Bartenders When Did You Have to Deal With "Way Too Drunk" Customers?

bartenders of reddit what is your best way to drunk customer story i once argued with a guy i had cut off for 10 minutes that he was too drunk to stay the reason he had ordered one drink gulped it down and then puked everything in his belly up onto my bar he then immediately forgot he had done this and demanded to know where his drink was argued with me that i had tossed it when he wasn't looking and that he hadn't thrown up i had to be like there is literally puke on the lapel of your coat right now look down he was stunned i was a bartender but this wasn't when i was bartending it was my wedding my wife and i decided that we really wanted to have one heck of a party for our wedding and somehow we thought having a seven hour open bar was a good idea here are just a handful of the results of such a baconal one guy passed out underneath the urinals one lady passed out in a stall one guy vomited on his pregnant wife's shoes in the reception hall another guy passed out at his table and vomited right in the middle of the reception hall it got so bad that my best man went on the dj's mic and said people the bus to the hotel isn't coming back for another three hours take it easy and then an hour later his pants were off and he was dancing with my mom in his underwear after math story in the morning i received a call from the front desk the nice fellow asked if i was the bridegroom and wished me many years of happy marriage he then proceeds to say that the hotel understands that people drink and messes can be made but this particular room was beyond the pale and asked if he could charge that room a special cleaning fee because he thought there was blood in the room i said if it's that bad you do whatever you need to do my wife asks what the call was about and i tell her being of an inquisitive nature she asks how bad can it be so she decides to check it out as soon as she gets off the elevator the soda smacks her in the face she goes down this long hallway to my friend's room and she is horrified there is crap yes fesses everywhere there was a sea of crap on the floor of the bathroom it looked like he had explosive shoots that had nearly covered the bathroom floor save where a circle around the toilet had been unsuccessfully wiped with the bathroom towels there was a two-inch wave that had flowed over the room separator and covered a good portion of the carpeted area of the room she also mentioned what looked like a hand smear of crap on the blanket on the bed like a crap murderer had happened it doesn't seem possible that someone could actually crap that much but apparently it is t l dr seven hour open bar at my wedding turns into a crap show i had two drunks sitting at the bar completely hammered they came in together and were obviously acquaintances but got into a heated disagreement suddenly one lurches to his feet and quite nimbly grabbed his bar stool and swung up back to hit the other one like an executioner with a sword none of us moved because he did it so quick and it looked like it would all be over in an instant but he froze held his pose for a couple of long seconds then just toppled over backwards there was a collective sigh of relief from everyone but the victim who was also passed out face down on the bar this is easily one of the best mental pictures i've gotten so far had two regulars that would come and for bears games like clockwork never missed a game in the two years i worked there nice guys married with kids and working as house painters one looked like michael chiklis the other looked like ned from groundhog's day one day they get fall down sloppy and start causing a ruckus i tell them that they have to clear out and they stumble to the sidewalk five minutes later everyone in the bar is gathering around the front window i look out and these two dudes are making out in the middle of clark street never saw them again holy crap this is all kinds of hilarious years of sexual tension between a manly house painter and his semi-twink looking work friend finally explodes into a drunken makeout session in public i'd love to be there for the awkward post-weekend chat at work but the levels of raw cringe would probably kill me i work as a bartender at a pretty big living cooking buffet but we occasionally throw big parties for a nice extra bit of cash for the company which we don't see any of anyhow we had a pretty big 16 plus party that night and i was bartending with a good friend of mine it was a fun night 16 year olds falling all over the place because they had three four beers and such decent music pretty laid back night of work usually while the party is at its peak this guy probably 17 maybe 16 tries to come up to the bar and strike a conversation with me and my friend the only thing is he's quite drunk and has quite some trouble keeping upright after trying to maintain his balance for a minute or two he reaches