An introduction to counselling skills

if you're watching this on Moodle or flutterby on YouTube very warm welcome my name is really soaks and in this presentation we're going to look at an introduction to counseling skills the following presentation does not constitute counseling training it's an overview of counseling skills anyone wishing to practice counseling should undertake appropriate training and have relevant supervision I'm going to start off this presentation with a quote and it's a supra from the Sioux tribe in North America Native Americans and it says Great Spirit help me never to judge another until I have walked in his moccasins and I guess what this is saying is that you cannot understand someone else's motivations our behaviors until really understand what their view of the world is their life is so in counseling skills training and certainly in counseling training we approach our speakers the people who speak to us with a non-judgmental approach in the hope that we can understand better who they are and they can gain some understanding of what they need to look at our change or accept in in their lives so we're going to look at we're going to look at the assignment sheet the ABC Awards assignment sheet for the the level 3 counseling skills tape and I'm going to do it in order so we're going to start off with attentiveness and rapport building so let me ask you a question what does it feel like to be rushed in a conversation have you ever had a conversation with someone who wanted to get away I really did not want to be in your company how did that feel I guess sometimes it feels really awful doesn't it when people do that so here are some examples of attentiveness and rapport building skills we can have a look at some useful tips for when you're doing your tape or your video whichever formats it's it's - recorded in a guess so first of all be warm and friendly towards the listener you know if you meet someone for the first time it may be asking how they got there you know good advice to find the place okay culturally certainly in the UK we usually offer people TR a coffee it's a kind of a cultural thing glass of water maybe there are some debates rather you know this is the kind of thing one does but we are we are live in a culture where tea is a great common denominator so and I like tea so I would usually offer someone a drink and that shows a kind of warmth and friendliness ask them if they're comfortable and you know what's comfortable thrills may not be comfortable for them you know if you're sat in an inn comfortable place you know the winds blowing or the doors open so people can hear what's being sad or the seats doesn't feel comfortable then you're not likely as a speaker to be able to share your story and more likely to be focused on your discomfort so always ask you speak is it comfortable remember someone's name it's really important names are how we define ourselves and having someone remember your name does make us feel special and make us feel that someone's paying attention to us use eye contact but don't stare now in the Western world eye contact it's considered a way of someone showing to another that they're paying attention that they're focusing on them in some parts of the world eye contact is considered rude so you have to be thoughtful with some clients some speakers who may come from they come from the eastern part of the world may see icon such as as as uncomfortable or disrespectful she'd have to be thoughtful of that don't stare at people there's a whole world of difference isn't there between using eye contact to show that you're listening and staring at somebody and if you've ever been stared it's very off-putting and very scary and can sometimes look like something out of a scary movie so I'll be thoughtful of how much eye contact you you give if it's a second session read your notes and familiarize yourself with the speaker's story before seeing the speaker don't get the notes out in front of the speaker and start going through them it really does give the impression that it's all a bit rushed make sure that you wander you've read all of reviewed you notes or you can remember for those people with really good memory remember the spirit of the story the theme of the story before seeing the speaker and that's been attentiveness in building rapport active listening well it's paying attention showing that you are interested in the person sat in front of you and this can be demonstrated by the listening in many ways for example paying attention it might seem a small thing but actually having someone pay attention to you nodding now no one wants to be listened to by someone who looks like one of those dogs used to see in the backs of cars that nodded up and down every time and solver a bump but nodding is a good way of showing that you're listening without interrupting somebody and then I personally use a Hearton we called affirming verbals and effectively they're a way of showing you're paying attention without interrupting reflecting and paraphrasing while reflecting is reflecting feelings back how someone's felt and paraphrasing is reflecting back in your own words what someone said to you simple as that and we'll come to that later on asking questions to clarify your understanding occasionally speakers may be talking about things that they understand but you might not so it's useful sometimes to ask questions just to clarify but don't go down the road of asking lots of questions it can feel more like a job interview or a police interview than the use of counseling skills and perfect listening now and path the empathy is