AITA for prohibiting my mom from seeing my child | refusing to take my clothes &.. + More Stories

[Music] hi everyone hope you are feeling positive and healthy please subscribe with bell notifications if you haven't already and please don't hesitate to leave your valuable feedback and advice below thank you very much let's jump into the stories am i the unreasonable one for throwing out my boyfriend and his psychic friend when they claim to see my dead grandparents i was raised by my grandparents nan passed four years ago and grandad a year later when granddad passed he left me their house i'm not personally superstitious but my granddad was irish and nan was russian so superstition is in my blood my stance is that the whole concept is a little far-fetched but i'm not about to be that ambition the horror movie who fs around with the supernatural to prove it's fake and ends up cursed my boyfriend thinks my view is stupid and believes in stuff like psychics and always encourages me to open my mind he also has a friend who claims to be psychic yesterday my boyfriend had the psychic over i leave the room come back and the psychic is staring at man and granddad's chairs i ask what's up and the psychic friend just casually says that she can see my grandparents my first thought is they're freaking with me so i say yeah sure you can but she insists she can see them i say that's not freaking funny but she again insists she can see them then she says to me this was their home wasn't it i can tell they spent decades here which first off i'm like 99 sure i told her i inherited it and second they bought this place when i was 11. then she says that they have a message for me she starts saying random generic crap like how they're always with me and they're proud of me while i don't doubt that i doubt that they were the ones saying it to her i asked her if granddad was wearing the old baseball cap he always wore and she said yes my granddad hated hats with a passion and didn't own a baseball cap so any doubt i might have had was well and truly gone with that i told her to get the f out of my house my boyfriend protested said she was trying to help and i told him to get out too my boyfriend lives with his brother so he had somewhere to go while the psychic left immediately my boyfriend hung around outside for about 30 minutes telling me he was just trying to help and begging me to let him in as his keys were on the hook eventually i took my key off his key ring then gave him his keys through the letterbox and he realized he couldn't get back in got mad and only left when i confirmed we were over via text it's been about 36 hours and my now ex-boyfriend is made clear that he thinks i'm an [ __ ] which i expected but what i wasn't expecting was all but one member of our friend group to side with him and the psychic and that is what's made me doubt myself the collective response is that i'm an [ __ ] because they were just trying to help me even though they went about it all wrong and i could have just told them to stop and not gone straight to kicking them both out and they feel that i went from zero to 60 rather than hearing them out and i should apologize i think i might be dea because i did escalate the situation really fast i intentionally tried to prove her wrong when they both actually believed in that stuff something i wouldn't do to another religion and of 14 people only one who is also my ex and met my grandparents doesn't think i'm in the wrong and when 13 out of a total of 14 people think you're an [ __ ] you're probably an [ __ ] am i the unreasonable one and should i apologize info my boyfriend knew about the hat thing beforehand but must have forgotten and when he was out of the house i reminded him to which he responded that i sounded so earnest when asking about grandad's hat that i must have confused the psychic into altering her vision of my grandad to include the hat info the reason they believed i needed to speak to someone was that despite being at peace with my grandparents passing about a week ago my boyfriend and i discussed kids and i said if i ever ended up naming a child already have a son but i didn't name him then i'd want to work my grandparents names into their name somehow probably as a first or middle name he took that to mean i wasn't fully over their passing and needed closure not the unreasonable one pretending to see someone's dead relatives is an awful thing to do to someone not the unreasonable one as a pagan and believer in spirits i can say that that would piss me off just trying to help makes no sense you don't help people by lying to them you help by accepting them honestly i'd have invented new swear words just to use on them if your friends all side with them it means they only told their side of the story that favored them the fact that they apparently don't care that this woman offended you by lying about your loved ones means you might need some new friends am i the unreasonable one for refusing to support my younger sister through college when it's our fault she doesn't have a college fund i 21 years old female have two siblings ian 22 years old mill and amy 17 years old female i'm asking for both ian and i we have a complicated dynamic ian and i are extremely close but ian and amy hate each other simply put my parents are extreme tiger parents since we were seven they enrolled us in tons of classes trying to find something we were exceptional at chess debate math etc since ian and i are only one year apart we went through this process together we both had different things we were talented at and our parents put extreme amounts of time and money into cultivating us because we gave them a lot of face we were our parents favorites however that wasn't something to celebrate we were both subject to intense abusive pressure if our grades dropped or we failed at a competition we wouldn't be allowed to eat dinner our parents also often used to lock us in a tiny closet in the dark for hours ian was afraid of the dark we were also basically banned from having friends and so we were each other's only friends throughout our entire childhoods which makes us closer than normal siblings i know it's weird to have your brother be your best friend but we're the only people who can understand each other's experiences so we're super close however once our parents realized amy wasn't a genius they concentrated only on ian and i which she resents us for ian hates amy bc our parents never punished her like us she was allowed to have friends waste time etc when we were locked in the closet ian would beg amy to turn the lights on and she'd never do it sometimes she'd even mock him when amy acted out for attention and annoyed our mother she took it out on ian in high school we were doing our activities on a national slash until level which our parents spent around 60k a year on we were both very successful so we were semi-famous in our school as a result amy was compared to us constantly by