An inbetweener once said..I Episode 108

question are Jackie Aina and Dennis in uh can we stay because they've been living together mathematics no me I mean but you see I don't maybe also it's having money because I don't know I'm sorry can we say only ah can I put this in context can I put this in context no I would like because Lydia km and we're back again with another episode of the messy in between it's definitely [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Music] welcome guys to another episode of the messy in between podcast how you guys doing let's be like kissing Joe and us like how are you doing what's been going on with you are you really and like Lydia how you guys anyway guys I just woke up yeah we've been forgot they were asked how are you are you I do not now because of the way my mom does it I think about it like am I asking how are you in fact I'm just like should I even put our question books tell me how you are the truth is that I am not that interested at this moment because there's not that much I can do about how people are yeah really I will say how are you I hope you're well I really do hope you're well because if you tell me you're no but are you asking how are you so I can respond and tell you how I am because you're asking actually good enough when somebody does message me like I'm doing like this how are you really I'm like babe wow wow so sweet it's like an actual puzzle it is yeah anyway yeah even I think I'll start doing will I you know let me not commit let me commit we can't all be kissing but you know what we can all be subscribers oh yes we can all be subscribers there is nothing stopping you from clicking that button putting the Bell on so that you can know when we have another episode it's such an a quantifiable way of you guys showing your love and we really appreciate it we'll see you on the likes we'll see you on the comments see you on the shares we see that you're on all the tags yeah I would definitely always want to encourage you to be more to subscribe so we can have a bigger Community here online and you are not left out if you're listening because there is a way to subscribe just click that plus button on the podcast platform so you can be part of your community and also if you didn't know you can rate US on the podcast platforms rate US please yeah I said this is coming back as well now it's all coming you can read us um you can also interact with us I'm funny enough to find you know some of these things guys we learned on the go yeah and before when we first started we are the ones who are uploading all of these things so there's some things we didn't know here but we know that you can interact you can rate US so please do that and make sure you're following us on our social media handles TMI podcast ke Lydia km and more money yes now if you are a subscriber or maybe if you're if you're a commenter but you're not a subscriber you're still an in-betweener but I feel like there's half in between us and then there's actual in between us and I feel like the people who usually comment on our videos are like like you can't be commenting surely if you're not subscribed there is a level of Rogers but some people don't know so double check right now that you're subscribed exactly even me I mean there's a time I thought I was following teammates but I wasn't actually I just recently followed us on Spotify so yeah because they didn't have my heart yeah exactly I have apple podcast as well that's the thing yeah so I didn't have it but like now I'm there so I've added us one extra subscriber congratulations to me but anyway guys we love reading your comments on our YouTube videos so much in fact I feel like that more than even views do I quantify how much engagement I go there I'm just like okay 150 comments right nearly and I just love it so much because then we can see okay what parts sometimes even the parts in the episode that we thought were the most controversial are not what people are talking about you're talking about something completely different which is great because then we get to see what you guys care about what you want to hear us talk about and it's really nice to just hear your views as well because here it's just the two of us yeah but now it can be all of us it absolutely can be so this is why this episode is called and in between I once said and what one thing which we want to comment you guys on is that there's so many ways that we are learning to agree respectfully so many actually look to the comments before it used to just be anyone just come and just say anything they just spit out something nasty whereas now it's like we're able to be like okay I understand maruga's view but this is what I think yeah okay Lydia I disagree with you there because of that and that is the way that we grow when somebody goes in the comment section they don't expect to be triggered yeah two because of the nasty things that you're saying so thank you so much for keeping our comment section safe um on here on YouTube as well as on Instagram yeah and when you don't you're blog but exactly you guys who are for YouTube I Love The Blocking because the person is still going to watch your videos but they just won't comment so you can't engage you can't do nothing but you're still there because you know you want to watch we know you want to keep watching but you're leaving hate comments yeah and you can't keep our make our comment section and say by the way before you're blocked it's like we've seen there's a pattern you're not coming here to expand the conversation you're here to be insulting because you're dealing with your staff anyway we appreciate you guys for making it safe and we love the kind of um comments that you share yeah we love the conversation so okay this first one um this is from the episode of I knew the sex was great when um Joyce borrow 80 41 is saying a 32 years as a 32 year old woman who has not who has yet to have sex TMI podcast has made me know what I want in my sex life and I pray I get a good man who compliments that if we've done nothing but at least not for Joyce Jesus yes at least for Joyce not anything for that yeah honestly I'm so happy for the people who have experienced in my before because of like the 19 year olds the 20 year olds the 18 year old life hasn't taken shape yes when you know like you don't need to be taking crap from men when you know that you can validate yourself and love yourself when you know how we walked so you could run honestly because exactly yeah but to be honest I feel like there are still some mistakes that you definitely will make in your own not beat yourself up about it because it's one thing to be like make sure you don't get into a toxic relationship in your 20s but most times you won't know you're in the toxic relationship until now you've been dating that person a year and a half and you're like wait am I in a toxic relationship like some things are just experienced yeah you know and even as we are we make mistakes too oh yeah and you're gonna make yours and learn and have a podcast for other people who are not they don't make a mistake like you did exactly because all mistakes are different because even if it's like a toxic relationship for both of us then there's Elements which is just like oh that's not how I experienced it like this yeah life is just about learning exactly but I feel like the generation after us definitely it's they have it they have a better experience because as our parents well like they would not say anything and then also it was not the age of content so it was like information things like that even better Google's just like wow yeah there's all this information but it just wasn't as mainstream like yeah now kids who are like 12 13 they all have phones