After an Affair, I Strived to Reconcile, but My Husband Divorce me| cheating revenge stories reddit

it had become an agreed normal between us a couple of weeks after D-Day that we can go through each other phones and other accounts when we want I normally don't because it's just adding to the pain I already put myself in he had let me know he was uninterested in Fidelity after he discovered I threw it out and I had enough to suspect he had something going on with other betrayed spouse for a short while at some point though it seems a common friend of ours decided to play matchmaker between him and a much younger woman from her family who had a very obvious crush on him and saw it fit to live an adventure now that he was willing and at Liberty to I don't know details about how they live their Adventure but I know she was his go-to place in his romantic interest and now I've seen him text her about his decision to end our marriage he tells her about how difficult it was for him to decide to split our daughter's life into two homes he tells that she helped feel better about himself and with it think with more clarity but that she played no role in his decision to divorce he explains in length that she accepted him as an attached man who was unsure what his immediate future would be and could go back to his wife for a Carefree episode of their lives and that things would be changing now that he was severing his atet and he was willing to become a proper boyfriend to her though one who has a daughter not even 10 years younger he went through incredible lengths trying to make her feel safe and blameless telling her about his decision first over me his wife and mother of his daughter if I needed more of a reminder about how my Affair broke everything this one was perfect when he got back home I asked him there is a lot to discuss about the divorce and separation themselves but we talked about how reconcil ation failed he said he was not satisfied with my attitude and he was bearing his pain alone while I inflicted it on him and not feeling it but he said at the end of the day what I could have done was stay faithful and that was really my only one chance all along he didn't know entirely the details back then but he found out his emotions make him someone who can't reconcile I now have to accept that he won't be my husband my partner I rock through this life I was supposed to prepare for it for months and I'm still not getting it right now I'm still stuck with any idea of meeting another man reminds me of my and makes me want to throw up when I don't actually throw up maybe it's not that bad apparently I have not found my way to become a safe partner again one who could enter a man's life and make it a fulfilling marriage he won't need to fear being cheated on my BH is handsome and enters a life period with a dating pool full of interesting women bound to be to his taste he already has one lined up though I think she is too young they could have a nice relationship until they move on and maybe he'll find a next partner in life who will know no to treasure her chance to be for life with him anyway it looks like he will be moving on and doing good which at the end of the day was maybe the most important to me considering our daughter was never in danger I did the worst I could and my consequences are right there now I remember talking about it here didn't erase what I do but at least lifted some of my confusion and tendency to feel bad for myself with more relevant feelings edit there is another Milestone I dread before everything left is working on myself and co-parenting our daughter when we're going to tell our families that we're divorcing they'll be disappointed to no end extra hard because of how much they helped us when we had our daughter too young we will have to tell why and I don't know how I'm going to face my parents now edit to Affair was kept semi the other betrayed spouse was informed and who knows who got to know after that a few carefully chosen friends of ours were told because there was a need to explain our completely Newfound awkwardness and new Behavior after D-Day that's how a friend of ours decided it was time for her cousin to go bed my husband if she wanted him so much I'm not completely following with the idea here to be honest The Limited exposure was mostly from his idea from what I gathered since he agreed to take time before making a decision and to give Fair consideration to reconciliation he had to do it honestly which meant he didn't know that he wouldn't get back with me and in the event that he does our family's knowing would make it too difficult to live through or at least that would need to be decided in June time op some individuals will never overcome a partner's infidelity once the trust is broken once they can never regard their spouse the same and it's their right to do so continue focusing on personal growth attending counseling sessions and striving to become someone trustworthy and proud of if and when you get back into dating pool be warned that most men would find your past infidelity a turnoff and that again is the consequences of your own actions consequences of infidelity are always so tragic keep exploring the underlying reasons for your actions to prevent a recurrence ultimately strive to forgive yourself as part of your journey towards healing and self-improvement comments I hope you take this as a learning opportunity to work on yourself it's all you can do and would be a very mature and positive step thanks for sharing your story as I feel it is likely very common but most WS hide in shame when their story ends up this way you have no need to continue to punish yourself just seek out therapy to help you deal with regret and to help you maintain a civil co-parenting relationship as