Aunt's Life is Potentially Ruined by Me - Family Drama EP.21

hello everyone and welcome to another episode of am i the a-hole and today we have an episode where opi's sister-in-law tries to use opie's native american culture as a complete novelty for a wedding but first of all my horrible aunt is one of 10 children my grandmother had they were all born dirt poor but everyone found a way to make it through and live nice lives the majority moved to the big city except for horrible aunt she never even finished elementary school out of laziness and she stayed in my grandparents house living off of her siblings money which was intended for taking care of my grandparents taking care of the house and supplying a little store my mum opened there all of which horrible aunt never did i had to cut out the part where she abused my sister and i throughout our childhood at length horrible aunt had a kid at age 46. she seduced some poor guy so she would get pregnant because she wanted someone to take care of her the kid's father was never in the picture because horrible aunt didn't want to and it was my family's job to provide even more money for the kid now a few weeks ago my nice aunts family of mine went to my grandparents house for a vacation long story short the house is in a horrible state the kitchen was disgusting the fridge was broken and the little food that was there had gone spoilt months ago my grandfather hadn't eaten in days the store was nearly empty it hadn't been resupplied for weeks even though my family sends money for supplies every month and in spite of everything horrible aunt was asking for more money nice aunt blew up and asked why the f she would want more money and to explain first what happened to the monthly wage they're providing her horrible aunt wouldn't answer and she came up with different lies every time however later that night google maps sent me a notification to rate the town i was in i thought nothing of it and clicked i was curious of the reviews of the town and saw that horrible aunt had rated it out of curiosity i clicked on horrible aunt's profile and saw her reviews i was horrified motels video game and electronic stores her kid doesn't own anything of the sore bars among other things appeared in her reviews there's a lot more contacts but i won't put it for length issues i was furious because my mum and my family worked really hard for their money and to help horrible aunt after a lot of thought i reluctantly told nyson and she was furious as well now nyson wants to take horror blanc's kid and my grandparents away from horrible aunt and also to stop any monetary help basically she'll end up in the streets with nothing my mom doesn't know yet but we're on our way to a family reunion to discuss this and everything will be final i swear that i'm not happy for this i just wanted to let them know what their hard-earned money is being unfairly spent on am i the e-hole here not the a-hole ap honestly it sounds like you just saved your grandparents from abuse also you've saved all of your aunts and uncles from wasting their money you're not ruining her life she did that all by herself i don't really understand how she doesn't finish elementary school out of laziness if she never finished elementary school i gotta ask whether that's the fault of her parents or the school system so i'm a mum of three kids my eldest kid is my daughter 23 and she's four months pregnant right now with her first baby she and her boyfriend are really excited to be parents and are preparing way ahead of time they've made a birth plan they're buying baby clothes and they're in talks with a doula and midwife etc she's the first of any of her friends to have kids so she's been coming to me for advice recently we sat down for a mother-daughter lunch and we were talking about her birth plan she asked my opinion on it i pretty frankly told her my honest truth she was being unrealistic with her expectations my first pregnancy didn't go as planned she was breech which ended in an emergency c-section with my last two i wanted a home birth but with a vbac that's risky and i was advised against it none of my pregnancies were comfortable all my kids had liked to kick the f out of my insides and i had gestational diabetes with my last one so my daughter asked me to elaborate more and i told her about the tearing the episiotomy wetting yourself hair falling out postpartum and how much breastfeeding can hurt i didn't sugarcoat i went into pregnancy blind and had a rude awakening when i started having kids she got visibly nervous during our talk i assured her that none of it was unbearable i got my kids out of it after all but it wasn't an amazing experience and forgetting about the pain wasn't accurate in my experiences i told her she needed to be ready she asked if i was trying to scare her off a home natural birth and i'm really not i just wanted to let her know things don't always go as planned we didn't fight but she got huffy and started saying i wasn't helping she just wanted some advice not scare tactics my husband thinks i should have been more tactful as well but i think she needed the hard truth about it all am i the a-hole here i really don't think you're the a-hole herop i mean i'm really glad you're open and honest with your daughter honestly i don't think you were trying to scare her at all you were just giving her a clear objective view as to what it was going to be like i think she'll thank you for that in the future if you know any other women who have had kids before maybe you should introduce your daughter to them because everyone experiences it differently i'm sure maybe something like that could really benefit her peace of mind i'm a 19 year old native american woman oglala and i do bead work as a hobby side hustle and have since i was 14. i'm not the greatest but my stuff is decent enough that i make a pretty good amount of extra money from it my brother 26 has a fiancee 