AITA for refusing to give my parents money | for cutting off my family over my mom’s will +More

am i the wrong one for cutting off my family over my mom's will i always suspected my mom preferred my sister over me growing up she spoiled my sister with whatever she wanted and took her word over mine whenever we argued i was always in second place compared to her for example when we turned 16 i was given my unsold clunker that ended up dying within six months when my sister turned 16 she got the brand new red volkswagen of her dreams mom said that i couldn't continue my piano lessons because they were getting so expensive while still supporting my sister's dance lessons competitions etc things got really bad about a decade ago when we were in high school i feel in love with this guy joey and started dating him for a while only to for him to dump me because he preferred my sister yes my sister seduced him this really broke me because he was my first love well my sister and joey ended up getting married after their college graduation and that is when things went from bad to worse our mother had her well made and she was leaving everything to my sister for background information our childhood home was a two-story building where my mother's flower shop was on the ground floor in the apartment we grew up in was the second floor while i didn't get along with my mom or sister i loved that flower shop and had been working there for most of my life i dreamed of owning that shop one day but instead my mother was going to leave the building the shop and the apartment to my sister while i could still work in the shop my sister would be the owner and i would have to do what she says there was no use in trying to convince her to change her mind in her mind my sister was the married one with a baby on the way she needed the business and house to raise her family meanwhile i was single and had nothing so i cut them off if my mother didn't see me as a family member then i wanted nothing to do with them anymore it was clear who she favored more so i moved out of my childhood home and was on my own less than a year later i joined the peace corps and have been living abroad since now to the present after not hearing from them for years my sister found me on social media and reached out to me she wanted to talk to me rekindle whatever relationship we had i told her no that i never wanted to talk to her or have anything to do with her or her mother again she then starts to write this angry message about how i could do this to her and why would i turn my back on her but as far as i am concerned she is not my family she hasn't been family in a decade my partner and our baby is family i have a new happier more fulfilling life in south africa than i ever did back in the states i don't want to ever see my old family again because of how they treated me i don't want them to meet my daughter if i let them back into my life i am afraid they will ruin the new life i made for myself i'd i'm being too harsh added holy crap i am flabbergasted but for those who are guilding this post or are planning to please donate your money to the pandemic first responders instead not the wrong one not from my point of view you found peace and love elsewhere instead of with them no need to drag up all that toxicity again if you're in a good place not the wrong one not the wrong one not the wrong one not the wrong one to the hundredth power your mom essentially disowned you she deserves nothing from you at all and your sister is very much in the wrong here too like for allowing your mom to shower her with everything and to give you nothing not to mention wooing your boyfriend from you and marrying him which is an incredibly lousy thing to do to you i can't even believe these people are so clueless and so heartless good for you for carving out your own life you owe them absolutely nothing am i the wrong one for building a fence and blocking my neighbors from the road forcing them to take a massive detour so i am the owner of a large house with a huge property surrounding it when i bought my property five years ago i basically lived at least five minutes away from the nearest house however the villages and towns have been expanding and as a result started developing houses next to my property i was fine with it nothing i could do about it to begin with but my property is big enough not to really notice to begin with or so i assumed it's good to mention i basically pulled out a bunch of trees when i moved here and made a dirt road with gravel of sorts to allow me easy access to the main road nearby instead of driving all the way around to access the main road well soon after people started moving into the houses i noticed people basically used my little road to access the main road nearby and kids used my field to play football i was pretty much okay with it because it wasn't bothering me or inconveniencing me until a few months later that was basically whenever people had a party or a gathering i noticed my road in the field which they drove over was full of cars and a few weeks later some people started straight up using it as a parking area i had multiple talks with multiple people and the results ranged from apologetic people moving their cars to aggressive people who told me to go f myself i finally had enough and started getting cars towed which led to