BEAUTIFULLY UNIQUE - What MIRACLE are YOU?

I call my dog BuddhaFly because I have a fondness for things Buddhist and I love butterflies very, very, very much. Butterflies are the embodiment of what happens after you go through a great turmoil and you emerge. You emerge stronger, more beautiful, courageous, because of what you’ve been through. This Halloween I chose a skeleton onesie with roses on it. And I picked it because how much more vulnerable can one be than to say, ‘You’re seeing everything’ and have it still be legal to walk around like that in public. I’ve always wanted to be able to unzip my proverbial chest to show my heart. Sometimes I used to wear it on my sleeves. But to actually show my heart is to bear my soul. And that’s what I do with my poetry. Some may read it and think it’s egoic or narcissistic, or it’s all about my story. Well, it is my story. But it’s more about I have an opportunity to express it and so do you. Valid Footprint. I had reduced and reused and recycled so much I nearly made myself obsolete. There is a need for me to be here. My footprint is also valid. I won’t tiptoe. If you want to hear a story, I’ve got one... a huge one on pain. So one Thanksgiving holiday I went with a group of friends to Blackcomb by Whistler in British Columbia, Canada. I was skiing a run and at the base of the run another skier came and T-boned me. My head hit the compacted snow. Go forward a couple of weeks and one night I stepped in the shower and I popped my neck. Immediately I had red and blue strobing lights in my peripheral vision and my left arm went numb and I fell to my knees. And this is where I have to make the story short because it’s huge... I had a migraine for 14 years. It’s also called a New Daily Persistent Headache. It’s very rare. But I was in chronic physical pain. And physical pain often can be invisible. You’re not on crutches, you’re not in a wheelchair. You don’t have a shaved head and scars. But you hurt. My life as it had been, so broad and full, just narrowed and narrowed and narrowed and narrowed. And who I was as a person was not who I was any longer. At the 14 year mark, when I was at the lowest of my depression and I had felt whittled to an aspect of me that I didn’t want to live with anymore, I fell to my knees and threw up by the roses at my old house. I still have the scars on my knees and those are important to me because when I was willing to sacrifice myself the headache stopped. And I’m a writer. I’m a poet. I’m a poet whose favourite word is ‘ineffable’. And the favourite definition I’ve ever heard is ‘that which is too holy to be spoken’. I, who love words, have found it quite difficult to put into words what happened. Because I don’t think of it as an otherworldly, Yeatsian, fairies and the little people, or capital or small g ‘god’. I just think that somehow it was a nondenominational miracle that once I was willing everything shifted. And I’ve written a poem called Miracle Witness about this experience. One dark night when the moon climbed I fell in a puddle by the pink roses, a voluntary sacrifice after which everything, everything shifted. The pain miraculously lifted and rose to join the moon. With new guides at my side, I plied new skills to become the architect of my soul. Finally on the other side of pain, with brighter days in focus. Rebuilding after traumas is a solo journey that can’t be done alone. We recount our stories to remember that we survived to answer the burning question: “What miracle am I?” I don’t think we can ever really know another person’s story. If we stop at the surface, we just get that view. And some people don’t want to dive in. And some people have barriers up that they don’t want to express. But what I learned after living 14 years with chronic pain is that I’m an extremely much more empathetic person to those who are struggling. And since I rebuilt my life, one of my deepest joys is acknowledging the suffering of others and bringing levity. When I say I live here in what I call my ‘lighthouse’, that’s not just candles, that’s levity. My purpose is to be a lighthouse. A lighthouse doesn’t tell boats where to go. It just is. And by shining its light it helps provide passage that others find their way. And when you are who you are and others feel lighter from having interacted with you keep going, you know. I’m more childlike now and that’s a necessity for me. I know it might seem strange but I wouldn’t say it’s a regression but it’s a continuation. It wasn’t that I had an unhappy childhood... I had a great childhood. Lots of things happened here that changed me, but the big one was the ski accident. So on the other side of that I just try to be a good person. I’ll be driving my car and when I stop at a light and I see people in traffic and their brows are all furrowed, like this. And I’ll roll my window down and I’ll take my little bubble wand and I’ll put it out the window and I’ll turn it on so that when they come round that corner... The magic is I get to watch their faces change. They go from grumpy, worry, stress, bills, children, war... bubbles... I love to see them taken out of the rut and routine of things and come alive for a moment. And then pass that on, and then they pass that on. And it just is the gift that gives forward. The world is an incredible place. It’s here for you and your uniqueness, to enjoy it. So show up as you. The world needs you as you are. I’m unique and you’re unique and they’re unique. Be it. Each morning I wake up and I say, ‘I get to be me today’. Rainbow. I like who I’m becoming. The growing boldness of my voice that I’m not shying away from being myself. I like living boldly and firmly and lovingly and kindly and silly-ly just as I am. When I shift too much to accommodate others, to please, not ruffle feathers... it feels like a denial that splinters the whole. It’s one thing to be a chameleon, to alter one’s colours to each new environment. It’s another to live as the rainbow one already is. Who doesn’t pause to admire a rainbow?

Channel: Reflections of Life

Views: 20,666

Keywords: Reflections of Life, Green Renaissance, South Africa, mental health, positivity, shared humanity, inspiring, happy, uplifting, love, kindness, peace, humanity, diversity, offgrid, nature, mindful, universal truth, philosophy, psychology, reflections, cinematic, america, portland, poetry, bubbles, childlike, playful, miracle, pain, mindfulness, poet, tortured poet, author, kirkland, seattle, healing, recovery, ski, accident, surrender, injury, tortured poets department, sony, artlist, epidemic sound, patreon, dog, animals

Id: k3boYRvp0ts

Length: 15min 50sec (950 seconds)

Published: Sat Jun 01 2024