This is the Technical Difficulties,
we’re playing Citation Needed. Joining me today, he reads books y'know,
it’s Chris Joel. Hello! Everybody’s favourite Gary Brannan,
Gary Brannan. It-- And the bounciest man on the internet,
Matt Gray. Bienvenue, YouTube! Ah, très bien! In front of me I’ve got an article from Wikipedia
and these folks can’t see it. Every fact they get right is
a point and a ding, and there's a special prize for particularly
good answers, which is... And today we are talking about Atomic Annie. Oh! Is it a terrible way to teach people how
to do resuscitation? “Now children, after the bombs fall, “you may find that the person you’re resuscitating
has bad breath.” Am I guessing it’s not an Atomic Ruj…
res…? Put your teeth in, try it one more time. Resusci Anne. No, it’s not. Who is a real person. - What?
- Who is? Resusci Anne. You know the thing you use when you’re doing
resuscitation practice, the face. Oh, so you can walk down the street,
“oh, I recognise you from… oh.”. Well. Let us cast our minds back to 18th,
no, I think it must be 19th Century Paris. Or early 20th Century Paris, whatever… Pick a decade, any decade! Who noticed she had that weird click when you
pressed her chest, and what were they doing? You know she was a dead body
pulled out the Seine, right? No, no! Yeah, the Resusci Annie is based on an unidentified
corpse that was pulled out of the Seine and they cast the face. This is where it gets grim, the person who
did the autopsy… something like the… Yeah, because before that it was bucket of
f***ing laughs! No, this is just a Thursday night in Paris
so far. They pulled the body out and whoever was doing
the autopsy thought she was so beautiful, they made a cast of her face and that is the
face that is used on the Resusci Anne dolls. I’m not giving you any points because it’s
not even remotely related to the subject, but you are entirely right. By a process of elimination we know what it
isn’t, though, eh, Sherlock? It’s like someone came along and went,
“Now that’s a fit corpse.” Yeah! No. No. My God, when you put it that way, yes, yes… It again raises the question
of the clicking noise. You are absolutely right. A young woman whose death mask because a fixture
on the walls of artist’s homes. Urgh. Yeah. Don’t do that. Is it in the testing sites? Is it the fridge that Indiana Jones went in? No, that’s Atomic Smeg which raises more
questions, yet again. It is certainly military hardware, but you’re
not close enough to get a point here. Is it when they tried to power a plane with
a nuclear reactor in the 50s? Ooh, no. Damn it! - Oh s***! Really?
- What was that, I haven’t got…? It was when atomic power was The Way of The Future
and Would Harm No One! Erm, did you not see what we just did, guys? Anyway, they were building nuclear reactors
down to, I presume, like the size of this stage and they put in a, well, it must have been
a B29, because it was a prop… It was a B36 according to this. I’m sorry, it must have been a B36. Cut that. Anyway, they made a nuclear powered aeroplane, and I don’t think it worked ’cos they’ve
stopped doing it. Ain’t that an episode of Thunderbirds? They never actually connected the engines
to the propeller. Now that’s where they went wrong. That would be why it didn’t work! That would be why it didn’t work, I’m
not a scientist, but I-- “I've turned both bits on, it’s not going
anywhere!” Some dude stood in the middle of the plane
going, “Huh, huh?” Have a go… “Oh no, metric and imperial!” If there’s one thing that too much
science fiction has taught me, it's that going like that immediately results
in a load of sparks and you’re going, “Argh”! Yes, but it might have taken off! Yes, but you’re fine after it!
You’ve saved something. No. We've not got off the blocks! This is the
longest we’ve ever been stuck with nowhere. Is it a Blondie album? Oh f***. It’s an atomic something
and it’s ground-based ordinance here. Cannon! Point. You are absolutely right. Ground-based ordinance. Cannon… Trebuchet… Atomic trebuchet! Bloody hell, you could! Are you firing atomic things, or is this just
a massive atomic powered structure? It’s an atomic powered thing that fires…
Atomic Kitten. That would go for… miles? I don’t know. But only when the tide is high. Atomic Kitten songs… ’Cos if you’re going to fire at it something,
it’ll make a hole again. And cause an eternal flame. Chris, Chris, it’s okay, it’s okay. It's Okay is another... Atomic... I can’t believe that’s the third time
I’ve done the walk out. So the atomic cannon, then? Yes, an atomic cannon developed about when? 50s. Tuesday! Wednesday, in the 50s. Yes, have a point, early 1950s, I’m giving
Matt the point there. At the beginning of the Cold War. Well, of course it was 50s if it was atomic. They developed for three years, the idea being to make a cannon
that would fire a small nuclear device. That’s ballsy. How did they get it around? Train! How big was this thing? Very. Train. Very. Ding. Quicker… Correction. Two trains! Bigger! I’m giving you a point for big, and I’m
giving you a point for two. It was two tractors, but it required two extra-long
fire trucks to move the thing. - Okay.
