Basically Giants

this video is sponsored by dungeon craft the coolest idea for a book with not one to reign peace not to the like a lot more than that and they all look good the front and back sort of good and evil variations are my favorite with such incredible punch-out tiles oh you got to cut them out damn it well it's a good thing there are so many more pages to use and hey man sniffing papers is therapeutic it's like they knew it takes me a while to actually freaking draw a map and not accidentally smear some of the details but I threw this map together in less than five seconds with such an incredible product they're also really close to reaching their goal and the book is only like 30 bucks if that ain't a steal then neither is raiding a Best Buy during a blackout except only one of these great deals is legal now go watch the video Giants are old really old this is a funny part about almost any epic history nothing cool and interesting happened recently the world is always in shambles compared to the eons of conflicts and kingdoms that have shaped it and sometimes these nonsensical histories conflict so I guess retcon what I said about abble it's being old cuz now Giants and Dragons are the oldest with differing editions of the Forgotten Realms Oberon Black Sun gray Hawk middle-earth Shadowrun and a hundred thousand other para cousins you come to realize how malleable history is from different people's perspectives tangents aside let's venture backward as I try to make a ripple effect happen in the relative beginning when the oldest dragon was still challenged rating 10 the god of the Giants named annum married and porked a mountain called afiyah then from her volcanic womb came the first Giants their big-ass footsteps with the fees and the fie foe fum meant to say that they owned the place as Titanic's sibling demigods they were given order by Papa annum fun fact annum was also the name of Vietnam before the 1940s this order is the base of their philosophy and is called the ordinate which is just a hierarchy of religious politics it's the name of their religion and describes their social standing at the top of the Pantheon is strong sauce whose like storm Jesus him and the storm Giants have the most authority below him is men nor and his cloud Giants the dude from Fleur Ragnarok and his fire Giants Thrym in his barbaric frost giants pulled straight from the Norse EO ton and Jotunheim score a loose stone bones the only giant with the last name and he picked the dumbest one possible and he's got stone giants then we have Grohl and tour with his fat boys there's a handful of other gods and many deities that pseudo Giants worship but who cares about cousin gods all the divine extended families are weird [ __ ] in pretty much any religion like Freya the phallic fertility God or Ilana geek the saggy boobs Rama who just does this all the time anyway the six sons of Vietnam built the empire of giants a kingdom that ruled for four million years in some settings it was called Astoria but you can call it whatever at some point the wealth of the Giants and the greed of dragons paved way to their conflict it's all muddled because ancient history lacks fine details but personal conflicts between territorial dragons and expanding kingdoms led to an all-out war that lasted a thousand years guys this could have all been avoided if someone just hired a land surveyor the six brother gods fought with an ancient red dragon whose name was way too similar to Gary Gygax and after freaking forever their kingdom fell everything and everyone's life and breath contributed to this war until everyone got tired and just kind of stopped fighting nobody won now only the icy capital of Vernon hime remain lost under the power of encroaching ice the fact that everyone kind of lost the war really pissed off anam so he said [ __ ] you guys you get the silent treatment till you get your empire back he just straight-up disowned the entire Pantheon which is one of the most I'm not mad I'm just disappointed moves a dad can make history lesson over let's move on to the culture at the top of the ordinance some of the most isolated creatures on the Material Plane the reason they're at the peak is because of storm in a way is what happens when immensely powerful energy interacts with any of the four elements they're like the avatars of giant power they just sit in the thinking man pose in any place society will never reach and places where few creatures dare to visit some locations include the bottom of a deep sea ravine the top of the highest mountain in a range ancient ruins at the center of a vast desert myspace and Bing in a way these guys can tell the future their bodies minds and existence are bound to the elements and the world around them they can look at a flock of birds see how those birds ride the wind and then know when a war will happen in a few years they can essentially read butterfly effects but these omens are also extensions of the Giants themselves a storm giant social standing is presented as an omen before it approaches which is the most badass visual ever really the only thing these guys do is piddle around reading omens and waiting for a sign that says Big Daddy Vietnam is coming home instead of actually reclaiming their Kingdom to make it happen bunch of morose idiots cloud Giants are the floating dudes who inspired the story Jackson and the weird plant that grew maybe just a little too big these sexy Titans live in small families like the ideals 50 lifestyle magazines and Live Together wealth very few still float around in cloud castles because nine out of ten of them were ripped asunder during the war wherever they choose to place their homes they carve beautiful halls and line them with more wealth than any king will ever see unlike the mystical nature of storms these dudes where their status is on their sleeves well in their hallways wealth directly translates to power for cloud Giants so they all act very much like noble human families they're just taller than castle walls and could beat your ass if they wanted to their culture promotes flaunting wealth as well as keeping secrets they often wear masks that hide their expressions when dealing with other Giants are powerful mortals the territory surrounding a cloud Giants home is heavily affected by their presence in a number of ways first most local evils see a 20-foot tall noble hukka Boulder hundreds of feet