ALEXA ILACAD On Loving Herself & Fighting Depression | Karen Davila Ep39

[Music] hello everyone welcome to my youtube channel celebrity housemates we are doing back to back to back number features on your favorite housemates at nyon birthday nang paburito young housemate at my concert pasilla tonight happy birthday alexa talking about birthday girl hello happy birthday hi boys i have a cake for you happy birthday can i kiss you negative and happy birthday happy birthday it's the birthday of alexa you look so pretty [Applause] [Music] a breakthrough artist for 2022 she has millions of fans but there's more to her than meets the eye happy birthday alexa happy birthday you are 22 years old yes thank you for miss karen and do you feel 22 um yes actually i do i feel uh very independent you've been through so much but are you where you want to be today yes i am i'm very happy and i'm very content with everything that's happening to me right now so i don't know i really couldn't ask for more this is everything i've prayed for everything i've fasted for for the past how many years of my life here in showbiz so i'm happy you said everything i've fasted for oh yes christian i remember i wasn't going bullied by that time so very young and how did you find jesus christ it was through my sister actually um she used to attend a victory and then she encouraged me and my mom to join and then we were able to get to know jesus more and have a really nice spiritual walk with him and that really helped me in navigating my way here on earth navigating my life inspiring no na i became a christian because it was so difficult growing up your mom is a single mom was that one of the reasons you looked for christ um i did also and i'm sure it's one of the reasons my mom did as well because i just know that it's not easy for her to take care of me all alone i'm glad that we have this really strong relationship with god that she's able to also get strength from him and childhood more well i'm really lucky and blessed to say that my childhood was really nice and at the same time i was able to do what i love because i started doing commercials at two years old so it wasn't because you needed it no not at all actually um i just got discovered by a talent scout my mom was scaring me i was a baby but it felt so natural to me my first um vtr i got the part and it it was just magic for me everything just started and then everything continued up to up to this day but how did that change your life well it's not at all easy po and although i'm really thankful for all the challenges for all the hardships for all the pain that i've experienced because i really believe nah it made me stronger and it made me the woman i am today i guess aside from having to maintain or fit a certain beauty standard it would be the rejection it would also be the pain of the waiting game you know waiting for your break waiting for that project to come or your kagayang aponos pb i would always i wouldn't ask god why them i would always ask god when me showbiz isn't for the faint-hearted oh it's like the hunger games yes so you really have to be strong and i guess that's why i have such a strong personality it's because all those hardships made me who i am today [Music] okay well this is your personal space yes so my room is just full of memories it's full of photos i'm a super memory hoarder so i really love to keep um like souvenirs from important days in my life and and meet my mom and just make me my best friend all the things i love like i like to see them all the time in my hair okay so this um used to be my study table it's so cute yeah my office i always funko yes they're funko pops of my favorite um band my chemical romance and shaded frame here it's my prized possession and that's me oh my god you got this mate or no it was a gift it was a game it was me as uh when i graduated as a dean's listener someone gifted me and wait you have a guitar yes i have two actually i have three um it's my sg guitar because you can play yes i can but it's super cute allowing us i haven't played in so long and natangal string and everything yes [Music] this is so not actually neat papa i'm super oc and um when i have lives because this is my office so this is where i do it and this is my button i like it on my christmas lights yeah my fairy lights and at night i re i i really love lights actually and the colorful one so at night at the moment and then it has that like space vibe but who designed your room because it's very easy it's very nice i like it though the wallpaper in the brain the fake brick oh i love it you just did it or pinterest no i just um it's actually a very typical it's like what you usually see on pinterest but i just need so much storage which is why i have this i have that my this is my makeup table this is for my cat i love it foreign i cannot believe she is so neat and organized oh my gosh may i yes sir and even even with my clothes i keep them color coordinated oh my god dear son [Music] yeah so i have a lot of moons here in the room yeah so who's in the photos um my niece okay so the child is all my niece and my sister my sister her husband how nice you're close to all your houses yes um just her her lamp yeah just her i've never really met my half siblings from my dad's side i see yeah and my best friends four sisters family uh syllable jillian charlie and my pbb family of course oh guys in a photo voila in the books so are you uh are you a big reader i i am okay so what do you of course you have the holy bible of course you have a devotional every day will help your spiritual life and your mental health too oh my gosh so when you start in the morning you just open the reading for the day it's short i'll send it to you later i think it will help you there oh okay so it on about yes oh i have the daily stoic too that's the book i brought with me to pbb the daily story yeah yeah wow actually you look at that one for my room's really simple what about your shoes usually oh annoying [Music] actually because i collect dog martens so young the big boots they take up so much space so as much as i would love to have them in my room they just don't fit anywhere so but um i don't really use uh all my shoes because and i don't really like to shop for a lot of stuff i i have a lot of um bags and everything but i don't really use them like the ones that are out these are the only ones that i use so she generous people [Music] what struck