you know things there so it's easier to access information and I love it for them yeah but then sometimes I feel like it looks like it's a bit burdening oh yeah yeah it looks like you can't just be my kid it's it's hard hard to be just a kid it's like as soon as you get in it's like you're kind of involved in this like computer system and this digital world where you don't even know like the human mind does they have the capacity to deal with that and then you're going through um you're growing up with parents who were introduced to it they weren't born into it yeah you know so I feel like there's a bit of an overwhelming like I feel for Gen Z yeah actually so it's empowering and overwhelming yeah there's a responsibility that feels like it's too much also it's like you need to know what your views are on everything yeah whereas us you are allowed to be deaf for a while yeah like a solid 25 you're allowed to be Daft now it's just like you know what you think about the political climate you because apparently you have the information so you should know oh God yeah what a views on what yeah actually it actually is Shahidi right she's she's how old I think she's like 21 when she was 18. she was making like a campaign on like voting and you know uh wow your mom at home praying I just pray Lord you protect my girl Lydia you know singing it off well yeah they feel like they have so much responsibility I know actually it's a lot but I don't know I choose to believe that Society only evolves to the capacity that Society is able to manage its evolvement or Evolution kind of thing I feel like that's a bit Utopia I know but I'm hard to believe it and in fact if anything I feel like in this age more than any other age it calls on parents to be a lot more intentional because of that fact before it could just be like you leave your kids but they're not going to find a computer and start watching porn you know what I mean because like where you've been getting a computer you don't have one but like now it's like you know they have all the access oh my God actually when they start to sit and start thinking about like what could he be exposed to now Ethan because he's 13 what can they be exposed to what could he watch what content can he come across because like sometimes you even on a completely maybe you're just on like car for shopping app or something and a random ad comes up something and you're like yeah and what everyone because everyone is always on phones he doesn't even have to have them from his phone yeah it's all of these things you know but I personally feel like the more in tune you are with their world the more likely you are to understand like the ways to comfort them and I think you are you're very keen on what's going on with like technology and social media and things like that and I see you you said that you um up like you upped his um yeah and that's so cute yeah yeah I feel like you're so intentional I think you are the parents that you're saying that parents need to be like thank God yeah thank God because yeah hey you kind of have to man you kind of have to um so in the last episode not last episode at this point it's the last last if I just say which episode is stop normalizing in the episode of stop normalizing there was a huge debate in our comment section about the come we stay yeah element um and and I I don't know I feel like people kind of misunderstood your point because it almost came across like I'm I'm saying coming stays are horrible and you're saying no everyone should be in come with stays because that's what the comments sounded like which is not at all what you want there's nothing yeah about that that I actually said that what I wanted to do is like okay about where is he like let's be curious about why this is happening because I mean everyone has heard it yeah everyone has heard all the warnings like you know don't move in with him don't have kids with him before marriage everyone has heard it but it's still happening so to imagine it's like is every single person in that Dynamic hating it and feeling that way like is that true I don't know if that's true me I'm personally curious my mom was married so I've always believed that people get married before they before they even have children that's what I know but I'm allowed to be curious about how other people live in life because I'm living life with them yeah they're here everywhere and in fact a lot of your couple goals our income with days you know it's like we are normalizing it yeah we're normalizing whether we like it or not and I don't think personally I feel like the way you want to have your relationship is the way you want to have it but Joe's point on like at the end of the day a lot of the times it's like it's you who ends up being in a situation where you have not no rights or in or all of these things then it's where you take the L but we are doing we are normalizing it already we are already normalizing it right yeah so I wanted to share two comments that um stood out to me one is like from a legal context and then the other one is just like a personal experience on your point about like there are people I'm sure who are in come with stays which are happy and they are all excited or whatever the thing is that we just never hear of those people and because it's shame there's shame in it people aren't allowed to come and say come we stay and that's why they always online saying hubby huh like my hobby but we know ain't nobody calling their husband there is shame around so people don't come and say oh hi my name is Lydia I mean I come we stay Etc they don't they're ashamed um they're ashamed behind it okay if you say it like that yeah but if you say um yeah I live with my boyfriend is that better yeah but you know you said that I was not in a can we say because he was living with my boyfriend is can we stay when you have kids or what Constitution can we stay may I feel like oh may I feel like because the second people have kids everyone assumes that can be staying yeah yeah when you're living with your boyfriend it's like okay you're living with your boyfriend exactly but you don't even ever think about it well a baby is born a baby is born and then also for me it's like also a time thing I feel like if it's been like five years that's definitely a can we say if at this point the government says that you can't actually go and register a marriage certificate because you've been living together that long then but I feel like you see right now a lot of like circumstantial like you have a house I have a house but I'm all you're always sleeping over at my house yeah see technically we are living together but I wouldn't call that a come we stay do you know what I mean oh I get your point yeah honestly it always seems more like oh two cool people living their life what is your boyfriend and girlfriend baby now people are just like what is this like why all of this exactly I honestly my context of kamuste is a New Concept which is just like I have I've learned over the last couple of years understanding the Kenyan context yeah very recent so even the potency of this conversation doesn't resonate to me in the way that everyone says to everyone else and I gave that disclaimer I really did yeah yeah I saw someone saying how you know um here people aren't protected but in the European context that's what I was going to read yeah so um this was avi avi Joe Casper six hey you guys see you just put something like you you need some Jerry and then we call early tonight Jesus she said for the cohabitation thing what we need to understand is that in the Kenyan and African context women are not protected by law unless there's a certificate to show for it in Europe for example the Netherlands your spouse can have