Bert Kreischer tells his Tracy Morgan story on The Joe Rogan Experience

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someone playback this made a book called Bert Kreischer exit strategy well those are awesome man dude thank you very much for coming on the show man you're talking hilarious most fun podcast I've ever had me too no and knowing that you enjoyed listening to it now you're on it and you probably made one of the best ones we've ever had I won't listen to this one but I can't wait I can't wait you can't tell the Tracy Morgan Morgan story I can tell it of course please tell the Tracy Morgan story and we're gonna end on this thanks to the fleshlight go to Joe Rogan net entering the fleshlight the the thing it's like Rogen is the code name and you get 15% off I'm in February 4th we're at the Mandalay Bay theater it's me Joey Diaz and Ari Shaffir that's like a three headliner combo there and then next weekend not this one coming up but next weekend I'm at the West Palm Beach improv the 28th 29th and 30th and that is also with young and talented Ari Shaffir so tell me what the fuck happened with Tracy Morgan okay I'll preface this I want to be safe from premises that my buddy Jay Mohr does tell this on stage we have an agreement he's my friend he's not a thief okay that's I just want I know that Jay is concerned about that but he told me he's not telling the story anymore and it did happen to me as long as a true story is a true story so true story so as a young comic working in at the Boston comedy club we're gonna do New York in New York technology yeah I used to party with all the black comics cuz that day well because I don't do you like to yeah and so we used to have a good time and so then one night Tracy Morgan comes in there's when he start to get back in a stand up after SNL so like when you were young comic-con new celebrity came in you like had to see that shit had to so I go in and I watched Tracy said and it is not we have nothing in common he's doing observational material and his observational material is like all right yeah okay okay who remembers vinca fucking by the handball courts I'm just like and he thinks that's a shared experience like losing a sock in the dryer and he walks you through he's like you put that bitch up against the wall just pussy pop that bitch wouldn't even kiss her put your arm in your own stank and now you have a visualization of like precious getting boxed out at a handball court making Ike with passerby just getting her pussy blown out he goes on stage and he's like fucking yeah I'll hit that man I got this new bit about my dick being so pretty out you can suck it with the light song which is a genius statement I've never had a blowjob in the light but you just didn't word it right right so the lights yes so he um he goes he uh so then he goes hey you want to get hot and I was like yeah and because I'm a grown up and so we walk around the corner and he pulls out this rack of a joint hands it to me hits it it gives it to me I hit it and it tastes like shit it tastes like sweat socks like just just like I'm like what the fuck is this he's like oh you never smoked em before and I was like what he's like showroom baby angel does PCB you've never smoked before and I'm like you just can't do fucking like how did you know whoever taught you how to get high so I panicked bad like hardcore anxiety attack I go back to the club I'd go to this older black comic whose wasn't still as one of my good friends and I go hey man Tracy just gave me PCP he's like oh oh let me tell you something shorty Tracy doesn't smoke PCP he's not feast fucking with you I was like when he's up he's gonna he's just smoking pot he's fuckin with you though he's just getting ahead I was like no I smoked PCP I'm feeling weird he goes whatever you do shorty don't go to your house you hang out with us tonight so I'm like alright so I do my set I bomb we all go out and Tracy in downtown Soho like that right on Houston right and he's in a club that it's like one of those railroad clubs where it goes all the way but you have to like walk down five flights a flight of five stairs to get to and he's in the back he's been there like 20 minutes and he is holding court with his shirt off okay shirt off bottles of champagne covering his table there's other tables that have champagne on it he's buying it for them I buy her a bottle of champagne right now I got a pretty dick like just Eddie Murphy gave me this whatever the fuck he's saying is like loud and boisterous so I sit at the table and I'm think I'm on PCP and I started ordering Heineken separately from this wreck of a bar tab he has and so I'm getting Heineken and then the whole night goes to it's kind of an interesting bizarre experience but like two o'clock in the morning and Tracy and the waitress comes up she's got the bill and she puts it in front of me because I'm at a table with all black dude so she thinks on their agent or lawyer or coach whatever I am so she gives me the bill and I see it I'm like oh I can't and Tracy Morgan flips out he goes oh what the fuck is that that's fucking racism you give it to him he works the goddamn dough he not knew I don't make any money I'm the rich motherfucker in here I'm on TV I'm the rich motherfucker and he flips the bottle of champagne table upside down now the woman's like I'm sir Sir he goes hey and he takes his shirt and throws it in her face a bouncer comes up he's like excuse me sir and Tracy just wham leisa got in the biggest fight I've ever been in just breaks out all over people are fighting jumping on and I think I'm on PCP so I walk out so on Houston and I start going this isn't happening this is imaginary this is not real people are flooding out left and right and they're like dude that shit's going off trees got like four dudes on them and I was like holy shit a minute later the doors kick open and Tracy Morgan is launched out of the club by the back of his neck and a seat his pants just up onto the street his shirt I'm not up on the street shirtless laying at my feet on the sidewalk doors closed second later doors kick back open and Tracy's shirt comes out and over end and lands on his head and it's silent and we're looking at Tracy like fuck this is crazy all of a sudden he looks up stands up takes his shirt snaps and he goes now that's how you get out of paying a check do you ever have to pay for it never I do here's the thing I was it only met Tracy wants that was you don't hang out with the dude more than that I would never sleeve that guy's side kids I was just I was just like like Jay used to tell I was telling you Jay used to tell that story that it happened to me when we do stand-up and man like people be like get out of here but like I don't know Tracy and I doubt he remembers the night at all fuck and I'm like an you know how stories go on your head when you start telling them a lot then you like shorten it and tighten it yeah I've been telling Matt the comics for like 12 years ever since that happened knows that stand-up doing stand-up like two months that's hilarious no you weren't on PCP you just thought you were I wouldn't on I don't know I was I was probably strong we'd probably strongly identities he smokes PCP I've heard him on NPR interview saying he's never done drugs and like I mean I don't know he's never done drugs he said on PCP is something that you would probably tell the person even if you were a bit CPU Tracy's got that like I would say that like prison mentality of like he'd rather fuck with you than really fuck you up right right like I think he'd rather get in your head then like I don't think he's a mean mean spirit of birds right he's just playing he's just playing with you and then and then I'm the one white guy hanging out with all black comics and so then that's funny that he thinks he's on PCP that's great but the best that's a fucking fantastic story dude that was one of the funniest stories ever next time I'll tell you about when I was in the Russian mob and we robbed a train really true story but I'm not gonna tell it now okay dude you're coming back again soon definitely these folks if you want to file Burt on Twitter its BER t KR e I s CH ER follow him please one of the fucking funniest guys are gonna show thank you very much man that was so much fun I had a blast and we will see you bitches on Tuesday

