[DRAMATIC CHORAL MUSIC] Hi everybody. It's time for my top 10 movies of the year. Number 10... um... ...uh, Captain America: Civil War. Captain America: Civil War was really good, it had fun action, it was good. Number 9... Finding Dory. Finding Dory was really good, it was funny and I liked- it was good. Doctor Strange is number 8. I really liked.. uh... it was good. YEAH? WHAT? I'M RECORDING MY REVIEW-- -and then Ghostbusters was really good, and Suicide Squad's number.... what am I up to? It was really good. I liked it. It was funny. It was good. Hacksaw Ridge is really good. That's number 3. Is that what we're up to? Batman v. Superman's number 2. I liked it. It was solid. It was funny, it was good. [SNORTS AND LAUGHS] [CONTINUED GIGGLING] So... um... The sound quality was very echoey in there so I decided to move in here Number 3: Kubo and the Two Strings! I saw it with my little brother, it was really, really good! Number two... um... so... Number... my favourite movie... So yeah, the sound quality wasn't good in there either, so... I moved here. Now the sound is pretty good. The lighting isn't optimal. But, y'know, what can you do? Try'na... So if I put my head... I just have to sit like this the whole time. Which I can do. So number one movie of the year for me was Star Wars: Rogue One. Star Wars: Rogue One... was... a fun... movie. The cinematography was good... Um... it was good. Y'know now that I'm thinking about it I could've recorded this on my iPhone, it probably would've been better. No one should put up with watching a video like this. Unless the person making it is a moderately attractive whiny 20-year-old female. OOOHOHO NOOHOHO, I didn't mean that, it was a joke, she's not whiny, her videos are great. And... ...she's more than moderately attractive, but... ...she can... ...she can buy a camera. She can buy a camera. Her dad owns a camera. Like, he can just give her a ca-- [DRAMATIC CHORAL MUSIC] Happy New Year, everybody!! It's time for the Top 10 Movies of 2016! Yeah, 2016 wasn't the BEST year... Lotta pretty bad movies came out, Donald Trump was elected President, PPFFSSSCHHHH. But hey, at least we killed a few cops! [SLOW MOTION PPFFSSSCHHHH] Number 10 on my Top 10 List of 20... ...16! Is-- [TTS VOICE: Patriot's Day.] TTS VOICE:
Patriot's Day offers a stirring, solidly crafted tribute TTS VOICE:
to the heroes of a real-life American tragedy TTS VOICE:
without straying into exploitative action thriller territory. RALPH:
I watched this movie twice - once with my mom. It has my mom's Seal of Approval! Too bad I didn't. Number 7 is Star Wars: Rogue One! Okay. I'm not gonna hold my opinion... above anyone else's. 'Cause I'm just a dude. Right? But if you're gonna make a Top 10 list... ...can you at least TRY to see everything? Of course people are gonna say, "Oh, this was one of the worst years in cinema history!" You're gonna say that if you didn't see shit! This year was great for movies! Every year is great for movies! Always has been, always will be! There's always gonna be great movies coming out. If you don't choose to watch them, or even seek them out, then of course your Top 10 list isn't gonna look great! I understand people like Star Wars: Rogue One. We'll talk about Star Wars: Rogue One. I liked it too! It doesn't belong on a Top 10 list! It has problems! I can name ten other movies that came out this year that are better than Star Wars: Rogue One. What is the best movie of the year, if not Star Wars: Rogue One? Well... ...let's talk about that. 'Sup, sexy? Gotta change my username to 'ralphthesexsymbol'. Maybe then YouTube'll verify my fucking channel. Maybe then they'll put the Nutshack video back up, who knows? Anything can happen. I'm gonna talk about my best-of-the-year list in just a second, but before we do, I'm gonna put up a list of every single movie I recommend this year. This is it. This is every movie I would give a 7/10 or above. The ones highlighted in yellow... are my top ten. Everything else that isn't on there is basically a 6/10 or below. So before we discuss the Top 10 - - I'm gonna break this review up into segments, of course - - let's go into segment one. Talking about the movie that everyone wants me to talk about. Ro-- [LOUD STAR WARS REMIX] I liked Rogue One. I think it gets a lot of things right, a lot of things that The Force Awakens didn't get right. And I think Force Awakens did a lot of good things that Rogue One didn't do right. I like them about the same. I admire that Rogue One took risks. It was darker than most Star Wars films. The action sequences, especially the one at the end, was very well done. I saw it more as a war/action movie... than I did a Star Wars science fiction fantasy film. And I think that works for Star Wars - I would like to see more Star Wars films like that, where it's, um... it's just a completely different genre, set in the same universe. I love Darth Vader in it, I think Darth Vader is the only fanservice that works in it. And I think if they had integrated him more into the plot, it would've worked better. The visual effects in it are great. 'Cause nothing ever looked fake to me. There was especially this scene where two Star Destroyers collide. It looks great! I don't know if they did it with models, or what... but there was a lot of attention to detail, in worldbuilding, and the aesthetics of... uh, how everything looked. The characters in this movie are SUPER weak. You GET them - you understand, like, what they want, and what they're trying to do, but you don't get time with them to really flesh out... who they are, and they don't have that comradery, or that... push that makes them want to go, "I wanna die for this cause", you know? It was just a bunch of people... and... they all [SPOILER] I mean, that works for certain kinds of movies, but the thing is, the pacing... in the first half of the movie, is really weak. 'Cause it focuses a lot on them. And you're supposed to care about them, and you don't. Again, with some of the character stuff, I admire the risks they were taking, 'cause one of them's just an asshole. But the problem is... besides that very simple "I'm willing to do anything for the rebellion", he doesn't do anything. And the actor who plays him sucks. A lot of the acting was 'eh' in this. "That's not the point- (grunt) where'd you get it?" "I found it?" "I find that answer vague and unconvincing." "...Trust goes both ways." If you're a Star Wars fan, I'd say it's a 7. For me, it was a 7/10. But... I don't- the script is very weak. And the actors are very weak. And if you aren't invested in this universe already, I can see it being a 6. I would've liked it if there was, like, an alien in the group. No, not- not like that! Like, uh... uh, this guy, or this guy. Or like one of these things, or the devil guy from Star Wars: A New Hope. Anyway, before this gets any more racist, let's just move on. These are the best films I've seen all year. Um, I cannot guarantee you'll like all of them, but they're all interesting. There's no denying that. Green