Are Ghosts Real? | Sal Vulcano & Chris Distefano Present: Hey Babe! | EP 22

[Music] don't be a fake don't be a flake don't run away from your feelings babe don't be afraid don't be ashamed don't hesitate to say hey babe hey babe hey babe hey babe hey babe hey babe what's up everybody i'm christa stefano and i'm sav volcano and this is hey babe what's up everybody how are you doing it's good i wanted to get it while you i wanted to catch a midsip and maybe have you choke you on camera what's in that it's nothing it's a powder that i it's a green juice powder it's like superfoods um which uh which uh company let's listen we're gonna listen here's the new thing instead of holding back we're gonna promote everyone yeah we're throwing out a wide net but the thing is here this is organic and it's real we're not saying maserati just to say it no no this is something i use it's called athletic greens okay it's a little bit pricey but it is a it's like a a team of scientists right came together and and and and uh professionals yeah and they they put this uh superfood packet together i it tastes to me actually not even better than decent real it's like it's actually like you know people think that oh it tastes like grass or like earth or green juice because green juice in general can be loaded with sugar sometimes apple and lemon and all that stuff um it just has loaded with vitamins and and all uh you know all your antioxidants so i start the day with it so so that's actually due you skip breakfast and you go right to that for the most part very good and coffee you said coffee is your key when i'm trying to lose weight coffee is an appetite suppressant for me at least right right yeah i'm i'm a guy we are we're having different mornings so far so you woke up you've productive you having an athletic green juice i mean i'm not healthy at all you know that i'm saying well last night actually i went off the deep end last night that's what that's also why i'm probably just feeling good what happened last night there's a lot of food in my mouth went crazy yeah yeah and no and no holds barred just anything i held ball i hold i hold bars all day right and then last night i got home and uh i was like watching the police files a police squad right which is a great show and i looked and we i just recently did a trade of joe's run again i mean we were just like now it's just like now it's just a plug at the plug but yeah let me tell you something i will say something wegmans and i don't know if wegmans is is something that is uh nationwide but wegmans is a food chain here okay at least in the tri-state area that i know yeah that that really does everything right and for a long time they're great to go to wegmans because they also have food that you can eat while you're shopping and they have like places to eat it and it's it's the i mean the selection i could go on i'm gonna tell you something right now and i'm looking in the eye so you know i'm not lying i've never in my life been inside a wegmans and i've have you heard of new york city have you heard of them no where are they i don't believe we have one in new york but they're in jersey w-e-g-m-a-n apostrophe s they might be a double n i'm not sure i think i've heard of them so what is it about wegmans it's a supermarket that does it right they have everything and they have everything from the products that you want but then they have a really nice hot they have a great deli a really nice hot section that you could weigh foods they have a pizza section a bakery right they have sushi they have all that kind of stuff and then they have places where you could eat on premises in the supermarket right so it's a pleasant experience they used to be my my really they i don't i haven't been there a long time but i once tweeted if i could marry a supermarket i'd marry a wegmans interesting see and i'm i'd marry the anp and p you really because i feel like they they took a hot [ __ ] in the last couple of decades well the only reason that was my neighborhood that was my childhood superman same with me that's why i think there's a nostalgia there for me because the a and p i used to like going to my mother i remember it's the first time i was about 10 years old my mother sent me to the anp alone the first time i was ever able to walk alone and do a task for my mother yeah she sent me to the a and p to get half a pound of turkey half a pound of cheese and apple juice because she thinks for my you know next uh you know day at school whatever yeah south the very first time that's why like you say things you bring up supermarkets and knife there's things in my head and i forget the very first time i was allowed to walk to the a p by myself to get turkey to get the turkey the cheese and the apple juice i got it was walking back i was maybe on my corner was robbed by a 15 year old kid with the turkey the cheese the bag was taken i was pushing the floor and then the bag was taken away you're kidding me the number one time she my mother first time you got assaulted and robbed of all your meats my mother is wait she's like you know it's one of those things where it's like 15 minutes you need to be back here if not i'm going like 10 she was panicking i come back bleeding from my elbow she's like what happened i said i got robbed the first time i was not allowed in under her supervision to leave the house alone and do that so i was 13 years old yeah you didn't see a supermarket for years after that no my father would let me go crazy he jacked me up off mountain dew and let me run around but my mother would not till i was 13 maybe 14. what's up everybody i'm back on the road doing stand up to christy chaos stand up tour go to chrisdcomedy.com for tickets christy comedy.com for tickets yes hey babe for me from in my neighborhood the amp was dead smack in the center of my neighborhood so that was it was king like no offense to king cullen but a p was king when i was little i will tell you they've dropped off so about five years ago my dad who had now at this point was like 70 at this point right went into an a p during the holidays our same seems no better our same neighborhood amp get this ready right somebody some guy some guy in there hey babe hey babe earmuffs somebody's in the background so some jerk or something my dad was online and he like rammed into his card or something it was like like a literal movie like like a thing you see in like movies from bullies or something right like he he was like bullying a lady and mouthing off to a lady and then he like hit my dad's card he's like move because you know how like people are online but people stuff they'll go through yes and he just slammed into my dad's car and he's like move and my dad was like what are you doing yeah what's going on i'll move out of your way you ask me and he got he immediately got my dad's face my dad's 70. this was like a younger guy like i don't know maybe like i don't know younger but like maybe 50 i don't know i don't know what but way younger than my dad but but in fairness to your dad your dad at 70 years old is most his most dad's at 45 years old i mean your dad is blessed between the apple cider vinegar between between all his regiments he's not your average seven-year-old i went to his house the other day and he was working out yeah you know your dad's in better shape than the bulk of us i think that's fair to say would you say that's fair actually he i tell you i walked in that he was on that what's that one with chuck norris where you pull your own bowflex not the bow flex like the one where you pull your own body weight man we just do promotion on this show it's the we're the podcast yeah we just yeah we have no promo codes because because these companies are not affiliated with us but we just like to give them free stuff total gym total gym yeah my dad's on that thing in the in his garage going up and down but do you think honestly like could we get to a point where maybe we film this and do this we'll see we'll see what the fans want where we could go to a track and place bets and see if your dad could actually run more laps he might be able to run more can he run does he have knee issues he he can't run he's a back issue he can't run well whatever he can do straight up sciatica he could do more total body reps or lift more weight than us it might be possible i i mean yeah i mean it's possible i saw him on the cruise yeah he actually no i didn't see him on the cruise which is wild yeah back in the day back in the day he used to be in the gym every single day but anyway he's not looking for any trouble this guy literally got in his face it was it was i think christmas eve it was christmas eve he took a quick run to get like nag or something like that yeah and uh and we sent him there and then all of a sudden my dad came back he goes i got into a fight at the a p and but my dad was like he was like he was like almost like not in shock but he was like i can't believe that just happened so the guy got in his face and went right up to my dad and grabbed him he like physically i hate this guy basically grabbed my dad and my dad was like whoa like didn't know what to do and then they my dad went to grab him back and they turned and they fell on the ground am i in the middle of the a p on christmas eve christmas eve a p christmas eve day ampy packed people everywhere guy slams into a woman yells slams into my dad i don't know what was going on in his life grabs my dad gets in his face grabs and they fall my dad ends up falling to the ground but happens to turn full on top of him sits up has full i don't know how however you call it he's on top of him i guess and just gives him a punch in the face that's it just punches him right in the face and the guy was like ah and i think he started even bleeding a little bit and then people pulled them off and separate him and the guy's like that's it he's like who do you think you are i'm calling the cops on my dad and my dad was like i just left yeah so what are you gonna do my dad was like let me just leave so he just left and he was like shake it up is it gonna do a fist fight at seventy a seven year old father yeah just comes in and casually says i got into a fight at the a guy just got into a fist fight fell on top of the guy punched him in the face and i basically like almost knocked him out he's like instinct took over not that my dad you know whatever and then they grabbed me and people were like what are you doing you punched that guy and he's like we attacked me and threw me to the ground yeah like what's he saying my dad just up but anyway my point is a p i don't know about them anymore i don't know i don't know yeah so a p you were a sponsor until a few minutes ago listen hey we can bring you in we could take you out don't mess it you know we could we could mention it and then we could also just put you down right away because last time you went to the amp you got mugged and last time my dad went to stampede guys i know it's got salted and it's like let me be honest with you the thing is with a guy like sal's dad is you know whatever seven years old you don't want to mess with old people though do you ever hear the story about i think it was