Antidepressants Experience | Zoloft, Anxiety, PMDD

Hello friends welcome back to my channel I hope you're all doing well today's video as you can tell from the title is going to be me sharing my experience taking antidepressants for over a year now I wanted to sit down and do this video I had truly been partying it all for a really really long time I don't really know why I was meant to film this like back in October when it actually was a year taking them but I just never got around to it and I kept bumping it on my calendar for some reason I'd been putting off talking about it which makes no sense because I'm super open about it in my real life um but yeah that's what today's video is going to be about I would also like to give a trigger warning at the beginning of this video I'm going to be talking about depression and weight and just like personal experiences around those different topics and things like that so if you're not in a headspace to hear that then you've done [Music] not really like fidgeting and like trying to get um okay so let's take it back to the beginning so I started taking antidepressants in October of 2021 I essentially went to the doctor because I was like there is something up I am not feeling very well and I don't really know what else to do to make myself feel better and she suggested that I start taking Zoloft or steroline and so Starline is like the generic brand of so loved I think that's correct essentially it's the same medication and I had only really heard about Zoloft bits and pieces from other influencers actually on here I know Alicia Marie she takes so often so I had heard her talk about it in her Vlogs and stuff and so I was super curious about it and I was a little bit surprised that my doctor like wanted me to start it right away but honestly I was in such a bad mental place that I was super okay was doing that and I had tried other avenues first medication is not what I went into that doctor's appointment thinking I would get but I was pretty happy with the result and that I was able to start something kind of soon to see if it would work for me so we started off in a really low dose so I started I think with 10 milligrams and then went to 25 50 and then 75 gradually obviously with my doctor's guidance and all that stuff and I ended up settling on 75 milligrams as a really good dose for me and I have been on that dosage for I guess over a year now here in a few months in the beginning I was a little bit worrisome of having different like side effects because I had done a ton of research on this before I was looking at tick tocks and other YouTube videos which there actually wasn't a lot of people talking about this particular medication and so I was kind of curious also to people take medication for different reasons I was going into this wanting to take it for my anxiety my pmdd which if you don't know pmdd is this and also my depression because I had never really classified myself as a depressed person before and I maybe because I was on medication I can diagnose myself or my doctor technically diagnosed me as having depression but I never really considered myself to be that sort of way I was always able to come out of my like low moments but I was at the point in my life where my lows were just a little bit too low and my highs were just a little bit too high and I was just fluctuating like a roller coaster it's too much for me to handle at that time and life was starting to get really really stressful and also I do definitely suffer from like sun deficiency living in Vancouver and I always have been a little bit seasonally depressed that I know of and that I expect but that's a little bit easier to come back than like the overarching version of depression that I was experiencing so essentially my lows are really low Highs are really high and things were just like really really difficult for me and I was trying so hard to find motivation in anything I still like doing my things and I feel like that's one of the misconceptions I had about depression long before I even had medication or experienced it myself was the fact that like it just varies so much person to person I'm a very highly functioning depressed person I'm not the type to stay in bed all day or not be able to shower that's just not my personality type I just personally didn't know that highly functioning Depression was what I was experiencing and I just truly thought that Depression was kind of a little bit more one note but that's obviously not true also at the time when I was going on medication I had a lot of different things going on in my life and my financial situation was not ideal and I was starting to get really worried about my career as an influencer and just my job because I was getting this like gut feeling that something wasn't right and it wasn't until February of the following year so a couple months later that I realized what was happening and I'm not going to get into detail on this because this could truly be another whole series honestly but essentially I was dealing with really horrible management that was stealing money from me and that is like the bottom Baseline of a lot of my stress and worry because I wasn't able I was like living you know paycheck to paycheck and I was doing brand deals and never getting payment or waiting over a year for a quarter of the