for the bar which is metal and soaked in beer after having shoved hundreds of beers over it the guy wants to put his elbow on the bar with his face on his palms he uses pretty much his full weight smacking down on the bar thinking it's safe to lean on and the moment he does his elbow speeds off to the side and he pretty much faster plants the bar it seemed he nearly broke his face but he acts like nothing really happened playing it off cool orders a beer and leaves five minutes later he comes back and asks for a supervisor to check him out because he is not feeling too well turns out he broke his nose in two places and his left cheekbone he must have felt it pretty good the next morning i'm from holland btw hence the reason 16 year olds can drink beer had a guy walk out without paying his tab one night the credit card he'd used to open the tap turned out to be bunk so we couldn't do anything about it cut to a few weeks later when he and his buddies came back into the bar for drinks i told him that he'd left a tab open a few weeks before and he'd have to settle up before i'd serve him anything he acted put out but paid the old tab off in cash gave me another credit card to open a new one he and his friends then set in to get wasted and run up another very large tab during their shenanigans he thought it would be hilarious to throw his keys at me in an act of defiance after i dodged the hastily thrown and poorly aimed projectile i held onto the keys behind the bar presumably forgetting what he'd done he and his friend skipped out on their tab again and although i had pre-authorized the card when he gave it to me it wouldn't accept the large tab they had run up dumb bastard had to come crawling back into the bar when he realized that we still had his keys and he proceeded to drunkenly beg us to give them back to him he had to use two or three different cards to pay off the tab before we would give them back to him all the while he was yelling at us for being dongs he was subsequently permabanned from the bar tl dr drunk guy hurls keys at barkeep pays friends huge tab for their return i had a drunk customer who could not pay her bill run off and call nine one one claiming that i had stabbed her my weapon of choice you ask a sweet potato french fry the reaction of the cop who showed up to look for a blood trail when i told him that the restaurant had discontinued sweet potato fries months ago was truly priceless rock solid alibi not a bartender but i was a cashier at an all-night convenience store this guy walks in completely plastered wearing a hoodie with one of those huge front pockets he goes over to the fridge we ee or suspicious like and starts no so slightly stuffing the pocket with frozen burritos meanwhile i'm watching the whole thing unfold not even subtly staring at him but he keeps peeking my way and then looking away and snickering like he's thomas crown finally he takes a burrito to the microwave unwraps pops it in starts her up and waits for it to finish he brings the warmed burrito over to the counter snickering all the while and pays for it i charge him 34.90 for the burrito and the nine other burritos in his pocket he looks at the register then back at me then back to the register then to me and says that's an expensive burrito you're lucky i'm so hungry he pays and leaves the thing that makes me laugh the most is the idea that he woke up the next morning with a hoodie full of melted burritos most likely tl dr drunk tried to steal burritos i charged him the total for all burritos for the one he actually bought i think the best non-bartender story here i worked at a movie theater where we sold wine and beer this one lady came in and had apparently pre-gamed too much as well as downing a couple of bottles in the theater she got the extra bottles from friends because we cut her off a long time before the bottles after she spilled red wine on the floor leaving the counter movie is over and she comes stumbling down the walkway literally bouncing off the railings and slams a glass of wine into an employee's hands spilling it all over the employee she then slams herself into the counter and screamed do you sell wine to go we told her no when she ran off into the projector room because she thought it was the bathroom and vomited blood red wine everywhere her husband was absolutely mortified paid for damages from the puke and left that was a bad night for a lot of people i bought 10 for weddings at a hotel in the city i live one night i had the sister of the bride come up and ask if it was fine if she showed me her tea and substitute of a tip i just laughed it off and made her drink she then proceeded to pull down the straps from her dress and revealed to me a pair of the nicest tee i have seen i worked at a local bar and two regulars came in really drunk and stoned they ordered beers and just stared into the mirror on the back of the bar finally one of the guys expressionless takes his bottle