american tourists they were on a tour bus and i want to say it was like venezuela or colombia they're on a tour bus you know just uh you know like an old folks thing you know several people go on these trips or whatever a guy comes on the bus a you know a native or whatever comes on the bus to rob them to rob everybody on the bus it was a scheme that was going on they were robbing elderly people so they go on to rob the to old people to rob the bus yeah let's see if we can find it rob the bus and the one of the guys who was like with his wife they put a gun to his head he's 75 years old he's in him and his wife he happened to be an ex he was like a world war ii veteran like a marine crazy guy nobody knew you know somehow wrestles the gun out of this 30 year old robbers hands on the middle bus friend of everyone puts him in a headlock breaks his collar bone his collarbone goes into his heart kills him dead on the spot just killed and the guy was like literally like some seven-year-old guy that was they were going to take pictures of like waterfalls and maybe [ __ ] yeah [ __ ] tourists yeah but uh the collarbone break goes directly into his heart and upset so like that's what happens sometimes like these older guys a steven seagal move yeah wow i never heard there we go x marine 70 kills tour thug marine killed a mugger with his bare hands after a tour bus of us senior citizens held up in the costa rican city of limon could you imagine yeah look at this wait can you go scroll up a little bit yeah look the retirees squeezed the 20 year old mugger in the headlights 20 broke his clavicle and choked him oh god the grope that the group then drove the unconscious mugger to a local red cross clinic anywhere he died anyway he died that's definitely you know what i mean all you 20 year olds watching they're thinking to get into a car in the crime life and it says the thief's two other accomplices who are armed fled as the other retirees on the bus started defending themselves it was an uproar it was a serious innocent coup look at this [ __ ] they had look and they were in their right to defend themselves local police chiefs louise hernandez said no one would be charged in the incident just old people just beating the [ __ ] out of it they don't want to stop over from a carnival cruise 12 tourists involved could you imagine oh twelve senior citizens get up and they beat the [ __ ] they killed him [Laughter] what i would give to see it just to see just old old people just beating up young people yeah yeah how freaking ridiculous you know what you know it's a weird thing you ever see like old people you ever see an old person like an older bird like let's say they have white hair at least okay you ever see a person with white hair run it's very seldom ah yeah i've never seen that it's really a tall older person you never really see a tall six foot six old guy you're right you ever think about that what happens to people who are tall i don't think i've ever seen i've never seen somebody six five or over i've never seen a tall old man or woman i've never seen someone of substantial height as a senior citizen it's because they just i know they shrink but yeah but they don't shrink i don't know but i know that you're not gonna yeah you're not gonna shrink that five eight you're not what are you gonna do tall old people i'm not i'm not joking with you i've never seen a tall man or tall old woman not one never never not once in my life i've ever seen anyone i want to say it's rare to see him run imagine you see a tall old woman running that's like a seeing a unicorn what does it say just um uh yeah being tall in itself is not common i mean it is as you get older maybe because your body's taller what about old old nba players yeah what happens to them they just don't maybe they don't i've seen old black men tall tall black man i've seen old black men [Laughter] but i guess i've never seen like a really what i'm saying well then again i'm not really saying tall i'm saying like a retired mba guys you see all the time it's 56 years old i'm talking about a six foot eight white-haired old caucasian man that's 90 years old never never seen it well it says he's homeless pimp has just found the article that says do tall guys die younger there's a link between height and heart attack unfortunately yeah that's like i guess what that's what those big guys like big guys like the andre the giant people they just can't so it's just one of those things where it's like you know yeah but it can't wait wait wait hold on we've been around a long time we've seen a lot of people we live in a metropolitan city yeah we see a lot of people there's a lot of turnover they they might die young as a matter of generality but i've still never seen i've never looked up and seen like a like a fragile white-haired old man it's like six seven six eight nine six five they're only six four i'm i'm telling you i don't think i've seen an older person man or woman over 75 with gray hair or taller than six one i've i'm i think in my life i've never seen one me neither and forget it's all old woman yeah oh no no i've never i've actually never seen a taller i've never seen an old woman taller than five six i would say five i've never seen like a taller old woman that's even five eight or five nine yeah you're always noticeably short and small yeah and and i've never seen an old person run here we go men can gradually lose an inch between the ages of 30 to 70 and women can lose about two inches after the age of 80 it's possible for both men and women to lose another inch okay so if you've got a six eight i'm still gonna see him at six five then yeah so it just seems like the they don't make it if you're that tall you're just not going to make it to old age oh my god if you're an old listener and you're tall can you send us do we have do you have an email address yet yeah yeah i'd like to please reach out yeah we're going to make one of those soon we'll remember next time did we talk about my grandma's 100th birthday no episode yet no did we ever say that so my grandmother yes i have ocd i have to do this ready this is me this is how crazy i am okay i don't ever talk about this i can't have anything pointing at me can't have anything pointing at you like that if i catch it and it's annoying me like um if you had a straw sticking out of your drink okay or you were sitting across me at a table and your fork was like sloped up pointing at me this way okay well like if someone's on the subway and they open a newspaper next to me and like the tip of their papers like dangling right here like i have i just i have ocd with points so literally this point in the whole time we're talking you might even go back and look at this i'm like looking at it like this because it starts to fester in my mind i'm trying to get hypnotized to have it now wait so let me just do that so are we gone now done done okay can you believe that yeah done can you believe can you believe the mental prison that's it that i go through that's a real thing that's happened my entire life i have i now have that point facing dead right at my five-year-old daughter i used to be so bad like sometimes when i get over stimulated i think i have adhd and that's part of it right when i get over stimulated i used to sleep that's so baby can you turn that can you turn it down and go sit over there go sit over there baby because we're live on the show now so [Laughter] no so i uh no delilah you really got to go over there because it's too loud no baby i'm serious it's too loud go sit over there we're not kidding around she's my daughter's just smiling laughing chewing gum in our faces i tell you the speakers on these new ipads yeah i mean what's going on baby come on i don't have to go over there take a look can go sit over there and turn it down we might just have to do the podcast with this on the background because i'm just not gonna be able to get it she she walked over there she didn't lower it she'll be no no no no no what i'm saying to you is she'll meet you halfway that's about it you're not you're really baby you got to turn it down now she's covering her ears so she can't hear me is it bad i'm laughing maybe i'm encouraging no no here you know what let me turn it down let me check your little lucia ball it's okay no so okay so i had a studio apartment i sleep on a couch you know there my point is it's just like i was i wasn't in a bedroom so it's like right in like my main living spaces where i slept right so sometimes when i was like overstimulated and the points are bothering me this is wild dude i would have to get up in order to like be able to sit on the couch or go to bed i would have to get up and go turn any single point in the whole room that was facing toward me i had to either turn it so that it was parallel to me or as a quick fix sometimes i would take a sheet and just throw it over like my console and everything so it would cover everything at once so points wouldn't bother me that's crazy so like so so if i'm not even exaggerating everyone in my family knows it you have no idea where it came from stop getting like like i don't know how to explain to you but if you don't have a thing like an ocd thing it's ocd right but if you if you have an ocd thing and it's bothering you and it's not addressed it drives you you it physically manifests itself in you so i start getting like tense my neck and my back like i start like literally getting uncomfortable like to the point so if i was interrogating you and i wanted i literally could just put this like that and as the time goes on you tell me exactly what i need to know like right now this is making you uncomfortable it's like pointing a loaded gun at you it is similar to that it's why it's similar to that yeah it's one yeah you can see in his eyes so sometimes i look around i swear to god techniques right sometimes i just do this when someone's there i do this because as long as the point is folded in now that won't bother me at all is there are there types of pillows or types of things you can get when you specifically look on things that have no points like this table doesn't have a point or this is still what that that won't bother me it's a rounded edge it's a rounded edge yeah that was going to be so that was going to be my point is at what point do you consider it a point that it affects you yeah like sometimes like even the plants sometimes like hanging off like that like anything near my eyes really pointing toward me can't do it it's wild it's crazy but here we are talking right and we're talking about this seven-year-old thing and the whole time in the back of my mind i'm going oh the point i got i don't want to make a thing of it but you know what it is sometimes i don't want to make a thing of it so i would just lean over and turn your pillow for you yeah if i don't address that i look like a psychopath yeah so you got the back hey this is what i'm doing and then i gotta make a big to-do out of it and go it's not you it's me i have a thing with points and people go what about the points listen i have to tell these people and everyone didn't think i'm lunatic every at any point if there's a point on any my body or my