- Ooh. It is an 84 tonne gun. Did it need to be that big? Yes! If you’re firing atomic weapons, you want it far enough away that
the blast wave doesn’t get you, which means it needs to be a-big,
as previously mentioned. Yes, you are absolutely right.
What was its effective firing range? Far! Somewhere in three digits of miles.
Price is Right rules! Six. Miles? I haven’t specified a unit. I will say 200 miles, Price is Right, go… Six miles. A furlong. That’s not very far. It might have been a failure, it came out
the top and just went “plunk”. Which is not great for an atomic device, but
no, about 20 miles, so have a point. And they did actually fire this.
Where did they fire this? In the desert. I’ll give you a point for the desert, the
Nevada test site. Yes, that one that you can still go to, weirdly,
on a day trip. It’s a bit far. They do… Not from here, unless you’re going by nuclear
cannon, obviously. Did Bach ever write an atomic canon? Did what? Oh, for God’s sake. That’s a hell of an organ. That’s right, it’s the classical music
gags, everybody! The test was successful, they made 20 of the
cannons. They cost... What, 20? What were they planning on doing in the
50s with 20 cannons?! Shooting the Russians, remember? Miles away! No, no in all fairness… Have a point. How big is the land gap
between the US and Russia? Drive to an empty bit of Alaska and shell
an empty bit of Russia and just go pfft! Can I just use three words: moral f***ing victory! What you’ve invented there, Gary, is a really
bad intercontinental ballistic missile. Well this is, isn’t it, basically? Yes, but it wasn’t just Europe and Russia
it was deployed to, where else would they have sent it to? Did they send it to Korea to s*** them up? Yes they did. What were some of the problems
with this? Didn’t work. It did work. It got all leaves in it. Everything that was carrying it went backwards
faster than the thing went forwards. When they got there it wasn’t really all
that useful, why not? Because the Russians had invented an atomic
super cannon. Yes, it’s called an
intercontinental ballistic missile. As we scientists call it. Yes, you’re absolutely right, better things
had been invented. So, while they still had it and it was still
a prestige weapon they didn’t ever actually fire it. In the end they realised they could just make
atomic shells for what? Beaches. Any artillery piece in the inventory. Exactly right. They didn’t need the cannon, they could just build a bigger regular cannon
and put a nuclear shell in it. There was something else here called
the Davy Crockett weapon system. This was an attempt to put a nuclear device
in another bit of weaponry, what might this have been? A firework! Oh, we’re not back to wedging things in
cats, are we? A sword! “Drive me closer! I want to hit them with
my nuclear sword!” How would that even work? You perch it on the end like… The Davy Crockett weapon system! Musket! Bullets. You know what you’re closer,
it was a recoilless rifle. So essentially a rocket launcher with
a nuclear bomb on the end of it. And it didn’t have any recoil? Recoilless rifle essentially means
the back end is open, so you’re basically putting a hollow tube up
and the exhaust gases come out the back. A hollow tuba? They’re all hollow. That’s how they work.
If they weren't hollow, you'd just... Oh, yeah! Solid tuba! Do you want to do the gesture?
We’ve all done it once. Come on, get in on this. What were some of the problems with this, with a shoulder mounted rocket
launcher nuclear weapon? You had to carry the ammunition! And it’s right next to your head. That didn’t have the range to get you out
of blast distance. And that’s the big one, yes. Who the f*** is going to fire it?! “So this is fine, yeah?” “Yeah.” “It’s glowing, you know that don’t you?”
“Yes, yes, it’s all cool.” “If this hits that guy am I dead as well?” “Yeah.” “Fuck you.” Just drop it. Just drop it! In fact, far worse, he dies instantly, you
get a slow lingering death. Yes. That’s the other problem. Instantly lethal within 150 metres of where
it hits, fatal dose within a quarter mile of landing. Just drop it. Just leg it! Also, what couldn’t you do to the bomb after
you fired it? Pick it up. Hug it. Juggle it. Use it again. Paint a watercolour. I said “fired”, not landed. It’s not like you’re going to abort it,
it explodes with a nuclear bomb… If it’s going to get you anyway,
it’s going to get you sooner if you abort it. There wasn’t an abort option,
that was the problem. No, it’s a nuclear bomb!
You’ve already fired it! But that’s not what sets off a nuclear bomb. - Yes.
- That’s true that. You fire it or you drop it or whatever, and
then the timer sets it off. Because nuclear bombs have
accidentally fallen out, haven't they, and gone off but not exploded, because there’s one.. is there one off the
coast of Spain, or something like that? Oh, don’t look up “list of nuclear accidents”
on Wikipedia. Yeah, it’s terrifying. Seriously. There’s certainly one off the waters of,
I think it’s Georgia in the US? So yeah, have a point. But you don’t want to turn the timer off, because then you’ve given it to them and
they’re just going to throw it back to you. In the post! Oh that’s a good point.