Room. A really suspenseful, well-done horror film. "I know where we... keep--" [GUNSHOT] [cries of shock] It's the most violent, disturbing, depressing movie I've seen all year. Really well-shot and acted, the only thing holding it back from being something great... is the fact that none of the characters are likable. And they all mumble constantly. Which works for the realism, gotta give them that. Doesn't make for an entertaining movie though. Captain America: Civil War. It's my favorite summer blockbuster I saw all year. It's my favorite superhero movie I saw all year. It doesn't break new ground... but it's entertaining, it's funny. The characters all have something to do. The dynamic between Captain America, and Bucky, and Iron Man is great. The action is fantastic, maybe the best action sequences in all of Marvel. It's just an entertaining movie. Nothing more, nothing less. It's not smart. It... it has tonal problems. It could stand to be cut a little. But it's a lot of fun. Florence Foster Jenkins, Meryl Streep plays a bitch that can't sing. "[piano]" "Laaaaa...." "..laAAAaaaAAAaa..." "...aaaaaAAAAaaaaa..." "..aaaAAAAAAA--" And Hugh Grant, her husband, basically manipulates... everyone around her, into pretending that they like her.... to feed her ego, and make her feel happy about herself. 'Cause she has a, a terminal illness. All of the performances in it were great. Especially Hugh Grant, who is the heart and soul of the movie. He's kind of a shitty human being, but you understand him. And you can admire his attempt to make his wife... feel a little happy. "Yeah yeah. [claps]" "Maestro..." "It is true that a lot of things in my age..." "are on the decline," "but I seem to just get better and better." At first you don't like him at all, 'cause you think he's just married to this woman to get money from her and then that's it. But you learn that there's a lot more to their relationship than that. And... the movie... is so well-done. Meryl Streep is always great, of course, and the guy from Big Bang Theory, which I fucking hate, is actually very good in it. "OooooOOOOOoooh..." "Raise the soft palette..." "OOOOH..." "OO-OOO-OOO..." It's nothing mind-blowing, it's not doing anything different, and it's kind of cheesy, a little bit. But I think the movie earns it. And I think, in the end, it had an impact. It was funny, it was heart-warming, it was well-done. Yadda-yadda-yadda, all that shit. Eye in the Sky. This is a movie just about a bunch of people in a bunch of different rooms, um, doing a drone strike on a building. And it's one of the most enthralling, and suspenseful movies I've seen all year. 'Cause when you do something like that, it's not just, 'you shoot the missile and kill the terrorist'. There is... damage to be considered. There are civilians around that you could hurt. And you have to wait for them to pass by. The morality of the United States could be questioned, when doing a drone strike like that. IF they kill civilians, it could be used as propaganda by terrorists. There's a lot going on here, and all of the performances are really good. Uh, Helen Mirren... plays a woman who really doesn't give a fuck, about the repercussions... of shooting the building. Whereas Aaron Paul, along with some other girl, I don't know her name, but they are more emotional and sympathetic of the bystanders. The only problems I have with it are, like, some sound design... some special effects, and the fact that the music was bad. But that's it. Hunt for the Wilderpeople. This movie certainly has a lot of flaws, its biggest flaw is that it's trying to be Up, mixed with a Wes Anderson movie. And this movie isn't even close to the quality, of a Wes Anderson movie, or Up. But that being said, it was so much fun to watch. I enjoyed the twisted sense of humor this movie had, where it was basically a kids movie, most of the time. The movie involves an old man, and a little boy, going out into the woods, and exploring. And... everyone thinks... the old man is molesting the kid. "We got lost, I got injured, he's fine," "it was basically a holiday." "Not a real holiday, because he made me do stuff." "...Like what?" "Just stuff." "He had a sore leg, so he made me do things for him." "It was... hard at first, because my hands are so soft." "But..." "...I got used to it." "I didn't really wanna do it, but," "it was the only way to survive." "It wasn't always hard." "Sometimes I got to do my own thing." "He pretty much never joined in with me, though," "I asked if he wanted to play with me, but..." "he would just make me play with myself." And despite all its problems, it's just, so much fun. And I walked out of it really happy. And it's a movie I can see myself watching over and over and over again, with family. Uh, for a kids movie, it's probably the best one that came out this year. The music is incredible, there's some characters along the way that they meet, which are pretty funny, the villain of the film, which is like the social worker, is great. But then they meet other characters, like the cliché, uh, paranoid, UFO conspiracy theorist who wears a tin foil hat. And when characters like that show up, you're like, 'Alright. Can you cut it out,' 'with the same gimmick, again?' Can you stop with the paranoid, tin foil hat-wearing, conspiracy theorist that thinks the government is watching him all the time? It got old ten years ago. Stop doing it. When Roland Emmerich does it... it's time to stop doing it. 'Kay, now we're at the top 10. Number 10 is a documentary called Tower. It's about a shooting, that happened, in Austin, Texas, a college campus, in 1966. I didn't know anything about this, so I went into this movie cold. And basically, because it happened so long ago, they hardly had any footage of it. So the movie... is completely animated. So instead of cutting to footage, they just animate what happened. And, first of all, I've never seen a documentary ever do this. I'm sure there has to have been a documentary that's done this before, I've just never seen it. "--pparently police are returning the fire now." "My mission was to get into the tower." [GUNSHOT] [GUNSHOT] "There was a guy on top of the tower," "and he's shooting." "Shooting at people." "We didn't know who was being killed." It's one of the most intense things I've seen all year, the music is great, the editing, holy fuck! If you're an editor, you have to watch this movie. 