An Actual Cult Made These Anime | Happy Science Vol. 1

you don't get rich writing science fiction if you want to get rich you start a religion elrond hubbard said that a few years before a very lucrative career change and while the pay gap from stockbroker to indie messiah is a bit slimmer one has to imagine similar thoughts running through the head of takashi nakagawa as he plotted his exit from the new york office of a prestigious tokyo trading firm in 1986. ever since he's gone by ryuho okawa el cantare to his marx disciples for the followers of happy science already japan's biggest and most influential religion according to itself see him not just as their founder and leader but as god's own vessel on earth that's gods with the apostrophe after the s see okawa is elohim buddha hermes thoth the king of atlantis el miore god king of ancient venus and a few other deities he made up all rolled up into one big super god who also happens to be best buddies with all the other gods and prophets of every other world religion especially whichever one will convince you to give him money right now perhaps starting with 15 bucks for a cd that repels a certain virus but that's not all through the power of seance he's even spoken to a wide range of famous secular figures throughout history like albert einstein princess diana margaret thatcher freddie mercury justin trudeau donald trump and barack obama some of whom you'll note aren't even dead yet he's just that good and all of whom when asked will tell you that japan has never committed any war crimes ever and also they really need to re-militarize and maybe carpet bomb north korea coincidentally that's also the official platform of the happiness realization party happy science's political arm which would be very worrying if they had anywhere near the 11 million worldwide followers they claim to have lucky they're lying but as every mega church pastor knows it's not about the size of your congregation it's about how hard you can milk them and milcom happy science does to the tune of a reported 45 million dollars in annual revenue which they use among other things to commission lengthy and ludicrous anime depictions of their scripture and that of course is why we're all here today selling fake medicine to the sick and vulnerable during a pandemic and co-opting people's deeply held spiritual beliefs in order to lighten their wallets is just good old-fashioned capitalism after all but using anime to do it now that's some real [ __ ] blasphemy right there and since turnabout is fair play starting today i'm gonna use everything i know about mocking bad anime and deconstructing dumbass world building to eviscerate all eight soon-to-be nine of happy science's feature-length dumpster fires this part will cover the first three i am taking a pretty big demonetization risk doing this video youtube ain't so great at separating criticism and satire of extremism from the real deal and on top of that i'm not running a sponsor on this video because i don't want to expose anyone else to the cults ire so if i make you laugh today and you want to see the rest of these roasts all i ask is that you leave a like and comment and consider subscribing and sharing this around also just to warn you in advance the video quality won't be great the only sources dedicated to preserving these movies are the youtube channels of various happy science branches where they were uploaded like a decade ago dubbed with hard-coded subtitles so yeah sorry if it helps try to think of it as part of the dodgy cult aesthetic now real quick before we get to the movies there is one other happy science anime we need to talk about clocking in at just 15 minutes the 1991 ova shiawasset nani is mostly a footnote in the history of happy science but it's extra footnotable for also being a footnote in the history of i [ __ ] you not here kyodo animation in fact it was their first ever solo anime and it marked the directorial debut of tatsuya ishihara who's currently leading maid dragon s it's neither of their best work in fact it's pretty much the worst and ugliest thing either the director or the studio has ever made but everyone's gotta start somewhere even if that somewhere is cult propaganda not that you'd really know it from the ova itself the story follows a kid who's bummed out because a teacher yelled at him as he meets an angel and goes on a flying nimbus ride then falls into hell for a couple minutes where he learns a valuable lesson about how being sad is bad and smiling more even when everything objectively sucks makes the world a brighter place literally by making the golden marble in your soul glow but also figuratively because smiling at his mom means she's not mad when his dad has to stay late at work which in turn allows him to work harder and make more money and when she spends that money that makes the shopkeepers happy too it's definitely a strange and bad story devoid of logic and helpful advice but no more so than any half-baked after-school special and because all its supernatural elements are framed as a dream if you don't know who made it and you're not familiar with the sun iconography and feelings based cosmology of happy science it's easy enough to mistake for generic christian fluff with some weird visual metaphors the rest of these films though are unmistakable in what they are hermes winds of love opens on a very 90s cgi space shuttle for no apparent reason with the narrator telling us in no uncertain terms that what we're