me is psychologists that you are suffering from mental depression and what is called body dysmorphia yes um i was never really a petite a thin girl and that was my main problem because no matter what i would do no matter what diet i had to um accept and realize no matter how hard i try i don't think i will ever be skinny but how did you feel before when the depression started to set in it's not something actually i really realized i didn't notice it because i couldn't accept it myself i couldn't accept that i have depression why why me i mean i know it's a bad habit to compare your struggles with other people but i said nah i didn't notice na my pinak dada wasn't really so good at keeping keeping everything inside and i say i'm really strong clinically diagnosed and the doctor explained to meena that is a chemical imbalance in your brain it's not sometimes there can be no reason sometimes there can be no trigger but you feel it and then sometimes it magnifies because of the hurt you're going through where is this heart coming from i don't know where this is coming from i have a good my family's okay um i don't really have much problems aside from showbiz um related problems i'm fine i don't i didn't really i couldn't accept or do you think you entered showbiz too young because you said the waiting means you know when you're a very small child anxiety yes honestly and i between me and my mom yeah i always had to be the stronger person because my mom gets easily affected by everything that happens to me in my career and i never showed her that i was affected too because [Music] but let's talk about body dysmorphia how do you see your body oh so it changes all the time yeah but did you go through honestly anorexia or bulimia yeah i've tried because um i love food i love food and i was running out of options on how to lose weight but still i want to eat so um disclaimer i don't do it anymore but i've tried i'm not proud of it but you know to our viewers of course alexa is sharing this as a learning experience but the question is how did you stop what made you stop i'm still in the process of learning how to take care of myself and how to appreciate my body but when you look in the mirror do you see how beautiful you are no sobrang it really depends on the day on how i wake up that day if it's a good day then i'll be feeling myself i'll be oh okay nice or making progress but if it's a day that uh it's a low day it's a bad day and i don't want to get out of bed but i have to so i get out i get up and the first thing i do every day is i look at myself in the mirror especially my body not not my face with my body and then i'm just disappointed oh yeah it just saddens me like when i look in the mirror and i don't like what i see that's how it feels like first hand to first have to be me and are you seeking help yes i am oh i am i am and it doesn't stop i thought it stops at like a couple of sessions and up to now for i'm taking meds but i i am getting the help that i need and i'm not trying to ask for it and i also now am more open about how i feel when it comes to talking to other people i'm able to voice out how i really feel and if i'm not okay i really tell people because it helps them understand me and and i think it's why your fans love you i mean i'm seeing it now your fans fiercely defend you you must feel the love you do and above all by jesus christ if i'm not able to give myself the love that i think i deserve i am 100 able to get it from from god from my fans from my family and loving myself maybe will be the hardest part because i am my worst enemy but it's a process and it's a it's a journey i'm taking right now and every small step is a big step to me and you said you have insomnia oh yeah i mean for a 22 year old um i i have a hard time okay but it's not all that i'm meant for thankfully i have good nights where i'm able to sleep through it and not really think about anything but even sometimes if i don't think about anything i just can't sleep so it's really hard that's why i take so many meds and i have to find the right one that complements everything uh having to take sleeping pills and having to take other things for anti-panic attack anti-anxiety attack so oh my goodness i'm so many things oh my dear alexa it's the cars i have been dealt with so i just have to be strong you are strong in pb how strong you were yeah okay what was the toughest part being in pvb just having to be vulnerable in front of so many people there inside i just feared the housemates i didn't really think the people were watching i would usually ask them i don't know so i didn't really think about the reaction of the outside world so inside i was just fearing the pattern oh i don't want to be judged i don't want to give this negative vibe this bad impression to the other housemates i don't want to be puppy gut for them so it was really hard for me to be vulnerable and especially because i really tried to establish that strong persona just so people couldn't hurt me but you are really scared to get hurt yes just because i've been hurt so much so i thought i could maybe protect myself yeah how have you been hurt i mean is it a first love um that's part of it paul but non-showbiz showbiz you have to forgive me oh it's okay but it's been outnumbered in the republic and it's super long ago you were really hurt that was he was your first love yes and have you forgiven him are you friends oh no we're not friends but i have forgiven him even if he never really said sorry or asked for forgiveness but it's okay i forgave him for my own peace of mind and for the peace in my heart have you forgiven brain damage of course yes of course i was hurt because i didn't hear any of that inside the house and inside the house um we all had this we're strong familia so when i got out my mom was like you have to watch and i said no i don't want to watch because i don't want the mukbang i had to watch we had this um it was part of pbb we went to parang grill yes we had the grilling questions with sir diaz so i really had no choice but to watch and then when i watched i couldn't stop i was like oh my god oh wow so it was just so shocking for me that oh yeah it was something i've gotten over them and i try to think is he or she coming from a place of pain insecurity it's okay not to be okay she has a good head on her shoulders alexa struggles with some you know mental challenges even how she sees how she sees herself