'Cause the way this movie is paced, especially from the first, like, hour and ten minutes or so, is PERFECT. One great thing about the movie, too, is it never focused on the killer. They didn't even show the sniper. They just... the only picture they showed of him was a picture of him as a kid. Now, number 10 and number 9 are kind of tied for me, since they're both documentaries, and I basically like them both equally. Number 9 is a documentary called Tickled. This fucking movie... is sick. I can't say anything else, 'cause that gives it away. All you need to know about Tickled, is that it's about professional... tickling. Which is a sport, apparently. "[laughter]" "[laughter]" "[laughter]" And that, it turns into... one of the sickest... crime thrillers I've seen in a while. The dude who made this documentary basically stumbled across this whole epidemic, by accident. At first thinking it's a joke, and at first thinking that it's the funniest thing in the world, which it is. "[cries of laughter]" "...Oh God... [laughter]" But as the movie goes on, the laughs die down, and about halfway through, everyone's basically really uncomfortable watching. It's so good. "My God... oh my God-" Number 8 is Arrival. The movie is kind of cheesy, there are moments where Amy Adams is with her daughter, there's this one shot in particular... where, like, she's young, and she goes: "[whispers] I love you." "I hate you!" I don't know why, but that was just hilarious to me. It's just bad editing, I guess. And there's some cheesy lines in it, and some cheesy scenes. And the effects in this film aren't very good. Especially Amy Adams' hair, when it's in zero-gravity, it was so bad. Besides that, though, this film is great. It's smart science fiction. The movie is less about an alien invasion, and less about a bunch of military people shooting at a UFO, kind of like another fucking awful movie we'll talk about, and it's more about communication - it's about... loss of life, it's about what your life means. It's about choices you make in life, even if you know that the outcome won't be great. It's about so many other things. And the movie is so smart, about how it handles it. The acting is great from everybody, uh, especially Amy Adams - who... really had a breakout year. I mean, between this, and Nocturnal Animals, and... Batman v. Superman, where she played the memorable character of Lois Lane. "I just don't know if it's possible..." "Don't know if what's possible?" "For you to love me and be you." The music in this movie is amazing, one of the best scores all year. And just the twist ending - It's not a 'Gotcha!' kind of ending, where they're like: 'Oh, see??' 'We tricked you, look how smart we are!!' 'That we tricked you into thinking this thing, but it's actually this thing...' 'Don't you feel stupid?' 'You didn't see this coming!' Of course you don't see it coming, 'cause how could you? But it's not a twist ending like that, it's a twist that makes you go: 'Wow, what would I do in that situation?' Another thing I love about this movie is what it doesn't show - as cheesy as this movie is, they could've shown a lot more, and it could've been a lot more cheesy. But they didn't, and I commend it for that. Moonlight. It's a gay black boys movie, I talked about this already. The Witch. The best horror movie I've seen in a while. It's better than It Follows. Um, the only complaints I have with it... is that there's, like, two... two or three things in the movie that made me laugh, unintentionally. That's my fault, though, it's not the movie's fault. I didn't like the color palette of it, it looked like raw footage you get from a camera. It's like they didn't color-correct it at all. All of the acting is... damn near flawless. Especially the child actors, who... who were the best actors in the whole thing. Especially those two little fucking brats, I don't remember their names, but they're brats. I fucking hate them. I think the less I say about this movie, the better, and I think... I'll leave it at this: ...it's good! Manchester by the Sea. Um... this is the most depressing thing i've seen all year. Did I say that about Green Room? "It's the most violent, disturbing, depressing movie I've seen all year." Well, I take it back, 'cause um... 'cause this is. Green Room is second, though. Close second. Manchester by the Sea... is about a man, struggling with depression. I heard what the movie's about, like, from... other people. And, they said it's, like, 'Oh, it's this guy,' 'who has to take care of his nephew,' 'because his father died,' 'and at first they don't get along,' 'but as time goes on, they get along.' 'And, by the end of it, they're best friends,' 'and they love each other...' Um, that's what I thought was gonna happen. "All my friends are here. I got two girlfriends, and I'm in a band." "You're a janitor in Quincy." "What the hell do you care where you live?" Then the movie... plays out, and about 30 minutes in, I'm like, 'Oh, that's not what this is at all.' And it broke my heart constantly. The pacing is so slow, But it's- it's deliberate. It's not a mistake. The fact that this movie, some people say, is boring, isn't an accident. It really puts you in the shoes of this guy, and you just want this guy to find some happiness, you know? But he can't. And the movie, it does a great job of constantly subverting your expectations, about how a movie like this should play out. And there's constantly things, that his nephew throws at him, to make his life better. 'Oh, here's a girl you can hang out with,' 'and maybe you could, uh, romance her.' But he doesn't. 'Maybe we can rebuild Dad's old boat,' 'and go out in the ocean and fish, like we used to.' But he doesn't. All of the acting in this movie is phenomenal, especially Casey Affleck and Michelle Williams, who give really layered, complicated performances. It's a very funny movie too, I'm talking about how depressing it is, but there's lots of great comedy in it. And it all stems from characters, it doesn't feel forced or awkward. It all works. It's such a great movie. Number 4 is The Lobster, I've talked about this, um, an extensive amount. Sad it couldn't be number 1, it was my number 1 movie for a long time this year, but I saw three other movies that were better. But Lobster... still, man, it's the funniest fuckin' movie I've seen all year. Number 3: La La Land. Sure, it's a story we've seen done a million times, and there are some technical things that we'll get into later, that bothered me. But... man, the sheer ambition of this movie, the- making a modern-day musical, with all-original music, and dozens and dozens of extras, and two actors who can't sing or dance, that you made sing and dance, - and they pull it off! There's these long musical numbers, that go on for fucking five minutes, that are all one take, with dozens of extras dancing around on a highway - and you're like 'Holy shit!' Emma Stone and Ryan Gosling, their chemistry is fantastic. Their singing and dancing is- it's not perfect. But it's good! The music in this is fucking incredible. All of it. Every single musical number was fantastic. EVEN the shitty pop song, that was supposed to be shitty in the context of the movie, I enjoyed that shit too! And I usually don't! Everything came together marvellously. It's such an emotional and powerful movie, even though it's something we've seen done before. It's a shame that, when this movie wins all the Oscars, which it will... uh, there will be a whole camp of people complaining about how it's overrated. 