AITA for sleeping with another girl after she told me that she didn't want to become official?

aita for sleeping with another girl after she told me that she didn't want to become official I've been casually seeing this girl Amy for a few months now we've been sleeping together and we might occasionally go out together but for the most part it's just late night hookups even though our relationship is mostly just sex I do enjoy her company outside of that and she's definitely got more to offer a few days ago we were laying in bed and I told her that I wanted to take things more seriously between us she said I'm flattered I really like you the sex is great you're a great guy I want us to keep seeing each other Etc but I'm not in a position to be your girlfriend or take a relationship seriously she basically gave the it's not you it's me speech but in many more words it's stung hearing that because I did want something more with her but it is what it is I'll take the L and move on one of my boss's clients is this Rich bastard who throws these big parties at his house three to four times a year the previous two parties that he through my boss invited me and I took Amy as my plus one but I obviously didn't want to go with her this time I hit up some people to see if anyone was interested and this girl Lisa was down Lisa and Amy turned out to be friends not close friends but they are connected on social media I don't have social media and I had no idea they knew each other we ended up going together and hooked up by the end of the night the next day Amy starts blowing up my phone and starts going off on me for partying with another girl at this point I I didn't even know how she knew but then she said that she saw Lisa's insta stories or whatever it was she was absolutely Furious but I told her that she had no right to be she's not my girlfriend she doesn't have any say at what I do or who I do it with Amy asked me if I slept with Lisa and I said that it was none of her business she was absolutely raging but I told her that I can do whatever I want with whoever I want because I'm single in she either has you as a backup plan or wanted you to play games and ask harder either way she is to blame not you are the games people play and then get pissed when they lose yep maybe I'm just too old and burn out but people who play games in their relationships any relationships aren't mature enough to be in relationships yes alternatively he suddenly became more attractive when others wanted him or it was the party that was desirable or she has some history with this Lisa girl and is now jealous seeing someone she doesn't like take her guy from her when she just wanted the thrill of being pursued by him but [ __ ] up and effectively warded him off n looks like Amy wanted to have her cake and eat it too she's not entitled to any exclusivity from you after making her stance clear and yet she assumes she can dictate your actions you're not some backup toy waiting on the Shelf good on you for moving on and not getting tangled up in her double standards this is now Friends with Benefits without the friends part should let go of the benefits part too yeah they're all super tricky relationships to keep in order if you started off as friends turned FWB this new Dynamic couldn't last i' you instead started off as more hookup Bas I could see her wanting it to keep going after this after my marriage ended I hit the ground running and had all sorts of situations that ran the gamut from hookup to [ __ ] buddy to friends with benefits tries I might to be as open and honest as possible while treating them right feelings end up getting in the way the same thing happened to me but I was the GF here my partner saw another person because I left them in a gray area ffwd we've been dating for a while now and all as well I can't fault my partner for what they did as it was my fault and I'm not upset about it it sounds like Opie was a backup for Amy that's why she gets pissed off when he cheats despite them not being in a relationship because him partying with other girls means he isn't sat at home pining over Amy while she's looking for other guys she thought you were a punk looking to be strung long guaranteed she's seeing other people this is stupid of course you're NTA Amy made it very clear that you two were just [ __ ] thus she has no say in what you do and with whom I don't know why she got so pissed how are you going to reject me and then tell me what to do crazy because she wants to have you to herself even if she doesn't want to commit more this is the answer she probably thought he liked her enough that he wouldn't pursue someone or be able to find someone while she kept her options open classic FAO probably she was playing hard to get and wanted you to try harder you didn't she is pissed Ina things like this are often power trips as well keep people chasing them to inflate their ego then blow up when people don't put them on the pedestal they think they were born on playing hard to get makes you hard to want classic I don't want you but you're also not allowed to be with somebody else had a female best friend like this once I was in love and told her she rejected me and only wanted to be friends fine so I started dating another girl suddenly she's all interested in me and tries to seduce me I reject her and she's impressed that I'm this faithful later when I broke up I did actually try to get with my female friend as she was so interested but nah not anymore now that I was single again it's an attention thing she values your attention but you're not a viable sexual partner just naturally she only wanted you because another woman found value in you as a sexual partner I honestly wouldn't even [ __ ] with her I mean it's not complicated it's just purely selfish behavior I want you locked down to me but I won't be locked down to you I think as social norms with sex and relationships change over time this is one of the things that have emerged we agree casual sex is okay but some people still struggle with the idea of commitment and what it means if she wanted you committed she had the opportunity she didn't want to reciprocate Kaden now is upset that she didn't get the benefits of your commitment without her having to do the same it's confusing for people who aren't like this but a lot of people are like this men and women let her know that she clearly put you in the FWB Zone which makes it fine to date others she didn't want to be exclusive so I'm not sure why she's mad probably because she missed the big party that you usually take her to she got pissed because she thought she was the only one with other options and that you were not going to be able to find someone else and sleep with them she thought since you were wound up on her you would sit and wait while she decided to explore her options she felt safe thinking you weren't going anywhere she got the shock of her life when she found that not only did you have options but you exercised them rather quickly right after she told you you were just [ __ ] women often do this men do it sometimes too but women tend to do it more they always have a backup then they are hurt when they find that their backup has a backup there's an old Mitch head B joke I don't have a girlfriend but I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that she wanted to have her cake and eat it too it sounds like the FWB thing is over and she's caught feelings though she didn't want to admit it to herself when you asked her out you could give her a second shot at the GF question if you want or you could cut her loose either would be the right call now but the status quo is broken at this point it could be a power move as well and she's just possessive only you know her personality sounds like