about to see is 100 factually accurate real ancient greek history then about 30 seconds after that we see a pegasus chasing a golden feather through a sea of clouds and buddha lotuses the feather falls down to earth passing by some actually gorgeous animation and backgrounds the cult clearly paid toei a lot for this before it reaches an old man under a tree who immediately leaps up and starts rattling off prophecies about how the future king of greece is about to be born right here on cytia then the wind carries that feather up the hill to the palace where it flies off screen and presumably up the queen's coochie to make that happen and the resulting child's name is hermes who was a real guy actually and not a god on mount olympus for some reason that one random old guy's rambling is deemed important enough to reach the ears of the evil tyrant king minos or possibly minnows they pronounce it literally every possible way in this dub and that's a running theme with these movies but he's just like nah city is too small to beat me cut to 26 years later though and we see this hermes fellas gotten pretty good at riding horses and knocking other people off of their horses so minos and his massive technologically advanced army might want to double think that we then learn through the extremely organic and seamless exposition delivery system of two children running around town discussing what woman could possibly be beautiful enough to bang their prince that there's a gorgeous princess named aphrodite locked up in a castle on lindos the film then introduces her through a skinny dipping shot cause religious propaganda or not anime is gonna anime and then hermes begins stalking her like he visits her window 12 times in six months by rowboat despite her refusing to talk to him and actively hiding from him every time he shows up but don't worry it's not really stalking because he's got a really strong feeling that he and this woman he's never talked to or meant to be together which they are and not just in this life they'll be married again in the future when they're reincarnated as ryuho okawa and his wife kyoko okawa uh spoilers for the movie's post credit scene i guess the divinity and predestined love of this couple is one of the core beliefs of happy science and one of the core elements of this film's narrative so it sure would be awkward if they ever got divorced in 2011 and then kyoko was excommunicated from happy science for revealing to the press that despite their claims of over 10 million members worldwide the real number is closer to 30 000 and then their son also disowned him and started publicly bashing the cult he's got a youtube channel by the way uh spoilers for real life after this movie came out i guess anyway sometime in the last 26 years that one thing king minos is actually known for happened and after locking his mutant bull son and wife in the labyrinth of gnosis he becomes the most evil thing happy science thinks there is an atheist also he started wearing a bullhead luchador mask and making his soldiers use cow print shields just really committing to the bit you know as a result minos is also in the market for a new wife and he's got his eye on aphrodite but after window shopping way too many times like it really kills the pacing of the movie hermes does finally decide to commit in an embarrassingly cringy musical number [Music] which is followed a month later with a daring action-packed rescue where the army of rhodes nearly catches our heroes with their high-speed triremes but then just in time a mystical golden fart cloud catches their sails and carries them away could that be the wind of love the news of this of course enrages king minos i will send my troops to sydia and kill every man woman and child which would be super exciting and dramatic if he actually remembered to do that or anything at all before hermes rolls up with an army to kill him in like 20 minutes instead on a peaceful day in cydia hermes takes his new wife on a stroll up a hill where they happened to meet those kids from before looking like they just popped out of the akira elderly child labs suddenly though the children disappear storm clouds kick up and out of the maelstrom emerges mufasa sorry that's ophelis the creator god of greek mythology that happy science made up who tells hermes that it's his destiny to unite greece starting with the defeat of minos to facilitate this and beat the stated 50-1 odds against his army hermes forges an alliance with theseus who's then sent to nasus undercover as a hostage to recruit the help of minos's quote sane and religious daughter ariadne he takes a thread from ariadne and does the thing theseus does down in the labyrinth freeing the other hostages and killing an admittedly pretty sick looking minotaur in a very rushed and unsatisfying fight scene then with the other hostages he starts burning down the palace while minos is charging out to meet hermes army for a very rushed and unsatisfying battle the palace the entire palace is on fire what are we shut up head back to the palace now turning around opens him up for an ambush from the woods defeating most of his army then minnows himself dies in a hilariously stupid sword fight back at the palace at which point there is still an hour left in the movie somehow to say it loses the plot from here would be an understatement hermes spent some more time up on that hill learning to meditate and literally watching grass grow under the instruction of ophelus which gives him