friends teachers etc our parents also never spent as much on her as they did on us ian and i went to expensive ivies which our parents paid for these expenses were coming from what should have been amy's college fund we were visiting when our parents told her and she was furious they told her they didn't think she was ivy worthy so the money was better spent on us she was screaming and crying and through and broke some of ian's stuff now that she's applying to colleges she asked us if we could pay for her since it's our fault her fund is gone technically ian could bc he'll soon be at a very high paying job but i'm going to grad school which puts me in debt ian wants to pay for me so i don't have to be dependent on our parents anymore which i'm very grateful for so he replied that he can't bc he was paying for my grad school but even if he could he wouldn't be see she's a dumb brat she said he was just like our mother which is the worst insult you could say to him she messaged me to appeal but i have no money to support her also sorry i stepped away from the post for a little while i've gotten several vitriolic pms comparing me to my parents and other insults that set off a panic attack i'd like to clarify a few things that i didn't expand on in the op because of the word count we do acknowledge that amy suffered from emotional neglect but we are struggling to come to terms ourselves with the complexity of the privilege gained from elite education at the cost of our childhoods a lot of you claim we abandoned her knowing she was being abused when we left for college we did not consider what she went through as abuse which was wrong but to us at the time her neglect seemed like a much better alternative to what we had even if she disagree our parents pressure for us to be successful did not stop after college so between that and having to develop social skills for the first time we didn't have time to maintain or build a relationship with her by the time we could acknowledge she had gone through her own crap she was 15 and didn't want a relationship with us apart from gifts and stuff ian and amy's relationship is very complicated i said they hate each other but that may not have been the best descriptor he doesn't care about her it was more of an actual hatred when we were younger but we were never abusive to her we just ignored her which was also in part because the age gap made it harder for us to interact with her plus in high school specifically we were much too busy to really start cultivating a relationship his hatred has faded into more of a dislike mostly driven because of how triggering she is to him when you're locked in a closet for hours without food and your little sister literally recites what they had for dinner in front of the door she becomes associated with that memory and those feelings some of you pointed out that ian called amy a dumb brat he did so because she destroyed some sentimental items of is the last time he saw her and never apologized yet was asking for money does that make his response justified not necessarily but it was a one-time thing i don't mean to write this in a way that does not acknowledge her struggles but i can only write for me in a nice perspective i can't tell you about what amy thinks about this not the unreasonable one you and ian didn't cause this problem your parents caused the problem be playing favorites with their children everyone sucks here poor amy for ian poor you and your parents are dreadful you should pull together the three of you and admit that your parents are toxic and support one another amy must feel so left out from your genius team of two especially with the constant comparisons ian should be kinder to amy she's as much a victim of the terrible parenting as the two of you are and you two have each other for support who does amy have am i the unreasonable one for refusing to change even though i was apparently making someone seriously uncomfortable so i have a very unique sense of style i always wear black dresses and lace and black ribbons i don't own an item of clothing that isn't black i have long straight hair that i dye black and wear black makeup i feel confident when i'm in my gothic clothing and understand that it's a little odd a few days ago i had a get-together with a few friends one of them brought his brother whom i hadn't met before when the brother came in he immediately started acting strangly toward me seeming very nervous and stuff fine i understand i look a little different but i tried my best to make him feel welcome a few hours passed and the brother suddenly stated that my style was making him severely uncomfortable he said that i reminded him too much of someone from his past he associated trauma with he asked if i would be willing to take off my makeup and maybe change my clothes i was completely stunned and just said no the brother got extremely upset and told me he knew he was being unreasonable but i look too much like that person in his past and please just take off the makeup at least i continued to refuse and he eventually left in tears our friend group is divided with half knowing that my style is huge on who i am and the other half stating that it was only for a few hours and it wasn't a big deal but i think it was if i had done it once it would have set a precedent for every time this guy came over i would have to dress and look completely different if he was so uncomfortable with my style then his brother should have warned him so am i the unreasonable one edit this seems to be important his trauma was that his ex-girlfriend had denied his marriage proposal and she apparently looked and dressed just like me not the unreasonable one he can't go through life expecting people to conform to his every whim feeling or desire asking someone that especially someone you've never met before is totally unreasonable lol the edit on my sides home slice is insulting everyone who has you know actual trauma what's next should op get plastic surgery so she'll look less like his ex not the unreasonable one op obviously am i the unreasonable one for prohibiting my mother from seeing my child because she's tricked him into thinking she's his mom throw away to avoid anyone recognizing me i have a now three-year-old son who was living with my mom his grandma for a year while i was away getting myself together for personal reasons i will not explain why i was away for so long but i felt i needed to better myself for my son my mother agreed to take care of him while i was away i facetimed with him whenever i could fast forward to last month i come to my mother's house to pick up my son he's happy to see me and me and my mother are talking while he is playing with his dinosaurs he suddenly looks up at my mother and says mommy i'm thirsty i was obviously confused and asked my mother if she heard him call her mom she laughed nervously and said that he had been calling her that for a while she basically explained that while i was