payment it was absolutely ridiculous and I was getting lied to and I once I realized what was happening I took matters into my own hands and I I ended up getting lawyers and that added a whole bunch of different stress and it was just like I dealt with a lot of stuff that you guys have not heard or seen last year that I will hopefully be able to share at some point but I don't think I'm ready to go into like the full story but that's the basis of it so I was dealing with a immense amount of like Financial stress and just career uncertainty because I didn't know what was going to happen to my Channel I didn't know what was going to happen to my relationships with these brands that I had built years working with and it was just really really really difficult and so ultimately that led a lot to my mental health and my lack of motivation for filming and creating because if you're not getting paid to do the work that you've already done how are you going to find the motivation to do new work when you haven't been paid like it no one goes to a job expecting not to be paid like you just don't do that and influencing should be no different we work hard for these Brands and not seeing the end result of that and not being compensated fairly was extremely difficult and to make someone depressed for sure so on top of that I did also like I said experience pmdd and so I was feeling like once I discovered what pmdd was I felt a lot better because I didn't know what was happening I only had a few really bad episodes or like Cycles until I went on to this medication it was just these really bad couple of days where my self-worth was really horrible and I just felt so down on myself and so sad and everything and then once my period started it like alleviated quite quickly so I knew that it had to be something along the lines of pmdd and I definitely think that the medication helped with that and so we're gonna get to like the pros the cons in the mids in a sec because you know I got a list that is one thing I wanted this medication to help and it definitely did okay speaking a list I have it on my laptop so if you see me reading then that is why so let's start off with the pros because I actually really don't mind this medication I have had a really good experience and if you are feeling any sort of way like how I described in the beginning of this video I would absolutely and talking to your doctor obviously there's so many different medications out there and there's so many reasons why you should or shouldn't take something and you should always consult with your doctor so if you are struggling with your mental health please reach out like there's so many options for you and I feel like once I was like set on talking to someone about it everything got really easy after that and so that's just a little tidbit let's get into the process so like I said I had less pmdd symptoms prior to my period not like a hundred percent gone but they were more more recognizable and definitely like 80 better which at the time was really great for me my anxiety had been so so much better I was relying on CBD a lot to calm my anxiety in social situations and different like almost nerve-wracking things one of the biggest things I actually noticed was I used to get so jittery and like shaky before going on stage actually um before a dance performance and I it took me a few months to realize but I didn't have that much of that symptom anymore and I used to be like trembling and I don't necessarily have stage fright I get nervous but not to that extent like it wouldn't really make sense for me and so starting the medication I definitely found myself to be a lot more like calm and chill in every aspect of my life but especially during what would normally be anxious periods for me one of the more funny things about this medication on me personally is I am so much more chill I am a very very high strung person if you didn't know I I things can be really catastrophic for me and I don't know if it's because I've gotten older or what it is or if it is a medication but I am so much more go with the flow and chill like I still get like you know passionate about things and like feel anxious about certain situations but not to the extent that I did before my worryness has like gone down tremendously I honestly just feel like I'm in this like coasting state where I said before low loves High highs I'm just like chilling in the middle at this point I'm like I don't really care what we do it's gonna be great everything's gonna work out like it's actually pretty bizarre for my personality type to feel this way and that's why I feel like maybe it's numbing me out just a little bit but nothing too crazy and honestly it's been kind of nice and the last little point on my Pros list is the seasonal depression aspect I have gone two Winters with being on this medication and I truly think that it's helped so much normally I'm so sad and like Grumpy in the winter because of the lack of sun but I really like I've gotten accustomed to like the coziness factor and like turning the lights off and like you know going to bed and like I value my coziness so much more now and I don't know if that's age and or if it's a medication but I feel like I'm embracing winter little bit more and it definitely was a lot easier the past two Winters to do so on the medication