Best of Mr Burns

[Music] five twenty-three yes is it my imagination or is tv getting worse it's about the same oh look out smithers [Laughter] i love this show hello my name is mr snrub and i come from uh someplace far away yes that will do anyway i i say we invest that money back in the nuclear plant i like the way snrub thinks [Music] i'll keep it short and sweet family religion friendship these are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business when opportunity knocks you don't want to be driving to the maternity hospital or sitting in some phony balloony church or synagogue questions um which do you think is more important hard work or stick-to-itiveness are there any real questions someone is charging room service to the company sir [Music] uh oh what was i laughing at now oh yes that crippled irishman who is that bookworm smithers homer simpson sir simpson eh a very strange his job description clearly specifies an illiterate homer simpson sir one of your oregon banks from sector 7g all the recent events of your life have revolved around him in some way simply wait a minute go back zoom in why is that man in pink oh that's homer simpson sorry he's one of your boobs from sector 7g simpson eh well judging by his outlandish attire he's some sort of free thinking anarchist 7g what god who's the safety inspector there homer simpson sir good man intelligence who is that firebrand smithers that's homer simpson sir simpson new man actually sir he ordered your campaign for governor you ran over his son he saved the plant from meltdown his wife painted you in the nude doesn't ring a bell that's right gather the nectar my little drones and make the honey honey for your children fools ready for that drink sir just a second smithers let me introduce you to the gang that's buzz that's honey did you see that queen over there her name is smithers that's very flattering sir but we should go several bees are stinging me whoop-de-doo mr flores mr physical trainer whoop-de-doo mr president i'm happy you finally found love whoop-dee-doo tarantula town employees everyone who's found true love may leave early today [Music] far too much dancing not nearly enough prancing a little mincing would be nice [Music] [Music] yes hello may i help you uh could you give me a little push in the opposite direction okay thank you sir the actors are here to audition for the part of you excellent excellent next xln next exactly next excellent day yes oh it's hopeless i'll have to play [Music] myself be right here i don't care what they say i'm going to win this festival you truly are the king of kings excellent [Music] smithers are they no no they're saying boo worms [Music] i was i have nothing to offer you but my love i specifically said no geeks well my mom says i'm cool next give me your fortune i'll pound your withered old face in oh i like his energy put him in the callback list [Music] clang clang playing with the trolley ring ring ring with the bell zing zing zing with my heart straight thank you give the bully an extra point i propose to you that your heir need not be a boy in this phytocentric society of ours i don't know what fella centric means but no girls so much for plan b free burns a life [Music] if you scratch my back i'll scratch yours wait a minute is he coming on to me i mean if i should slip something into your pocket what's the harm oh my god he is coming on to me after all negotiations make strange bedfellows sorry mr burns but i don't go in for these backdoor shenanigans sure i'm flattered maybe even a little curious but the answer is no i've called you all here because i need some honest answers what is my current financial situation great great i hear great all right well let's have a look at my stuck portuguese hmm confederated slave holdings how's that doing it's uh uh steady i'm sure all your stocks are doing well sir after all you chose them mm-hmm well let's get out the old stock ticker and have a look here's where i stopped checking it last time september 1929 oh no oh no oh no smithers why didn't you tell me about this market crash um well sir it happened 25 years before i was born oh that's your excuse for everything got those pockets you can't treat the working man this way one day we'll form a union and get the fair and equitable treatment we deserve then we'll go too far and get corrupt and shiftless and the japanese will lead us alive the japanese those sandal-wearing goldfish tenders flimshaw if only we had listened to that boy instead of walling him up in the abandoned coke oven i bring you loud is that the love between a man and a woman or the love of a man for a fine cuban cigar i bring you love it's bringing love don't let it get away break his legs wait you want an alien this is your alien hello children i bring you love yeah it's a monster kill it kill it it's not a monster it's mr burns oh it's mr burns do it now let me explain every friday evening after work mr burns undergoes a series of medical treatments designed to cheat death for another