35 who is a nightmare my whole family does their best to be respectful of her and of their relationship but she treated us like a unique oddity because of our culture and when that fascination wore off she began to treat us like we were uncivilized and dumb i argued with her a lot and i was certain she hated my guts until a few days ago when she came to me with a gift card that had 150 bucks in it she was being pure sweet to me and said she was sorry for getting off on the wrong foot i said it was okay i understood but wished she'd be more respectful of us then she started talking about her plans for a native american wedding with my brother i was annoyed and knew it was going to be disrespectful as hell but i didn't say anything i just talked to my bro about it later then she asked how much i charge for the earrings they make i told her 35 she tried to barter with me and when i told her i was firm on my price she got mad but was quiet after a bit she said okay could you make a pair for me and my bridesmaids and maids of honor 12 pairs by november i could do 400 bucks for him i never take orders because i hate being rushed so i told her i'd have to think about it she left all angry about an hour later my brother came into my room and was getting mad at me he said his fiancee already paid for the earrings and why couldn't you just give them a family discount in exchange for being in their wedding i told him no she didn't pay she gave me a gift he asked for it back and i told him no she didn't say it was for the earrings an argument ensued between my brother his girl and i that ended with her telling me i wasn't allowed to come to their wedding and wouldn't be allowed to see my nephew niece if they had kids i said cool i i don't like you anyway and never wanted to be in your wedding and that they weren't getting the money back then she had the audacity to go into my room and start looking around for the money i told her to get out and she started insulting me and my beadwork i asked her where that hatred for my work was when she was trying to buy from me she said it was to be nice because i don't get sales i informed her that i did in fact get plenty of sales and didn't have to rely on trashy tacky karens to buy from me she called me racist and cried hard and played the victim she called me a fat b word so i said that as fat as i am i'm glad i'm not built like a barrel on sticks with the massive head and hog body that she has my brother is threatening to disown me if i don't apologize and make the earrings i know i was argumentative but i felt so disrespected am i the a-hole and then ob post an update i followed the advice of some of you and decided to take the higher path here i apologize to my future sister-in-law and my brother and gave the money back and i explained to my future sister-in-law that beadwork means a lot to me and i have a very hard time taking orders but i would love to make her a pair for her wedding for free but i just couldn't do 11 other pairs she was extremely quiet and sat with a grimace on her face the whole time we all spoke and i could tell it wasn't good enough for her but she never said anything my brother and i cried it out afterwards when we spoke alone and he said he didn't want to choose between her or his family because he cares about her i told him i understood and wouldn't want to make him make that choice and would try harder to get along with her i asked him why he's distanced himself from his culture and from speaking our language together and he said it was because it makes her feel uncomfortable i told him that i know our culture means a lot to him and he shouldn't have to put that aside for her and that he shouldn't allow her to get away with disrespecting his family and culture just because he loves her he got quiet and i could tell that i made him think about things well as i suspected it wasn't enough for my future sister-in-law of karen she and my brother argued all night last night because she was trying to convince him to take my beading supplies to make me do the pairs for their wedding she started insulting my family and me and threw a big fit when he stood up to her currently where we stand is that she was balling her eyes out on our porch and my brother doesn't know how the wedding is going to go or if it's happening at all i'll update if anything else happens opie that was a really crazy story but you're not the a-hole i mean look at it this way you tried to be civil and respectful but she started rummaging through your things and insulting you and your work all you did was dish it back to her and stand your ground and your brother also kind of sounds like a bit of a piece of work and he should not be encouraging her to steal his culture i mean i'm all for cultural appreciation but it seems like she's kind of treating it as a novelty let your family and extended family and friends know the real story i'm sure you won't be the only one not going to the wedding let's see if i can get this across as succinctly as possible i'm 35 and my brother is 39 and he has asperger's syndrome if you met him you would pretty much think he's socially inept he still lives at home with my very aging parents dad's 80 and mum 70 and he has basically never worked just plays video games and sleeps being four years older than me he graduated and started university while i was still in school mum always said i should follow in his footsteps he was very smart back then and had a lot of potential when i finished school i decided to not follow in his footsteps and i took a year off school and just had fun after a year i found work which my mother said was a nothing job i was a forklift driver and i moved out of home for a few different reasons she said i would never amount to anything and that my brother's certifications were the only way to get ahead 15 years later i moved up through the company in various roles and now have a great job that pays