okay now I want to talk about my mids list because I didn't just want to do pros and cons so my mids I am crying way less often I used to cry at everything like I am the biggest crybaby and I feel like Cody can attest to this because like we get in a tiff and I would cry and I don't cry as often now I do cry in certain situations but I used to be able to tell you like to the day when I cried last because it would have been like two days ago but now I can never remember and that I feel like is such an interesting sign and like thing about this medication and how I'm feeling very like chill and coasting I'm just like crying a lot less so that's great and before I went on medication I was crying a lot so that's nice and overall just being less sensitive I put that on the list because I'm a very sensitive person and things used to bother me a lot even if it doesn't involve me and I'm just a lot less sensitive now next thing on my list is my cravings for carbs and sugar has definitely gone up and with antidepressants I've heard people say that you can go either way you can either lose weight while taking the medication or you can gain weight depending on your body type or how it affects you obviously they also say that like once you get on you may be more encouraged to go out and exercise because you're like feeling better and like eat healthier and stuff but I've definitely noticed like just a bigger overall craving for carbs and sugar which doesn't go well with someone that's supposed to be gluten-free the next one I have kind of said before but I kind of just want to reiterate how different this is from then versus now when it comes to like excitement and stuff I used to get so viscerally excited for things like for example going to Target and Trader Joe's house which sounds stupid but I used to get like so excited and now I feel like I'm just kind of like yeah I'm excited and again don't know if it's age don't know if it's pandemic and I don't know if it's a mess but it's one of those things that I've noticed I don't get like so worked up with excitement which can be a good or bad thing that's just something I've noticed because I used to get like hype about things like that and now I'm just like yeah I really hope that makes sense the last thing I wanted to add in the mids list is I have way more vivid dreams now I did not used to dream at all and I feel like the past like six months or so I have dreamed so much and nothing like horrible I don't get like sleep paralysis or anything crazy like that my dreams are actually kind of really fluffy in like nature and so it's very interesting but I wake up and I actually remember what I dreamed and like their little pockets of stories and stuff which is kind of cool um as someone that didn't really dream a whole lot before so I'm not really sure if that's due to the medication or what's going on but that's something and now I'm moving on to the cons list the first one I wanted to mention and the reason I gave the trigger warning at the beginning of the video was weight gain I have experienced quite a drastic weight gain in the past year or so and the only thing that's like majorly different in my life is the longevity of taking this medication and like I said before you can either gain weight you can lose weight I'm supposed to eat like gluten-free dairy free I deal with sibo so there's a lot of other like factors to that but I do think that that's one of the biggest things that's changed over the past year because my like for the most part my diet and exercise hasn't really changed and also my alcohol consumption has gone down a lot and so it's one of those things that I'm kind of curious if it was the medication and if you have experienced this yourself or weight loss or something like that with this medication and you'd like to share with me I'd love to hear from you because this is kind of the thing I'm struggling the most with at the moment obviously there's two parts to the story it's like gain weight and feel happy and like not depressed or do you get off the medication and see how you are mentally so I'm currently struggling with that and also they say it's a little bit difficult to lose weight when you're on this medication too so there's a lot of you know things I need to talk to my doctor about but that's one of the biggest things and I don't want to like scare anyone because obviously that is so personal and has so much to do with the longevity of you taking the pill and your body and everything like that but I just wanted to share my experience and what I'm kind of dealing with and weight gain is definitely like the top thing I think is you know been a problem for me the next one I wanted to mention in the cons list is I do believe I've been experiencing more headaches more recently and I definitely experiences them a lot more around my period and things like that but headaches are something I actually had to come off of birth control for because I was like I had a high risk of stroke and different things like that and so I just I'm prone to headaches and so that medication might increase that and it's just something I've noticed while I definitely still feel like myself and that I'm coming back to myself after having a couple of difficult years I always wondered if like this is the best I was gonna feel on it and that was something