and taps his butt is with it making it foam all over the bar the other guy looks down at the beer going everywhere and just as expressionless slams his bottle as hard as he can down on the first guy's beer glass shatters all down the bar about 20 people are hit with glass it goes into my ice chest as well which became the biggest issue they look up at me still expressionless i say you know you gotta go now they nod and walk out i used to love my stoned customers if they screwed up like this they were like well i guess i'll see you later then and left at 20 on the bar for my trouble as a tip i've been a bartender at topless strip clubs for most of the past nine years got a bunch of stories i saw the drunk and likely hi guy come behind our bar and grab our knife that we use for cutting limes he was holding it to his own head and his friend came over to try and talk him down he then stabbed his friend in the eye we had this regular a really nice guy tipped well was super polite but he used to get pretty drunk one day he was sitting at a high table and falling asleep in his chair he would start sliding off the chair then startle himself awake for a couple minutes i told the bouncer to get him out but he ignored me two minutes later drunk regular slides all the way out of his seat he tries to grab the table to keep from falling and ends up on the ground with this heavy table upside down on top of him i never saw him again but my favorite just happened this past halloween we had decorated the bar with fake cobwebs and other halloween decorations a very drunk very young customer decided to get a lap dance from one of the girls i don't know how it happened but by the end of the dance he was entirely tangled in the cobwebs looking over all i could see was his hands flailing as he tried desperately to get out i have never laughed so hard in my life the bouncer finally had to cut him free with a knife and it was just in time as soon as he was freed the kid ran to the bathroom and puked tl dr guy stabs friend and i guy pulls heavy table over onto himself young drunk gets tangled in fake cobwebs oh man i've got a good one i bartend in chicago and this last summer the block my bar is on was having a huge street fest no cars bows booths and corn on the cob everywhere there were drunks all day cut too late in the night most of the drunkies have toddled off to bang or barf or whatever most befits them our kitchen is closed and most of the bar is emptying out one of our cooks went downstairs to change and came back upstairs with his face completely white and says there's somebody passed out in the basement there's blood and chocolate cake everywhere instantly tell everyone the bars closed and they need to go home call the cops and ambulance turns out some drunk goon somehow toddled into our employees only basement got into one of the freezers and began to go beast mode on a mostly frozen chocolate cake then bashed his head and bled everywhere then fell asleep the emts made sure he was all right then wheeled him off in a hannibal leg to style gurney to keep him upright as he puked all the way out of the restaurant if the cook hadn't found him guarantee you he'd be dead the follow-up to the story it's a big basement and one of our servers was storing his vase but down there when i helped him bring it upstairs we found chocolate cake all over the handlebars a drunk bastard tried to ride a scooter in the basement man i'm glad it needs keys tl dr drunk guy passes out in our basement covered in blood and chocolate cake that's the way i wanna go out bleeding covered in chocolate cake riding a scooter my manager once told me he had a particular customer used to come in get hammered and then go into the men's room pick the urinal cakes out of the urinal and sniff them to try and get high off the fumes one night my bouncer had to kindly ask the guy to not finger blast his female acquaintance at the bar the guy took offense and decided to take this classy lady elsewhere which was fine but before he walked away he went to high five the other bartender who was unaware of the previous whereabouts of the guy's hand everything started happening in slow motion me and the bouncer yelled as his hand made contact with the bartenders she shoots me a confused look as i pantomime diddling a girl's fun parts and mouth the words he was fingerbusting her the reaction was pretty priceless she shoots me a confused look as i pantomime diddling a girl's fun parts that would be a pretty hard topic for charades spiderman playing a guitar playing a bass guitar bootsy collins thumb wrestling bowling the world's tiniest violin worked in wedding hall we had this one small reception with 50 invited most of them french canadians this is an italian wedding hall in quebec and everyone was having a lot of fun and getting plastered except for this guy this guy with a tiny moustache he's just drinking straight whiskey glass after glass and he's not