week first mr burns chiropractors perform a slight spinal adjustment then a team of doctors administers eye drops painkillers and a vocal cord scraping don't worry you won't feel a thing till i jam this down your throat the whole ordeal leaves mr burns twisted and disoriented the most rewarding part was when he gave me my money but what's with the glowing um i'll field that question a lifetime of working in a nuclear power plant has given me a healthy green glue left me as impotent as a nevada boxing commissioner and now that i'm back to normal i don't bring you peace and love i bring you fear famine pestilence i'm for a booster good morning starshine the earth says hello you twinkle above us we twinkle below [Music] cause of parents death got in my way now doctor i want you to test me for everything every disease on this chart fine we'll just start by drawing some blood well isn't that odd it's like poking through meringue do try this arm i saw some blood in there the other day come on keep blowing okay 12 centimeters excellent i'm a big boy there's your problem well doc i think i did pretty well in my tests you may shake my hand if you like well under the circumstances i'd rather not mr burns i'm afraid you are the sickest man in the united states you have everything you mean i have pneumonia yes juvenile diabetes yeah hysterical pregnancy a little bit yes you also have several diseases that have just been discovered in you i see you sure you just haven't made thousands of mistakes uh no no i'm afraid not this sounds like bad news well you'd think so but all of your diseases are in perfect balance if you have a moment i can explain well here's the door to your body you see and these are oversized novelty germs uh that's influenza that's bronchitis and this cute little cuttlebug is pancreatic cancer here's what happens when they all try to get through the door at once we call it three stooges syndrome so what you're saying is i am indestructible oh no no and in fact even a slight breeze indestructible a single microbe can get in or out who the devil are you don't panic just come up with a good story my name is mr burns hey burnsie ah this was some swell shindig thank you very much smithers what's happening i had a great time i just want to shake your hand doesn't seem as funny to me but what do i know smithers oh my god get rid of those sideburns what sideburns you've heard me hippy maddie for the last time get rid of those sideburns look mr burns i don't know what you think sideburns are but don't argue with me just get rid of them mattingly i thought i told you to trim those sideburns go home you're off the team it's the boogie man's grandfather he's gonna drink our bones smile like this oh that one no he's a bit listless isn't he give me that spirited fellow he didn't put up much of a fight why don't you pick one for me [Music] second thought i'll just have a glass of milk from that cow huh you stay with me you're the pick of the litter vest see my best need from real gorilla chest feel this sweater there's no better than authentic irish setters see this hat towards my cat my evening where vampire bat these white slippers are albino african endangered rhino grizzly bear underwear turtles necks i've got my [Music] kids [Music] [Music] he's more clever than he looks abraham simpson your family is here to visit you diggity my family's come to visit me it's wait a minute my family never comes to go not again i can't take much more of your blundering numbs scullery i'll be in the car dudes [Music] there is one more way to kill a man but it is as intricate and precise as a well-played game of chase was it me or was that you [Music] someone's trying to kill me okay we'll do something about that right away let's start by doubling your medication our residents are trying to nap think it would be quite corking if you'd sign over your oil well to the local energy concern mr burns but it was naive of you to think i would mistake this town's most prominent 104 year old man for one of my elementary school students i want that oil well smith is what's the meaning of this slacking off there's a bee in my eye sir and i'm allergic to these things they caused me to uh die but we're running out of forward momentum ah perhaps you could pedal for just a little while sir quite impossible i can try to bet him off if you like ah really [Music] holy that's man we're starting to wobble get me for a hospital you have to paddle no tuttle sunday trousers fear not i'll get you to a hospital the only way i know how smithers you infernal ninny stick your left hoof on that flange now now if you can get it through your bug-addled brain jam that second methydic cloudhopper of yours on the right doodad now pump those scrummy chicken legs you stupidest hunker one more just you wretched sugar day help me holy smokes you need booze we

Channel: L is for Luke

Views: 462,189

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Id: L4Q26Ca9uzA

Length: 18min 5sec (1085 seconds)

Published: Tue Nov 10 2020