person that's bothering you you tell me same thing with my daughter you tell her she won't listen but so so so wait so okay so we're talking about but we were getting backtracked because the first thing we were talking about was trader joe's about how you had you had a binge fest last night yeah well because trader joe's because not support not that we we not to plug another market but traded joe's just out does everybody else now i think trader joe's might have overtaken wagons for me and that doesn't mean wegmans you can't which is insane if you know sal what he just said is monumental that anything to overtake wegmans is big it's big but wegmans isn't here right on on the uh you know where i am so it's like you know not nothing against wegmans but trader joe's is they do their version of like every other food like they'll have their version of waffles their version of ice cream it's better than the name brands i believe right my point is they're healthier too right it is they just have good stuff and i i i went yesterday so last night when i got home i had a i was fully traded joe's joe stocked now does trader joe's deliver or do we have to always physically go to the store to get trader joe's even during a pandemic will they deliver i think the trader joe's actually as much as i love them needs to get their head out of their asses and start delivering no they have those like third-party food services though that will go you know that they get your groceries for you they're like personal shoppers there's like an app so you could put in your whole list and like a third party like a person almost like an uber will go grocery shopping for you you know bring it right to your house blew my balls off when i found this out you know how i found out we were filming in a supermarket and we went up to someone and like oh i'm i'm i'm not shopping for myself i'm personally shopping for someone else and we're like what are you talking about like there's an app like so so you could do that you go grocery shopping for someone else and then you deliver it to their home it's a genius idea that's a genius i guess i guess i take back what i said about traders because maybe there's not a market for it you know maybe it's not a you know because people are already doing it they're already doing it yeah but well i guess yeah i see yeah here we go let's just shout out the app it's called instacart why not not a sponsor we need to make a list of every person we name drop and sponsor and if they do not get back to us i mean in in like in like 10 episodes we will just turn the tables on them that's it because i mean the free publicity we're giving you is monumental yeah instagram people love it so um i use that too i uh so wait so we were talking about we were talking about before ate like crap you you had to eat a little bit now too because you i had to because last night you know one of those it was just one of those nights where this happens you go meet we were walking we were we were walking around forest hills queens with my friends from home one of them and we started drinking a bunch of white wine spritzers seriously what happened was we there was six guys we sit down at a table one of my friends says oh this is where son of sam killed a couple of people we're like random but cool and then the waitress comes over he's like what can i get you boys to drink you want some beers and then one of my friends like why don't we start with some strawberry margaritas so we were like let's have famous last words let's have a strawberry margarita it's funny we're taking pics starting margaritas she go comes back let's do a second round by the second strawberry margarita we're all smashed so we're all smashed we start eating food drinking more drinking water go back to one of their apartments start they bring the weed out which as you know i'm not a big weed guy no you're not brings the weed out before i know it it's 7 30 this morning i'm asleep on their couch i have to wake up i don't know where the hell i am i'm wearing the same clothes i wore in the same clothes for 24 days 24 hours and uh and i just yeah right now it's one of those things you just made me an espresso which thank you yeah starting to finally kick in but i'm i have a hangover and i smoked weed yeah that's not like that's not like you at all and i know how you're feeling and that's why we ordered a big lunch a big lunch yeah huge yeah which is i got a chicken here's what i'm gonna tell you guys what we got but i got i got we got pizza we got uh lobster mac and cheese we got chicken fingers i got a chicken franchisee wrap but whole wheat whole wheat whole wheat because you made the order there needs to be some responsibility on calorie intake i'm also up for a job where i may be on tv so i am going whole wheat exactly yeah yeah exactly i'm trying to lose a little weight too i got murray's wedding coming up right and i and i got to fit into a tux i just found that out so i'm trying to just back off a little bit but last night was if you know if if you would ever see you know when you're home alone and you don't think anything of it but i'm thinking back to last night okay if there was a video a video feed on me it was you saw like the the spread i put on the coffee table while i watched the files of the police squad yeah i had to take us through what was on it okay last night yeah i'd like to know okay i had gluten free pretzels okay i had peanut m ms okay i had buffalo chicken dip buffalo chicken dip yes you find the most outrageous foods that sound so fantastic that i've never heard of but every time i come to your house every time i coming out i find a new food that i go and order and i'm happy that happens i've never heard of buffalo chicken dip and then it's just immediately what i you know what i didn't hear it either until i went to trader joe's i gotta be honest with you sal four times i've come here four times when i'm leaving your parking lot i'm on amazon waiting at the light ordering the foods that i just saw in your car i love this that's what it is this is if this is what i can do for you then i'm just filling my peanut butter i clean hey baby i was at the light at the same light i'm pumping stuff out by the way i haven't heard from saratoga yet but the episode wasn't released it wasn't released yet once it's out just know i cleaned out your and i'm waiting it's it's in in root yeah so so uh so so that had that and then i also had um they have a really great salsa dip with olives wow dynamite i had that with some tostitos can't eat olives my cousin uh that i grew up with used to dip i used to put olives uh five olives on each finger so ten olive fingers and dipped them all in mayonnaise and eat them and one time she got so sick she started throwing up and olive came shot out of her nose and landed on my knee so i can't eat islands ever again in my life i still to this day just thinking about that i'm getting queasy i got to say something i love olives and just hearing that story makes you want to wait on all of this dipped them in mayo and she puked one out of her nose once and it landed on my kneecap that's what just happened mayo okay mayo is a weird food right there has superpowers because mayo if i'm in the mood for mayo the right amount on the right sandwich past that man i love it i love it but if you say mayo in the wrong context or add males are the wrong thing it's bad it could literally make me dry heave to the point where i might throw up just like you just said right why why does mayo have that power what are the power what other food has that power well let's say well well i think the only way to answer it is to go deep take a deeper dive into what mayo actually is and what it is is it's made of oil egg yolks lemon juice or vinegar and seasonings which by the way all those things individually zero issue with any of them zero lemon egg yolks fine vinegar fine fine seasoning but i think what ends up happening is that consistency yeah i think it's what happens i'm a big time i have so many people are mayo adverse i'm i'm i do a very weird thing pimp you don't like mayo on anything not even a time of place what are you putting tuna sandwiches you avoid tuna on account of mayo also we hit this is you're the perfect demographic yeah you you you you avoid mayo at all costs but there was that my neighbor when i was young used to have mayo sandwiches yes on potato rolls you know that i love cereal yes it's one of my top three foods right and i couldn't eat it i had to abandon cereal because most cereal is terrible for you right it's just sugar no matter what you think it just gets out to sugar so i stopped but uh we got a sponsor on board i tried it and cereal is back for me it's got to be magical magic spoon everybody talks about magic spoon i mean everybody literally because is it oh it's got 13 grams of protein 13 to 14 grams of protein only four nut gram only four net grams of carbs and it's only 140 140 calories a serving you have a stroke just yeah do you smell toast i'm sorry listen to me here's the part though i lost my mind because i got excited it's zero sugar though zero sugar it's zero sugar so and they have like chocolate they have frosted they are fruity uh cocoa with peanut butter which they say tastes exactly like a peanut butter cup you know how you'd like have healthy cereal and taste like oh this doesn't taste right right somehow they made this cereal taste like actual cereal again yeah and then you could just eat it and it's not bad for you it's like it's ridiculous i've been pounding boxes i probably cancel out the health benefits by eating a sleeve of four boxes of magic spoon every time i eat it well listen if you go to magicspoon.com hey babe you get a variety pack and you get five dollars off your order but here's what you got to do you got to go to magicspoon.com hey babe but also put in the promo code hey babe don't forget to put in the promo code hey babe after going to magic magicspoon.com.com hey babe sorry i'm just going to let sal do it i love magic spoon remember get your next delicious bowl of guilt-free cereal at magicspoon.com hey babe and use the promo code hey babe to save five dollars off chris yeah can you please tell me if you know of any place that i can go if i want to get a little bit of discrete counseling off the top of my head the number one place that i i'm thinking of is betterhelp.com well what's that i gotta go to some office no what's that i gotta pay outrageous prices no well i gotta wait two weeks to start it nope you can do it from the comfort of your own home get a discreet licensed counselor to hear whatever it is you want to talk about for a great price if you put in the promo code hey babe you actually get 10 off the first month 10 off american go to 10 as far as i'm as far as i know i was told 10 american money wherever you could be in islamabad pakistan right you're still going to get off 10 american for the first month by going to better help not health better help help calm promo code hey babe h-e-y-b-a-b-e 10 off the first month it's just it's the right thing to do i can't believe i asked you that because you had all the information i needed sal a lot of times i'll see