Aaron Rodgers: How The Darkness Illuminated His Future (BREAKING)

I just needed to get the opportunity to reset and and as it got closer and closer obviously there was a lot of other questions about my future that have been you know on the mind and been contemplated and I knew it would be a good opportunity to kind of siber those things but that wasn't the main reason I was doing it it was it was how often do we ever unplug you know how often do we even set our phones down for a little bit read a book instead of watch TV you know meditate instead of listen to music whatever it might be you know that allows us to kind of Disconnect from technology and from the world and like give ourselves a gift of rest you know I spent parts of a couple of days imagining what it would be like to retire and then imagining what it would be like to continue to play instead of trying so hard to be I'm not just a football player what if I disembraced I am a football player and look at how [ __ ] beautiful it's impacted my life and there's probably people that think I'm done I thought I was done you know before I became Covenant MVP twice so again there'd be plenty of inspiration down that road but I'm not looking for somebody to tell me what the answer is all the answers are right inside me and I I touched many of them and definitely the feelings on both sides during the darkness and I'm thankful for that time foreign [Music] you're out of the black brother of the black not too many people I know have done that Journey how was the first moment when the light was fully out and the door closed and you knew you had 96 hours of black in front of you there was a an excitement I think it was there was the the understanding that I was walking into the unknown and I think it's part anxiety and part excitement like what is it going to come through in these four nights and also what is going to come through in these four nights you know just the dichotomy of um just the unknown um so I lit a little candle I closed the door and kind of arranged my food on my bed where I was um I was going to eat it and then I blew that candle out and that started a pretty incredible uh difficult at times four nights yeah there's for people who haven't experienced a Darkness Retreat or absolute black I don't think most people actually even understand the difference between dark and black right like a lot of people will say it's like solitary confinement I'm like no no no no solitary confinement they have a very small window and a little bit of light some fluorescent light something and a little bit of light in a confined space is actually torture like that would make you go crazy but in the black yes there's confines you can bump into [ __ ] in the room but it's like the Limitless void that you're in it's a different thing it's yeah it's definitely not having done anything close to this I mean I used to sleep with blackout Shades and but even still you can see certain kind of shapes and recognize the room and you're in a brand new room and you try and get the picture of okay there's where my bed is and then you know it's four steps medium-sized steps to the bathroom only thing I can drill is this wall on the left ear besides the bed and then once you get to the bathtub you take a right and it's about three steps you got to watch out for this big hook that's coming out of the wall so they got a big hook on the wall well it's not it's dicey it was a dangerous so potentially if you didn't put the towel I put the towel over the house it was a towel hook but I'm gonna just standing there without it it was sitting there without towels like that would be really dangerous you could just take your eye out did you [ __ ] yourself up at all oh my God so many times so many times you know I'd heard everything about you how to walk you know like a ballerina or walk with your arms out that's never it might be that's typical most of the time your legs are splayed out and you're walking yeah it's ballerina on toe of course yeah of course but that's actually how you injured your toe That season nobody knows that yeah you went on point but actually your ballet training it just gave out it just it just gave out you're too big up too bulky up top because you weren't as light on your feet as you were in the cow days you know yeah yeah that's what happened that's a good one I [ __ ] myself up bad I don't know if I told you the story of how that happened so I had a little I had a little desk and I had a wicker chair that had like an arc of like the Wicker around whatever I don't know looked like some bamboo type of light wood anyways light chair I didn't tuck it back in to the desk after I was done so I left it in the middle of the room so I come out of my shower my my bathroom is like the size of an RV bathroom like tiny tiny yep so I couldn't even really dry off in there because I'm like bumping up in the toilet there's no like space so I go out to the middle of the room which has a nice rug and again I was in a cold place too in Germany so go in there I'm standing standing on the rug and I go to dry off my ankles and I was going kind of fast because I was kind of dry so I go push my both hands down and my head down and just smash the bridge of my nose right on the back of the chair like [ __ ] hard like I was bleeding yeah and I went into a small fit of rage at that point and I [ __ ] threw the chair and I just sat with myself in the darkness it was like God damn it now I gotta find the chair hopefully I didn't break it I'll have nowhere to sit oh yeah I had like a little mini [ __ ] anger tantrum I didn't yeah I didn't have anything drastic like that it actually made me laugh uh hysterically every time it happened honestly because all I was thinking about was if there was video of this right now you know and maybe there is that's the funny part about it they've been filming you you know in the dark for four days is the gift they give you oh by the way we have all this footage here's a highlight list of the 22 times different parts of your body yeah well the other bizarre things you did but my whole thing was like okay the worst thing to drill myself on would be that hook so I put a yeah you put a towel on that my towel on that in the sink right because the sink was super sturdy and it was also uh because the bathroom is so small there was just the toilet in the sink in the bathroom um it was it was dangerously close to the toilets where if you were you know moved slightly