looking like he's having any fun he's just at the bar drinking alone not talking to anyone so as i serve him a last drink telling him that i'm cutting him off after just as the groom approaches my bar tiny moustache guy chugs the whiskey turns around and yells at the groom mighty should have been emmy then punches him straight on the chin with all his drunken guy momentum i had a hard time trying to explain security what had happened over the radio well i'm not nor have i ever been a bartender i do have a story involving a bartender i lived in san francisco at the time and had actually just turned 21 my friends thought it would be funny for me to only order the drink sex on the beach at every bar we went to i had probably 9 10 by the time we got to the last bar i went outside to have a cigarette and one of the bartenders was out there we struck up a conversation and this lady comes over now i was pretty inebriated at this point so i do not remember what we were talking about but i do remember asking the girl to kiss me the girl looks over at the bartender who just shrugged so me and said lady start kissing i get aggressive and practically bear hug her the bartender starts laughing at me i said what at which point he admitted the girl was his wife now for some reason i freaked out and thought i was going to get my boss kicked so without saying a word i turn around and start climbing the fence behind me needless to say i failed pretty hard and ended up failing on my butt on the other side next thing you know i am looking at a brand new mercedes amg and decided it would be the perfect place to urinate i pee all over the front hood and windshield to this day i can still go back to that bar and the bartender will give me free drinks for pee on the bar owner's car it's been months and if only for a split second i laughed so i applaud you i work at a country club and you would assume the members are more civil than regular bar patrons this is not really the case at a member luau we found out that a male member was sleeping with another member's wife which turned into a fight around the pool area the male who was cheated on was s-faced and got his butt kicked a hack before the cops came what a fun night hahaha male member girl at the bar had a few too many decided to end the night by taking a shot off tequila before they left took the shot without the glass leaving her lips puked back up into it needless to say it was also all over the bar and herself i signal a door guy and back to get her out and clean it up the bouncer comes up to her and tells her it's time to go home she slurs just after i finish my drink and night caps her own vomit back in her mouth i couldn't stop laughing i think i just threw up in my mouth a little bit i'll preface by saying that i work in a dive karaoke bar karaoke seven yes seven nights a week the wood paneling ensures that i have no illusions about where i work but we have medical and dental it's so frickin just two weeks ago i was working monday night when a girl came in whom we had lovingly nicknamed [ __ ] chow over the past few months as she drunkenly left with many of our regulars halfway through the night day i find it horrifying that i inadvertently have better records on people's sex lives in this town and planned parenthood she was already loaded and i told her boyfriend of the week that she was under no circumstances allowed him she needs to stay tight to the bench out front he explains that they aren't together anymore great she's here stalking him now i have a domestic issue after she was told she wasn't welcome i decided to ignore her until i couldn't anymore she was giving out many bottles of vodka in front of the bar so i went to intercede i pointed out the camera on her and her stupidity which escalated very quickly into a yelling match where i called her out on doing c in the alley last saturday treating stds like pokemon cards being a child of the sewer stuff like that now we're in a standoff she refuses to leave because her beloved shwilly that's what he calls himself urban dictionary it is inside and she's threatening to defecate in the ashtrays then proceeds to drop her pants and put her booty on the glass oh and she was crab walking around on the sidewalk for a bit there i fake called the police once that usually intimidates them enough but not her then i actually called them they had a long talk with her as i filled out a trespassing form three hours later she just walks in and sits down at the bar cops again but this time they hadn't had time to file the previous report and had changed shifts so when i flashed them my copy of the trespassing paperwork they ran after her she successfully fled from them that was just a monday i'm trying to get my boss to email me the security footage highlights he edited together right now i'll edit in a link if he can get it to me soon i was working a very large fashion show with vip guests after the show these vip tables