more towards the beginning I'm feeling really good now but when I was starting to take it I was like is this the best it's gonna feel it's one of those things that you start taking and you're like is this it is it working now and it's such a gradual thing and that you don't really notice there's no like euphoric moment of it being like wow the pills working for me the medication it's great I suggest that feeling of like is this the best it's ever gonna get and I feel like I've only really experienced that in the beginning and it definitely got better and as my time went on taking it I feel great so and the last con I wanted to mention is pretty silly but I used to take the medication at night and I would forget to do it a couple hours before bed and so then I would wait when I lay down to go to sleep it gets stuck in my throat and my God it hurts so much so my recommendation is definitely take it during the day it's just like the birth control pill you're supposed to take it at the same time every single day and so I tried really hard to stick to that and also do it in the morning because I feel like it worked a bit better and also it didn't get stuck on my Thro so that was a long little winded story of my journey on this medication I did want to give a little bit of an update as to where I am now so mentally I'm doing a lot better you guys know I'm with new management and they're fantastic and things have been really looking up I feel like I'm still not fully recovered from what happened last year but in terms of my mental health I'm definitely feeling like a lot better and able to manage things a bit more and that's why I've asked my doctor if I can slowly start to taper down my dosage and see if I can come off of it I've never got on this medication to be on it forever I prior to a couple years ago I didn't really experience a whole bunch of anxiety or depression and that doesn't feel like true to my nature and I really want to see if I'm able to go without it because I would really prefer that and so I am with my doctor's guidance obviously lowering my dose and hopefully gonna come off of it and see how it goes if it comes to it and I go off of it and I start to feel worse I'm going to talk to my doctor about other options and see what we can do to manage that and I just kind of wanted to give you guys a full update on like my experience taking it and now I'm going to be starting to come off of it it's definitely one of those medications that you do not want to stop taking cold turkey because you can have major side effects so we're doing it very slowly and gradually also I'm in no rush and at this current point in time the weight gain is a little bit more concerning for me and my health at the moment than my mental health I'm just doing better with my mental health and I feel like I'm able to manage that and kind of figure that out naturally versus um dealing with this weight gain so I want to see what I can do to make myself feel as best as I can of course I'm worried about experiencing those anxiety episodes and the pmdd episodes a little bit more but I'm just going to keep really close eye on all those symptoms and see how that all happens also too I very specifically did not come off of this until the time change until we got to spring because I didn't want to do winter without it so so again we'll see it might be something I need to do during the winters but we're gonna take it as it comes and like I said it's not something I was ever meant to be on forever so I'd like to see how I can do without it it's kind of a big update this was essentially like a follow-up to my burnout video from a couple years ago never really gave you guys like an update on that I just kind of like would post and then wouldn't post and then I've shared bits and pieces here so it's nice to have it in like a proper condensed video form for you guys and if by some chance you're watching this video and you're not a subscriber of mine and you're just looking for someone's Journey on this medication I hope this video was helpful to you thank you all so much for taking the time to listen to me and hear me share and be vulnerable I do really appreciate it and I feel like I'm very safe in this little Internet space we have and yeah I just appreciate you guys so much and if you are personally struggling with your mental health please reach out to someone there are so many options and like I said I felt so much better even just making the doctor's appointment to go in and talk about it and although it was scary it was just something I needed to do and it alleviated so much stress kind of getting it someone else involved in helping me and there's only so much like your partner or your friends can do so yeah you kind of have to take matters into your own hands and I I'm glad I did because I feel so much better now so yeah love you guys so much and I will see you in my next video have a great day bye foreign [Music] [Music] [Music]

Channel: Mikayla Greenwood

Views: 11,948

Keywords: MissMikaylaG, Mikayla Greenwood, Mikayla Greenwood Vlogs, zoloft, zoloft experience, antidepressants, taking zoloft, PMDD, Zoloft for Anxiety, antidepressant experience, zoloft review, zoloft side effects, zoloft weight gain, management scandal, zoloft anxiety

Id: TNJsx2MafDM

Length: 19min 15sec (1155 seconds)

Published: Sat Mar 25 2023