you doing things and i'll say why don't you just ask me yeah and i'm happy that on the podcast you decided to ask me remember that time i was just putting a straw into an orange and you were like you should just pour yourself a glass of juice yes i should defer to you more often and where do you think because like i was just like you how many times did you see me putting the straw into the orange a lot how did i learn to start drinking orange juice betterhelp.com betterhelp.com is where i learned that you don't have to do that it's just in the commercial do they stick the straw in the orange juice you don't want to make sense because we could all use better help dot com backslash hey babe for 10 off who doesn't want 10 off the first month of anything i want 10 percent off everything they're getting me spoiled yeah better help is getting me spoiled yeah i store them into a room now the first thing i say is i want 10 percent off i want to talk about where i am yeah if they come to back to this show and they want to advertise we love your fans so much they've been they've been supporting betterhelp.com hey babe so much we want to give you 20 off i'm going to say no it's going to stay at 10. that's right it just feels right you're not trying to take advantage it just feels right betterhelp.com hey babe the only thing i would say i avoid at all costs and it's just because i can't wrap my head around eating something from that animal even though i know it's crazy because it's like what's this between this animal and veal is one goat cheese yeah i can't eat goat cheese or anything from a goat and i've never had gold i told you what i've never had yeah yeah yeah veal veal chop pork chop and goat cheese never had that never seen the godfather i told you that yeah yeah i mean one day one podcast is gonna be dedicated to all those things yeah yeah that's what we should do we should schedule a special one right when we watch the godfather live and you eat like a goat cheese crusted pork chop that's what we'll do yeah goat cheese like i don't mind goat cheese because i don't think of it as like i'm eating goat but i guess i am but we all like it's not like you're eating like a goat burger or anything any type of cheese or milk i mean it's just coming from the cow have you ever seen this is going to be have you seen what milk looks like before they put the white color before they put white color before they color it i mean you know what will they pasteurize it isn't it white when it shoots out no it's not my friend it's disgusting it it's almost like because we're going to eat we probably shouldn't look at it but it's it's it's brutal what comes out of that cow's body i mean thank god i switched off a regular milk about seven years ago yeah i only do almond and i do an oat i do almond i i usually go with oatly or almond breeze which everyone wants to be a sponsor let me tell you something right now i love blue diamond blue diamond is my absolute jam for when it comes to i've tried everyone i've tried silk i've tried them all yeah but this is so funny that we just literally talk about name right but this is why but but blue diamond has the right amount it's not too harsh on the almond taste right and i love their unsweetened sturdy calories for an eight-ounce glass yeah and i just really think you can't get hurt you can't even drink it lately coconut milk i'm going it's it's wild to drink the coconut milk and they have now half almond half coconut i have had it yeah i've had it it's interesting i got to be in the mood yeah yeah yeah i got to be in the mood um i uh yeah why don't we show that is milk right there you were telling me that's it's disgusting it's like clumps of stuff and blood it's gross oh it's yellow it's like piss and infected stuff it's gross yellow cheese and it looks like what is that it looks like cheese and piss it's gross i want to see i want to see the um how do who's the first person to milk a cow and be like i don't know you know they think that the elders are just hanging it was one person you know that right like even if in many different places people figured it out without communicating yeah still at one point it was one person that always fascinates me too because every single thing you look at think of say every word you say was said first by one person every person someone put a plant in a pot for the first time someone framed a painting for the first time right someone made a couch for the first time i mean someone they might have made it right but it was always a first one of those blows my mind who's the first person to just like stop pulling on the cow i know or or you have to be a sick maniac to even think about that but like this animal background there was no internet nothing there's no incident back then there was no clothes speaking of animals you told me you had a video of an octopus walking on the beach that you said actually this video gives him chills on his spine i haven't seen it yet i played it for pimp because i wanted to pull it up for you right before all the hair on my arm the heart is going up in his arms again all the hair on my arms where he's done there was i saw it on world star world star world world star but i saw it look okay this is on the beach an octopus running on the beach right now it just looks like okay he's gonna press play and you know he's i would i i'm speechless let's see okay i mean what what the hell is that are you kidding me you imagine you saw that coming toward you it looks like an alien looks like a full-on alien how did that's humongous i mean look at the way it moves it does look you know but it's one of those things look at the brain like the big that's its brain right thing i mean it looks like fresh calamari what's better than columnar that's actually what is that what they cut up into that it's called yeah but not that that big that's one of the biggest scenes that thing has to be as big as a person right yeah that's humongous and it's got a big and it's like is that i don't even know what they eat i know nothing about the ocean i know nothing it's it's like alien-like to me i do know this though i think we might have spoken about this but like dolphins i think octopus they say might be one of the most sentient smartest creatures on the planet really yes and and people they're look at these look at that look at these giant octopus squish god that is without a doubt it's as foreign as dinosaurs like that is there's nothing i don't think there's anything alive on our earth right now oh my god that is is that a person being attacked by an octopus really diver fighting off giant octopus my god get in the sea of japan get out of here let's see look at this look it's wrapping itself around them this is just a guy scuba diving with a class yeah it's just yeah yeah that's what i want i paid freaking i pay 129.99 i get a 15 minute refresher course and then i get attacked by a puss 30 feet down i mean by the way you can't go that far in a class there's like that that looks to be like a class because people following each other yeah it's stuck to you 30 feet down 40 feet down you mean to tell me i'm on vacation with my family then it just then it completely camouflages into the rock into the rock turns the color of the rock yeah that's what octopus can do they turn the color of the thing that they're on what is weird can you imagine we go scuba diving and you get just attacked by an octopus i can't also how do you maintain your composure yeah what do you do what do you do down there the second that thing comes out of your mouth europe shits creek without a paddle my friend yeah also you can't just shoot back up because you have to depressurize as you go up i've scuba dived twice i'm not an expert i might be saying things gotta turn two things i'm never gonna do i don't care i'll never do them scuba dive and i'm never getting in a hot air balloon i'll never do that ever in my life i'll never get in a hot air balloon i don't care about what it looks like from up there i don't want to do it ever in my life and my daughter's not allowed to do that or date guys on motorcycles yeah i agree i would never do either thing i never did a guy in a motorcycle i'd never take a hot air balloon and i would never yeah well scuba diving i did you did i may do it again but i am i am now second guessing oh i got this i got the point that eating octopus i didn't notice it's only if i noticed yeah this guy's in so you're pretty safe yeah um people because there's a debate on whether we should be eating octopus octopus yeah now i have an aunt very you know she wasn't trying to be funny at all she just she would just do this she didn't understand she would just like you know realize what she was saying she would be like oh like she anytime she would say octopus she would just say she would octopussy she would just say she would just say oh you know the octopussy and the you know any she said it not like you're saying octopus that much in conversation but multiple times i remember being like oh the octopus in the ocean which was a james bond movie octopussy yeah james bond octopussy i believe it was don't quote me on it it was it was i i don't by the way don't know why it was named that i think maybe it was james bond octopussy cast maybe my aunt was why was it called octopussy was it because it was that one of the names of the agents agent octopussy and his associate wealthy afghan prince kamal khan and his associate octopussy and the discovery of the plot to form disarmament in western europe with the use of a nuclear weapon so that's what it's about yeah so i love how like movie makers they could you ever see you ever seen that movie you heard that title abraham lincoln vampire slayer yes it's like that sounds like a movie that the guy just was fed up he's writing his apartment said you know what hey babe i'm gonna go to the studio tomorrow i got a meeting how about abraham lincoln slaying vampires what do you guys think take it or leave it i don't give a [ __ ] i'm out of this town i i gotta like we love it yeah because i gotta be honest that kind of like go get like you say that to me i instantly like i have to watch us yeah abraham lincoln who's slaying vampires what can you do unbelievable what can you do but that octopus like what do you think you eat octopus i eat octopus i eat calamari yeah which i've heard if you go to the wrong place and they don't have an imitation calamari is actually pig anus that's what i've heard so that's something to think about who's who's doing that to people i don't know oh is it i don't know which which type of uh you know what don't you know what whatever it is yeah whatever some questions google it yeah some places they uh they do pig anus as calamari so is that head is the octopus head when is this when it's a squid when it's a calamari is it just a baby it's not a it's in the octopus family what are you talking about calamari is not it's squid squid is a type of octopus is octopus a type of squid or squid a type of octopus or is it the exact same thing i think i in i'm thinking that they're interchangeable i'm thinking octopus is a squid they would say you're eating octopus part of there we go tentacles