- Do you know anybody in your life that's just a hateful person? - [Audience] Yes! - Everybody knows that
one just hateful person. That's my Aunt Agnes. (laughter) I've never met a more hateful
person in my life, man. This woman, first of all
started when I was a kid. I stuttered right, so she
would never, like she would pay you a nickel to go into the store. She never let me make the nickel. Cause I ain't got all day to wait on you. You down there stuttering and I need to make these sandwiches today. You down there talking 'bout
you want some br br br br it's bread fool, we ain't got all day. Now this woman was hateful, man. I never liked her, cause
she never liked me. She's still living. Oh yeah, I promised her if I
ever made it as a comedian. You ain't gonna make it as no comedian, you ain't even funny. (laughter) Well this routine is
for my Aunt Agnes today. (laughter and applause) To Aunt Agnes who don't like nobody. My aunt, you ever met
somebody don't like nobody? Don't like nothin' or nobody. I bought a brand new car
one time, brought it home she was over at the
house, showed it to her. I can't stand new cars. New car smell make me sick. How the hell do a new
car smell make you sick? That's the best smell I've ever smelled. It's a new car smell. (applause) I was dating a girl one time,
brought a girl to the house, really nice little girl, young. I was about 18 years old,
girl way out my league. Pretty and everything. She ain't like her. Look at her sittin over there. She cute and everything but she too quiet. I don't like quiet people. Who the hell don't like quiet people? (applause) Who? I said well Aunt Agnes suppose
she was loud and everything. Well if she was loud at least
we'd know something about her. She hated the little girl. We live in Cleveland, my aunt,
guess who she don't like? She don't like Lebron James. We from Cleveland, how you
don't like Lebron James? He brought us the only
championship we've ever had. (applause) Lebron James is a good guy,
ain't never been in no trouble. Lebron James open up schools and stuff. What's there not to
like about Lebron James? (applause) I don't like him cause he win too much. (laughter) What? You don't like him cause he win too much? Just win all the time, winning, winning, winning, winning, winning. I don't like nobody win all the time. Cause you don't know how
they gone act when they lose. (laughter) So you'd like him better if he lost? He ain't never lost! I said Aunt Agnes he lose all the time. Cut the t.v. on bet he done won. She don't like Lebron James cause he win. So this bit was for my hateful Aunt Agnes. For never letting me have the
nickel to go to the store. For telling me that I wasn't gonna ever make it cause you ain't funny. Well Aunt Agnes, how you like me now? Let's do some Hey, Steve.