away she told him that she was his mom and to call her that i laughed and told her that i wasn't comfortable with that since she wasn't the one who birthed him i told her he should know that she's his grandmother not his mom she got upset and told me that he needed a mother figure while i was gone and she was just trying to fill that role for him she said something along the lines of i've been his mother for a year now and you can't change it we went back and forth until it got to the point where we started raising our voices she spat out some insults about me being a bad mom for being away for so long and how she should be his mom cause he doesn't need a mom like me i simply told her that she isn't going to be seeing him anymore because i'm not comfortable with him calling her mom we gathered his stuff and left after that she blew up my phone for days talked some mess to family members anything she could to make me look slash feel bad but i refuse to forgive her especially after all that stuff she said am i the unreasonable one also a word for those of you saying i abandoned him i didn't i was too sick to take care of him that's all i'm going to say about that i couldn't be the best mother to him cause of my medical issues i wanted to be there for him i didn't just dump him on my mother i feel the need to explain that cause people are getting the wrong idea it was possible for him to visit but my mom said it would be best if he didn't see me like that cause he'd be too young to understand and i trusted her so i didn't allow him to visit no i wasn't in a mental hospital or rehab it was physical health reasons a lot of you are saying you think i was in rehab because of the way i've worded things in my post rather than edit out the original i'd just like to explain that it's probably not the best wording to use for this situation and i understand that now what i meant to say was i felt i needed to be in better health for my son getting myself together in my head pretty much means getting better and healthier i apologize for that this will probably be my last edit my son is getting a therapist like a lot of you have recommended i'm considering working things out with my mother only because i don't want her fighting for custody still unsure though everyone sucks here grandma could have easily clarified to your son what her relationship is and being a mother figure doesn't have to mean that she has to be called mom however you clearly are aware that you have some issues you had to work out and your mom did something big for agreeing to help raise your kid you're now cutting him off from an important person in his life for the last year since the two adults can't work out their issues two of you need to talk and figure this out and dig into the larger issues maybe even with some counseling or outside help i have to wonder what people's responses would be if say you were away for a year serving your country or working long periods traveling to support your son and your mom pulled this move people don't think mental illness is a real thing until it's theirs am i the unreasonable one i did to name change my parents are hippies the anti-establishment type they named me m19 ivy rain and my sister 15 icy strawberry i had to use a nickname so i don't sound like an idiot so when i turned 18 and graduated high school before i went to college i changed my name now i have a normal name bill middle name a normal one last name i told them that and they got angry that i disrespected their lifestyle and name choices my sister wants to change her name too and i'm not sure what they'll say but am i the unreasonable one because i changed my name not the unreasonable one it's your name you should be able to change it if you want not the unreasonable one you're an adult and you want a normal sounding name as much as people like the idea of their kids having a unique name those kids have to live with it you lived with it for 18 years and got tired of it am i the unreasonable one for not telling a stranger my dog's treats aren't vegan throw away i needed to go get my dog's food at the pet store this morning i brought my dog because she's been going to training since my state opened up and it was a great opportunity to bring her there and get some distraction exposure while i was there there was a young woman maybe early 20s who was walking around and she saw my dog i said hi when she looked down at my dog and she asked if she could pet her i said of course halle is very friendly and it's great for socializing she kneeled down and started petting her and telling her she was a good girl i had a treat pouch and i asked if she would like to give halle a treat she said she would love to so i gave her a few and she asked if hallie knew any tricks she did down sit and pau and took the treats gently after a minute or so the woman looked at her hand and asked what kind of treats they were and i told her they were beef liver she backed up away from us and if i could see her entire face i'm sure her jaw would be dropped she said something like why didn't you tell me what they were very upset i was shocked i didn't think it mattered so i said i'm so sorry are you allergic i thought maybe that was the issue she said no i'm vegan she went on to say that i should have told her what they were before i offered them and that i was a disgusting person for not saying anything or thinking about another person i was honestly too flabbergasted to even say anything else she just walked away holding her hand out away from her who i'm assuming the bathroom to wash her hand i kind of feel like the ah because i didn't say anything about the type of treat but also she's a dog and most dog treats are meat-based i don't eat meat but i understand that my dog needs to so i regularly handle meat for her it doesn't bother me much now and at the same time i also feel like if you don't want to handle animal products maybe ask what kind of treats they are before you take them but i still can't shake the feeling that i'm in the wrong because i didn't say anything and i understand how she felt about handling the treats am i the unreasonable one should i have said what type of treats they were before handing them to her halle tax link 1 in description not the unreasonable one why would anyone think dog treats are vegan is beyond me not the unreasonable one i am vegan sorry to be a stereotype and mention lol and i buy meat-based dog treats for my dog and prepare all his food which is meat or fish in i am not the one eating it and he eats meat because he is a dog and i feel like i don't know enough about animal nutrition to not give him food without meat if she was that bothered she should have asked you what they were so ridiculous subscribe and turn on the notification bell for more stories delivered to you thanks for listening see you later [Music] you

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Length: 19min 20sec (1160 seconds)

Published: Wed Sep 09 2020