your retirement benefits transfer property Etc without a marriage certificate your relationship is acknowledged however in Kenya a woman is not protected and regardless of how many children you bear for that man yeah and that's why I said if you are listening for those who are listening is that I understand what I've seen and I did law as well I know cohabitants have rights and it's like many people I even grew up seeing that were like they just they're just Partners that's what they are even Brees parents they've been together since forever and ever ago but they're not married that concept of like this is my partner that doesn't exist here exactly so there's definitely um contextual misalignment yeah right so and I and I acknowledge that so when I was speaking me I'm not supporting you don't go into being a camera say because if you don't find me one yeah you don't find me in one I think um I wanted to be curious about that aspect because people are doing it all the time yeah um a lady shared her experience and she said after 30 years after 30 years of come we stay and two adult children and your kids and adults had oh okay find her and my aunt had to still sign an affidavit that the father of her children was her husband after 30 years they also had to finally go to the registrar to officially get married this was necessary so that she could she could conclude her now very ill husband in her company's insurance medical cover and when he died the might certificate was needed to get his terminal work benefits get access to his bank accounts to transfer ownership of his property to herself Etc you know I don't know come with things I stayed that long yeah I feel like a lot of them do like it's just like you come together now you have kids and then I was just like why are we getting married yeah so on the legal perspective obviously there's nothing there like you don't have um you can sue for rights like a lot of it's not that people you can't go exactly who is taking someone to court to fight for the right to someone that's where marriage is easier marriage is just easier because it's like if anything goes left here you are however check your your husband's documents because it's not always like that what do you mean against their current partners yeah and like they are conscious no but I don't think I will supersede like once you're married half of everything that he has is mine and half of everything that I have is his and I think it's only his part that would be like they'll be able to give someone else right exactly but his part should be yours so why is he doing that you're right so you got to be together even in this marriage you've got to be together don't marry someone who hates you yeah because then yet yeah so for me it's like if if that's a choice you're making I feel like women should be empowered to have Choice yeah but if it's not something that you're making and according to a majority of you guys this company is that comments are in the Kenyan context there's no way that someone doesn't want to be married so usually ends up that you're compromising you're here because he won't give you what you want yeah and you want to have kids and look at this other little dance you want to get married before you have kids right but he's not marrying you yes and so now you end up having kids because your time for kids is running out and he's not giving you what you want you see that's those are the things and you see it's the woman it's always the amazing yeah and now you end up being a single mother God forbid because you just needed to have the child because your time was running out and you had waste your time with this yeah now look here get out with a heartbreak no kid no kid because we forget we forget me was having a relationship here I wasn't I remember that but I think if I had a baby now you think would question all right Jackie Aina and Dennis in our can we stay okay mathematics no me I mean but you see I don't know maybe also it's having money because I don't know I'm sorry can we say only ah can I put this in context can I put this in context though I would like because I feel like in context with Jackie and Dennis Jackie I know if you don't follow her please she's a content creator she's a YouTuber just come on I feel like it's clear when we are watching it you both have money you're both choosing to be here it doesn't feel like it's circumstantial that I got pregnant so now we're living together or it's cheaper for us to live together kind of thing she can hold her own he can hold her own unfortunately for the coming days we see often it's that it makes sense for us to be together it's a cost cutting thing I think they're having money definitely plays A Part especially in our African or Kenyan context so I am getting where you're coming from as far as your issue is that a lot of times these aren't done intentionally or from the perspective of choice of choice exactly that that I feel like is the key and if it's a choice like it's a choice how but I get your point is that it's like oh if you guys all have money you've just said to live together me I feel like once a child comes in you feel different and guys we love children here you know we keep mentioning that but we just are amazing but we recognize and Lydia said many times that but that seeing me mother has shown you what a commitment parenting and motherhood actually is yeah and many people don't get that unless you've actually seen someone mother like faster or intentionally mother so it's the recognition that kids are a very different unique intense um element to relationships it changes everything yeah it's just not it's not a conversation it's not a conversation so once kids are in it it's like everything just starts being a bit more tricky like okay he's gonna be in your insurance am I in your insurance like all of these things become more of a thing because you have this shared human yeah called shared human he is a shared human yeah it's not like it looks like your face and my face yeah Ah that's so sexy yeah so cute I love that so much um I liked this comment from someone called ruvimbo she said she um she thinks it's so cute and so respectful how tries to understand some of Lydia's points and I like that comment because yeah she thinks it's so cute and respectful how I I try to understand your points I feel like I'm meeting you in the conversations we have challenged me in a different way like I feel like for because I was raised here a lot of My Views are like the views of like the people around me the context I was brought up in but I feel like many times when we speak it allows me to see things from a very different point of view some of which I agree some of which I don't agree with but it's always eye-opening yeah and I love that about this podcast yeah I love even you as well like I feel like we are so similar but every so often we have a conversation about like something that's like super like at the core of our values and I'm just like we I forget that we want race in the exact same house so it's also um I also get to see a different world through your eyes as well like based on everything that you've seen and you help me understand the Kenyan context a lot more and I'm glad yeah because it's like you you're it you feel it you feel it I can see like even your passion yeah and it's in her spirit guys she's not joking stop normalizing him yeah so I feel like if if you're going to choose and you want to be in marriage somebody said in that one that it's easier to be in a camera say because you can there's an ease to it like getting divorced like a lot of people struggle to get out of their marriage they're unable to get out of it because like you need to give your reasons why like the division of um