Adult Child Lives at Home and Is Being STUPID With Money!

thanks for joining us America I'm glad you're here this is the Dave Ramsey show common sense or your dollars in a sense Jones with us in Baltimore hi John how are you I'm fine Dave how are you better than I deserve what's up okay so I took your financial piece class in the fall and learn so much and I'm about ready to start my first class on Sunday as a matter of fact and the sad part about it is I can't convince my rock head daughter to like listen to these learn these lessons that I've learned she just graduated from college she has been wounded she's got about four thousand dollars in credit card debt she just got a car etc and she wants it all and she wants it now but that doesn't work and so I'm trying to get her to like rework her budget and try to come up with a way to like knock this debt out while she's still living with me because you know I don't want that to happen for too much longer and um I was wondering if you could proud you know try to help me and give her like an estimate like two years a year you know but she's obviously got to stick with it but she doesn't even want an estimate mhm but you know she will listen if I you know I give her some hard numbers hey she doesn't listen before why would she no no I don't know I keep praying and hoping Oh she's 25 okay and what does she make a year she just started she's making thirty a year how much did she borrow on her car okay so the car is fifteen thousand okay I know much as her student loans her student loans are forty six thousand [Music] and then she has about 46 in credit card 4640 640 X thousand for sure oh no 4,600 okay so fifty fifty sixty five thousand dollars making thirty thousand dollars a year and she bought a car she couldn't afford against your wishes are you married well actually actually I'm a widow okay I mean actually I actually want you know actually she was actually in a car and totaled it so she didn't want to have to buy a car but you know know what I told her she had about $15,000 car well true I tried to get her to buy like a six thousand like what their insurance was front of hair but you're right yeah so she bought a car she couldn't afford because you can't afford a $15,000 car when you make thirty thousand dollars a year with forty six thousand dollars in student loan debt that's insanity right so she's and then she's making a mistake of putting like three hundred into savings and of course then she doesn't have enough money then in month and wise up calling it back out again so on I have a 26 year old son I was getting married soon okay but if this if he were in exactly the situation with exactly this behaviors or if one of my daughter is wearing exactly the situation with exactly these behaviors here's how we would handle it at the Ramsey house okay that's how I know how to answer questions there's only what would I do if I were in your shoes okay I would sit down and say I am really sorry I've not done a good job making sure you knew how to handle money and you are making so many mistakes it terrorizes me for your future I love you and I'm so scared for your future because you were being unbelievably stupid and it's my fault because I didn't teach you so I'm apologizing for you to you for that that's the good news the bad news is is that I'm gonna start requiring some things of you for your own good and so if you are going to stay here under my roof you are going to do two things you're going to put your car up for sale and move into a car that you can afford and you're going to go through Financial Peace University if you're unwilling to do that you have 30 days to move and I would throw one out I would throw her out maybe that's the only way she'll actually get them nothing because she you're enabling her you know you're participating in her crazy when you give her a free place to live while she's being stupid and it's not good for her it's not harming you and I'm not suggesting you be mean I'm suggesting you'd be very kind gentle but firm because the question you need to ask yourself anytime you're dealing with anyone you love is how can I help them be the best version of themselves five years from now and ten years from now is it to make them uncomfortable today so that they stop doing self-destructive behavior the answer is yes I want to make them uncomfortable today so they stop doing self-destructive behavior I you know when my kids were teenagers I used to remind them all the time my job is not to be your friend and so I really don't care if you're mad at me yeah I can live with you being mad at me because I love you so much that I'm not going to participate in your self-destructive behavior I love you so much I'm willing to let you be angry with me for your own good does that make sense yes it really does yes it's about you being loving and strong it's not about you being a bully or mean or yelling or calling somebody names or something like that this is just well that's not my mo anyway I know and I can tell you're just a very nice person and I'm trying to say it's okay to be a nice person and also part of being a nice person is to want what's best for everyone and cause it to happen right instead of like trying to fix it you want this more than she wants it right now yeah that's true that's what because I can see where it's going to end up with her yeah she's got a decade of pain ahead of her if she doesn't change these habits you and I can see that because I've been stupid - I got a pH D and D U and B that's how I can see it you know you've made mistakes that's how you can see it right sixty-three years or hoarse and mistakes are you going now get this straight so yeah I don't want to go through what I went through I would just start it with an apology I wish I had taught you better I didn't know I'm so sorry and I love you and I love you so much that I am at this point I'm no longer gonna participate in your decisions that are gonna bring you harm I love you so much I'm not gonna give you a drink you're an alcoholic I'm not gonna participate in your behaviors that are bring you harm and so you're going to start doing some smart things with money for your own good or you're gonna be on your own figuring it out because I'm not going to give you a place to live if you're gonna be crazy and it's not because I don't love you it's because I do love you and this is how the conversation goes and that's how it would go down at the Ramsey house now I don't know exactly how it'll go down at Joan's house you can decide what you want to do but that that's that's how we do it and and so you know but we don't have any grown kids living at home going into debt and we're having grown kids living at home doing drugs we don't have any grown kids at home that refuse to work we don't have any grown kids at home thank you Lord we just see them when they let us see the babies hey we've all been there the book is smart money smart kids hold on I'll give you a copy Joan was written with my daughter Rachel and I and her from the grown daughters perspective who had to endure being Dave Ramsey's daughter Lord helped my children right and and from the dads the mean old daddy's perspective yeah but it's how to teach your kids how to handle money smart money smart kids and that way they can grow up and be productive and you know have a good life because they make better decisions and it's you know it's the stuff we teach them those of us that are loving parents when we know to teach them and sometimes you don't know what to do but this is this is how you teach your kids from age 3 to age 33 how to handle money and how to make these decisions like we're doing right here ok that's tough love no it's just love it's just love it's not any kind of love to participate in someone's misbehavior and support it financially that's gonna bring them harm how can you call that love it's called enabling it's a toxic behavior and so it's not tough love it's just love and is it tough love make your kid brush their teeth so they have some it's not tough love is a tough love to make them do their homework so they can get through school and have an academic ability to do critical thought or ability to learn no not tough love no it's just it's just love discipline is part of love guiding people gently firmly lovingly kindly as part of love family no is a complete sentence this is the Dave Ramsey show

Channel: The Dave Ramsey Show

Views: 294,825

Rating: 4.8758364 out of 5

Keywords: Adult Child Lives at Home and Is Being STUPID!, dave ramsey adult children, adult children living at home, parenting, adult children, kids, dave, dave ramsey children, life, children, ramsey, child not moving out, moving out, dave ramsey, the dave ramsey show, dave ramsey show

Id: pbzztfHo2oE

Length: 9min 34sec (574 seconds)

Published: Wed Feb 28 2018