people yelling at my girlfriend in particular as such i built a large stone fence around my entire property well multiple neighbors including the aggressive ones were all apologetic and asked me to remove the fence and how sorry they were for using it as they basically had to add 15 to 20 minutes to their travel time to work without my shortcut i told them to go f themselves and to get the f of my property and if i saw them there again i'd be letting my dogs lose however this is also impacting the nice neighbors so i am conflicted not the wrong one your property your rules also if you didn't do this you could potentially have ended up giving them a right-of-way easement without realizing it depending on your local laws don't budge leave the fence maybe they'll think in the future about asking permission in the future instead of forgiveness not the wrong one and as for the nice neighbors that's life people take advantage of good things and ruin it for the rest of us part and parcel of turning small rural communities from a place everyone knows everybody and is accountable to their actions into exactly what you're seeing with people telling you to f off because you don't want your land turning into a crap hole am i the wrong one for refusing to give my parents money i'm a 19 year old f with six older siblings my parents spent most of my childhood spending money they didn't have on my siblings so by the time i hit my teenage years i realized i was probably going to have to fend for myself financially when i turned 18. i started babysitting and doing odd jobs around my neighborhood when i was 14 and eventually got part-time jobs during the school year by the time i was 16 i was working three jobs in the summer and two in addition to school when my parents told me they couldn't pay for college i'd already earned enough along with scholarships to be able to put myself through college and have plenty left over i've continued to work during the school year and have been able to make money during quarantine by tutoring online the issue began a few months ago when my eldest sister 29 years old female got married my parents spent 30 grand on her wedding taking out a second mortgage to do so to make matters worse my dad was furloughed six days after the wedding they defectively dug themselves into a hole they couldn't get out of two weeks ago my mom texted me for the first time since the wedding she didn't say hi ask how i was or make any small talk she just said your dad and i need a favor when can we call you i'd expected this none of my elder siblings are doing well financially and they've exhausted all other loan options both from family and the bank i figured they would text me ask me to loan them a few thousand and promise to pay it back when they could figure things out i was absolutely willing to pitch in a few thousand and had even considered giving them some of my tutoring jobs so they could make some extra cash i was not however expecting them to demand i give them all the money close to forty thousand 000 i've made from the ages of 14 to 18. the exact statement my mom had made was you made that money under our roof we were the ones who allowed you to work so you only have it because of us anyway we bought you food and clothes for 18 years that money is only a fraction of what you owe us and so on i said that food clothes and shelter were the very minimum it's what they signed up for when they chose to become parents i didn't ask for any of it etc they responded by telling me that if it wasn't for them i wouldn't have the life i have today i said they were being ridiculous and hung up since that day both along with two of my siblings have continuously hounded me about giving them what is rightfully theirs my siblings who have never been asked to give them money are still professing that it's my job as their kid to take care of them i told them they wouldn't see a cent of my hard-earned money and have no right to make such a request i'm torn i feel awful for refusing to help them out but on the other hand this was their fault i feel i shouldn't be responsible for fixing their mess am i the wrong one not the wrong one their poor financial choices are not your fault or problem speaking purely based on you being a separate person the fact that they expect this from their own child is downright disgusting i'm so sorry that you're being put through this okay first of even if they had gone above and beyond for you and your childhood and also paid your way through college you wouldn't be ta for refusing to give them money parents caring for their kids financially is what parents do it's not something that needs to be made up for once you've grown if that were the case then it seems to me your sibling have a lot of paying back to do you're not the wrong one and don't let them hound you until you give in because they'll end up milking you dry and putting you in the same situation and them and her siblings am i the wrong one fought kicking out my daughter after she tried to send my cat to the shelter throw away for obvious reasons dldr at the end the relevant backstory i have two daughters one is 21 and in college the other is 26 and because of a lot of factors finds herself pregnant divorcing her husband and needing to live in our house for the foreseeable future and i am happily married to their mother the other notable