'Cause there's always those people. It's not a perfect movie. But it has so much heart, and you can tell the sheer amount of hard work and passion, that went into it. And it shows! it shows while you're watching it. The biggest strength and biggest weakness of this movie, is all the technical stuff. Like I said before, there's these amazing... long takes, the lighting is fantastic, it never feels like the actors are lip-synching, like, Ryan Gosling is actually playing the piano, and you can tell. But at the same time, there's technical things in this movie that don't work. Some shots are- they move around so much, they get nauseating, there are some shots that are out of focus, there is a scene, where Emma Stone and Ryan Gosling are, like, walking... and it's some of the worst dubbing I've ever seen in a movie. But besides that, there's so much great stuff in it, I can't picture anyone not enjoying this movie. By the way, number 3, number 2 and number 1 are kind of tied for me, uh, best movie of the year. It's really based on what mood I'm in. They're all basically the same, in my eyes, in terms of quality. Anyway, number 2 is Nocturnal Animals. This movie is brilliant. I don't have a single bad thing to say about it. There's one shot I don't like. That's it. There's ONE shot I don't like. The acting in this is fucking amazing, from every single cast member. INCLUDING Aaron Taylor Johnson, who I owe a fucking apology! Bland Saltine Cracker Guy, you give... one of the best performances of the year. He is the villain, and he OWNS it. Again, this isn't a movie for everybody, but I... I adored it. I adored what it was doing, I love the ambition of it, I love the fact that it's a revenge story, framed in another revenge story. I'm sure there's people who've complained about, how the movie... the most interesting aspect of it, which is Jake Gyllenhaal's story, is framed in a story, so it's not real. I loved that the movie was doing that. The story with Michael Shannon, and the murder, and Jake Gyllenhaal yelling in the desert, and Aaron Taylor Johnson, that story is fake. Doesn't exist. It's made up in the context of the movie. But so is the fuckin' movie! So is every movie! That's all every movie ever is! It's just a story made up, to convey a real emotion, that the guy making the movie wants to convey! And that's what the movie's doing! Even though Jake Gyllenhaal's story, with the revenge and the murder and the desert and Michael Shannon smoking, and Aaron Taylor Johnson on the toilet - even though none of that shit actually happened, you're still invested in that story, because that character is real. And that character went through shit, and he's conveying what he felt, through that story. Number 1 movie of the year, for me... - In theory, number 1 - Number 1 is Handmaiden. the only thing I didn't like... was an editing choice they made at the end of the movie. Everything else about this movie is flawless. The cinematography is gorgeous, the colors are stunning, the story... is, is so well-done. The director of this - I can't pronounce his fuckin' name - he is a goddamn good director. He's the guy who made Oldboy, and this has a lot in common with Oldboy, - I like this movie much better than Oldboy. But wow - all the performances, especially the two leading ladies, are fantastic. It's suspenseful, it's funny, it's sexy - it's everything you want a movie to be. And you run the whole gamut of emotions while watching it. it's a balancing act. There's so much in this movie that could've gone wrong, and none of it does. In terms of a story - just the story! - it's the best movie I've seen all year. It's just all this other stuff that props it up, on top of being a great story. The great acting, the beautiful cinematography, the music, which is great. I highly recommend watching this movie. Don't watch it with Grandma, it's not a movie for Grandma. La La Land is a movie for Grandma. Not this. By the way! Notes: I haven't seen Silence. Silence is the only movie... I cannot find anywhere. I have to go to the city to see Silence, which I can't do right now. I will see Silence at some point, and if I see it before I'm done editing this review, I will insert my thoughts here. Silence-- [TTS VOICE: is a slow and thoughtful film,] TTS VOICE:
but it pays off. TTS VOICE:
It's very well-acted and smartly-made. TTS VOICE:
There are some technical things that were bad in the film. TTS VOICE:
Overall, it's a 7-- RALPH:
--that's the best I can do. Now, in this segment, we're gonna talk about every movie I saw last year. Every single one. Excluding the ones we already talked about. Deadpool. Deadpool, I reviewed it already, but I liked it. I more admired it than I enjoyed it. I admired that it was rated R, I admired that it was very violent, and disgusting, and it had nudity, and sex, and all this shit you never see in superhero movies. The problem was the story, was- it was almost nonexistant. It was just a revenge story. And a lot of the jokes didn't make me laugh, and I found the look of it to be ugly, and I think sometimes Deadpool got annoying. Everything is there to make a great movie, they just don't succeed... in making something great, and I think the next movie, they're gonna learn from their mistakes, and they're gonna make something great. And I'm excited to see it. 10 Cloverfield Lane. It was, um... it was good. Most of it was, anyway. The first ten minutes, and the last ten minutes, are fucking awful. The first ten minutes are like a student film, where there's no sound, and it's, like, this generic stock piano music playing, and then, the last 10 minutes, it turns into this dumb Hollywood blockbuster, where she has to fight off an alien, and then the alien eats her car, and she starts flying in the air, and she makes a Molotov cocktail in her car, and throws it in the alien's mouth, and then the thing blows up. And that ruined the movie for me. Everything in between was amazing. John Goodman gives one of the best performances of the year, it's a shame he won't get recognition for it, because he's incredible in it. The other two actors as well, Mary Elizabeth Winstead and the guy with the beard, they're both really good as well. But John Goodman just has this... prescence. Sometimes he's a likable guy, and you feel bad for him, and he can be sensitive and kind, but at other times he's just this really creepy, ruthless murderer. And you're like, 'Holy fuck, I don't know how to feel about him.' And the story itself, uh, the unfolding of events, how they escape the shelter, is all really well-done. It's really suspenseful. And it's a shame... that... it was ruined, by two fucking awful scenes. Saw Zootopia too. I liked Zootopia. Um, the best thing about it, was the script, which I was shocked by. It had a really clever noir script. The animation was beautiful, it was very funny. For a kids movie, I think it's one of the best of the year. But as a movie, it's... it has many problems. I think a lot of the pacing is kind of bad, toward the second to third act. There's one obvious reveal in the movie, that's so obvious, you're like... '...Really?' I've talked about