well and i can work from home nearly permanently i have a house a wife and two amazing children and i'm proud of all of her my brother has literally nothing and it's because my mother molly calls him because of his aspergers now the issue is that eventually my parents will be gone my dad dislikes the fact that my brother has blagged his way through life and dad has made comments about what my brother will do when they're gone i think my mum is ignorant to the fact that one day he won't have them anymore and that maybe i'll look after him here's the thing i'm not going to do that though my entire philosophy is that he's made this bed and that he's gonna lie in it my in-laws and wife think yeah right you're gonna be stuck with him once he has no parents to look after him so they kind of think i'm an a-hole for being so cold i worked my butt off to get what i have today literally getting up at 3 30 in the morning every day for 15 years just so i could build what i have now and he's literally played video games every night and slept every day for longer than that am i the a-hole for cutting family out of my life like that opie has also mentioned down in the comments that his brother has no intellectual disability and is one of the smartest people he knows okay so let's have a look at this one um given that i have asperger's syndrome myself i do want to make a few observations about this one i get the impression that the fact that your parents cuddled him so much because of his asperger's has hammered home this kind of lazy mentality that he's got now i understand that every single person is different and people with autism and asperger's syndrome are no exception to that and i really don't have enough information about your brother's personality and his upbringing to say what he should or shouldn't do or how he should or shouldn't be but i worry that your mum has allowed him to sink into the mentality that because he has this condition he can't really do anything or at least doesn't have to when i was very young i was literally mute i couldn't speak but i'm thankful for the fact that i had parents who knew how to raise me right and now i'm about to begin a master's degree in interpreting as you say your brother seems very intelligent and he has university education as well but it seems like your mum has never worked on helping him develop a work ethic or helping him figure out how to motivate himself i always had that issue when i was a lot younger i couldn't motivate myself to do anything without someone else forcing me to do it but eventually i kind of just started doing it on my own out of habit i don't think you're the a-hole op i don't think you should be responsible for your brother and you should not be responsible for the way that your parents have raised him but i think that once your parents do finally go it might be worth talking to him and offering him advice maybe once he's got no one left to look after him he'll finally try to stand on his own two feet i mean i don't know that for sure and honestly it could break either way but i think it's worth giving him some wise words i am a 20 year old woman and i have an aunt who is a handful to put it nicely she married my uncle when i was young and has made strange comments to me and my family ever since for example it started with simple stuff like when she told me when i cut my hair i looked better before she would make comments about my appearance and intelligence when i got older she told me to get a boyfriend well you still have a shot at one and when i got promoted at my job at 18 she asked how much i made and then laughed and said she makes more from her unemployment check stuff like that we all dealt with annoying stuff like this because we only had to see her a few times a year and she made my uncle happy recently though my uncle was diagnosed with cancer and is in very critical condition constantly doing chemo and very weak even having trouble walking without losing his breath rather than support him she's complained about how him being gone to do that leaves her bored and flew her kids out from a previous marriage her kids who were in their mid-30s asked her to take them shopping on a day when my uncle had chemotherapy and she said yes keep in mind her kids just flew in from out of state and should be quarantining not going to the mall and my uncle should definitely not have any contact with people who've been traveling because his immune system is so weak however she told them that she would take them and called him an uber she picked him up on the way home but stopped with the kids at another mall where he had to wait in the car where he eventually fell asleep in the sun for hours they recently split up and she was asking family members on his side my side of the family to continue to support her financially as we have when we sent her to rehab helped buy a car etc and she was upset when we told her that we would not do that as she was out of my uncle's life and ours now she keeps reaching out and my family thinks it's best to ignore her and hope she takes the hint i told my family i'd like to tell her directly that she's the a-hole and is lucky we put up with any of her stuff but they think i'm overreacting reddit would i be the a-hole if i told her i never liked her and to stop contacting my family altogether opie you're definitely not the a-hole and you wouldn't be if you said that she clearly was the a-hole the entire time honestly i would say it's not really worth it to create needless drama i mean she's out of your lives now just block her and never engage her again thank you guys for listening and if you enjoyed these videos please like and subscribe as it really helps us grow i will see you guys in the next one

Channel: Ask Goblin

Views: 14,900

Rating: 4.9078341 out of 5

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Id: 1D0FyXfd9J0

Length: 17min 52sec (1072 seconds)

Published: Thu Aug 27 2020