character is my cat lieutenant we call her loot i found loot in a dumpster almost 10 years ago when she was only a week old got her to the vet and she has been my best buddy for the last decade she is now my grumpy old little shadow whenever i'm home so yesterday i came home from work and i hear my eldest daughter calling me from the kitchen my wife and eldest then tell me that lute is getting old dad and with the baby coming we didn't think it was safe to keep an old grouchy cat around an infant so we made the decision today to send lou to a shelter so that she can find a family that is more in line with what she needs i told them both they were way out of line not in so many words and we would talk when we get back i drive to the closest shelter find loot prove ownership pay the 100 fee to get her back and take her home so here is the drama part when i get home i call a family meeting and tell my eldest she doesn't get to make decisions about my pets without consulting me lude only wants to be left alone and even if it came to it i would rather exhaust all my options before putting loot through life at a shelter my eldest began arguing with me that loot would be a liability around an infant and she is unpredictable untrue she is either asleep sitting on her cat tree or eating at that point i saw red and told her my cat is well trained and dared her to come up with one instance of loot even scratching someone which she couldn't but kept insisting that old cats are inherently dangerous for kids i then told hardhat she had one month to get a new place to live as she clearly doesn't respect me or my things and that if loot so much has lost a whisker i would hold her personally responsible my wife and younger daughter are now begging me to change my mind as with my eldest current financial condition i would probably be condemning her to homelessness and that my daughter should come before a cat ida for kicking my daughter out after she tried to get rid of my cat dldr eldest daughter decided to send my elderly cat to a shelter over fears she would harm her baby when the child is born i kicked her out am i the wrong one eddie to add as many people have brought up no i am not being as hard on my wife as my daughter my wife came up to me last night and basically begged for forgiveness saying she wasn't thinking and just accepted the things my daughter was saying without checking very out of character for her so i have told her i will need some space for the foreseeable future but that she and i are okay loot is already microcipped and wears a collar and tag i have also contacted all the shelters around my area and sent them lute's picture chip id and my contact information and an explanation that i am worried someone may surrender my cat without my permission not the wrong one her entitlement astounds me she is a complete a-hole for thinking she can remove a member of your family without consulting you as far as i'm concerned she did this to herself not the wrong one making that kind of decision about your cat smacks of entitlement my wife and younger daughter are now begging me to change my mind as with my eldest's current financial condition i would probably be condemning her to homelessness and that my daughter should come before a cat first i do not agree this condemns her to homelessness she might just have to get a job and room with someone else who has cats or sleep on a friend's couch a while she also might learn that the world does not owe her a living am i the wrong one i lied about having a college fund for my stepsister to save my sister i am 32f i grew up with a narcissistic mom i have never met my dad the first hug i have received in my life was at 10 years old when dan my mom's bf hugged me when i thanked him for a gift my mom had my sister a year later my sister was the perfect baby sister anyone could ask for mom and dad split at a first mom had major custody of my sister mom did the same thing to my sister she did to me doesn't even acknowledge us in the room if she was not in the mood not feeding us dinner if we made a mistake made everything our fault when dan found out he applied for full custody for my sister but my mother fought and somehow wrangled 50 of custody things got real bad for me and the only silver lining was my sister despite being only four years old she would sneak in snacks from her dad for me to eat anything dan bought for her he also bought me he wasn't wealthy by any means but it was the small things and anytime he dropped my sister he will take his time to talk to me he was the only father i have ever known dan died of cancer when i was 16 and my sister five he lived only three months from the diagnosis but settled everything financially as able as he can for my sister he split his assets 75 for my sister and 25 for me to be given to me when i reached 18 knowing my mom very well he made me the executor of my sister's fun too to say my mom was furious was an understatement she literally made the next two years of my life and my sister a living hell when my mom started dating brad he already had a daughter three years younger than my sister my mom had made it absolutely clear that my sister will be allowed to go to college only if she shares her trust fund with our stepsister brad is a piece of work and me and my sister never really bonded with our stepsister she refused