some kind of epiphany about the sun or life cycles or something it's a scene as pretty as it is vapid and mind-numbing as a reward for his efforts ophelis reveals to hermes that they are actually one and the same both incarnations of the great god el cantare he then bestows upon himself i guess a mystic staff with boundless spiritual powers like being a dowsing rod and a fish finder and that's about all we see it used for in the movie it apparently has zero utility in rescuing aphrodite's still-kidnapped blind mom which hermes instead does using good old-fashioned violence in retaliation the army of lindos catapults the ever-loving [ __ ] out of cydia which hermes and everyone there kind of just takes in stride after burning their ships after the battle he moves the capital of his growing kingdom to a port town to start a new trade alliance that completely reshapes the political landscape of greece but that's not nearly as important to the story of this movie as the fact that his wife can't conceive apparently which is a choice for the goddess of fertility aphrodite goes off to a pond to cry about it lamenting that her husband nay her whole nation would be better off if he just screwed some random hussy behind her back and to reward her selfless love the goddess of love who i guess isn't her shows up and shoots aphrodite with a baby making arrow and she tells her to name their son eros which isn't what hermes and aphrodite's child was called but i guess this right-wing cult didn't want to deal with all the implications that come with hermaphroditis once the kid's born hermes goes to pray at the temple of ophelus where those horror children show up once again to reveal that they are actually agape and pan a pair of fairies who present him with a pair of sandals you know the ones but the wings they're a bit small but they stretch and after putting them on hermes realizes that instead of flying they grant him the power of astral projection which first takes him out into space and then down to heaven which is a field of flowers there we get to learn some interesting this is what scientologists actually believe type happy science lore like how every flower contains a fairy that decides when it'll bloom and what color it'll be or how there used to be mermaids on earth but they all got sad and went away because humans don't think about how pretty the ocean is enough also there's a magic lake full of fireworks somehow and also fish that sing at you to smile more which kinda sounds like hell but then hermes goes to actual hell where all the bad men get turned into scary-faced trees and their branches get broken off by demons to cook all the bad women and eat them but where you ask do those demons come from the baddest guys turn into those and of course minos being the baddest bad guy there ever was has turned into an ultra demon and he's about to kill aphrodite back on earth by making the sky overcast because something something power of darkness so they have to fight right now and it is epically okay nothing you haven't seen before in a million other anime also apparently the all-powerful staff isn't useful for fighting demons either so so much for that setup at least the trash talks decent though you are such a bad loser hermes right when he's on the ropes and the earth on the verge of doom hermes realizes oh right i'm god actually and an army of angels descends from the sky in golden space boats to pump ganon full of light arrows saving the day which teaches us the valuable lesson that god is invincible and all you have to do to defeat evil is believe and most importantly be happy the film ends with hermes giving a big cliff top speech about love to his wife with some shot choices that are extra funny when you remember what's gonna happen to this relationship in forty three hundred and eleven years once the wind stops blowing it ceases to exist just like when one person stops loving another love also dies that said okawa's new wife shiho is apparently an earthly incarnation of the earth herself gaia and any dude who's sexing up the entire planet is obviously winning so hard that no amount of mockery could ever possibly hurt him not that that'll stop me from trying on to the next movie oh and uh fair warning that was probably the least insane one of these the second movie laws of the sun isn't really a movie at all so much as a condensed animated cult gospel outlining the true history of the universe and human civilization in its entirety a timeline that's wrong from literally the first femtosecond of time as it says the big bang happened 40 billion years ago which is approximately 27 and a half billion too early extra time that they don't even do anything with since nothing happens after that until the eternal buddha decides to start experimenting with organic life on venus which happened 5.5 billion years ago or 1 billion years before our solar system even existed which i only bring up because happy science claims to be a fusion of religion and science and how hard is it to double check your fake timeline against an encyclopedia you lazy hack anyway after spending 2 billion years making cool looking anime critters el miore decided it was time for humans to happen and so began a great space-faring venusian civilization that lasted the next billion years unfortunately that civilization was just so loving and harmonious that they couldn't evolve anymore and so the loving harmonious eternal buddha blew them all up with volcanoes and sent their ghosts