some someone wanted you on the back burner you made the right choice Ina that explains her reaction too she didn't think she could be burned Ina at all she's just jelly how ironic that the back burner is always the one that tends to be glitchy and get hotter than the dial is set to n Amy had no intention of committing but expected you to be at her beck and call just because she's upset doesn't mean you did anything wrong it's not a backup plan it's your life and your choices clearly you respected her decision to keep things casual and you're entitled to live your life without waiting for someone who can't make up their mind it's about self-respect and you've shown plenty by not being swayed by her sudden change of heart she was using you for her own personal gratification till something better came along you unknowingly got in there first and now she's upset oh dear how sad never mind ETA n n Amy made her bed by laying out the terms of your relationship and now she has to sleep in it you did nothing wrong by moving on and finding happiness elsewhere it's not your job to wait around for someone who couldn't provide the commitment you were looking for her disappointment is a product of her own decisions and it's not on you to manage her feelings props to you for respecting her wishes initially and having the self-respect to pursue a genuine connection when the opportunity presented itself I think this is less about Amy being jealous of Opie and more like feeling she got one up by Lisa she doesn't care that much about Opie I think it's more about her ego that lost a man to AAL and if she indeed cared about Opie and was trying to play games with him well FAO for her with a dose of you get what UF deserve it's a good thing that now you can see Amy's True Colors NTA at all and bullet dodged yep going out with Lisa was a blow to her ego she got off on the thought of stringing Opie Along being her personal [ __ ] toy it's not the fact that Opie took someone else out for a good time it's who Opie took out NTA you got confirmation that you weren't together before you did anything so you're in the clear morally you were quite restrained in fact by being exclusive before when you didn't need to be sounds like she wanted to keep you on the back burner for later and thought you'd be easily manipulated into waiting not much more to say really she literally doesn't have the right to be upset at you or at least have you care that she is NTA it's pretty clear-cut when someone expresses they want to be more than casual and is explicitly told no the declining party gets zero right to be annoyed at what that person then does with someone else n Amy's feelings are not your responsibility especially after she friendzoned the relationship it's not fair for her to expect you to remain in romantic limbo while she enjoys the freedom to do as she pleases this isn't about possessiveness it's about mutual respect and Amy seems to have missed that memo you did the healthy Thing by moving on NTA I think I can explain Amy doesn't want to have to be exclusive with you however you are expected to be exclusive I think she needs to explain the double standards is she seeing others or is she keeping her options open NTA Amy opted out of exclusivity and therefore forfeited any implicit claims to your commitment you're free to pursue whatever and whomever you like as was she it's ironic how she expected monogamy from you while withholding it herself her frustration is a consequence of her own choices not yours you're not obligated to fulfill the role of her standby option continue to live your life and make choices that benefit you her emotional response is her own to manage keep your head high and your boundaries firm NTA however if you were just casually sleeping with someone you should both be open and honest about sleeping with others this is just a good practice so both can make informed decisions regarding the risk of SDI and one's own feelings it's good practice even when using condoms as some SDI can be contracted through skin contact and oral but yeah n i don't disagree with that but it also doesn't sound like this was a conversation they had she may have been sleeping with others too it sounded like he wanted to not sleep with others she didn't I don't think he needed to run and tell her he slept with someone else she wanted a relationship open on her end only plenty of people do this this [ __ ] and then do the surprised act when the other hooks up with someone else she turned you down what was she expecting in your friend Amy is a cake eater who wants you to be tied down to her but not the other way around let her stew it is the notorious testing that a lot of immature people do in these situations as another person commented she probably wanted to be exclusive but with you having to jump through hoops to get her to say yes I hate this testing crap I take people for their words and actions not what they are thinking in their head humans are not mind readers but some people like to think we are n as you said she didn't want to be in a relationship so you are in effect single and doing what single people do hm maybe she thought you were exclusive sex partners I am old school for me it was surprising when I firstly heard about Americans having more than one sexual relationship at a time hell I am so old school I only had sex within relationships but now it is also a normal Concept in my country for all age groups too so I would expect someone to talk about exclusivity if that is important to them I don't see you did anying wrong if she had expectations she should talk about them and see if you were on the same page or Not N hm maybe she thought you were exclusive sex partners I'm surprised not to see this comment more in the discussion it may be that Opie left some of the conversation out of his post but nowhere in the post was exclusivity discussed readers have assumed nom monogamy was understood but this is not a situation where assumptions should be made these conversations have to be honest open and direct emotional connection physical intimacy and exclusivity are not things that always occur in tandem in the same ways they are a VIN diagram any of them can exist by themselves with one of the others or all three together she may not want a boyfriend at the moment but may be expecting the relationship they do have to be closed and yes she should have communicated this to if she clearly told Opie that they are both free to sleep with other people then this is cut and dry but we're left with more questions than answers here n because technically like you said you're single and can do what you want if Amy isn't crazy and just wanting to do what she wants while you wait on her to be ready for a relationship then my guess is she's jealous she may have been thinking about you and what a relationship would be like with you after she left which may have had her on the verge of changing her mind she may have even changed her mind already and plann to tell you next time she saw you in this case she will now feel like you cheated on her even though you didn't if this isn't it she's crazy and you should just be done with her

Channel: reddit relationships

Views: 1,752

Keywords: AITA for sleeping with another girl after she told me that she didn't want to become official?, aita, aita reddit, aita reddit stories family, aita reddit stories, aita reddit family, best stories reddit, reddit relationships, telltales reddit, best reddit stories with updates, stories reddit, ask reddit, girl reddit stories, girl reddit, r reddit, r reddit stories, reddit, aitah, girlfriend, family reddit stories, family reddit, askreddit, sleeping reddit stories, sleeping reddit

Id: hFbcUfZaVSk

Length: 14min 45sec (885 seconds)

Published: Thu Apr 25 2024