are edible and often included on a plate of fried calamari the body is the prime section i mean it could be stuffed whole cut into flat pieces or sliced crosswise into rings yeah so that that head is the thing that they dice into rings interesting i think but like what about the ones what about what's intended but don't they have a big brain in there so they just shoot their big brain or it's kind of or it's or it's a kind of nut sack i don't know what it is it's either it's head or it's balls i used to never eat the tentacles when i ate calamari only the rings because the rings just feel like you could be eating anything it could be anything but sometimes you see the little suction cups on the calamari yeah and i and i still to this day depending on how hungry i am will pass i've i've been known right say could have calamari only rings really sometimes they oblige interesting interesting i've never i have a friend who's from the country of spain she eats calamari sandwiches she said that's a big thing in spain really calamari sandwich she goes that's what you will have calamari sandwich that's a it's the it's the thing to do in spain boom there you go calamari sandwich she said she eats them all the time puts mustard on it yep what mustard yup she said it's the best that's what they do look i mean it's it's it tastes good but it's fried up with some sauce i mean i guess i could throw it on a piece of garlic bread why not well i was telling you i was talking about before my late great uh grandmother who loved calamari she died on her it's okay so here's the thing when you get when you turn 100 you get a card from the president from the president united states sends you a birthday card saying you know you're a centarian happy birthday to you know how you're serious yeah she got a card from ronald reagan on her 99th birthday because he messed up he messed up and she liked ronald reagan she had thought he was good for the country and then he sent her a card on her 99th birthday instead of 100 got the years wrong she said i'll never i hate ronald reagan and then she said this is crazy i'm about to tell you it was an upcoming election she said ronald reagan wins its election it's the only thing that can kill me she said ronald reagan wins ronald reagan wins in 1984. i think it was 84. whatever year ronald reagan won his final term my grandmother died the day after her 100th birthday she turned kidding me ronald reagan was elected she held out she turned a hundred died she died on hand to god she died on 100 in one day they went to go 100 years in one day what do you think trick question i don't think more than 50 million men in the united states you know what they suffer from i'm gonna give you the initials mpb m m p p b yep michael peanut butter nope okay male pattern baldness okay same male and baldness and guess what yeah there's actually what when i when i this morning i woke up first thing i said to my mother my mother stepped over first thing i said to i said mom there's got to be at least five fda recommended products for male pattern baldness she said i would say more than that honey guess what only two there are only two fda approved medications that prevent hair loss you know what one of them is you know he keeps they don't no that's not the medication keeps offers both of the two fda approved medications yeah you ruined the whole thing oh i'm sorry no no we're going to keep going we're going to keep this in okay yeah well keeps convenient virtual doctor consultations and medications delivered straight to your door every three months you don't have to leave your home you don't have to leave your home guess what what you know what whenever this episode comes out yeah it's probably going to come out somewhere soon yeah around easter time yeah guess what baby you're not getting peeps this year you're getting keeps that's what you get what you got to do all you got to do if you're ready to take action and prevent hair loss now all you got to do is go to keeps p k-e-e-p-s dot com slash hey babe to receive your to receive your first month of treatment for free what is it sal tell them again that's k-e-e-p-s dot com slash hey babe to get your first month free k-e-e-p-s dot com slash hey babe hey you you got bush i bet you do and guess what it's getting hot out the last thing you want is a full bush so i have the answer manscaped honey i'm doing the ed manscaped okay what you want to get out there in the summertime and you want to make sure your balls are nice and and trimmed you don't want any crazy hair out there any it's it's a it's a nightmare down there if it's the hot summer months honey i'm doing the ad um this is how we pay for this is how we pay for your school manscaped that's what you need to do the lawnmower 3.0 will keep your balls as smooth as eggs as dave chappelle said the perfect package 3.0 kit comes the essential lawnmower 3.0 it's waterproof it's waterproof so if you have kids who like to flush things down the toilet they can't flush this thing down the toilet because it's waterproof you'll also find the crop reviver or the ball toner a spray-on testy toner that's designed to make your balls smell irresistible be sure to add the refined cologne to your arsenal um you can get 20 20 off free shipping all you got to do go to manscape.com hey babe that is manscaped.com hey babe 20 off free shipping it's 2021 and you still got bush you can't do that okay it's about the bald eagle where americans here manscape.com hey babe char change that no oh wait hold on it's 20 21 you still got bush no you got to change that with manscape manscape.com hey babe bandscape.com hey babe be free be bald i'm my sister my mother sister my aunt went to go wake up her mother on her 100th birthday for a big party and she was dead in her bed on her 100th birthday she clock struck midnight she turns 100 we're having a big party she dies on her 100th birthday in her bed i mean how nuts is that that's crazy but that is baller yep that's just like you know what that is i swear to god this is what that is ready the shot clock is literally it's just it's a it's it's it's a fade away it's a fade away jumper could you imagine she faded away at the it was like 100 bucket the place goes nuts yeah and she fades away fades away i mean her it would be like and i think i forgot what she was born but it'll be like whatever like 1884 november 20th 1884 to november 20th 1984. was she tall she wasn't tall that's what it was check's out story checks out story checks out heart my grandfather who was six six died at 50. there you go pitch for the new york giants wow yeah your grandfather was a was a professional new york giants yeah your grandfather my grandfather was a professional baseball pitcher yeah yes your gum fell out all right babe did it hit the floor yeah did it hit the floor is it in south's couch no as long as it didn't hit the okay here's the thing so for me i don't know what made me do this but since i'm a little kid i always use a hundred as the benchmark of a long healthy life when you're supposed to pass okay so like people make it to their 90s i'm like okay but anything short of that i feel like the people are getting gypped but really the age is like the life expectancy age is like 80s i personally think if you make it to 90 you've lived a fantastic life 90 years old that's like you really made it right i mean i just feel like 90 is 90. it's a long time it's good anything over that it starts to get a little like you know yeah what kind of quality of life are we having right right you know i always just thought a hundred because i had like my grandfather lived to two um 200 two months before my grandfather lived at two months before he's 96 one of my grandfathers and my great-grandmother i think lived to like i think 98. um and then yeah i lost a little earlier than that but i'm always like so that's like way way you should reach you know what i mean but it is true it's like yeah as long as i have a friend whose grandmother's like uh casey and colin's grandma i think is like high 90s right and she lives alone and has all her wits and just fully functioning adult and fully functioning god bless i mean what are you the mental acuity you need you need to i mean i i can't i'm gonna fall apart big time oh dude mentally and physically i'm not even there now it's just different we're just different cuts of cloth of men so my grandmother who died at 100. her husband who died you know earlier in life i didn't i didn't know that you know i didn't i didn't know him i i don't think i ever even met him or i was maybe a little little kid but um you know my mother's father fought in world war one okay as a 17 18 year old kid four world one got injured was um was you know uh whatever like in handheld combat like with the germans in those trenches or whatever when he's 18 not 18 years old say so he's so he fights when he's 18 yeah which by the way yeah thou shall not grow all now uh the world war one documentary um i think it's called what is it thou grow old dal shanakro old where peter jackson the director of lord of the rings brought to color world war one footage absolutely watch it even if you don't like war and history it's the the sickest thing i've ever seen in my life to see it in world war one you see world war one info video and pictures uh in color and they did had uh lip readers come in and see what the videos were saying and they actually uh put video uh put um voices to what the soldiers were saying and what they actually were saying in the video it's crazy where where can i watch this this is on it's amazon prime or what you know wherever your local streaming service local streaming service sorry hbo max which you can also check out in private jokers again amazon prime netflix yeah max peter jackson that's what it is we could just call this the plug yeah so so but the point is that we're just different kinds of men yeah because eight it would just cut different costs you know world war one 18 years old fights comes home in his 60s goes and gets you know a routine surgery whatever old guy surgery colonized with gallbladder surgery whatever i think it was a gallbladder surgery they go gallbladder takes out a bullet was in his body my grandfather had no idea he had been shot by a german rifle they had a bullet from 1919 that was in the back of his leg for and had just throughout the years you know found its way through his body and lodged itself and was eventually didn't even know it he had no idea like oh i might have a little lump here he said allegedly to my mom that like you know we all got shot we all things blew up it's just part of the war yeah you can't fix every hole kind of thing but he had a bullet in his body had no clue my grandfather who passed away two two months before is 96 yeah he was in world war ii hand-to-hand combat in the jungles in new guinea and everything really told me crazy stories got attacked by an alligator when he's washing his clothes on a rock in a river swear to god attacked by an alligator attack just uh ran and banged him with the snout knocked him off saw it jumped back on the rock and the alligator was in there he had to get away from the alligator was he butt naked