to oversee evolution from scratch on earth then 2.1 billion years after that or 400 million years ago el miore changed his name to el cantare and brought a bunch more of the venus ghost to earth to become humans again which beats actual science's earliest estimates of human presence on earth by a cool 300 million 700 000 years once our population reached 770 million el cantare decided to invite humanoid aliens to earth to learn from us because the planet had a bit of a dinosaur infestation going on at the time the first race invited was a warlike species of cat people with laser guns and hoverboards watched over by the three great 9th dimensional alien spirits jesus confucius and moses but after they dealt with that pest problem it turned out the not katara kotaro were kinda [ __ ] and so 270 million years ago that would be 40 million years before the first known dinosaur fossil el cantare invited a new wave of a billion nicer space immigrants this time from orion and with them came three more great ninth dimensional spirits hinduism's first man manu the future buddha maitreya and sir isaac newton just to be clear i am quoting this movie almost verbatim right now million years after that two billion more aliens came here from pegasus bringing with them two more great spirits zeus and zoroaster by this time the human spirit group numbered 40 billion with aliens accounting for just 10 percent of earth's population so to help them multiply the great spirits built a pytron which is apparently a thing that clones souls or aliens or something it's not entirely clear unfortunately the alien clones started doing sex and drugs and stuff which corrupted their souls and dragged them down to the bottom layer of the spirit world turning it into hell then 120 million years ago when a bunch of angels murked one of those cat boys i was talking about for apparently the crime of having a harem he led a rebellion in hell making everything worse let me reiterate that in case you missed it in happy science the devil is an alien catboy your religion ain't got [ __ ] under his influence dark clouds covered the lower spirit realm blotting out all light from the eternal buddha and so because ghosts are solar-powered apparently the spirits of hell headed up to earth to sap the energy of people with bad attitudes and possess them which only filled hell up with even more evil spirits creating a sort of feedback loop of eternal damnation the consciousness of earth eventually put a stop to catboy satan's machinations with some mild apocalypses but then el cantare thought of a better less murdery way to purge the land of evil by filling human hearts with love and wisdom available in book form for a nominal fee it's here that we start getting into the more recent history of human civilization and the movie really starts going all ancient aliens on us the first place el cantare decided to spread his light to was the fabled lost continent of mu located near present-day indonesia which was actually called moa when humans first settled there 20 000 years ago but renamed after el cantare's incarnation king lamu 17 000 years ago lamu you see realizing that primitive sun worship was no longer enough to stop his people from pushing old men over and being ungrateful to nurses taught them about god and instantly everyone was happy and the nation prosperous but it couldn't last after lamu died slowly but surely people started being dicks again and eventually those dicks got so girthy they sunk the whole dang continent some people of moo sailed nearby to found the civilizations of china vietnam and japan while others sailed far eastward to atlantis and i probably don't have to tell you how that turned out though before atlantis did the atlantis thing el cantare did visit them as thoth bringing their art culture and technology to new heights even beyond those of mu when atlantis finally did do the thing around 10 000 years ago its people once again spread out this time to egypt greece and rome forming the basis of western civilization while others flew even further west to the andes mountains where they became the inca now in reality the incan empire was extremely recent only existing in the 14th and 15th centuries ce and the earliest andean civilization the chorale founded its first city in 3500 bc but i'll let all that slide because this sets up easily the funniest part of the movie see at some point the incan people got tricked by a cabal of evil shape-shifting criminal space lizards called the reptilians into worshiping them as gods and sacrificing virgins to them as snacks which was only the first stage in an elaborate plan to exploit a loophole in the universal code of planetary non-interference and actually i'm just gonna let the movie explain this part so you don't think i'm exaggerating they then intended to have their compatriots immigrate to earth so they could control the planet before the space police interfered luckily the space police weren't needed because el cantare showed up once again this time as rient aurel crowd a totally made-up ancient incan king just in the nick of time to save some random girl from getting eaten then he defeated the high priest's feelings-based argument that those guys had to be gods because they could fly in a giant spaceship with the facts and logic of look at this balloon though before teaching the incans that the secret to stopping malicious aliens from invading earth is again no joke the power of love later in 4500 bce 1200 years before