the structure of movies before, where, the second act into the third act, you have to have the characters split up. And, in this movie, the characters split up, and come back together for really no reason. They just do it because, the- the script says so. There's an action sequence in this movie that's kinda fun, but it's pointless. The music in this movie's pretty bad, especially that awful... is it Shakira? Is that her name? I don't know this shit. Her song keeps playing in the movie, and it's so irritating, 'cause it's like this great scene, where she's entering the city, and I'd really like some score music there, - good score music, anyway - and instead, they're playing some annoying Shakira song. And then at the end of the movie, they have a dance number, and you're like, 'Oh God, just stop with this shit, will ya?' [MUSIC: Shakira - Try Everything] [GUNSHOT] [cries of shock] Hardcore Henry I've reviewed before, I liked it. It's a movie that you can tell everyone had fun making, and I had fun watching it. Batman v. Superman, we talked enough about that shit. Space Cop. I count Space Cop as a real movie, 'cause I paid for it. I wanted to give it the benefit of the doubt, and if it was a good movie, I'd- I'd give it a good review, but... ...it's not a good movie. It's actually terrible. 13 Hours was the Michael Bay movie, that came out, about Benghazi. And for a Michael Bay movie, it's not bad. It still has dumb humor, that panders to the lowest common denominator. It still has this dumb forced patriotism, where they constantly show the American flag. It has dumb characters that constantly talk about how much they love their kids, love their wife, and love their family. He basically puts a Post-It on their heads saying, 'This character's gonna die!' And in situations where it should be terrifying... war, and you should feel suspense, instead, Michael Bay decides to, y'know, film it like it's a cool action movie. He does the same shot he does in every movie, where a fuckin' missile, or mortar or something, goes up in the air, and it follows the mortar all the way back down to the ground as it blows up. Like, can you stop doing the same - - fuckin' - shots, every movie? It's like that shot he does all the time where it swerves around the room, and then it goes through a wall, and it just circles around and around and around, and it goes through some hole, that shouldn't really be there and doesn't make any sense why there'd be a hole there. But as an action movie, it works fine. It did everything it had to do, I guess. And I enjoyed it. X-Men Apocalypse... what a, what a gigantic piece of shit this was. The effects are awful, the villain is dumb, Jennifer Lawrence looked like she didn't give a fuck, throughout the entire thing. "You're not kids anymore..." "...you're not students..." "...you're X-Men." The script is stupid, and doesn't make any sense, Magneto's story, where his family dies, is cheesy as hell, the tone constantly shifts from this really dark movie, where kids are dying, to this fun light-hearted action movie where Quicksilver is gonna run through the Xavier mansion, and save everybody, as Sweet Dreams plays. We just saw a character die! And then you cut to Quicksilver- "SWEET DREAMS ARE MADE OF THEEESE-" Just... shit. Gods of Egypt. Holy fuck, speaking of bad special effects. This movie fails on basically every level. It was... it was TERRIBLE. The acting is bad, I think- the kid from Blue Lagoon was in it! That's right! The 'oh my god I can't believe it' kid is in it. And he sucks! He has a girlfriend character in it. And you get no sense of, like, what their relationship is, or why they love each other. She's- she could basically be replaced with a sexy lampshade. Wanna know what her character's name is? 'Tits'. That's her character's name, Tits. That's all she does in the movie, TITS. 'I wanna get those TITS back!' 'I'm gonna fight Zeus to get those TITS.' 'I'm gonna fight Gerard Butler to get those TITS.' That's your motivation. She doesn't have to have a character! She's just TITS! Fight for the TITS! What a pandering, fucking awful movie this was. And even worse, the director comes out and says all these critics are dumb, for giving this movie a bad review and not giving it a chance. No! Your movie fucking stinks! It has terrible effects, the characters are paper-thin, the acting is bad, the ACTION is bad. I have a Gods of Egypt shirt - I wish I brought it home, but I didn't. And I wore it during the movie, and by the end of it, I was like, 'I wanna burn this thing!' Nice Guys. Nice Guys was very good. It was funny, Russell Crowe and Ryan Gosling are a great pairing, The little girl in it, I don't know her name, but she was fantastic in it too. Very funny, very charismatic. The story was fine. And it- it followed the route of a traditional 80s action buddycop movie. Finding Dory, I talked about this already. Uh, I liked it. Didn't do anything groundbreaking, didn't do anything terrible, it was just kind of in the middle. And from Pixar, you expect something more than that. There are other animated movies coming out now, that are better than Pixar, and that take more risks than Pixar. Even Disney! The worst movie I've seen all year, maybe, the movie I walked out of the most angry, was Independence Day 2. I... hated it. From start to end, I hated it. Everything about it. The acting is fucking terrible, from every single person in it. Which is a shame, 'cause I like a lot of the actors in it, but every single actor was BAD. The visual effects are so BAD. And I think every single scene in the movie has a visual effect in it, where there's just constantly green-screen backgrounds, and characters talking in front of green-screen, the characters talking with some CGI piece of shit in the way. It looked like shit, the action was boring, 'cause you didn't give a fuck about anyone in it. And it was just stupid! Jeff Goldblum's father... is on a boat, and there's a tidal wave- a tidal wave that's, like - - this is him, and there's this giant fucking tidal wave coming. And he's like, why does he have a boat? And then he says, 'Why do I have a boat!' As if that's supposed to explain away, why this character, who we've never seen on a boat before, in two fucking movies, is now on a boat! And the tidal wave comes, and murders an ENTIRE city of people. Millions of people dead! But then... he shows up - this little guy, like, under some rubble, and he's like, 'Oh, I'm fine.' Like, how are you fine?! A fucking TYPHOON killed SIX MILLION PEOPLE! And the BALLS on them, to at the end of the movie, sequel-bait - say, like 'We'll be back for the next movie! We're gonna fight the aliens again!' Like, fuck you! No one wants to watch this fucking garbage again! It made me angry - like, how dare you, how dare you think that I'm this fucking stupid? That you could throw together this piece of shit, spend two hundred million dollars on it, and think it was good enough to put out in the theatre? Where did the money go for this? 