to sign anything related to my sister's education unless i give her my word that i will give my step-sister equal half of the trust fund this is where i think i was the a-hole i held the trust fund above my mom's head to treat my sister fairly i repeatedly told them i will give my step-sister half the fund until my sister was 18 and moved to college once she moved out we both cut any contact we had with our mom and blocked her i made my sister give her the wrong college info so our mom couldn't contact her i have found out through few friends my mom didn't know i have that my step-sister couldn't get into any college because she didn't want to apply any loans and she is very depressed i know i misled them but i honestly wanted my sister to be safe ida for causing my step-sister's depression and robbing her of college edit thank you everyone for your reassurance i showed this post to my sister and the only thing she had to say was done we both have discussed and decided to not contact our stepsister we were never close to her and my friends back there can't safely get any message to her without dragging our mom into it which is the last thing we both want all these awards thank you all again and the kind stranger who gave me gold not the wrong one you did what you needed to do to protect your baby sister and for that you should be proud your mother was trying to deny her the right to an education in order to rob her you were justified in saying whatever you needed to say to protect your sister's interests dan knew what he was doing when he named you executor he knew that you would safeguard your sister's interests and you have proven that he was right to trust you as for your stepsister if she chooses not to apply for any loans not going to college is her choice not yours she and your mother would have known for three years that they couldn't rely on robbing your sister to pay her way through college if they didn't make alternative plans that's on them not you not the wrong one that money was for your sister from her father there was no reason whatsoever for you to share with your mom's new guy's kid stepsister not going to college because she didn't want to apply for loans is on her i understand the blow of learning that she isn't getting money that you told your mom she would receive but you did that to try and keep the peace in what sounds like a lousy home am i the wrong one for leaving a repairman a bad review for flirting with my wife the air conditioner broke last week while i was out of town and my wife had to call an emergency technician in the middle of the night a company we'd used before without issues sent a guy over he fixed the air conditioner no problem but once he'd left i woke up to a million missed texts and calls from my wife who was hysterical apparently within minutes of showing up he made comments about her body and other suggestive statements she made it clear she wasn't interested without being outright rude because she didn't want him to get mad and leave without fixing the air conditioner the tech kept trying to put moves on her then after he'd fixed the ac he didn't leave right away trying to feed her some lines about how she seemed to be home alone and he could spend the night to make sure she was safe eventually he realized he was driving down a dead end and left but the whole thing just really freaked her out having some guy in the house who didn't leave when asked and everything i was pissed to hear about all this and she was shaken up by the incident so we left a review on their google and yelp pages saying what had happened the company is pretty small so the owner called me to apologize a couple days later and said the tech had had a few drinks that night not expecting to be called out to an emergency job and that his sense of humor had clearly been misinterpreted by my wife he asked me to take my review down because it called the tech out by first name and apparently a review saying he was coming on to a female customer could cause some personal problems for the guy the owner also reasoned that the business was an air conditioner repair business not a bedside matter business and that they did fix the air conditioner so deserved a higher rating i told them our review stands and they basically said we were a-holes for threatening the reputation of their business and the personal reputation of the tech over a single misunderstanding on the one hand they did fix the air conditioner and that's what we called them to do on the other hand i feel like this is relevant information for people considering hiring them even if it was a one-time thing ida not the wrong one maybe update the review to add that they apparently drove drunk to your house not sure how that was supposed to exonerate anything not the wrong one they justified his behavior then put the blame on your wife for misinterpreting his behavior this is such a huge turn off the company showed you its views on how its employees are allowed to act it's grows leave a bad review in fact think of it this way by leaving the review you are helping some other woman maybe one who is less confident than your wife not get into a similar situation thank you all for listening have a great day see you later

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Id: DL-bIqmn8QM

Length: 18min 58sec (1138 seconds)

Published: Wed Sep 30 2020