do you how much do you worry there was a time that we were both crying about it i i it hurts me uh to put her on a diet especially she was young but she started young casey she bring my heart up then because i always saying anna i would love to to take you out to restos i would love to to to eat with you because i always tell her if you can't do this anymore you can stop and just live live your life really my struggle letting her go [Laughter] so it's a personal struggle um things but are you ready at 22 she's 22. are you into too long deeper um at first i didn't i didn't want to sleep separately because she's out the whole day now lately another question what is your birthday wish for alexa my wish for her is for her to be stronger i know she's already strong but stronger pakha said now that um she's very active but i feel na she will need strength more and sana must making closer so let's face it is it hard is it sometimes is it lonely or do you feel kelangan i think for the lonely it it would be my mom who would feel that because she has no choice but to see me grow up and my sister already has a family so she stuck with me i'm stuck with her i just want her to be happy i just want her to be proud and content because this is her dream for me so i know that now i i'm sure we don't talk about it but i'm sure she feels somehow lonely i'm always out yeah and especially after pbb i now have a new family 17 new people in my life who are here every day really yeah like uh sexy kd although he is part of the family now but it's new to me and my mom because we don't really have people over and you know i don't really like explore and have friends but now i'm always out mingling with people you were linked to three housemates yes katie estrada ian rances and benedict's ramos off hand who are you most attracted to um right now actually i'm most attracted to katie who are you closest to katie actually okay i had a really different relationship with gaby and i have to say this you have a virtual concert together so that's another thing yes are you in love oh with kd wait are you guys together not yet there not yet there but you know like issues a pbb and this one i can ask you people were saying but they come on me late i think management made my life easier they chose for me but that was painful it must have been yeah it's actually hard every day um i think the last time i had a breakdown was just a few days ago because of all the things happening online with the fans fighting oh wow when they keep oh it's really hard for me because i'm friends with all of them yeah and i appreciate all of the fans and i love them all and i don't want to disappoint anyone and i just want to share my love and appreciation for all of them so when they ask me to choose of course when you choose someone and the person you didn't choose they'll get hurt yeah and it's not just the person actually i'm sure the guys are fine it's the fans that i was really worried about i don't want them to feel unappreciated i don't want them to feel neglected or unrecognized yeah yeah but i just recently realized that you can't please everybody you cannot you cannot i tried my best you cannot alexa yeah but and pleasing everybody is the road to failure actually listen from your tita karen yes it is the road to failure that's something i learned now and i realized oh my god alexa you cannot please [Music] another thing that's interesting is of course you are a talented songwriter thank you and you wrote so many songs i actually wrote it for 2016. uh and then you are releasing it now the day after everything crashed and fell um i was able to write can you sing a little for me okay okay oh and do you think katie is the next oh my god who knows i am enjoying his company and um the relationship that we're establishing and the friendship and the mutual respect that we have for each other and what i love about kd is that he helps me grow and i help him grow so we're like two plants watering each other and growing at the same time which is really nice and feels really healthy and i feel lucky that i have a person in my life that finally makes me feel um calm dean slister you graduated college you can be anybody not necessarily just showbiz well showbiz is my first love so even if i do have other options i'm sticking to this because i really love it and my passion is here and i think i can do well yeah but my dream really is to put up an animal shelter i love animals and the cat brought me out a while ago my latest rescue and illinois actually madame but i don't usually keep them i just foster them until i'm able to find someone who will adopt but for this cat um i fell in love so it's actually not this not the first time that i decided to keep a cat um and i also rescue dogs i try to rescue every animal i can oh yeah i really do love animals for and that's my advocacy italia is to help neglected animals and i think that's one of my main reasons why um i'm really trying to make it here in the industry it's the reason i get up in the morning it's my why it's it's it's the my purpose here on earth i believe nah i really want to work hard so that i can help add more animals and today is your birthday exactly today that we are airing this vlog i wish i could sing but i can't sing can you sing happy birthday to me happy birthday to you alexis i want to be an award-winning actress and singer and put up my own animal shelter and anu character that you wanted to that you want to play um i would love to be ruby vida or do something international with music involved award-winning actress and international star in the name of jesus christ as long as it's part of his will yes birthday wish [Music] happy birthday alexa i do pray that all your dreams come true and god has a purpose for you are experiencing what alexa has experienced you're not alone pero if you doubt how you are loved i want you to remember this psalms 139 verses 13 and 14 for it was god who created you you knit me together in my mother's womb i will praise you because i've been fearfully and wonderfully made remember your maker you are made in god's likeness so i'll see you again next week for another bbb celebrity housemate episode don't forget to watch share and subscribe [Music] you

Channel: Karen Davila

Views: 961,223

Keywords: karen davila, alexa ilacad, kd estrada, pbb, brenda mage, nash aguas

Id: K3egIeAlPBE

Length: 34min 0sec (2040 seconds)

Published: Sat Feb 26 2022