'Cause it looked like the entire thing was shot against green-screen. I have no clue where the money went. Even the conceit of the movie, that after 20 years, we become this advanced civilization, with the alien technology, doesn't make any sense. By the end of Independence Day 1, like, the world is destroyed, the economy is in the shitter, and there's no one left. And then in 20 years, 'Oh! We're back on track again!' 'We have a base on the Moon, even though we don't need a base on the Moon.' Why would we have a base on the Moon? What is the- what do we get from the Moon? Nothing! The moon is a rock, with a bunch of dust on it. We would've colonized the moon... if we felt that the Moon was useful. But the Moon isn't useful! The moon is a hunk of shit! And its only purpose is to - is to help with the waves and the ocean. That's the only purpose it serves! Star Trek Beyond, I reviewed it already. Sausage Party was very disappointing. I like the message behind Sausage Party. It had some really funny sequences in it. There's this Saving Private Ryan-esque... uh, segment in it. It was really funny. And there's an orgy scene at the end of the movie, which was unexpected and funny. Uh... besides that, this movie sucked. I didn't laugh at all. All of the jokes essentially were, 'Look at this food curse.' "Jaysus FUCK! Oohh!" 'Isn't it funny?' "Shit!" 'The hot dog said fuck!' "Fuck!" 'Isn't that funny?' "Fucking CHILDREN-" Hell or High Water. Oh, I liked Hell or High Water a lot. I would've preferred if it had more visual flair to it, more of a style to it. I didn't like the music in it all that much, the pacing was a little slow, - not very slow, just, like... ...like, five minutes could've been cut out. But overall, it was a really well-done character study, and, uh, it was a great... ...bank-robbing, heist kind of movie. The performances from everyone are great, including - and especially - uh, Chris - I was about to say Chris Pratt. Chris Pine. All these fuckin' guys look the same to me. I don't have a lot to say about it, and I think the less I say, the better, 'cause you'll watch it, and, uh... get some enjoyment out of it. But it was a great Western. Don't Breathe. It's what Hollywood horror movies should be. And I hope more- now that this movie did very well, I hope more movies... take from this, and see what made this work. What works about it is the simplicity, the fact that it has a very good story. And you constantly switch alliances, like, who do you like more? 'Cause at first you don't like the kids at all, but then you don't like the blind guy... 'cause he kidnaps some girl. It had a really good ending, there's some really great cinematography in it, it does a great job of making you... feel claustrophobic, like you're stuck in this situation. None of the characters do anything stupid, And it's also... um, fucking disgusting, which I loved as well. I didn't think I'd see a movie this year where a girl sticks a... turkey baster full of semen in some guy's throat. The complaints I have with it are it kind of gets stupid toward the end, 'cause they have to wrap it up, - again, the turkey baster thing, is so ridiculous, and I laughed at it, but it completely takes you out of the moment, and, the... the suspense of the scene. It gets really stupid toward the end. And there's also this thing with - I won't give away too much - with this character, where you think he's dead, but then he comes back to life, and you're like, 'Oh! He isn't dead!' And then two minutes later, he dies again. And you're like, 'Oh...' '...okay. That was kind of cheap.' Like, just kill a character once. Don't do this shit where you bring a character back to life, and the five minutes later you kill him again. But aside from the stupidity, and the bad... - I won't say bad - 'not as good' third act, I enjoyed it. Doctor Strange. I thought about it a long time, and I'm stuck between giving this a 6 or a 7. Not that it matters. It's just fuckin' numbers. Who cares? But the main character is kind of unlikable, and the script is, uh, generic Marvel... 'we gotta stop the guy,' 'from doing the thing.' Saw Hacksaw Ridge. It was... incredibly cheesy. Uh, but it worked. Sam Worthington is 'beh' in it, of course Sam Worthington has to be in it, Vince Vaughn doesn't work as the drill sergeant at all. I hear a lot of people saying they liked him. I didn't. A drill sergeant in a movie, you need someone like... that fucking dude in Full Metal Jacket. "Are you shook up? Are you nervous?" "Sir! I am, sir!" "Do I make you nervous?" "Sir..." "Sir what? Are you about to call me an asshole?" "Sir! No, sir!" "How tall are you, Private?" "Sir! Five foot nine, sir!" "Five foot nine! I didn't know they stacked shit that high!" Or J.K. Simmons in Whiplash. You need that kind of... fierce, asshole, who just yells constantly, and you can't reason with. And since when does a drill sergeant go into the war, and fight with the troops he trained? Like, what? The girlfriend character, again, could just be a sexy lampshade. The real reason this movie works is - one, because of Andrew Garfield. He's a really likable person, and you get his mindset. Even if you don't agree with it, you understand what he's doing, and how important it is to him. Hugo Weaving is phenomenal in it as well, and Mel Gibson's direction... especially the second half of the movie, when they finally get to Hacksaw Ridge, - that dude knows how to direct a fuckin' war. 'Cause that scene is brutal. And I think that the movie's really cheesy for the first half, makes the second half even more brutal. The first half of thie movie's basically a PG movie. And then it gets to the war, and it's just fucking blood, and people exploding, and heads and limbs flying everywhere. It's fantastic! Even in the second half, there's some cheesy shit. I don't like how the movie ended. There's bad special effects in it - there's a scene toward the beginning when they're kids, and they stand on a mountain, and the background is green-screened. And it's like the fakest-looking thing I've ever seen. They couldn't just film the kids on a mountain? I enjoyed the first half of this movie as well, especially during the whole court proceedings, where Andrew Garfield doesn't want to shoot his gun, but he has to, so he goes to trial for it. Paid respect to the material, it... was well done, and the point of view it had, which separates it from other war movies - following a guy who doesn't want to kill anyone, is quite unique, and it made the movie, um, much more intense, than just the movies where everyone's shooting at each other constantly. Ghostbusters. It wasn't worse than I thought it would be, it didn't exceed my expectations, it was exactly what I thought it would be. Sony, man, they're running out of franchises to ruin. Kubo and the Two Strings. Um... the animation in this movie... is undeniably gorgeous. Not gonna debate anyone there. The movie looks beautiful. The problem is everything else. The story sucked, the voice acting was meh, the humor was terrible, the 'twists and