who think they know what under McCullough realtor we're moving as a result it's generally a safer place second all humanoids pay tribute to the giant families things like cows ores grain and any other goods are given as offerings these gifts pretty much say hey man thanks for driving away those wyverns also thanks for not smashing my house and taking my cows because I mean come on nothing's stopping you and lastly big-ass plants cloud Giants have little gardens that grow food maybe just a little too big if you want to live in a pumpkin just ask a cloud giant he'll hook you up fire Giants are the blacksmith's and generals of giant kind they're the least effective Giants when they're isolated because during ancient history they were three trick ponies what they do best is forge engineer weapons and armor and fight like zealots but to forge you need to mine ores which the stone giants used to do and to win wars you need tactics which the cloud and storm Giants used to do because they aren't as bright as some other siblings not including Hill Giants or frost giants they pick up some of the slack with slaves stolen humanoids worked tirelessly in dangerous mines bringing rare ores to great forges stoked by bound or hired wizards literally nothing compares to the master work tools a fire giant can make if the most esteemed guild of engineers hired a dwarf and trained him from birth till frailty to make armor a fire giant would laugh at his final magnum opus and make a better set of armor in light three days they work with slaves sort of like distant fathers not outright abusive but very apathetic of their achievements if you're not a giant you don't matter much the only thing they'll always lacquer solid tactics but any adventurer who faces them with nothing but raw power will meet their match one step lower than fire is ice and frost giants share some similarities but also a lot of differences the frost holds no resources or ores to work out there it's just you the biting cold air a titanic worm a colossal evil bug for armed guerillas deadly white dragons and maybe like the three trees if you go far enough north in any world you're either Saxton Hale or you're dead to call them badass monster wrestlers would be completely accurate and their ordinate to are determines how much authority you have plain and simple it's like if Australia was covered in snow they'd tear apart giant centipedes and wear their teeth like trophies then steal the eggs just to beat up the babies when they hatch that's it frost giants are simple but it works stone giants are nicer versions of fire giants they live deep below the deep below hiding and winding tunnels that touch the Underdark now and again they're also craftsmen but their work is entirely form over function their culture is focused on art regardless of how expensive art school is and if you can't art and your carvings look like stick figures then everyone hates you to be a stone giant who sucks at art is like being a normal digital artist who sees all the other amazing art online and starts to hate themself the ordinal unlike us these uncultured swine are put at the far corners to guard hallways or whatever the rest of the stone giants eternally pursue the perfection of their art and at a certain point can imbue arcane runes into their carvings art isn't just carving but to be alive is to practice art for these cave-dwelling nerds rock throwing techniques carving painting and even cooking is more about creativity and poise than effectiveness the cool thing about stone giants is they don't know jack poop about the world of and call it the realm of dreams the sky the wind seasons and change are all otherworldly to a stone giant just like you you loser and go for a walk got'em at the bottom of the totem pole or hill giants big fat idiots with tiny wieners who just eat everything all the time that's their whole shtick no joke how fat you are is how cool you are because if you can find a lot of food you must have a lot of smart they eat anything from people to mold get sick poop their pants and keep eating they also have a really fun game called stuff stuff which is like chubby bunny but with gnomes and other tiny people there's also a bulk of almost giants that are like [ __ ] up version of Giants distant cousins but this video is long enough already so I'll make them quick you have ochres which are just slightly different Hill Giants featured in the greatest film of all time Oni Shrek cousins with crazy magic powers who have a really creepy smile and like to eat babies Etten's Dima Gorgon ogres who have funny conversations with themselves trolls the [ __ ] you Giants who have Deadpool powers cyclopses which are deadlier ogre cousins with poor depth perception and foam or en the once sexy fade Giants who got cursed with poop face after a Fae noble said you're ugly on the inside I've got a few more interesting aspects of giants before I wrap up the video the first being Mott and MOG Mott means super good and holy MOG means not cool and bad if you ever learned giant just presents a bunch of ideas to a giant that you meet and ask whether the idea is one or the other to understand that Giants culture they also throw rocks which sounds basic at first until you realize your entire house could be crushed from almost 300 feet away in 6 seconds looking at their stat blocks it's easy to see them as any other ol monster that's because D&D somewhat lacks scale and when you play out size on a board you can't quite visualize the terror of an enormous creature go watch attack on Titan to get a real feel for it ain't nothing like taking a bath on the third floor of your house then feeling an earthquake and then suddenly having a hand the size of a horse reach in through your window and palme you're vulnerable Newton Asst given a muscle twitch that hand could break a river to it Giants are [ __ ] scary men [Music] you [Music]

Channel: Runesmith

Views: 1,383,390

Keywords: Dnd, dungeons and dragons, 5e, 5th edition, tutorial, funny, comedy, tabletop, game, tabletop games, dice, role play, role playing, rpg, easy listening, meme, memes, trending, parody, satire, roleplay, series, guide, dungeon master, help, quick, basic, basically, describe, described, simple, short, history Giant, giants, storm, cloud, fire, frost, hill, giantkin, giant-kin, amman, othelia, kingdom

Id: aM0s_ZFsNr4

Length: 13min 25sec (805 seconds)

Published: Thu Jul 25 2019