assets or so it can be harder so there's a freeness yes that sometimes they can come because just get out it's just like I'm done yeah it's like what happened there's that as well but because there is not risk either yeah some of the benefits and some of the legal um legal kind of rights that you have you don't get that either yeah yeah so one thing it's not even a comment that someone sent but it's something we're talking about with Lydia earlier is that people should stop normalizing single parent households which I know really just sounds like what you know because so many people are single parents these days it's almost become more normal to have been a single parent household or be a single mom or a single dad or whatever than it is to be like I got married and we had kids or we had kids and we're married or something like that and I feel like I get it I already see where people's arguments are going to come from but I feel like people um in a way because a lot of people are finding themselves in that situation or are finding themselves in that situation it has now become like it's let's just not judge anyone let's just not judge anyone and let's not say anything about it it's just a normal kind of like parenting household what do you think okay so this is my thing right I think I said in the last episode if we are not being selective about who we have kids with then then Dynamics where two parents aren't together are gonna keep being more normal and more normal and more no more and more no more because anyone is having kids with anyone otherwise it's just a broken relationship and then you move away remember that X that's it yeah but when you do have kids then it's a very different Dynamic one for me is that I feel like we are not open enough about some of the things that children who are raised into um single um single parent households the things that they they miss there are so many things that aren't present in that household that really every child really ought to have and I'm not referring to the single moms who is just like number one anybody who's pair um partner has passed away they ended up being a single mom there's many situations which you're not in control of but the ones that you're in control of like let's really be serious that's why when you said that lady had said that when you were having that conversation about you know women having kids later someone was just like okay her a partner is no necessarily you can just have one to me that's mind-blowing it's mind-blowing that it's like to you it's not a problem to to you're not seeing what else is missing when you have one parent in a in a home and yes we are talking we are saying that a healthy single parent home and a healthy two-parent home go with the two a healthy two-parent home exactly it's obviously not referring to a situation where it's like you're in a marriage or in a relationship and it's toxic no obviously that's worse but I feel like it went from oh my God this person has a child out of wedlock too like now everybody has a child out of wedlock or everybody is is just like you know everyone's just a single parent and I feel like that's increasingly dangerous because one it makes people again less selective about who they are having um children with and less Family Planning is happening and not necessarily contraception but Family Planning like having kids when you've actually planned to have kids especially people who have kids really young and speaking of someone who had a child really young that's not an experience that I would have chosen well I mean at that time I did choose but I was stupid and I didn't know what I was signing up for and I feel like obviously now in hindsight I'm like a 19 year old has no business has no business being a mama that it just it's just not you're just not in the capacity in terms of your body in terms of your mental headspace in terms of your emotions and how you carry yourself even financially a lot of 19 year olds are in a position to take care of children and I just feel like we need to not judge people who are single parents but not um I don't know let's not almost like encourage because I feel like sometimes it's like almost encouraged it's like now all your power to the woman single women and we celebrate them and it's amazing but we shouldn't be aiming for that I don't think that's what we should be aiming I agree I feel like what's what's happened is that there's more it's more like we are not looking at the issues why this is happening and as I said we are not being clear enough about what the kids in those homes don't actually get because guess what I came um I was raised by a single one my parents separated when I was nine years old they were married before mine so single parenting is not to say that you weren't married no after you're divorce what do you think happens or you're a single dad so I'm being raised in a single parent home is that my mom wouldn't have chosen this it wouldn't it wouldn't have been a choice for this to happen and before where it used to be like you know what let's encourage families staying together and all of these things it's become more like okay well he he messed up it's always him by the way he messed up and Now power to you you know take care of your kids and I think that's good and I saw my mom doing that but honestly it's not an empowered place to be trust me if you can't have a choice have it that way but what I also would like to have a conversation is that instead of making it from like a this is a single mom home where somehow the the father evaporated yeah we can lean into like where's the Dad yeah oh right it's never a place that the father abandoned the kids if that's the situation because just because your single mom doesn't mean the other partner has abandoned but there's not enough emphasis on that it's like yes you're a single man but like why do we put emphasis on this is a family where the father doesn't show up oh my God remember the difficult conversations you were talking about the uncomfortable conversions from the last episode then this that's definitely one of them yeah like we can we can have we can place more emphasis because it tends to be it's the Single Mom's problem it's a single mom's fault but really truly maybe she's doing alone because somebody else doesn't want to do it with her yeah why why why is that not the person who's crucified it becomes uh you the moment it's like you're the one with the Scarlet Letter but it's because he doesn't walk around and he's not with the kids so no one can tell he's a dad it's just he's just a guy that that narrative is what makes me sad and it's feel like wait the single mom is the one who's being crucified and she's the one who showed up you know crazy yeah so I feel like there's a way we need to be super clear about what the the disadvantages are so that we can aim for a dynamic that's a two-parent healthy household yeah yeah oh damn that one's heavy love to hear your comments about that yeah but I don't even need to tell you because someone was already typing from the first sentence you know we should normalize is like sometimes yeah sometimes I feel like someone will listen to us speak and like I've already said my points my point let's say you say your point and that's maybe why people were misunderstanding what you are saying because I feel like maybe you say something like you know I I'm not against people living together you haven't even bothered to hear the rest of what Lydia said what the defense was how she explained it but already you're just like no no no no you can't be with it you take time to listen and understand what we are saying and then you type your comment yeah yes go ahead this is from the episode um um things that life the things that