because he was washing his clothes he didn't say that part if he did if he was he left that part out interesting at that time he told me he choked on a poison on a on an apple in war no no no when he was a kid when he was a kid he got sick from food poisoning yeah and he swallowed like a apple pit that was bad and they said they had this like woman come to the house and she made this concoction of like oils and stuff yeah and made him drink it and then just just gave him and just the apple shot out of him like an oily really yeah he said he had like back then i mean he was born 1918. you ate a bad apple yeah you you might be it might be curtains wow it might be yeah my [ __ ] speaking of curtains but we'll get to that in a second but uh but also he was swimming at a public pool okay someone jumped off a high dive board and the heel of their foot while my mom was there with them as kids my grandmother and my my three my two aunts and my mom their heel hit him in the head crushed his skull he knocked unconscious went down to the bottom pool had to be rescued from the lifeguard was unconscious about to drown caved a golf ball-sized caved a golf ball-sized hole in his forehead that then was never repaired so my grandfather had a dent in his head right at his whole life he's not it wasn't unsightly it was almost like really kind of cool like almost like a like a characteristic or anything like a cool guy but it was a full pivot oh my god not like that guy though more like like i don't know like it was like right here so it was like part in his hairline a little bit and he lived with that and it was just was like from a guy's heel that crushed him so his whole life his whole landscape of his head changed one day full dent in his head i've only known him with the dent yeah by the time i was born he had the den i don't even know him deadless yeah yeah yeah so he's just so that so he's just and that's the one he's bullets was shot at him a hundred times one time they got ambushed and he said his superior told him he had to run to go get something and everyone that ran before him just got shot and he was like yeah i'm just not going to do it yeah i'm superior i'm like but if i go right now this end of my life yeah we need to talk about this yeah yeah yeah and then they he said that they they left their camp and then when they came back all their stuff was looted and uh machete to pieces because they wouldn't get their supplies back in the rations right like he was in the the the absolutely different people i got a covent test for the first time yesterday and i almost i cried and i slapped the man in the arm with me i swear i went for the first time to get a cover test all the way up your nose all the way up i didn't know anything about it you said you got one i got one oh that's what it is that's what happened to my nose yeah i got it he didn't go in straight he went in up i went and up he went up for me too but i think the he didn't unless it's just i in my head it felt like he went up but maybe he maybe i want to guess that he just went back i think they went back oh wow oh wow yeah you can do that positive or negative on rapid test 15 minutes later it's the first time i have that when you do the rapid test uh local doctor you go to the city like yeah i went to like what do you call it yeah like um an urgent care 15 minutes though 15. you just sit in the office they say we'll come right back 20. i went in had an appointment walked in they put me in a room yeah they took me within five minutes i went outside waited in the car yeah 15 minutes later they said negative and i was like oh my god that was amazing that's it like because i've never known it's all the time i've never known that from the beginning like right i haven't had it but you never know if you have it you know you don't know you try your best but you don't know if you're walking around with it so it's like it was a really cool feeling in that moment he said negative in that moment i felt like a superhero right yeah i texted like my grandma like i want to drive to jersey right now she's 90 and just give her a hug and a kiss the best is the one the people who got the antibodies but never got sick they were so shocked that they have so now they're they're you're they're saying hey you're protected from this and you never have to deal with even a sniffle yeah and i wonder it's a real thing it got a case and it didn't kick in hard and then they developed these little enterprises or it was just something from something else well the newest researchers is thinking that some people based off different colds and cold viruses and flu viruses they may have gotten from years past are so similar to kovan 19 that it actually gave you an immunity to this without you even knowing bless you people yeah but if you yeah i have taken the the anti-body test and i didn't have them so i'm negative across the board but this guy so i went in i said look i gotta be honest with you yeah i've this has been on my mind right i'm nervous a little bit he's like don't worry about it it's not that bad i said all right so he he had to do it in both by the way some people places you don't he got to do it in both so he goes in and i'm like all right and i just thought it you did it i did it i i just i knew from people like it's uncomfortable it takes a second it feels weird right you might tear up someone said it feels like you're gonna sneeze what have you he went in and when i thought he was gonna stop it went in further yeah and then when i thought that was gonna stop it went in further and at that point naturally my instinct was to go back and move back right and so he's pull pushing in and i'm moving back he's like don't know him back going back and he so he kept going in more so i like my body's telling me stop it right but as i move back he's pushing in more so it's almost like you're getting attacked right right right and and when he did it i was like so and then i just slapped his arm right out of instinct and i pushed him over he goes you can't push me and i said i'm so sorry i said i'm so sorry it was a complete instinct i grabbed i grabbed his arm and i pushed it back and he goes you can't do that and i was like i didn't mean to hit you and push your arm back yeah and he just was polite about he goes what are you like a big baby yeah and i was like yes i am yeah and then he got sliced again and then the next one i let him do it and i didn't move but that's what like people but again my grandfather has the dentist in his skull that's like the time that's like something's just reactions and again did not mean to do this at all just an honest reaction and whatever i paid the price i i i went i was with uh ex-girlfriend at the time eight years ago i went to a like a haunted house in the city like where like you know around halloween time haunted house a jason guy comes out i punched him in the face yeah and then you know and then again not meaning to whatever he takes a man they get that more than you think i would have thrown out of the haunted house yeah and that's just what it was but yeah i punched him right in the face right in the face there's youtube videos of that people scaring people and i'm just lighting them up because your natural instinct is i hate haunted houses like i don't like to go to them i hate them i've always have me too i i don't like being people jumping out at me grabbing me i get like an adrenaline rush that gives me a migraine headache right i got taken to one of these things uh a couple years ago my friend's like let's just go let's just go to one right so we went to one of these walk-through haunted houses right like during the halloween during halloween time and apparently i didn't know this but i'm going through and a lot of times i'll just like get behind them like a human shield yeah and because they chase you these people and i'm just trying to like i'm trying to like blend in because you walk through a bunch of people right i'm trying to just like stay in the middle of everyone right and uh they were running after us down this hallway and then one of the people's in this like mask and all black like they went and i was like oh hell no and like i just i actually actually what happened was when he said sal my friends lost their [ __ ] and i was like hey babe and i was like oh my god and i made i went away you weren't supposed to go because i was like got so freaked out yeah and i ran down a hallway and slammed through an emergency door and i just went out like in the alley yeah like i wasn't supposed to i didn't follow the route yeah and i just ran out of the alley and i was in the in a dark alley alone on the side of a building with no way out like there was no one else there and then i was just like fine i'm just gonna run down the alley and out to the street now i guess it's over for me and then that person came out yeah that said sal real they came out pulled off the mask and i thought maybe they might know who i am from tv show yeah it was someone i just knew from the neighborhood back when that's hilarious dude scared the hell out of me yeah i know i um want to just i mean i know like this just whatever we just follow the flow of the podcast but i was just i told this story yesterday to my friend group because i just remembered it but you want to hear like a terrifying story that's like not funny it's just like a thing that really happened in my family's life yes so okay so real quick so i saw two horror movies last night i'm ready for this okay by the way average lifespan 78.54 years that feels low to me okay but let me let me carry to me let me tell you the asterisks let me let me let me tell you that that doesn't include people that got hit by a bus when they were 12. and also people who you know live to 130. so it's 120. anything can happen at any age 78.5 exactly but if you get if you don't get hit by a bus or murdered or you don't have any unfortunate thing early on right i wonder if they do one where it's like most pro-rated for people that get past 50. the av if you when you do that there's it's another statistic i forgot because you know they could just they that's the way they have to do it you you most you're you have a very good chance like over 90 chance i believe of living into your 80s usually most people will live into their 80s okay with you know barring any type of tragic or you know got it so so this is less all the terrible right but we still do have a lower life expect i mean look at canada's 82.25 we're 17.54 we're neighbors wow and they got four years on us wow that's a lot four years yeah in total life expectancy so this isn't a lot yeah okay so so what happened is my aunt moved into this house in new jersey like 15 years ago and my aunt is very and my aunt uncle are very not dramatic people very honest people you know religious but very very honest honest honest people yeah they move it to this house beautiful neighborhood i think it was in uh hocus new jersey i know hulk as well okay as well yo great name for a town ho hocus so so um they move in and at the time they had my uh four-year-old uh you know i guess second cousin who's now you know 20 or whatever four and then and then a baby who