defined as the ability to understand and share the feelings of another and perfect responses should contain the emotion of what because said as well as a word so this is reflecting in reflecting emotions for example the speaker says I've had to have my dog Susie put down I miss her how do you have for ten years excuse my friend I cannot come to terms with what I have done I'm sure the neighbors will think I am cruel and the listener says you miss Susan your friend and feel guilty for having a put-down it feels that you are worried about what your neighbors will think so in that very short response the listener summed up two quite big feelings that bond of guilt because the speak is quite clearly said cannot come to terms with what I have done and also the fear or the worry about what the neighbors will think and you know I would think the speaker would feel really heard with that response the next skills effective questioning now there are many ways of using questions as a listener most effective questions are those that clarify your understanding and this feels less evasive for the speaker for example avoid closed questions that those things that needed yes or no answer very simple you ask us someone to look out the window and they say to them is it raining they can only answer yes or no really if you ask them what the weather's like that's going to give you a whole different response and better your understanding so only use questions to clarify your understanding and used open questions and open questions or effectively start off with how what when avoid why as it can appear judgmental why is usually followed by a phrase did you do that have you done that are you doing this are continuing to do this and it can feel very judgemental so be very thoughtful on the use of the word my paraphrasing and summarizing well paraphrasing is reflecting back to the speaker what they have said but using your own words a summary is usually used towards the end of a session to fight back the theme or themes of the speaker's still it allows the speaker to feel both heard and understood and it's really important that people feel feel heard that that story is heard that part of their life they're sharing with you a third but it's also important that whoever's hearing your story understands it there's two different things that being heard and being understood so we use with paraphrasing and summarizing to make sure that we understand the speaker and we give an example here my daughter lives with her father this is speaker speaking she is ill and I'm worried sick she lives a long way away and I have to get a chain but I can't afford it and the paraphrase the listener says you are worried about your daughter's health and needs a visitor but this is causing you money worries as well so again in a very short response the listener has summed up exactly what the speakers saying she's saying that health she worried about health but also money worries so that's a very accurate so not only being listened to but heard or not only being heard but listened to as well now focusing and challenging are two skills in themselves and sometimes they need a little bit of practicing speakers may bring a lot of issues to a session the skill of focusing is trust in which issue is the most pressing challenging has to be used thoughtfully and may appear in a paraphrase I'm going to give you some examples so the first example is focusing and the speaker says I am NOT well my husband has left me and my car is broken down the listener says you seem to have a number of difficulties I wonder which is causing you the most difficulty perhaps we can look at that first and the others in time so it's kind of clearing the clutter away sometimes speakers will come to a session and they will have lots of difficulties on the plate it's useful for the listener to try and find which is the most precedent work we and usually once the major difficulties being talked about by the speaker the rest of them usually kind of fall away there's usually a prevalent difficulty sometimes is not I have to say but generally speaking there that's the case now challenging is another skill I'm going to give you an example of it the speaker says I'm fed up my woman boss has told me that my work is not good enough a woman shop assistant won't take back a shirt without a receipt and my wife has told me I must do some housework so clearly there's a theme in this speakers story isn't there he's talking about women alots and he's also talking about assertive women his bosses said that his works not good enough while she's being a certain shop assistant we'll take back every seat without without receipt well I guess that's assertive and his wife is certainly saying to him you know you need to get your hand in and get some housework done and the listener says you seem to be having difficulty with assertive women now challenging is something that some speakers some listeners feel really difficult with but occasionally speakers have to hear the truth of what they're saying but it has to be done with a lot of support and very gently and and shouldn't really be done too often I don't think but that's a challenge it gives you an idea of what a challenge looks like the next one is reflecting on the counseling skills process and immediacy sometimes a speak will generate a feeling in a listener this is called transference and is part of being able to understand someone else's experiences so if you ever watched a film where the hero or the heroine is getting into a bit of a scrape get into difficulties and you feel the heart racing you feeling pulse going you feel