life is teaching us um this is Squidward money 64.92. I'm a king betweener and I think that intro is everything we needed it is very classy and oozes feminine power my podcast ke hungara oh thank you guys we love it we love it so much I really love that intro I really love that I really really do and you guys have been giving us um compliments on our production how clean our visuals are production team you've been told clap for yourself yeah we have a fantastic production team so thank you so much guys we love that you see some of the effort we make exactly you know to keep upgrading this podcast as we go exactly and also production is not cheap shooting intros is not cheap these mics this one can pay your rent let me tell you the truth oh it's honestly is problematic and so when you subscribe it enables us to get more paid Partnerships which enables us to create even unpaid episodes and it just basically keeps the podcast going so please pause at this moment and subscribe if you haven't already so much I will be so happy this comment is from the um stop normalizing but they said we should normalize not generalizing that all men cheat Nobu is just your man speak for him they are loyal ones out here yeah by the way someone was I mean that said what's ability to stop normalizing cheating it feels odd that there was a time where that was isolated incidents now it's like wow your man don't you yeah what not even your man even women like it's just what this is what happens this is what this is what is happening in life and I would love to stop no more like you know what honestly and you know what I think is sad about like the way the Kenyan context operates right now is like the things which you always find people joking joking about online you know just like talking about it Nairobi it's just sharing it's a person sharing what like what just always liking those posts commenting Steward on Twitter on Instagram like it's a joke but yet when it happens to you then it's like suddenly you're starting you're crying but those are the ones that that's the same context within which you're liking those even you know a man is also there liking those knowing that ah everyone is cheating you know even your babies horrible what a person let me tell you this sometimes what I feel when I feel I feel most lonely when people are not cognizant of the power of their voice the power of what they post the power of what they are sharing that makes me feel so lonely in this world because I'm just like who am I sharing the world with yeah it's like when when you put something out there you are confirming a narrative or you're creating a new one and so many people are just comfortable regurgitating the old ones it's just a means it's just a meme whereas it's like we are contributing to the world that's hurting us yeah what a shame oh my gosh yes what a damn shame yeah so so yeah we should definitely stop it I'm I'm normalizing cheating um but the element of like stops normally stop generalizing that all men cheat I don't know if it's just the fact that when men do cheat there tends to be more noise about it you know as opposed to the woman exactly or it's just like it's a celebrity it'll be all over but they're not writing articles about like oh this man stayed loyal all through September so that's why it seems like all men cheat because like when one does it's super loud and it's just like oh my God everyone but I definitely I don't know if I was to give a percentage of men cheaters versus non-chitters I am giving men a solid like I feel like it's right there 45 it's 55. yeah tell me about yeah actually like when the DMS dare you start a conversation about people cheating yeah women yeah oh yeah yeah I don't even don't even yeah no me I don't even look at you as like a um as a command issue it's just like people it's people's issue in life yeah it is um this is from the episode um things that life has taught me um 8235 is saying life has taught me that one bad experience in a certain field or situation doesn't mean you always have a bad experience in that area it just means that you have yet another chance to do better and I feel like that's a really good way of seeing life because um the more you let's something bad happens to you in one particular area the more you're likely to believe that this is always going to be and then that's how you are unable to change anything or like how someone says you know me my parents never used to see this my parents just never used to do that then you believe because you've never seen a model you can't do it yourself yeah but that's not true I feel like we are creators so in every situation where you you do bad you have another chance if one doesn't work out here you go give it another shot yeah yeah but I I don't know I feel like that one is a very normal human thing like the way you're like like it's like reinforced positive so like for sure if every time I stand on this carpet I feel pain and I've done it four times and every single time I've done it obviously I'm unlikely to but I feel like especially in the world of like social media seeing that some it's possible for someone else to experience that thing without feeling pain I feel like that enough is one of the benefits of social media for me it's like when I see happy marriages 30 years later when I see you know people enjoying a really great relationship with their kids or like making new friends in their 30s things which I'm just like that I don't think that's possible for me I'm like if it's possible for them are they uh I don't know are they aliens are they from another country they literally are just another person like me so if they can have it it makes it possible for me yeah that's my favorite thing about working on social media because if someone sees me navigating through something that they thought no you're supposed to this is where life ends right especially now in my single season the way people are perceiving me as if it's like oh wow so you can have a single life like this it makes me feel so happy that if you do end up being single your fault or not your fault whatever your choice if you do you will remember that actually it doesn't have to be this like misery inducing experience it can be intentional it can be fun you can experience it with more you know you can be more present in it as opposed to kind of this thing you're trying to rush through to get where you're always supposed to be you know yeah it makes me so happy to think about that but I get it it's not easy to keep your heart open after you've had a few heart breaks it's not easy to be to have faith in this man we are talking about after they've done you dirty so it's not easy yeah but what what do you want exactly that's the thing for me I feel like I I also I I can't think of anything in life which I've ever seen someone else have and thought I can't have that yeah and especially as pertains to like money I just have I just know that I will be immensely wealthy I just feel it like when I see super rich people I'm just like that's possible for them it's possible for me too and it's just like something that I'm just like I look forward to that time and especially when you look at my journey it's like I wasn't poor but like I definitely wasn't comfortable and I look at my comfort now I'm just like I believed I could do it and now here I am I've done it you know and I know poverty is one of those things where it's just like if you have struggled your whole life you've always been poor you have it and now you don't even have an education until like will I ever have the chance to you know like uh make it or like be financially stable I know it can be difficult to believe that it's possible for you but imagine it is yeah imagine it is I think you