Did you just say in the post? Well, you just set the timer
a little bit longer! You just wind it up! You address it in a big box that looks like
a birthday cake. You put it in the mail. Why would you have a box that looks like a
birthday cake? Because that box that
looks like a birthday cake is in a bigger box that looks like the kind
of box a birthday cake might come in. Oh, that’s me told! Inception boxing! Are you a spy, and you haven’t told us? Alright, and then you address it to “Head of FBI, the Pentagon.
Happy birthday.” and then like your mum always does on birthday
cards, “Do not open until…” And he’ll go, “Oh, for my birthday, it’s
in a few weeks.” Puts it in the corner of his office,
opens it up, a cake! Cuts into the cake, and that’s when your timer goes off. Don’t you get it so the bomb pops out of
the cake and goes, “Happy Birthday, Mr President…” An atomic Marilyn Monroe! Talk about a blonde bombshell. Really? Really? Yes, that’s your one for the season,
let 'em clap. Tom, that’s a beautiful shot. No, to be fair that was you bowling it
straight down the middle of the crease and we’re just going, “oh, this is easy.” You met it well. I'll give it… Ha, crease… Meanwhile, in Britain. There is a somewhat related
slightly ridiculous weapon project here. Oh, as opposed to where we’ve been
perfectly sensible up to now. Yes, and it’s called Blue Peacock. This was a British attempt to create a tactical
nuclear weapon. They were going to put nuclear mines in Germany. S***! What’s the problem with burying something
like that, that's electronic... - You don’t know where the f*** you’ve put it!
- You don’t know where it is. That is one problem, yes. One problem with that is that during the winter
it gets very cold, the electronics don’t work. How do you keep something like that underground
warm? What was the plan? Thermos flask. Sending sheep out to wee on it. I’m never going camping with you, ever. This only needed to last a week or so. So
how do you keep that warm for a week? Oil fire. Blankets. No, it’s something that is going to generate
its own heat for a while. A cat. You are very close. Oh God. Cows. A bit big to bury there with a nuclear mine. They buried animals with the things? The plan was to bury a chicken.
So I’m going to give you the point. F***ing hell! Who goes, “okay, we’ve got this bomb,
this high tech nuclear thing…” Yep, we need to keep it warm. “What we need to is we put it
underground and we need to keep it warm, “what do we need to put it on? “Chickens!” No, Jeff, Jeff,
we can come up with a better solution. - “Chickens!”
- “Chickens.” Hang on here, are we talking a box here with
a live chicken in it, and an egg-sized nuclear weapon so that the
chicken just gives it this number until the timer goes off. That sounds like it would work. Yeah, that was the plan,
it never actually happened. Isn’t it a motion detection bomb and you’re
putting a chicken, one of the flappiest animals…. It doesn’t detect itself. So how do you set it off,
do you step on the chicken? Well it’s a mine, right,
so you make your box, you put your chicken in the box. Oh, the chicken’s in the mine? Yes. You put your chicken in the box, you put your
pressure pad on top, or whatever and then you put your… Right so you’ve got this really, really
high tech thing and then you put a chicken inside it, because that’s what is going to make this
high-tech thing better! Yes, because it will keep it at a working
temperature without needing to plug anything into it or
keep it running. I sometimes have problems starting my car
in the winter, shall I put a f***ing chicken in the engine? No, just get a normal chicken, the f***ing
ones are too distracted. Can you imagine the-- Warm, cold, warm, cold, warm, cold. NATO's retreated that-a-way, right. You approach what is... you won’t even signpost
it as a minefield would you, like today. You would
just probably see the field. “Chicken farm.” And suddenly… “Free eggs, please come in…”. In Russian. It says it in English but with “in Russian”
in brackets underneath. But you approach this mysteriously
newly dug field, that has nothing on it apart from the sound
of clucking from beneath. Well let’s face it, it works doubly then because you f***ing wouldn’t follow them
over that field! “What the s*** is going on here?”
You'd go back to... “What is it?” “A field of ghost chickens...” At which point, one of the chickens has pecked
his way out and suddenly from beneath the soil,
a chicken’s head just pops out. No, no, it’s got to do Night of the Living
Dead, it’s got to be the right wing. Ohh! Suddenly irradiated chickens start popping
out of the ground all over, and that’s before the bomb’s gone off! Proposed, seconded, get ’em built… Can I just say, Suddenly Irradiated Chicken
is the name of my new prog band, for reals this time. I like you have The Cluck from Below
like it’s a horror film. The Cluck from Below! “New from M. Night Showaddywaddy:
The Cluck from Below.” Many animals were harmed in the making of
this movie. So at the end of the show,
congratulations Matt, you win this week. Woo! Yay. Congratulations. You win a rope
that keeps out vultures owned by the star of Gavin and Stacey and
the Late, Late Show. It’s James Corden’s Condor Cordon. So do enjoy that. Until then we say thank you to Chris Joel, to Gary Brannan, to Matt Gray. Bye, bye. I’ve been Tom Scott,
we’ll see you next time.
Well, it's finally happened. All male panels now look weird to me.
Why is the video quality such crap?