan Carmichael

Views: 426,739

Keywords: entrepreneur, mel robbins top 10 rules for success, mel robbins, life advice, career advice, how to make it in life, mel robbins motivation, success motivation, success advice, mel robbins advice, mel robbins interview, mel robbins speech, best of mel robbins, motivational speaker, life coach, take action even when you doubt yourself - mel robbins, entrepreneur motivation, entrepreneurship, break the habit of procrastination

Id: tOt_Y-2IknI

Length: 23min 15sec (1395 seconds)

Published: Tue Oct 23 2018