Bill Bryson - Cricket (In a Sunburned Country - Read by the Author)

the Stuart Highway begins near wagga wagga 100 miles or so west of Canberra and crosses broad flat dust brown sheep country known as the Riverina an area of plains cut by the fidgety meanderings of the Murrumbidgee River it provides a perfect demonstration in three dimensions of how swiftly you can be in the middle of nowhere in Australia one minute I was in a calmly world of paddocks Meadows and pale green hills with little country town scattered at reliably accommodating intervals and the next I was alone in an almost featureless nowhere a disc of brown earth under a dome of blue sky with only an occasional gum interposed between the two such habitations as I passed through weren't really communities at all but just a couple of houses into gas station occasionally a pub and eventually even they all but ceased between nur and aura the last outpost of civilization and Baal Renauld the next lay 200 miles of highway without a town or hamlet on it every hour or so I would pass a lonely road house a gas station with an attached cafe of the sort known in the happy binocular of Australia as a chew in spew and occasionally an earthen tract bumping off to a distant unseen sheep station otherwise nothing as if to emphasise the isolation all the area radio stations began to abandon me one by one their signals faltered and all those smoky voices so integral to Australian airwaves Vic Damone Mel Torme Frank Sinatra at the mindless height of his dooby-doo phase faded away as if being drawn by some heavy gravity back into the hole from which they had escaped eventually the radio dial presented only an uninterrupted cats hiss of static but for one clear spot near the end of the dial at first I thought that's all it was just an empty clear spot but then I realised I could hear the faint shiftings and stirrings have seated people and after quite a pause a voice calm and reflective said pilchard begins his long run in from shorts dumped he balls and oh he's out yes he's got him Willie is caught leg before in middle slops by Gratton well now what do you make of that novel that's definitely one for the books Bruce I don't think I've seen offside medium slow fast-paced bowling to match it since Baden Powell took ranga changabang go for a maiden ovary at Bangalore in 1948 I had stumbled into the surreal and rewarding world of cricket on the radio after years of patient study and with cricket there can be no other kind I have decided that there is nothing wrong with the game that the introduction of golf carts wouldn't fix in a hurry it is not true that the English invented cricket is a way of making all other human endeavors look interesting and lively that was merely an unintended side effect I don't wish to denigrate a sport that is enjoyed by millions some of them awake and facing the right way but it is an art game it is the only sport that incorporates meal breaks it is the only sport that shares its name with an insect it is the only sport in which spectators burn as many calories as players more if they are moderately restless it is the only competitive activity of any type other than perhaps baking in which you can dress in white from head to toe and be as clean at the end of the day as you were at the beginning imagine a form of baseball in which the pitcher after each delivery collects the ball from the catcher and walks slowly with it out to centerfield and that there after a minute's pause to collect himself he turns and runs full tilt towards the pitcher's mound before hurling the ball at the ankles of a man who stands before him wearing a riding hat heavy gloves of the sort used to handle radioactive isotopes and a mattress strapped to each leg imagine moreover that if this batsman fails to hit the ball in a way that heartens him sufficiently to try to waddle 40 feet with mattresses strapped to his legs he is under no formal compunction to run he may stand there all day and as a rule does if by some miracle he is coaxed into making a missed rope that leads to his being put out all the fielders throw up their arms in triumph and have a hug then T is called and everyone retires happily to a distant pavilion to fortify for the next siege now imagine all this going on for so long that by the time the match concludes autumn has crept in and all your library books are overdue there you have cricket but it must be said there is something in comparably soothing about cricket on the radio it has much the same virtues as baseball on the radio an unhurried pays a comforting devotion to abstruse statistics and thoughtful historical rumination exhilarating micro moments of real action but stretched across many more hours and with the lushness of terminology and restful elegance of expression that even baseball cannot match this mean to cricket on the radio is like listening to two men sitting in a rowboat on a large placid lake on a day when the fish aren't biting it's like having a nap without losing consciousness it actually helps not to know quite what's going on in such a rarefied world of contentment and inactivity comprehension would become a distraction so here comes stovepipe to ball on this glorious summer's afternoon at the Melbourne Cricket Ground one of the commentators was saying now I wonder if he'll chance an offside drop scone here or go for the quick leg over stovepipe has an unusual delivery and that he actually leaves the grounds and starts his run just outside the Carlton and United brewery at Kooyong that's right Clive I haven't known anyone start his delivery that far back since stopcock caught his sleeve on the reversing mirror of a number 11 bus during the third Test at Brisbane in 1957 and ended up at goondiwindi four days later Oh into some frightful confusion over change timetable at Toowoomba Junction after a very long silence while they absorbed this thought and possibly stepped out to transact some small errands they resumed with a leisurely discussion of the England fielding knees Denis it appeared was turning in a solid performance at square bowel while packet had been a stalwart in the dribbles though even these exemplary performances paled when satisfied the outstanding player of young heute waned buttocks at middle nipple the commentators were in calm agreement that they'd not seen anyone caught behind with such panache since tandoori took Rogan Josh for a stiffy at vindaloo in 61 at last stovepipe having found his way over the railway line in Flinders Street the footbridge was evidently closed for painting returned to the stadium and bowled too hasty who deftly turned the ball away for a corner this was repeated four times more over the next two hours and then one of the commentators pronounced so as we break for second luncheon and with 11,200 balls remaining Australia 962 for two not half and England are four for a duck and hoping for rain I may not have all the terminology exactly right but I believe I have caught the flavor of it in the motel I dumped my bag and reflexively switched on the TV it came up on the cricket and I sat on the foot of the bed and watched it with unwonted absorption for some minutes needless to say very little was happening on the field an official in a white coat was chasing after a blown piece of paper and several of the players were examining the ground by the stumps evidently looking for something I couldn't think what but then one of the commentators noticed that England had just lost a wicket so I supposed it was that after a time a lanky young man in the outfield who had been polishing a ball on his pant leg is it about to take a bite from it broke into a low ping run at length he hurled the ball at the distant batter who insouciantly lifted his bat an inch from the ground and putted it back to him these motions were scrupulously replicated three times more then the commentator said and so at the end of the 450 second over as we break for afternoon nap England have increased their total to 17 so still quite a lot of work for them to do if they're going to catch Australia before fourth snag

Channel: Jerr Derr

Views: 2,814

Rating: 5 out of 5

Keywords: Outback, Australia, Bill Bryson, Down Under, in a sunburned country, sunburned, author, cricket, radio

Id: pjguEc__aHg

Length: 8min 20sec (500 seconds)

Published: Thu Oct 05 2017