have the same level abundance when it comes to impacting the world yes I feel like it's so important that I'm here and you see it's so important to the world and to the progression of humanity you need to put that one on like or whatever that's as good as thinking so much like because if if it didn't God wouldn't have me here so I always feel like there's a reason why I'm here like what is the purpose of my life I'm always so Keen with that yeah but I do understand like some of these things are even taught maybe it's our parents who encourage us to believe in ourselves and all of these things but just because you haven't seen a model doesn't mean you can't create it so exactly yeah I can change that narrative here's a controversial one again from the stop normalizing I really like the comments on that one they were bangers podcast because clearly you have so much to say yeah someone said I don't I already don't agree we should stop normalizing being as socialite as a career use your god let's use our god-given talents and education to establish professional careers worry my god-given talents on my teacher my ass for 25 minutes non-stop that's a talent no I feel personally that people who have this very strong notion of this is the way work looks like right really resent people who are working in different especially easier ways or who aren't even working they look like they are working but they are getting money that's what people are always um looking frowning down upon us as we don't work as spotted creators then you're hearing the hundreds of thousands someone is getting paid and you're just like it's you're annoyed because again if you are accepting these cages of having to rigidly work in the mind or whatever and that's what you've chosen for yourself in the mind the mind in the mind day in day out and then professional career yeah I feel like personally if people want to make money from just their eyelashes or walking like for me it makes me feel so happy to see people making um money so easily yeah so easily exactly yeah I'm personally not here for the whole like sleeping with married men and stuff like that that's just not my value system yeah but as in you're posting pictures of looking cute and you're getting paid exactly get paid yeah and then also I feel like there are those socialites who like became famous who tried their best to become famous and they did then there are others who like it's just like they just happen to be famous yeah because they just look good and when they post pictures a lot of people come and follow their page so do you want them to not make money for already well we just started yeah okay yeah so do you want that person to not make money from the fact that all this I have this entire audience I don't understand what is meant by a professional career it's such a backward view it also goes back to what you said in the last episode about um you deserve something like you deserve good things you don't have to have worked for them because like even me sometimes I don't technically see some of the work that I do as work because it's like I I'm using a city on this couch and I would have posted the couch anyway it just so happens that now I'm being paid 80 000. take a picture of it and say I got it from furniture whatever you know kind of thing and I feel like I love this concept of like not having to toil super hard for money because money can just come and it just comes yeah absolutely no I feel like the more people I see doing it easier the easier I want it I want things to float I want to feel like someone brings me here and maybe I I get paid to just snore on the podcast that's the thing it can get easier for me yeah yeah no I don't I know I also love me Kenyan socialized me love like when I see they've gotten famous from like you know having their body online and whatnot and then they take that and they turn it into an actual physical business like Vera sidika and her like Salon or whatever um other um what do you call it socialites who have started makeup brands and things like that me I'm just like get your bag I I admire it actually I'm like yeah I'm like you took a picture in your cute body and now you have millions and now you've opened uh makeup brand good for you I love it sometimes there's many of them I don't follow because sometimes I feel like our value systems don't shine for sure but when I see some videos and like maybe I'm seeing the comments people who are so triggered I'm just like what are you doing I find this so funny because I'm just like she's saying that to provoke you yeah because you know you're stressed your secret it's so funny Angry yeah especially women I support you in making money like oh make your money make your money okay go ahead do you have one or yeah so this is also from um what's the things we learned in life I really like that because the comments were so diverse um faith in Joe key 1471 is saying all we all need love all these shouting about being alone is a lie everyone needs a good kind loving touch others my life everyone wants to be wanted in love but we are so entitled to our to our hearts aches and pains and comfortable being bitter wait until someone holds you just a warm embrace a kiss we all melt this is where I stand 100 100 yeah well you said this is where I stand it's gonna be like are you about to refuse that you Pisces love these are beautiful things beautiful part of the narrative which I'm trying to change in this my single season is that in this season you don't need to be in hell that's all but the love being important I feel like you guys saw how I was when I was in love it was in love I engulfed myself in that period because I love that I love companionship I love being with someone but when you're alone it doesn't have to be held that's the only so love is beautiful but it doesn't mean that you can't have beautiful without being in 100 especially romantic Club especially romantic club and we also want to upgrade the quality of this love that we are seeking so that it's not like jumping from poor relationship to poor relationship you know we want to upgrade it but yeah love is a beauty love is so beautiful and it's so amazing but I again I agree because I guess at some point if you've been in several relationships and now let's say you get 35 and you get to 14 you start feeling like oh it might not happen for me it shouldn't be a resignation to now my life sucks and I'm not gonna be able to you know find kind of happiness and I guess in that context is when people start saying that they can have a child on their own or something like that and guess what I understand that we understand we absolutely understand but yes love is so sweet love is so love is amazing you are I'm so you look in love oh yeah yeah I'm just she's sorry [Music] my man my man my mom my name my man oh no no Universe I didn't mean that I don't know when you say my mama he starts feeling his Spirit his spirit is rising to do you like he has never done it before and also when you stop doing this stupid men were embarrassed women who embarrass themselves exactly you'll be alive you'll be enjoy you being you're my man my man my man Caesar please thank you um I really liked this okay let me know say I really liked it but I thought it was debatable um so someone said Claudia Kanan who said alcohol culture I know they're talking about alcohol and now we talked about I think stop normalizing having to have alcohol to have fun or something like that alcohol culture is heavily promoted by influencers who are paid to do so they are very Advanced effects of alcohol on Youth and everyone in general it's amazing how you guys point out the negative effects of alcohol abuse so I feel like as influencers who have been paid uh yeah who