greece was founded el cantare manifested again as ophelis the made-up founding god of greece and you already know how that story goes then in 500 bce the only remotely accurate date on this timeline he manifested one last time in india as siddhartha gautama the founder of buddhism the film then briefly recounts the actual buddhist legend of how he attained enlightenment under the bodhi tree embellishing it only ever so slightly with a big dumb anime fight against the horde of demons then it jumps forward 40 years to the equally famous buddhist story of that time buddha gathered all his followers to tell them that everything happy science believes is true actually and he's gonna come back in japan 2500 years from now as a super space buddha more powerful than all his previous incarnations combined because japan you see is where the eastern and western civilizations that he founded finally intersect and that has never happened in any other culture or country ever and oh golly gosh gee whiz would you look at that japan is here outside the theater where you're watching this movie and 2600 years later is now that super space but a guy's already here and right now the reincarnations of his followers are wandering around tokyo recognizing each other and glowing and stuff which is the note the movie ends on and happy science's third film the golden laws picks up literally right where it leaves off before zooming out into deep space where some star wars text promises to reveal the will of the primordial buddha hidden within time then we zoom back to earth now 500 years in the future in the land of new atlantis which is kind of like naming your cruise ship titanic too but some idiot australian billionaire is apparently already doing that so i guess it's not too implausible in the grand scheme of things i think the bigger and more obvious mistake is just starting this movie with footage from the last one because it really highlights how flat and garish these early digipaint visuals and cgi backdrops are compared to the lush hand-painted look of the older movies say what you will about those i know i just did but at least they had solid art direction that made both the historical locations and the made-up lands of venus moo and atlantis feel distinct and authentic this just looks like literally any early 2000s sci-fi anime but the golden laws does make up for that by being substantially more entertaining and deranged than either of its prequels like it's basically kingdom hearts only replace the disney fairy tales with well-known stories about famous historical religious figures and all the heartless stuff that connects it is now super space buddha time travel stuff our obligatory plucky teen hero satoru is studying to be a religious leader at happy science university middle school based on a real boarding school where you can really send your real children to be isolated and indoctrinated for a whole lot of real money and as part of a research project he picks up a copy of the golden laws to read also a real thing that real money can get you of course along with over 2 800 other books written by okawa by which i mean most of them were just transcribed from live lectures such as the truth of nan king and comfort women issues [ __ ] yikes what real money can't get yet is a time machine but luckily one of those crash lands in satoru's backyard carrying with it a 15 year old girl named alyssa who really wanted to meet him specifically when he was 15 because he's some unspecified kind of celebrity in her time the 30th century also they're very obviously related but the film treats that like it's a big twist the cops quickly show up to investigate what they must think is an illegally parked spaceship and of course being cops they immediately whip their guns out for that so alyssa's gotta get away fast but she conveniently needs an antique 26th century ipad to get her time machine moving again which satoru holds hostage until she agrees to take him with her to visit 21st century japan you know cause super space buddha lives there but no sooner are they off than a mysterious malfunction causes their machine to careen uncontrollably through all the wibbly wobbly timey whimy stuff shooting them out over ancient japan instead then they warped to ancient egypt where they inspire a guy to chisel a hieroglyph that history channel hosts will no doubt salivate over millennia later next it's off to the nazca lines and finally to babylon where they spook the [ __ ] out of ezekiel with a pillar of fire in the clouds after that alyssa finally gets the controls working and they head at last to modern tokyo bay where they're immediately greeted by god godzilla that is [Music] [Music] okay it actually turns out to be a generic sea serpent but whoever made that joke with the music i see you and i love you it also turns out that their readout was wrong and this serpent happens to be in the seas of ancient greece not tokyo and you know what that means it's hermes time baby after blasting the monster with a laser from the staff of calyukeon hey it does a third thing he uses his swollen arms to launch a golden arrow straight into its forehead which doesn't kill it but does act as a convenient lightning rod for the fourth thing that staff can do after that they pull the kids up on deck where hermes tells satoru to continue his journey through time so he can find his golden treasure then he summons the time machine for them with his staff which wow that's five things and the movie's