was like you know my cousin who's like you know she was like 10 months old at the time but anyway you know when you have a four-year-old kid you know everything that's going on with them especially now at that time especially at that time no ipad no ipads no youtube nothing you're only they you watch it on tv you watch it on tv and that's it you know your kids watching so anyway first night they sleep in the house they're sleeping everything you know my my little cousin at four years old just gets up in his bed and starts singing mary had a little lamb he's going mary had a little lamb little lamb and so they go in the room like what are you doing like you know it's just a nursery rhyme nobody's thinking anything it's like you've heard that song before mary mary had a little lamp that's it yeah by the way what is that oh god just creepy photos of kids mary lou yeah what is that photo on the right though yeah it's just yeah is that jesus christ what is yeah didn't we look up uh mary's horrifying who do we look up oh okay hey little miss muffet okay good good okay so mary had a little lamb they start he starts singing it and again there's no reason to think anything like that especially in the middle of the night my aunt was like look please marry little lamb we didn't think like oh we've never taught him that song like you just it's a story before you're like okay maybe grandma whatever sure so anyway so the next day goes by wakes up at roughly around the same time again starts singing mary had a little lamb like three o'clock in the morning so now they're like they sit in the bed with them like where did you learn this song where are you learning mary had a little lamb like yeah you know the grandma did you know they go to all my aunts and uncles did grandma grandpa did one of your friends but they don't even have any friends they just moved to a new neighborhood and nobody's and he's like no annie's singing it annie right here and and then my aunt is like what do you mean it's like annie it's right she's right here singing it she's in the white dress and they're like okay uh you know my uncle's like not freaking out he's like there's nobody in here um you know so just go back to bed and my cousin is you know my little cousin is not scared at all he's like i'll go back to bed and we'll just and then goes to sleep whatever next next night wakes up singing mary had a they went this it was like this it was three nights in a row they woken up to mary had a little empty their son sing mary had a little lamb in the middle of singing mary had a little lamb he goes oh i'm sorry and and the the they run in because now he's talking to someone and he said and then and he's and he's literally when my uncle said when they got into the room my little cousin was standing at the edge of his bed with his arm out as if he was in conversation with someone this little girl annie in the white dress and he's go and he's going i'm sorry my dad my dad said we have to stay but if you want we'll leave we will leave and then so and then there and so my uncle's like who are you talking to what's going on and then he goes and he said we have to stop singing married a little lamb and we need to leave and michael's like go back to sleep or or it brings him into the room we're going to go to sleep you know uh whatever they're acting like nobody's afraid nobody's afraid so that morning my my uncle goes to work and in the in the um they're like bookshelf they had in on the top of the bookshelf a little triangular cut out where you could put like an american flag or something like that but my aunt has the bible in it she has the bible in there and she knows for a fact she put that bible in there when they first moved in it's very important to her that the bible is looking down on the family and all that stuff and she you know she hadn't taken it out but she knew that she put it in it was important that it was in so my uncle leaves to work and my little cousin says to my aunt he goes oh he goes and he said um no more bibles and she's like what do you mean like no more bibles he goes no more bibles so with that my aunt goes to look at where the bible is it was turned upside down so the bible was upside down in its case that my aunt one thousand percent know she put in the right way holy bible with the cross it's turned upside down calls my uncle calls my uncle he had a was it was 2002 or whatever but had a cell phone in his car or a car phone calls my uncle says we're leaving this house they they were in it for two weeks you're kidding me leaves the house leaves the house they go they sell it short sell it to like a new family whatever leaves go to the new house everything's fine they're still in that newest everything's fine the next year my aunt goes to drop my uh to go drop my cousin off at like whatever daycare and sees one of the other mothers that used to live on the block and says oh you know sorry we so abruptly left we abruptly left um the house some weird things were happening and she goes you know she goes it's interesting you say that she's like because the new family moved in about a month later and left within two weeks of you guys leaving and it was the same thing that is crazy and now with the housing literally a horror movie and the house was vacant and literally no reason to lie at all they had no reason to lie to all my family that it never happened did your cousin at this age remember this he doesn't remember anything of it damn it he doesn't remember us exactly let's get him on the phone right now he doesn't remember a second of it that's wild so that's yeah i've never have you ever i i've had one experience the only experience i've ever had quickly is i got into a massive car accident quickly when i was 17. well just because i want to get to yours but just this is the point of a conversation but because i have a hangover if i don't get to mine quick i'll forget it because i just yeah when i was 17 years old i got into a massive car accident like where the firemen were saying like we thought we're gonna pull a dead body out of this car on crosstalk boulevard in queens smashed shout out across my blog shout out question um my grandfather had had a stroke about six months before and was in hospice care like unconscious like just being kept alive on like breathing life support sure that happened at noon at noon shout out last support shout out live sport at noon when i got hit by this car after it happened i had to crawl out of the back window because he always collapsed like around me like the engine like the car eventually would set on fire yeah it set on fire about a minute after i got out of it but anyway i smelled my grandfather the same that scent that he has it's unmistakable in an old man that especially if a family member all around it was stuck to my clothes for days like like when you go into a subway sandwich shop and that's it's just shout out so many sandwiches so yeah five dollar foot long and then it sticks to your clothes that's that's what it was i go for i like to tune them out there but you know and parmesan oregano bread i miss it veggies are light scoop out the fantastic toast best yeah best yeah and they're doing breakfast now subway by the way are they really absolutely all day something else tell them we sent you contact us yeah contact us we don't have a promo code because they're not a sponsor so all over that's at 12 noon smell him all over he was on live sport for six months died at 3 p.m that same day that i almost died in the car accident he died three hours later i smelled him all over me for days and it's just wild that's that's yeah and that's you that's coming right from you that wasn't it's not even like my this that the other you you experienced that i experienced you smelled all over me then you died three hours later wow yeah so what's what's yours some things you can't explain man i can't explain i do believe in some type of connection with family in the sense of you know we can pick our friends we can even but like i didn't pick my daughter my parents were picked for me by some higher power like i was given these people and i so i believe in some type of spiritual connection with family that's unexplainable yeah because it's like how am i we're linked right and it's it's there's something that we don't know yet sure something in ourselves that are connected who the hell knows like it's just like so what's something that happened here what's the scary thing that happened i was um i like to this podcast is just whatever we wanted to do yeah and i hope the listeners are enjoying that i might have told you this before but if i didn't um i don't believe in ghosts i mean look i'm scared i'm i'm like scared i know like when it's time to be scared right like if you put me in a haunted house i'm scared sure me too yeah you know if you tell me there's a ghost in here i might be scared but like can you watch investigation discovery and shows like that by yourself alone at night yeah i can't look i can't watch it i'm scared when it's time to be scared but like right now i was talking i i'll tell you i don't think i believe in ghosts okay i don't know i i believe in aliens same well they're here i mean they're in the front page of the paper now but um but i don't believe in ghosts i i just everyone always has like everyone always like is half asleep right or it's that night or it's alone and we heard and they walked in there was nothing there or they saw it but i didn't see it right or or i don't know it's just always like so convenient i think it has to be some type of like our minds right playing tricks some type of auditory hallucination right but all the stories are always the same all these ghost hunter stories they never find a ghost it's the same thing i know people that work on the shows produce the shows it's all a crack a full-on [ __ ] yeah yeah shout out shout out goes sandra we just sunk you but what can you do it is what it is also i don't want to ruin anything for anyone at all right but speaking of hunters house hunters is that what it's called house hunters yeah householders also [ __ ] wow shout out house on shout out yeah you both just went down in flames sorry yeah the people already live in the home that they choose and they just go around and look at other properties yeah it's disgusting think about if you know production it's hard to produce that show and that's how they do it and i found out and it's really ruined for me i will say i still give house hunters regular chance but house hunters international can eat a hay babe i'm laying in my bed i lived alone i was watching tv i was falling asleep yep sorry about that no it's not you it's me and um i laid down and i had my i had the pillow this arm under the pillow okay now is this the studio apartment you mentioned before is this the house it was not it's the house i moved and answered three it's a three-bedroom apartment i moved in afterwards right not the studio okay leave it alone uh i'm laying on my bed i'm watching tv and um i have my pillow here and i haven't and then i go what i do is i have to like i told you that i didn't have to sleep with a cpap machine lest i die right i mean i need air to