have previously been paid exactly I recognize that the alcohol industry especially in Kenya really they seem to be the ones who have a lot of money a lot of influencers to talk about their alcohol a lot and I I recognize that well there's mostly that one company that we are talking about I like the fact that they tell their content creators to always put the the disclaimer of like drink responsibly and whatever however one would say that technically the responsibility is you as the drinker but again there's a lot of people on social media who are heavily uh impressionable is that what impressionable and they might not be able to do that drinking responsibly and it can't help to be seeing this cider and then this beer and then this spirit and then whatever and then think because if they the people who you admire so much are always having the alcohol when they're having fun then and that means that you need to be having the alcohol when you're having fun yeah I get it which is dangerous like influencers advertising are a huge part of the alcohol culture and it's because they're making some of the biggest corporate um corporate companies a lot of money oh yeah and when corporates are making money and then they're like it's all intertwined you know um so I definitely own that for sure that's part of it however I mean we people are not stopping to drink tomorrow yeah all infants have stopped getting paid people will still drink so I feel like there needs to be more education on the dangers of alcohol more conversations about like having a balanced life more conversation about drink responsibly because freedom is okay people are allowed to have the freedom to drink we just need to balance the ends a bit more so that it just doesn't seem like it's all the things by the way now that I don't drink every time I watch movies at the end of the day everyone drinks everyone pause whiskey when you go to a meeting which one do you want I mean exactly Madness level whiskey double everything Madness I do I really appreciate that it's Madness but remove all the influencers go to your TV shows honestly even YouTube everywhere so yeah I think you need to um uplift the voices on the disad on the negatives and being more cautious about it so that people can have more information so they can have the discernment on how they want to interact with alcohol exactly yeah I completely agreeing let's only do okay we don't care thank you um there's a comment that someone from someone called Lynette chepkwech 8701 why does YouTube always add numbers at the end of people's handles I think you maybe you don't have a choice your name is come on so now you have YouTube but everything do you know how many H what stuff do you know not many I bet yeah I'm wondering why do they I think the numbers are always so Random anyway Lynette said in this episode one thing I can't remember which episode this was but I said in this episode one thing that came out clearly is the different life phases each each is at life murugi and Lydia you bring the diverse points of view we will see more of this with time um then she said she felt she related more with me I think also that's one of the things I love most about our podcast we are both in our 30s I'm married with kids she's single we have I mean you grew up in uh what do you call it in the UK I didn't I grew up here you're slim um plus size there's many things about us that are the same but many things about us that are different which I think allows us to to have very rich rich conversations which I absolutely love because we see life in very um in different ways just because of some some circumstances which are really not really honors yeah but some circumstances are like our own life choices so yeah I like that I like the diversity over whatever and I've told you you've opened me up to a different world so I've become more sensitive to some of your own personal experiences and I'm sure with me too is that because you see it differently now you're just like my friend sees that that way so you just naturally become a bit more sensitive to that world so another thing with me and Lydia though is that despite our differences there are some very unique things that are like not everybody has these things and I'm so grateful that we both have experienced things like for example um growing up with a father who has you know like challenges with addiction or something like that I feel like that one thing alone makes me love you so much because I'm like anytime we're having any issues or whatever anything talking about the past and like things that we went through it's like she gets it you get it like you understand is an addiction this is what happened like she just understands and like you're empathetic about it in a different way very difficult I know I know exactly how that feels that yeah that's the thing yeah and I told you like I really bother you like well it's not bother let me know say but like before I call you about something there's fire there's somebody I liked my good people and when like that day when I called you because I was struggling with that it's like I knew in the whole planet yeah I don't know who would get it the way I would get it yeah that makes you so special yeah our love for our sisters our relations with our mom I'm so glad we both have sisters ah yes our loves for our moms yeah yeah so much yeah our commitment to the things that we do to our work our passion for purpose and even the way we relate to that audience is very similarious yeah exactly I think the things that are really that enriching friendships we have them just right and our differences I feel like only complement our world view more than even create different like create flick um friction yeah I wonder if we would ever discover like as we're having conversation that we have like a very specific um like different like Viewpoint as it regards something which is like a significant value system or whatever now we haven't it's been long now we haven't because one of the things would be maybe like parenting yeah and I see how you parent and the way you are as far as how kind you are how compassionate how you respect your kids I support you know like that's the one which could be a big one but yeah we've seen each other in order if you're a bad mom or something oh yeah imagine I'm just like you just again yeah we've been here the whole day here my podcast yeah so those are things but I don't think so I can't imagine you see we know who we are at this age like I feel like we can only involve maybe we might evolve differently yeah I don't think you'll be catastrophic yeah I don't think so oh yeah yeah so this is um from them I think this is from the um I knew she was a good friend when um mesh and do call 1369 is saying constantly torn between calling my friends out and understanding that we are all love we all love our lives different we all live our lives differently so this is the dance I would sing somewhat if something is not hurting you personally you always should consider whether or not you're projecting like just always think about it right then the second thing is if you want like what we said in the last episode are you aware that your constant drinking and having sex with random men could lead to disease and potential death yeah you are aware yes then you need to go home that's it okay yeah yeah because sometimes like you want to let your friends know because you don't you want to hold your friends accountable that they don't make the same dumb mistakes but also you don't want it to come off like you're holier than thou and you know better because that's going to create another friction so letting your friends be aware like okay these are the dangers of what you're doing or like I think this is a