you well know these are the most likely consequences of an affair but you can pick yourself up and try to do better in the future you need to work on yourself not just move on but look back try try to figure out why you had the affair don't don't dismiss it as it was a terrible mistake I don't know why I did it kind of thing that means you are unaware of where you are weak so you are untrustworthy even to yourself you need to examine how and where you slipped in the first place why you didn't stop how you Justified continuing in the moment and why that worked what motivated you to push aside your commitment Etc it's never a single decision a single misstep it's a series that could have been stopped at any point if you'd wanted it to stop so if you haven't you need a therapist who can help you talk about the affair your marriage and your likely upcoming divorce story to hey I am new here however D-Day is back in July of 2016 yes almost 7 years ago I know I might get some hate comments and hopefully some positive ones too it's okay though I am here for help I I am the one that cheated on my husband it lasted for 4 months and I trickled truth to him after as well it was emotional first for the first two months and then went to physical there was Zero contact about a week after D-Day but I did wave to him at a stoplight when my car pulled up next to his about a month later or so there has been zero cheating we have been to quite a bit of counseling right after did an AFF Fair Recovery Group for a very long time few years actually which involved weekly calls we ended up selling our house moving cities selling cars because we had sex in them and moving our four beautiful kids now 1815 12 and 7 to new schools we together chose to build a house which we are now living in we have read a lot of books as well we are now back in counseling again with a counselor I love but individual counseling right now not couple I have a lot of family of origin issues to deal with however that is no excuse for my actions I take full responsibility for all my actions I take full ownership it isn't my husband's fault at all for what I did it's my I have nothing to defend I was a horrible person mom wife friend and all my actions were so unloving and unkind for all of you that are here and were cheated on I am so so sorry it's not fair for you and you were thrown into this without kn knowing it was going to happen and without asking to be no one should have to go through the pain that you are going through it's horrible a little more background my oldest knows we had to tell her why we had to move move because she was devastated to move the beginning of junior year we moved to a different city 50 minutes away we have been in our new home for one and a two years my husband has always struggled with bad triggers he wanted all of the details so I gave them to him he is still struggling with still being married to a cheater feels like he is not being able to be his genuine self and feels like he is the deal breaker type of guy he dreams about being with someone that is pure not tainted and holds a lot of resentment and anger still he hasn't forgiven me I have asked him a few of his top core values are Justice fairness and love he put a postnup together fall of 2022 on his own with a lawyer that took me a few months to sign but I signed it I have been a stay-at-home mom for the last 16 years so there was some fear there because of the financial situation in it and the fear he would just turn around and divorce me he said he wasn't thinking about divorce at the time of signing and that it would help him feel some justice I signed it four months ago hoping it would help him feel that that and help him feel more safe I am by no means not this unicorn recovery wife I am trying and never want to give up I have had to deal with shame issues controlling mechanisms I suck at empathy with him at times so our convos about a fair stuff goes in a circle I have been and am growing still learning and making changes I genuinely want to be the best human can be I want to be the best wife I can to him and I'm so grateful for him in all he has done for us I am very remorseful and feel horrible for him he says he still loves me but doesn't want me he still likes having sex with me but has triggers still he has said I am a great catch and also that our relationship is better than others without the affair in it we have a great time together still he just thinks now he might be happy or divorced with someone that didn't cheat on him and aart so he can heal more he said that if we got divorced maybe we would end up back together in a few years and maybe not he feels like he is Faking it with me at times we will be married for 21 years this August I don't even know exactly what I'm looking for maybe advice thoughts what I can do more of or anyone that has a similarity I genuinely love him so much I want my family to stay together I know I shouldn't have done what I did it was so wrong sorry this is long you need to be more empathetic op or you're going to lose him he's trying to have some control over his marriage after you totally stripped him of it when you had your Affair he hasn't forgiven you and if 7 years down the road he hasn't done so it's unlikely he will anytime soon he has one foot out the door and my guess is he'll be out the door as soon as your youngest moves out I do not know how things will work out for you if if you have a postnup in place which obviously benefited him financially if you really need this to work out better get your husband into individual counseling that poor man never healed from your ordeal

Channel: Historical Insights

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Id: Vmb3Ar8AZdQ

Length: 12min 42sec (762 seconds)

Published: Tue Apr 30 2024