turns' were so predictable, and obvious, and cheesy. And I know it's for kids... but these are the guys who made Coraline. And Coraline is such a good movie. It's suspenseful, it's funny, it's beautifully-animated, it has this sense of wonder to it. But at the same time, it was scary. This movie was just a bunch of bullshit. Everyone had magic, and the magic didn't have any rules, everyone could just do whatever they wanted. It's sad that they spent months - years! - animating this meticulously. Every little detail, every little piece of hair on that monkey's fur. But they only spent ten minutes on the script. It was just this lifeless, joyless movie, with no stakes, and a dumb ending, and I don't remember anything about it. I don't remember the sequence of events, I don't remember any jokes, I don't remember any characters, it was just - it was a bunch of bullshit. And if you like it, that's fine with me. Neon Demon. Um, Neon Demon was very well-made. The cinematography in it was gorgeous, the lighting is gorgeous, the colors are gorgeous, Nicholas Winding Refn knows how to put a movie together visually. But it has many of the same problems as Kubo, where the characters are kind of weak, and the ending is terrible. I really can't argue that this movie is objectively bad, because objectively, it's very well-made. And I can see people enjoying it. But it really wasn't for me. I will say this: all of the acting was very good. For the little time he was in it, Keanu Reeves was great. Elle Fanning is a great actress, and she's good at everything that she's in. Jenna Malone was very good, and even the models in it, which are usually fucking terrible actors in everything, considering that they're models, their acting is pretty good. And they brought this level of authenticity to it. Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them. I don't remember a single thing about this movie. It is the most forgettable... bland... unoffensive... uninspired... ...movie I've seen all year. Doesn't do anything really bad, doesn't do anything really good. The characters are fine. The acting is fine. The special effects are fine. It takes no risks, it does nothing different. Visually, it has no vibrant colors. It's all very gray. It did everything it had to do, to please the audience that liked Harry Potter, so I saw it with people who liked Harry Potter, and they liked it. But I don't remember a single thing about it. Even the, the "Fantastic Beasts", are really generic and boring. I heard people say, 'Oh! The fantastic beasts were cool!' What was cool about them? They had a sloth that could turn invisible, they had a dragon, they had a rhino with a tumor in its head, and they had a platypus that could store change... in his sack. What was so 'fantastic' about it? The aliens in Arrival, now that shit's fantastic. And the end to this movie, too, was so stupid. 'Cause they mess up the entire city, basically, cause thousands of dollars in damage, and kill a few people. And then they bring out the old gimmick, 'We have magic,' 'so we're going to fix everything,' 'and make everyone forget about what happened, in five seconds.' And it starts raining, and I don't know, the- that makes everyone forget that they saw, even, the people that died? What do you do about that? Are you going to erase all evidence of that person existing? And for some reason, the magic that makes everyone forget about everything gets in the water supply, so there's, like, a dude taking a shower, and then some people are, like, drinking water, and they forget too. If there's pictures of, like, what happened, like on the newspaper, the water hits it, and it changes the- the image on the newspaper. What a shitty way of writing yourself out of a hole. The movie didn't even have the balls to do some major damage. Swiss Army Man. Um, these are made by two Emerson students, which is the college I go to. Daniel Radcliffe does a great job playing the dead body, and he gives a really funny performance. I like the visual style of it, there's some shots in this movie that are gorgeous. The special effects are very good, of which there's- there's not a lot, but nothing in the movie looks fake. And considering Paul Dano is riding a dead body... in an ocean, and it doesn't look fake, y'know, you did a good job. The problem, really, is the story and the script. There's no plot progression, it's just kind of a series of things that happen. And you learn a few things, that are so predictable. And the characters are constantly farting, and it gets really old after a while. And when you get to, like, the twenty-minute mark, you realize that they've exhausted all their creativity, and there's, like, nothing left to do with this premise. And there's nothing clever about it. So then they realize the movie isn't working comedically, they try to be deep, and they try to have this profound message about life, and love, and it's like... "...What?" The ending of this movie is horrendous. It kind of just drops the ball, and it fails at being emotional, and it fails at being, um... memorable. I admired it from a technical perspective, and... that the acting was good, and that it was such a weird idea. And that it works sometimes - sometimes it's really funny and touching. But most of the time it fails, and it comes off as pretentious. One last thing too, something that bumps it up a lot, is the music. The music is brilliant. The music is entirely done... with human voices, there's no instruments in it. And the music also kind of goes along with what's happening in the story. That was probably the best part of the movie, is the music. So whoever came up with that idea, good job. Whoever wrote the script, um, get your head out of your ass. A new Godzilla movie came out as well, called 'Shin Godzilla'. And I loved it. From a character perspective, it's weak. And the editing is pretty bad, and it's way too long. But... I enjoyed it anyway, because I love watching Godzilla movies. And as a Godzilla movie, it's the best one. Godzilla is the bad guy in this one, this isn't him fighting some shitty monster, he is fucking ruthless in this. Thousands of people die in it, he causes millions of dollars in damage, it's- it's amazing to watch. Just the spectacle of it. Just watching everyone try to kill this fucking thing. Much like Eye in the Sky, the movie is basically making fun of... how slow the government takes... to do anything, especially deal with a national emergency. Eye in the Sky isn't as comedic with it as Godzilla is. Godzilla... plays it off for laughs, a lot of the time. There's a lot of scenes of people sitting in a boardroom, and talking about how they need to kill Godzilla. And it's hilarious. Like, there's one scene where, like, this line of helicopters, and- and they're ready to shoot Godzilla in the fuckin' head. Like, right there. And they're like, 'Can we shoot him?' And the scene goes on for, like, two minutes, and you're like, 'Holy crap! Just shoot him!!' There's another great scene where the President has missile