because I am not missing
my cleanse. I am full of toxins. Ah, yes!
Good old, bad old toxins. The wellness industry tells us
they're terrifying, they're inside of us,
and we need their high-priced help
to get 'em out. Is your blood toxic? Toxic blood can affect every organ in your body, and it's happening
to millions of people. If you're feeling tired and bloated, then Lee Haney's
seven-day detox program is just what you need. (announcer)
Detox Foot Pads will restore
balance to your body, stimulate your system,
draw out toxins, improve your blood circulation. You'll feel rejuvenated. But the truth is,
that's an all-natural... (glass shatters) Herbal-strength myth. No way.
These things work. Look. (footpad rips) That's toxins. Nope!
That's color-changing fabric. And a straight-up scam. (tense musical sting) Despite what wellness companies say, as a matter of basic physiology,
it's pretty much impossible to suck toxins out
through your skin. Well, then I'll just sweat them
out in the steam room. Also not possible. I'm never one to turn down
a nice shvitz, but ask a scientist and they'll
tell you sweat is... (beeping and chimes) 99% water. Sweat is your body's
temperature control, and that's it. Detox just isn't
your skin's job. Okay, then I'll just drink
a ton of water. Hydration is great
for flushing toxins out. Sorry!
Science says, "Nope!" (steam hissing) (bottle clatters on floor) What about massages? Deep breathing?
Cupping? Please tell me cupping works,
in the name of all that is Chrissy Teigan. (pops) What? So how do I get toxins out of me? I've been stress-eating
fast food and touching plastic all week
trying to finish this article, and now there are evil,
little particles inside of me and they're slowly killing me. Ah!
Graphics have toxins too. Hate to burst your bubble, but that's not how
it works at all. The fact is, toxins aren't even
a special type of chemical. It's just become
a trendy buzzword. The truth is that anything
can be toxic if you ingest too much of it. Eat too much vitamin C?
That's a toxin. Overdose on fiber?
Uh, that's a toxin! Drink too much water?
You better believe-- I get it! Okay. Luckily, your body comes
naturally equipped with the world's
most effective detox products. Your internal organs! (dramatic musical sting) Footpads were
a lot less gross. If you have harmful levels
of a substance in your body, your liver, kidneys,
and lungs naturally filter it, and then flush it out
in your pee-pee and poo-poo. (toilet flushing) Um, weird that you call it that. But wait,
if toxins come out in my... Pee-pee and poo-poo. Then I will just-- I'll speed that up.
I will get a colon cleanse. Oh, no. Not that. Your impacted fecal matter is
causing a lot of toxic blockage, so we'll gently flush it out
by shooting 15 gallons of water up your rectum. Perf.
Let's do it. Julia, please don't do this. (groans)
Why not? My friend Basil said getting
a colonic was life-changing. Well, if you ask any doctor,
they'll tell you... Colon cleanses are damaging
to your intestinal health, and can even be dangerous. Oh, Julia,
this is Dr. Gerry Mullin. He's a gastroenterologist
at Johns Hopkins Hospital. I came as fast as I could. Julia, some people think that colon cleanses flush toxic matter out
of the gut. However, there is absolutely
no scientific evidence that high colonics are good for your health. The only thing
they have been proven to cause are awful side effects
such as nausea and vomiting and cramping. Then how am I supposed
to get all of that old-- you know--
out of me? You don't need to. If you have regular bowel movements, your fecal matter is expelled
often enough. And you don't want
to force-flush excrement out of your colon. Fecal matter nourishes and protects your bowels. Your body's like a garden. You want some fertilizer
in there. Aww, gross. Thanks, Dr. Mullin. No problem. And if you need me again, just turn on the butt signal. ♪♪ It's like the bat signal
but for gastroenterologists. See ya. (flatulence) ♪♪ Eww.
Omg yessss!
F***ing exactly ugh