frightened the number of emotions are going through you well that's transference you're the the director and the actor are transferring the emotion onto you and that's the whole that's a whole part of going to the cinema or watching a movie happens in books you get it from boxers barely read a book and a feeling comes for you it's it's a natural reaction to into someone else's story I'll give you an example here I recently had a car crush this is a speaker speaking by car turned over six times and then needle put side down in a pond I had to fight to get out let me ask you this before I give you the response on the screen what feeling is coming up for you if you heard that from someone what feeling would be generated in you and I'm going to give you the feeling that will be generated in me and that may say this feels really scary for me what feelings are around for you so there's me only my own feeling I'm saying it feels scary but I'm also asking what are the feelings for you so I'm asking to speak of what their feelings are so there we are having immediacy this is my immediate feeling to the speaker story but also I guess I'm reflecting on the counseling skills process I'm asking what feelings around for you awareness of boundaries including referrals well being aware of our own competence is an important part of using counseling skills effectively speakers may ask ovals things we cannot offer such as advice or perhaps friendship in situations such as these we may need to refer on to another professional so I'll give you an example again speaker I wonder if you could give me some legal advice on my rent arrears I don't need any other help of this and the listener responds housing advice is not something I'm trained in well as honestly isn't it that's really been honest right from the start not skirting around the issue are fluffing around the issue it's being really genuine and really real and then the listener goes on to say would it help if I made a referral to the Citizens Advice service so there's a solution and one thing I would say is that when someone comes in any helping profession for help they must not go away feeling like their problem is too big for anybody to help with because we'll just go home shut the door and we'll ask for help again so we have to be careful that we don't give the impression that we cannot help what we need to do is provide a solution so we're honest enough to talk about well it's not something I'm trained in I can't I cut off a house and advice but here's a solution I make a referral to the Citizens Advice service it may be the speaker doesn't know what the Citizens Advice services are what they offer so it should be seamless the referral should go through they should be contacted by the Citizens Advice service and proceeding to another service that can help them last works at an appropriate pace well sometimes speakers need time to develop and share that story they may feel a mixture of emotions such as anger fear shame or sadness don't rush them I'll try to answer for them they know their own truths and certainly with fear or shame there can always be a sense that people don't want to discuss what's going on for them because they feel sub or shame or anger and just give them time give them time use silence which is a great skill to allow them to develop that area of themselves to be able to speak about what's going on for them don't rush them I'll try to answer for them people know there aren't truths people who come for listening speakers who come for listening our clients are to comfort counseling you know sometimes they know there aren't truths they just want a chance to check out what they need to do so patience is a useful personal quality for a listener be patient checks understanding with the speaker while speakers can sometimes impart quite a lot of information in a very short time checking your understanding is a useful skill as it allows you the listener to make sure you're fully understood stood what's being said for example he's always getting on at me telling me I'm not good enough always speaking to people behind my back so there's a speaker offering this story to you but it's a bit vague who is he and who are the other people so as a clarification the listener says you talk about he and the people could I clarify who they so that's a respectful way of just kind of getting yourself to understand who this he is and also who are these other people and that's a respectable way of approaching it so that ends this presentation if you want further information well if you watched on Moodle if you click the resource tab here I'll put some further information on I may put the assignments on and on some other handouts and the zip file that you can download if you're watching on YouTube well I'll put a link in to my Dropbox and I'll provide a zip with much the same thing that's available on the Moodle site for you to lift away and have a look at and finally thank you for watching

Channel: CounsellingTutor

Views: 200,573

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Keywords: Counselling skills, reflecting, paraphrasing, focussing, counselling questions, Self Concept, organismic self, conditions of worth, introjected values person centred therapy, psychotherapy, humanistic therapy, counselling student, humanistic psychology, counselling training, counselling books, internal locus of evaluation, external locus of evaluation, core conditions, congruence, empathy unconditional, positive regard, Carl Rogers, Counselling skills training videos

Id: UgxeU-54ai8

Length: 18min 26sec (1106 seconds)

Published: Fri Dec 30 2011