Info

Channel: Brickhaus

Views: 1,756,102

Rating: 4.8449011 out of 5

Keywords: Joe Rogan, Joe Rogan Experience, Episode 73, Bert Kreischer, Bert the Conqueror, Redban, Tracy Morgan

Id: sDp4ZABoefs

Channel Id: undefined

Length: 8min 26sec (506 seconds)

Published: Fri Jan 21 2011

Reddit Comments

Jay Mohr tells it better because he does an amazing Tracy Morgan impression:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5OlAPjDt9GE

👍︎︎ 14 👤︎︎ u/yeahfuckyou 📅︎︎ Jan 31 2011 🗫︎ replies

Anyone know where to find the russian mafia/train robbing story mentioned at the end?

👍︎︎ 12 👤︎︎ u/meatybunch 📅︎︎ Feb 01 2011 🗫︎ replies

Is the full podcast on the net? Sounds pretty badass.

👍︎︎ 5 👤︎︎ u/ins4n1ty 📅︎︎ Jan 31 2011 🗫︎ replies

i love watchin Joe's podcasts.

👍︎︎ 5 👤︎︎ u/mastershriz 📅︎︎ Feb 01 2011 🗫︎ replies

I would never leave that mans side

👍︎︎ 4 👤︎︎ u/levin88 📅︎︎ Jan 31 2011 🗫︎ replies

Goes to try "Rogan" at fleshlight.com

👍︎︎ 4 👤︎︎ u/wopjon 📅︎︎ Feb 01 2011 🗫︎ replies

I like the Jay Mohr version better even if it is a ripped story. Curious that he would tell it as if it happened to him though.