side you're not seeing or this is your your blind spot yeah but unfortunately with friends you have to leave it there and maybe we don't want if that person is too different for me maybe they don't need to be your friend that's the thing I feel like Beyond just like if this thing is not hurting you or affecting you is it hurting or affecting other people yeah that you can see so for example if you know that I'm still a horrible wife to that like I'm always insulting him I'm always whatever like that's not hurting you but you know it's hurting my husband it's definitely hurting me to watch you hurt someone else you know like it's like it's not one of those you drink too much like you're going out too much I don't like that yeah but that's whatever exactly yeah but I feel like with my with a friend of mine if something is like it affects me enough for me to feel uncomfortable when you're together I would tell you like maybe two times marks yeah I there's no if I already told you that I don't like it when we go out and I always have to carry you into the car then if I've told you twice now at that point it's up to you to make a decision whether you still want to remain friends with this person or maybe just have the conversion of like I've told you many times that this doesn't um I don't really like this so I don't think we can keep being friends anymore yeah it's true but again are you willing to have that uncomfortable conversation but I know sometimes it's like you know you haven't done anything wrong to me but your value system is off I am willing to let go of friendships when I see that you you are growing into somebody who your values are just like this I don't want to be a part of this yeah yeah you're allowed to you're allowed to do that yeah okay do you have another interesting one okay so this from the episode of what to expect um on your first time having sex this is saying it's all good to provide the information um and experiences but also caution the youth on the dangers of casual sex such as pregnancy STDs abortion regret related traumas okay the dangers of casual sex or regret and religious traumas a lot of young people go in with the mentality that it's all fun and games because that's what they see in movies and hear from peers but the negativity is often downplayed or not spoken about also sex is a very individual experience and whilst a lot of people may have good first-time stories there are also a lot of others who don't like us um and it's good to listen to those two and make an informed decision if hooking up for five to ten minutes with someone you most probably not want your to in your future is a good idea not to sound preachy but there is a reason God forbid sex before marriage I have listed but I feel I have listed by a few so use a weighing skill to decide for yourself if waiting is really worth it why are weighing skilled I don't know personally I feel like that was one of the most balanced exactly you've ever done yeah which was like look at how stupid and Daft we were this is how you can avoid all of that you know yeah I do I do I like appreciate her her comment I think our episode was balanced but maybe like a lot of the narrative that are out there exactly yeah are definitely not balanced all these other um things about like yeah regret and like you know the potential consequences on your what like you are using a condom what if you get an STD you know what if you get a UTI kind of thing so I do I do appreciate what you're saying and thank you for giving that contribution I feel like we did our part together story and I think I've said many times if I could turn back time I don't think I no I don't think I definitely would not have broken my virginity at that no rather had sex for the first time at that 15 years old definitely I would do it differently 100 I feel like if anything we are more pushy towards way yeah we were more questions yeah and I've Loved actually on that episode there are so many people saying that they haven't um you know had sex yet a lot of some even who are older than us some people who are saying yeah after watching the episode they've decided they just want to wait and we applaud you yeah we definitely are not here to start telling people please you go and have sex why aren't you having sex what we're here to do is that if you have chosen to have sex we want to give you this information here's the information here things to think about here's what you can expect these are the standards you should be setting this is what other women are experiencing you know are you is he doing what he needs to be doing are you doing what you need to be doing that's what we're doing for the people who have chosen to do it are those who have chosen not to also no judgment here in fact we are clapping for you and good for you and we wish you all the best 100 maybe we should have um an episode contraception but not enough on like STDs the information out there like where can somebody get I don't know a job when they find that they have chlamydia where is it free on a job yeah for chlamydia you don't know that you don't know why do you know that I told you I did Sex Ed since forever no you didn't get chlamydia no you know how to chlamydia yeah exposing have you heard chlamydia have you no I right now because I don't even know like I know chlamydia exists as an STI but I wouldn't be able to tell you like now oh these are the symptoms so I think somebody has chlamydia those are the kind of things really shock damn yeah actually that would be a really good that would be that's our next episode we're gonna talk about sexual health exactly these all of them what to do if you think you've been exposed to something you know kind of thing where other places that's it that we can get um or you can get information I don't think it's it's enough out there so thank you you've inspired a whole episode you have exactly thank you so much that has been really nice really eye-opening as she said in the beginning thank you guys for leaving comments that are thought provoking that are you actually one thing about TMI that I feel like is different from a lot of other YouTube channels and podcasts the comments are always like it's almost like they're just well thought through you know things they have they are rich they are they are literally the fact that we can create a whole episode based on your comments one comment nothing is in itself in a summer kitu honestly yeah so thank you so much for leaving um all this information out there we feel like we are conversing when we read your comments so we really really appreciate that let us know if you enjoyed these kinds of videos and we might do them more often um and as usual obviously if you have any other video ideas that you want us to execute or anything you want to talk about do let us know in the comments or um DMS on Instagram TMI podcast ke and we will definitely give it some thought one thing someone people want to talk about is dating because to be honest I haven't had much we haven't had much conversation about the single season right yeah it's even an episode just on online dating I feel like that could be a thing those are two episodes we've just created everybody write them down write them down now thank you so much guys for joining us thank you for growing with us thank you for giving us the space to also be wrong and to correct us when we are and to give us more information to enrich and what we talk about this is truly truly a community and you are appreciated as a valued member absolutely see you in the next episode bye foreign [Music]

Channel: TMI Podcast KE

Views: 53,808

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Id: 3m6kQ51FGB8

Length: 58min 38sec (3518 seconds)

Published: Wed Aug 09 2023