be pumped into me physically in order for me to continue to be on this earth that's what it is otherwise i'm going to have choking attacks and then things are going to pile up problems issues blood pressure strokes what have you whatever yeah so i wear the mask it's you know there listen if you snore you should always get checked out 100 it was affected my entire life i was falling asleep behind the wheel yeah really yeah really and they do a surgery but it's only 30 effective and it is intrusive and it can also grow back like it can happen again even after you get the surgery get the man see perhaps the only way we talked about this yeah we talked about cpap in an episode right yeah cause i told you it's really hard when you're when you yeah with someone new to put on yeah and i told you i thought the one time when we were sleeping i thought you died yeah so so one thing that it affords me to do though is i can pull the covers up over my heads because i have oxygen pumping into me like i have a deal with god because you know i can pull the covers up and i can get underneath the covers but normally that would be too hot and you couldn't breathe but right because i sleep with a machine attached to me i can go under the covers and it's my little fort under there it's just what it is yeah so i i went to go to bed and i'm laying like this and i always pull my covers over me because it deadens the sound and it also acts as a sleep mask right it's just a habit i picked up right i had just laid down no hold on i wasn't even in the goddamn mask how about that i wasn't even in the mask okay but i had pulled it over my raw dog i pulled it i was going wrong i had just i was like just laid down so i was like i wasn't like going right to bed but i guess like the tv light was bothering me and i remember like i pulled the blanket up to like this much so i'm just like laying there and it was only like a matter of a couple of minutes i was wide awake and i thought i heard someone say something now here's nothing my door to my bedroom was closed okay i always closed my positive it was closed i'm positive it was closed and a 100 positive i close it every night i also close the door whenever i take a shower and i also lock the door when i take a shower because of murderers and killers absolutely i i also every time i go into the bathroom even i'm just going to pee i open up the shower door and make sure there's no one in the shower really i do that constantly okay even if i just even if i've left the house i do it constantly i might but i can see through my shower because it's glass if it was if it was like not i probably would but to this day i swear to god i i will not go into my own shower without closing the bathroom door and locking it because you're very vulnerable in there you're washing your hair into closing your eyes if there's a murder a killer a monster ghost what have you right you don't want to be like give them instant access to you yeah no you don't want to do that so when i go to bed i still close my bedroom door and i lock it right so i'm not sure if it was locked but it was closed and i pulled captioning not it yet because i available like the glow a little bit to for me to fall asleep so i thought i heard someone like one person not like tv like a person say a couple of sentences and i'm just like i didn't think anything of it i'm like maybe i didn't lower the tv all the way but then i heard the door okay and i'm like i'm just but i wasn't really like i'm just laying there just like not really thinking i didn't like hear it like slam open i just heard movement movement right and then i felt i just felt like somebody was in the room i just i don't know how to explain it i just felt it right i heard some words i felt movement and i and i felt like like i maybe felt heard someone walking it was carpeted but you just felt it and i i was i didn't think anything of it like i didn't think certainly i was going to be attacked by a ghost or anything like that or anything i didn't know what i was i would and then but then a moment later i really did feel like someone was standing above me i don't know how to explain it but my hand this hand was since it was under was the only thing not under the covers and i'm telling you right now so someone then went like this held my hand someone something i don't know what i have felt my hand get grabbed and then it was being held and then it got squeezed a little and then squeezed a little more and squeezed a little more no i swear to god to the point where i felt this kind of pressure on my hand this by the way this is real pressure like he's like squeezing your hand that's what i felt on my hand so in my head you're paralyzed with fear paralyzed paralyzed and this all happened i would say in a matter of 20 seconds but in my head the first thing i thought of again super fast was okay someone's holding me now so what i just thought i heard someone say something or walk in here is true and they are standing above me and they're trying to see if i'm sleeping or not i didn't think it was a ghost i thought it was a home invasion right and i said i have to make sure that i'm awake right now and i'm not dreaming this and i was i was like i am i am breathing i'm looking around i am awake right now this is real someone i'm the pressure on my hand is getting even more and i think what this person is testing me to see if i get up and who knows they might stab me club me shoot me or i don't know what's gonna happen but what i did was not react to the squeezing and i just made like i was still sleeping and i said what am i going to do right now right and it let go and i said the only chance i have right now if this person is standing above me is if i surprise them and jump up and be ready to fight for my my life right i'm thinking this under the covers yeah and in milliseconds in milliseconds i said i'm awake i'm 100 awake i know i'm awake i know i'm being squeezed right now i thought i heard something i guess someone's standing above me it's either do i might get killed right now that's what i thought and i just was you know fight or flight thing and i just was like i have to count to three right now and i'm going to jump up and fight for my life right and i even had an idea to get into the closet because i had a little yankee bat in the closet that i kept that they gave out on like bat day i had like a yankee bat in the closet i knew it was there and i'm like i'm gonna just fight and i'll go for the bat and i counted to three and i said i'm gonna swipe the covers off and in one motion stand so i'll be standing on the bed at least something about have like some leverage above right right and i just wanted to do how i went yeah i screamed at the top of my lungs i leaked up and i'm on my bed and nobody was there nobody nobody was there and my door was closed and i was like yo hey babe this yeah and my tv was on and i flipped the light on and i was like did they walk back out and i got the bat i swung the door open and i just screamed and ran inside my door was locked my lights were off nobody was in my house nobody so what i did was i went into the living room turned every light on and stayed up for the entire night after that of course because i was like if this is a ghost it was a ghost i guess i don't believe in ghosts but i don't know what it was spirit i don't know i don't i put it this way i don't know what it was but that happened to me and i was awake dude i jumped up i jumped up to fight i wasn't like sleeping you know the only thing i could maybe think of is that i was sleeping dreamt that even said i am awake in my dream and then jumped up out of the dream to fight but i telling you i just went to bed i wasn't sleeping i just laid down it was moments after i laid down and i lowered the tv i was away i was fully awake i didn't fall asleep yet i didn't even have the guy the machine on me so so i can't explain it but that happened that happened but my family like full-on believes in ghosts like every one of them's had a ghost experience which they could that's possible i i always roll my eyes they tell me the stories like they leave when they come home in the house they live in now that they are just actually moving out of they told me that they've come home and every kitchen cabinet is open and that's happened twice and my my stepmom screamed and my dad came in and he said everything was open and then that was weird then one night my sister came home and all her drawers in her room were open and she freaked out and so now they were hyper aware of this happening and this is what my sister will say i could ask her i questioned them to their face they swear to god that then she would leave and then she would close her room door and lock it from inside well you need that little like thing to open it you know there's an old room door so yeah you put the little like that little thing in and go like that because if you lock it from the inside you can't get around that yeah so she would put that above the thing they live alone she came home one day her room was locked she un took the thing off the top unlock the door open and all the drawers were open again and after that my sister wouldn't sleep in that room ever again yeah i i wouldn't sleep in that room either i mean i still don't believe them i don't know what to tell them like i believe that they're not lying but i'm like maybe there was like an earthquake i don't know what the hell happened listen it's one of those things where we had a lot of fun on this episode i wish we the big thing i want to talk about is sal's new allergy to mushrooms but you're gonna have to wait till next episode for that i have i made a a list of things that i wanted to like maybe do we even get to one of those things um i took a covent test that's it we didn't get to my mom's shades blood pressure a bad experience i had a blue ribbon sushi the fourth of july hot dog eating contest ufos phil collins and the mummy video you better listen to the next episode don't be a fake don't be a flake don't run away from your feelings babe don't be afraid don't be ashamed don't hesitate to say hey babe hey babe hey babe hey babe hey babe hey

Channel: No Presh Network

Views: 840,541

Keywords: sal vulcano, impractical jokers, trutv, comedy, funny, impractical jokers funniest moments, history hyenas, chris distefano comedy, chris distefano, chris distefano comedian, chris distefano podcast, tim dillon, podcast, comedy podcast, jre, bill burr, hey babe, brian quinn, ymh, tom segura, bad friends, whiskey ginger, the bonfire, bobby lee, jim gaffigan, tigerbelly, impaulsive, king and the sting, h3, bert kreischer, try not to laugh, ghost stories, grocery store, mayo, octopus

Id: 2RT9Iw-Xooo

Length: 81min 49sec (4909 seconds)

Published: Thu Apr 29 2021

Reddit Comments

[u/[deleted]]

These pods are definitely out of sequence because Sal’s hair is getting shorter, and Sal mentioned today his OCD with points, and in a previous episode Chris said he would point the pillow corners at him and there was no context or explanation for what that meant.

[u/FutureBrockLesnar]

How the hell have they never heard of buffalo chicken dip??? Great episode though🤣