only getting warmed up next they're off to ancient egypt again this time circa 1200 bce where they immediately break the nose off the sphinx because the screenwriter was running on time travel movie autopilot i guess but there's no time to dwell on that cliche we got places to be namely the red sea where moses and the israelites are moseying through the whole exodus thing using the telepathy radio on their invisible time machine alyssa warns him about the approaching egyptian army then uses the ship's built-in hologram projector to hold them off with some non-lethal pillars of fire which buys moses just enough time to do the thing after watching the thing the kids make another jump but the golden fart comes back to knock them out of the time stream and into india 500 bce just in time to meet siddhartha gautama the shakyamuni buddha and more importantly to bear witness to absolute comic gold see the buddha story that they've decided to kingdom hearts into this one is the parallel of devadatta a jealous cousin of the buddha who tried to murder him and take over his songha at the behest of king ajatashatru and the way the film chooses to present that spiritually significant story is basically like a road runner cartoon admittedly the original tales attempted murder methods death by giant boulder and elephant stampede do sorta lend themselves to that interpretation but it's an odd choice if intended to say the least as is turning devidata into a scenery gobbling yugioh villain why why why would the rock break into pieces [Music] don't think you can get away from me i won't give up not that i'm complaining every line out of this dude's mouth is pure gold but the best part comes after the kids blow up the boulder with a laser and then the elephant rampage scheme also fails when devadatta comes up with a new anime original plan to kill the buddha [Music] this will kill even an elephant in a second i'll use this a deadly poison you sure you don't want to like put a glove on first buddy or maybe use a finger you don't chew habitually if you deeply repent you can always start fresh yep saw that coming seeing the buddha be so chill about all this makes the evil king finally realize that he's legit and instantly all the boils he had on his face on account of being evil clear up all of a sudden the time machine sleep mode alarm starts ringing and the kids have to go but they've been captured by the guards oh no luckily buddha remembers them helping hermes later in the movie and vouches for them so they can go and back aboard the ship we get some of the greatest dialogue i've ever heard in anything say does your golden book have any information on how to fix a time machine it might i haven't read the whole thing find it well what does it say the time machine will be created in the 30th century in the new atlantean civilization bingo unfortunately the book only goes on to detail how time travel will be outlawed shortly thereafter due to a tragic time accident but movie you came this close to selling me a time machine manual from there the kids are off to rome in 33 ce to watch jesus get crucified which plays out mostly like your typical somber american passion play with occasional injections of batshit anime insanity like alyssa explaining that they're the only ones who can see the angels picking up jesus because their time machine's view screen can see into the fourth dimension where the spirit realm is which doesn't explain how later when they're out of the ship for the resurrection they can still see the golden clouds surrounding jesus and also hermes mufasaying his way out of those clouds to shine a spotlight on jesus with his staff we got a sixth thing this movie literally tripled the things from the last one back in the time machine once again we suddenly learned that it's almost out of juice and only has five leaps left so the kids have to hurry to the present but of course another golden fart comes along to knock them into the 6th century where they see xi yi a prominent chinese buddhist scholar talking to aphrodite as the bodhisattva of wisdom followed by buddha himself which is mostly just an excuse for the film to dip into a long boring sermon about how if you think too many horny thoughts horny ghosts from hell will possess you and use your body to get their ghost rocks off by the same spiritual mechanic though the sermon promises the more time you spend thinking about buddha and how awesome he is the closer your mind will drift toward enlightenment which becomes more than a little insidious when you remember who buddha is in this scenario in happy science's world view any negative thought especially one about el cantare puts you on the precipice of damnation satoru doesn't think about that though instead he gets inspired to go back in time one last time to greece so that he can find that treasure hermes was talking about and despite the danger that their still malfunctioning timeship might strand them then alyssa agrees on the way the time c gets all stormy and they're almost sucked into a time whirlpool but satoru prays to hermes and a golden laser guides them out of danger and into the sky above some kind of ancient greek gamer gathering with rgb lighting the leader of those gamers is a self-proclaimed god named prometheus obviously the bad kind of self-proclaimed god who has red skin and hair made of fire hermes is there too lecturing him about how a real god strives to fill people's hearts with love by suing and literally demonizing his