lock on Godzilla, and they can literally kill Godzilla right here. But there's one person, like, off on the side, and this missile is gonna kill him. So the President's like, 'Don't shoot the missile, we're gonna kill one guy!' And they all go, 'Okay.' And then three seconds later, Godzilla turns around, and fucking barrels his way through a building, and kills thousands of people. That- that's amazing! Movie called White Girl, it's on Netflix now. I liked it a lot. The story and the dialogue and the directing and the cinematography are all... decent. The movie's really held up... by the performances. Every performance in this - especially Morgan Saylor, who plays the lead - is amazing. Just be aware, it's kind of messed up. Anyway! Magnificent Seven! It did everything it had to do, the action was okay, all of the performances were fine. Their motivations to join the Magnificent Seven are kind of weak. I liked the look of the movie. It was just, y'know, it was a generic remake, of a Western that everyone likes, kind of. which is a remake... of a Kurosawa movie which everyone loves. The movie is as watered-down as a concept can possibly get. I saw Hush. It was pretty bad. It was like the opposite of Don't Breathe - it was stupid, the characters constantly did stupid things, all the time, the villain was forgettable, um, the lead was a 'beh' character, I- I can't even tell you, I don't- I don't remember it. The Trust. I think it's a fun little heist movie. Two really good performances, I think Nicolas Cage in this is hilarious, as always. He has lots of great moments, and Elijah Wood is a very good straight man, and you like him a lot in it, as well. I wish I'd gotten to know more about him, but you know enough. I enjoyed The Trust a lot, it's just the end got... dumb. It's just by the end of the movie, the suspense starts to go away, and it becomes more predictable, and the characters do dumb things, and it ends on a really bad scene. But besides that, I liked it. Mechanic Resurrection. THIS movie... is really bad. There's no suspense in it, the action sucks, Jason Statham looks like he doesn't give a fuck, Jessica Alba doesn't look like she gives a fuck, Tommy Lee Jones is in it, he looks like he doesn't give a fuck. It was the most generic, boring action film of the year. Tommy Lee Jones lost a lot of weight. Doesn't look like he lost- it's not like a healthy loss of weight, it looks like he has some illness, and he lost weight - like he has AIDS or something. Yeah, it's just a convoluted, boring action movie. I saw Keanu. Um, it did everything it had to. I laughed. It's probably one of the better comedies I saw this year. Unlike other comedies that came out, um, the leads actually have characters. The great thing about Key & Peele, and the comedies they make, is that... their comedies actually have characters. They're not just two assholes, who say a bunch of funny shit that makes no sense. They're both in-character, and they both have arcs. One of them is, like, a stoner pothead kind of guy, and he starts to learn to be more responsible, uh, because of this cat, and he has to rescue this cat. Then the other dude is kind of, uh... a boring, bland dude, who takes no risks in life, he's just kind of a boring family man. And then through this experience of having to rescue the cat, he becomes more of a gangster. And he kind of relishes in criminal activity, and becomes kind of an asshole. Which is great. And his wife starts out like, 'Okay, this is my husband, whatever,' but at the end of the movie, when he becomes a tough guy, she wants to fuck him constantly. It's- it's funny! Live by Night is the new Ben Affleck movie, I was really disappointed with this one. Um... ...it was kind of a mess. Ben Affleck... isn't good in it. His accent is all over the place, Zoe Saldana's accent is all over the place, I- sometimes it sounded like she had a French accent. Um, the rest of the acting, though, was very good, and I think they hold up the movie a lot. It has a very bad structure, it has obvious twists and turns, which you see coming miles away, the pacing of the first 20 minutes of this movie is horrible, it felt like the opening of Suicide Squad. Elle Fanning is in this movie, and she is fantastic in it. Once her character's introduced, the movie starts to get better. And she has the best scene in the movie, with Ben Affleck, where they're in a diner, - and they play a little bit of it in the trailer - and then right after that scene, she just dies. And you're like, 'Oh... alright.' And then Ben Affleck has a whole speech about life and love, and then he's with his boy on the beach, in the sunset, and he says... 'This is heaven.' And you're like... 'What?' This little bit here... is for all the movies I didn't see. All the movies I should've seen, but I didn't. And for all the movies I have seen, but after I recorded this video. This is dedicated to them. [RALPH SINGS 'IN THE ARMS OF AN ANGEL'] The final movie - what is it? "So, today's the big daaay..." "Have you thought about what you want?" [OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS] "Wait a minute..." "I'm a cat!" "I'M A CAT- AT- AT- AT--" [INDECIPHERABLE DEMONIC CHANTING] [TIME SLOWLY BEGINS TO DISSOLVE AROUND RALPH] [IT IS INCREDIBLY PAINFUL] [HIGH PITCHED FELINE COMEDY] [????????????] FUCK! "Ewww!"
I fucking lost it when he started imitating Jeremy Jahns. I don't think I can take an hour of this hahaha
Thank you!
Can't wait for the Nine Lives review. I suffered through that abortion of a movie with my family and I need closure
Love this guys videos. Some of the best stuff on Youtube right now.
Fuck I love ralph haha that was great.
The thing about Ralph is that while he can be quite funny at times, in terms of reviewing films, hes not that good. I find it ironic how he imitates Jeremy Jahns at the beginning of the video because he only uses phrases like "It was good" and "the cinematography is great" when he himself doesnt do much different. Especially when the Everything Else segment starts, i was shocked by how closely he kept it to the "The Performances where phenomenal, but the pacing was bad at times, but the lighting was very gorgeous" formula, with the occacional describing of the plot.
It's clear that Adam is a big influence to him, but in my opinion, he doesn't come close. The thing I appreciate the most about Adams reviews is how closely he pays attention to what excactly hes saying. You really get the feeling that every line was thought about, and put in the video with a specific intent, with little to no filler lines. When Adam critiques something, you understand what is bad, why it's bad, what the director might have thought , what it means for the film, etc. When Ralph critiques something you understand "its not good." Honestly I only watch him as a low tier substitude for Adam, and because he's funny at times, as I said.
Also u/KhorneAcolyte is kinda right sometimes...
Not a fan of raloh. He just really comes off as an annoying kid who thinks too highly of himself.