were able to stay and look at certain garments again during this time one guy threw up on himself the table and the guy next to him these two covered in vomit then got up on the stage and pee on one of the models but while the security were chasing them out one of them ran through a large glass door and cut himself up pretty bad oh and when we were cleaning up afterward we found multiple wine glasses full of pee and vomit hidden under their table the aristocrats oh goodness to start i had one quiet guy at the end of the bar for most of the night polite quiet good tipper let's call him ggg i worked at a bar in brooklyn ny it was probably around 1 30 on a friday night also known as amateur hour some crust punk and his haggy dreadhead slam piece walked in and ordered freaking seven beers and shot sid nancy style i'd usually happily oblige and take their money however we had recently been wrist slapped for not carding and so i asked for ids acid immediately bursts out a political frick the system rant while nancy proceeds to try and knock all of the beer taps forward at this point i'm busy behind a 25-seat bar and all i can do is try to signal my bouncer to get these buttholes out the bee climbs over the bar and starts trying to drink from said knocked over taps i couldn't believe it my bar back is afk and i'm basically about to cry then i see him good guy comes behind sid grabs his hair along with nances and knocks their skulls together nancy is knocked out cold sid starts mumbling nonsense tries to stand up pukes on nancy and passes out on top of her it was worth cleaning up for the extra hour thanks ggg barely being able to stand finally getting everyone out trying to sweep the same spot for 30 minutes starring at all my checks wondering how to use a calculator throwing said calculator and finally falling asleep in a booth oh did you mean customers you are the only bartender in this thread i miss the industry sometimes i had a regular who was a [ __ ] he would always order seven and seven tools which i found hysterical he was obnoxious and pretentious and if his steak was cooked properly he would wave a twenty dollar in the air and loudly proclaim he wanted to tip the cook one night he got really drunk and began proclaiming i may be a little guy but i got the biggest thong in here i told him to shut up and he began laughing so hard he fell off the stool and much longer drop when you are three feet tall in the end i wound up carrying him like a baby i was a 27 year old girl carrying a [ __ ] it was one of the best nights of my life the cook where i used to work had a sports bottle full of wine all the time we would put the outdated wine in a bin and he would take the bin out every day so he had an endless supply of three four day old wine this stuff is pretty yummy really the oxidation adds a nice complexity to the wine anyways i gave him a ride home most days due to him not being able to drive one day i could not find him anywhere so i sat down at the bar for dinner and won two beers i figured that he would show up before too long he did not so i guess that he had got a ride home and headed out walking up to my truck i saw something under it and realized that it was the missing cook he was sleeping between the back and front wheels on the passenger side if i had not seen him under the truck he would have been ran over i am pretty sure starting the truck would have not woke him by how difficult it was to get him to wake up and get into the truck i work at a hotel bar so some people tend to drink more than usual since they don't have to drive while one lady was trying to keep up with all her male colleagues she was going drink for a drink and shot for shot with them it's about closing time when they all start getting ready to leave the lady stands up and falls face first onto the ground when one of the guys tries to pick her up he falls too eventually the manager had to help her walk to her room where apparently she tried to grope him on the way she was not attractive i was really hoping the number of people that ended up falling down would have kept increasing until everyone ended up on the floor possibly some of them being knocked over like dominoes if you are new to the channel you can subscribe i publish new videos every day until then check another video [Music] bye for now

Channel: Internet Is Fun Studios

Views: 9,292

Keywords: way too drunk, way too drunk to drive, too drunk, bartender, no service, #updootst, updoot, updoot reddit, updoot everything, reddit on tap, toadfilms, pewdiepie, emkay, reddit, askreddit, funny reddit, reddit stories, top posts, reddit top posts, reddit cringe, comedy, reddit compilation, r/, r/askreddit, top posts of r/, askreddit reading, best reddit posts, top posts of all time, people of reddit, askreddit question, ask reddit, subreddit, sub, askreddit school, r/askreddit how to

Id: u99KBtEk3ic

Length: 25min 33sec (1533 seconds)

Published: Fri Apr 23 2021