"and/or" by JEANANN VERLEE

it's been years since we dated and he is like a brother and I trust his laughter and I just vomited in the ladies room at JP Morgan's off the seven train and we stumbled to my apartment and sleep and I am still drunk when his fingers wake me from inside and I know I didn't say yes and I know I didn't say anything because I was asleep and I know I should say no now and I blame the eighth beer and I blame the free shot of Jager and blame it is easier than stopping him so go go take and I'll just tuck into the corner and watch him and wait and finally he finishes and finally I can go back to sleep and then a radio alarm goes off and we walk to the train and I hug him goodbye and he's just an old friend again and I go to my Midtown cubicle and avoid mirrors and avoid conversation and go home again and shower again and love him still because he is like a brother and love him still and blamed that girl the one in the towel on the floor with the anemic blue marks all over her thighs blamed that girl blame her the one who wears my name like a scuffed pair of boots uses it like a revolving door or hole lovers like birthmarks were used a Schlick perfume or empty the bottle or cradle the girls who polish my rusty name or forget to call him on his birthday or strangle the blue raccoon dog toy until the squeak breaks or curse the stranger who bumps me on the subway or swallow salt or break the lock or plunge boot into plaster or take up cigarettes again or congratulate him when he moves in with his next apology or slam fist to desktop or buy a glitter cell phone cover a wear plaid miniskirt to let the dogs forego matted or buy an extra round just so they'll stay or miss the train or ignore phone calls or wear a groove into the barstool a JP Horgan's oh go to work on weekends or masturbate until my calves ache or have doctors prescribe sedatives I'll never take or buy self-help books I'll forget to read or sleep until 2:00 in the afternoon or hold a baby to see if I can keep from crying or walk by his apartment at 3:00 in the morning or wear eyeliner for the first time in years or gorge on macadamia callate or finally forgive that girl the one with the scuffed boots the one with the marble smile this is not courage this is a girl with too much fist never enough soap this is trying to hold the moon because he is the only one without hands you

Channel: jeaverlee

Views: 121,087

Keywords: Jeanann Verlee, Spoken Word, Bowery Poetry Club, Diva Slam, and/or

Id: iI8O_bVh1Wg

Length: 3min 18sec (198 seconds)

Published: Mon Jan 18 2010