own son for example but prometheus is like nah granting wishes is better which is objectively true then he encircles hermes in hilarious cgi fire and when the kids try to stop him with the wind from their invisible timeship demonstrates he can see into the fourth dimension by blasting them out of the sky in two clean shots hermes seems to be on the ropes but then he remembers his trusty astral projection toe sandals which he uses to visit the king of the sea dragons because sea dragons are super duper religious actually and also that earlier attack was just a mistake meanwhile back at the gamerdrome satoru tries to stop prometheus from burning hermes body and is completely useless in doing so so alyssa has no choice but to use her secret weapon a derpy looking holographic lion which is marginally less useless and together they buy just enough time for a storm to start as the sea dragons attack in glorious rainbow cgi and riding atop their king comes hermes who hurls lightning at prometheus like bam pow zap and when the clouds clear his body is still there unharmed and praying in a shimmering ray of light prometheus claims it's just some kind of trick but then his disciples turn on him revealing that actually it is he who was the scooby-doo villain all along and they were lighting all the fires in secret he never had any powers to begin with so like how do you shoot down the invisible timeship then did he just get extremely lucky because you've already established that there are evil aliens with spiritual powers who pretend to be gods and he's got like red skin and stuff i'm just saying there's definitely a cleaner way to resolve that after one more boring choppily animated sermon from hermes i guess the budget blew out with that storm the kids get back in the ship only to discover that oh no the crash drained their battery and they have just one time jump left now which they decide to take back to 26th century new atlantis because if satoru doesn't return home alissa might never be born and they can't just fix the time machine and take him back after that because this sadly also means that they can't meet super space buddha in the 21st century but that's okay because el cantare was right behind them in the fourth dimension all along delting and presumably smelting all them golden farts for you see the true nature of time they promise to reveal at the start is that it's god's river of love the time machine gets back literally two seconds after the confused cops leave and alyssa's pretty bummed about never being able to see her family or friends again because the only way to recharge the ship is with a special meteor from pleiades then like three seconds later her mom and dad show up having spent the year since she disappeared building a new time machine but acting like they just saw her five minutes ago satoru finally learns that she's his great great great great granddaughter which bums him out because he really wanted to tap that anime is gonna anime but a few seconds later he's elated to learn that he'll one day become the great reverend priest satoru which isn't why alyssa went back originally she just stole the time machine because she wanted to meet someone in her family who had really good grades in middle school so that must mean they changed the past after all which is super dumb because everything else in the movie implied that time is deterministic and they were always destined to make this trip that's the whole point of the overused breaking the sphinx's nose gag i'm starting to think okawa might be as much of a hack fraud science fiction author as he is a hack fraud in general and i would love to explore that thought in more depth by telling you about how thomas edison and his spirit phone play into this cosmology or about the newer movie's tale of five teens with attitude fending off a secret reptilian invasion but i've just sat through six hours of this [ __ ] and you just sat through like 40 minutes of me ripping on it so i think we could both use a break right now thank you for watching this whole thing by the way and an extra big thank you if you liked it enough to share it with someone or if you watched it over a meal that is truly the greatest honor a youtuber can receive let me know in the comments below what other bad anime you'd like to see me roast and of course i would love to hear your thoughts on all the wackiness you just witnessed in these ones i'm jeff du professional youtube atheist signing out from my own rectum [Music]

Channel: Mother's Basement

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Keywords: Mother's Basement, Anime, Anime Analysis, happy science anime, anime roast, happy science movie, hermes winds of love, the laws of the sun, The golden laws, reptalians, ancient aliens anime, happy science, aum shinrikyo, cult anime, scientology, l ron hubbard, battlefield earth, happy science cult documentary, vice, anime jesus, el cantare god, super space buddha, catboy satan, scientology south park, bad anime, so bad it's good, time travel anime, japanese new religions

Id: dobQ9_YS5MA

Length: 42min 50sec (2570 seconds)

Published: Sat Sep 11 2021

Reddit Comments

[u/ULTRAFORCE]

Wow, the religious ideas of that cult are quite an interesting one. The fact that it combines the super ancient aliens, with other ancient aliens and ancient fake civilizations all together is quite impressively messed up. It even has reptilians man I wonder what the Happy Science's leader is smoking to create the story he has.