I'd like to call upon myself,
Your Honor. Awesome. Which of your esteemed
co-counsels will examine you? My father, Lenny Koufax. What? Forget it, Sonny. What is going on? Your Honor,
there is nobody in this world who thinks I shouldn't have a child
more than that man back there. He also happens to be
a well-respected lawyer in Florida. Si I figure if I can make
a believer out of him, I can make a believer out
of everybody in this court. Objection Your Honor,
this court is after the truth, not the opinion of
the defendant's father. You want my opinion? My son is a moron. I withdraw my objection.
Please proceed. Mr. Koufax! This is a big mistake, Sonny. And the reason I came today to make
sure you didn't end up in jail for this. That was nice of you. Thank you. To do what I think is right here. Okay. When this is over,
get your fingernails cut. They're too long. Okay, Dad. Your Honor, this case is simple. It is absurd to think that Sonny Koufax
is ready to raise a child. - Objection!
- Shut up, Tommy. Sorry, Mr. Koufax. First of all, how did... ...this sweet little boy, Julian,
end up under your supervision? I told Social Services
that my name was Kevin Gerrity. Of course,
you are not Kevin Gerrity. No. - So you lied.
- Yes. Like the time I found a bag of pot
in your drawer... ...and you said you thought
they were pencil shavings. Yeah. And remember called
you up and told you that your Aunt Fay was
coming to New York... ...and I wanted you
to show her the city? And you said that you had
better things to do, did you? That's right. Now I'm curious. Just what were
those better things that you had to do? Jethro Tull had a reunion concert
in New Jersey, so I caught that. And what happened to
Aunt Fay that weekend? She died. Yes, she did. By any chance,
did you happen to make it to her funeral? No. Why not? I went to Jones Beach,
got drunk and fell asleep. Hell, yes! Some role model. Yeah. Your Honor... ...my son doesn't have health insurance. He doesn't know how to boil an egg. He filed for social security
at the age of 30. He is a drain on the economy,
on the country... ...and most of all, on me! Your Honor... ...to give this young man... ...custody over another life
is not only wrong... ...it's insane. I love you. What? You don't be scared. It's all right. What are you talking
about? I'm not scared. If I get custody of Julian,
I'll be his father forever. And that scares you because you
think there's a good chance I might fail. Sonny, it's more than a chance.
It's a certainty. You're wrong, Dad. You can be scared that I might get
pickpocketed in a bad neighborhood... ...or break my legs skiing. But don't be scared
about me being a dad, because I will not
fail at that. I can't. I love this kid too much. I love him as much as
you love me, Dad. I'm gonna give him advice
and I'm gonna guide him... ...and I'll be there
whenever he needs me. I'll fly to New York to be
at his court case... ...even if I disagree with why
he's there in the first place. But, Sonny, you work in a tollbooth. Don't be scared about me making money. I am in love with a beautiful
girl who makes plenty of it. She'll be my sugar mama. I gotta get me one of those. I know this is the right thing
because I would die for this kid... ...just so he won't feel
one ounce of sadness. That's why you're here right now,
to protect me, to be scared for me... ...to be a good father. And that's exactly what I'm gonna be. Hello, Dad? Yeah, I just wanted to say I love you. Hi, Mom? Could you put Dad
on the phone for a second? Can I borrow that when you're done? Your Honor... ...my son deserves this kid. I love you too, sir. Mr. Koufax... ...the fact is
you kidnapped this child. Not only shouldn't you get custody... ...but since you obtained him
by defrauding the State of New York... ...you should be in jail. Bailiff, remand him until
I can figure out the punishment. - Your Honor, I think...
- Wait. You can't take him away. As that boy's father,
I refuse to press charges. Oh, God. Corinne, I'm sorry. Six years ago, Joe Carter... Joe Carter? Toronto and the Phillies, you know.
World Series. Mitch Williams...
We flew up for the night. There was a girl. Oh, God. I'm an idiot. I was so hammered. Chicken wings, Molson 3-0.
Canadian beer is like moonshine. Hell, yes. Sonny, you remember?
It was at that Toronto Hooters. Oh yeah. That was before he met you.
That Hooters thing is a coincidence. I'm sorry, Corinne. I know this changes everything,
but I had to do the right thing. Mr. Castellucci. I... Pending a blood test, I... Whatever. The court grants custody to Kevin
Gerrity, pending the DNA test results. I want you to be my dad, Sonny. I know. I do too, pal. But I'm not sure that can happen
exactly the way we want it. Because it seems you
already have a daddy. But I'll tell you what I can do. I can be your friend, no matter what.
All right? I'll always be your friend. I'll always be your family.
I'll always be around. I promise.