to maybe wipe or weren't really thinking about you know where the sink was to bend down and you know brush your teeth or whatever you could definitely drill it and I drilled it one time and uh I don't think I didn't have any major damage but um or it's the last day too I was like I [ __ ] made it through it I didn't drill my head at all you know I ran in some things shoulders arms knees of course and a couple of the most disorienting things were a couple times you know there was like on the other side of the bed was a kind of a little matte yoga mat and like a little uh meditation uh seat you know in little mat and so you definitely meditate in a decent amount it's much easier with absolutely zero distractions and zero noises I mean we couldn't really hear any nature noises so there was in there quiet snow yeah that was on the uh on the outside right but but the worst part was being disoriented coming out of one of those like meditations where you like I think the bed's over here and that's how I ran into things multiple times because I think oh I'm good and bang you know right at the wall for sure dang there's the there's the bathtub especially when you apply those like the meditative technologies that like if you get into a deep meditative State at that point the void becomes really the void and then you really lose track of like whoa like really where the [ __ ] am I but that's also when some of the Visions come from the back side of these deep meditations that you can get in there which is amazing and then also you know dangerous on the flips right right how did you uh how did you do the toothpaste on the toothbrush I came up with a good idea but with the toothpaste in my mouth that's what I did did you that's what I did I thought I was like that's the smartest person I kept trying in the world I kept missing other people yeah it was way too much you know way too much I'm like yeah yeah that's the moon and then how about how about wiping because for me I had a little shower so I just I never knew when I was done you know it's like you can't look at it I wasn't gonna sniff it so I just hopped in the shower listen I I you know I talked to Eric who was in there uh that was one of the questions that he asked as well um so obviously you guys had the same type of issues I didn't really have the you know I had those I think partly because of the diet that we were eating yeah um you know I had very very smooth how many times do you have how many times do you have a ghost [ __ ] where you [ __ ] and then you wipe and there's nothing there that was honestly that was most of the time damn it was it was really like less than 10 ghost shits in my life oh my yeah no in my life's not not that many but it's obviously all diet related because you know I was grubbing on these big salads that they had for us and that's probably a little out of the norm for you know to eat a humongous salad like every single dinner but yeah my dumps were super smooth and in my mind now this is my own rationalization they were they were all two wipers they were two wipers and done I didn't think I needed a wipe man you you really killed it on that side it was not not me one time so we were eating raw vegan food so I requested more coconut oil in my little morning smoothie because that's what we got so it's like I wrote a little note because you write a little note obviously it's chicken scratch in the dark write a little note set it out on the table where they set the food and I was like please more coconut oil and then they made a fatty coconut oil smoothie for me and then I just had vicious diarrhea for like the next five hours yeah that was one of my adventures in the dark that's fun good splashing everywhere in the bottom and it's it's these things are the things that people don't actually understand obviously we're talking about kind of the funny aspects of being in the black but the black is really it is an isolation of you with yourself like there's a technology that we're both aware of that the Ayahuasca shamans use it's called the dieta and in the dieta you're connecting with the spirit of a plant that you're dieting and you're isolating yourself from all other communication and contact the darkness is like dieting yourself it's like you're in a diet where it's only you in your own energy field and there's nothing else but you and I imagine that's what Drew you in because you had some questions to answer you know and you wanted to go into the deepest recesses of yourself and you know when I heard that you were going to the darkness I was like oh [ __ ] yeah that's a place where you get to actually see what's on the inside it's almost like the darkness illuminates our own ability to see ourselves like we see ourselves in the dark there's Khalil Gibran had a quote there's two men one who is asleep in the light and the other is awake in the darkness and I don't think he was talking about a Darkness retreat but what he was talking about was how the external world will draw your attention in a million places but in the darkness you illuminate the interior of the cell yeah I mean I love that quote um for me you know we've had it on the counter for a while I thought it'd be an awesome opportunity to reset you know I always like to take uh the first month of the off season and and relax kind of disconnect um and then you know towards the end of that month start to think about how do I reset my body and mind um body I like to do a lot of different types of um uh dieting and fasting ayurvedicate ayurvedic cleanses um which have been incredible um but I thought this would be really really special and I'd obviously talk to some people who had been and uh Eric and I you know the ability to go with someone I'd be set in the same room but just the fact that I'm in there knowing that he's in there was you know when it was something that I thought would be pretty cool no one were both kind of doing this uh you know this thing together and I just needed to to get up doing a reset and and as it got closer and closer obviously there was a lot of other questions about my future that have been you know on the mind and been contemplated and I knew it would be a good opportunity to kind of sib with those things but that wasn't the main reason I was doing it it was it was how often do we ever unplug you know how often do we even set our phones down for a little bit you know read a book instead of watch TV you know meditate instead of listen to music um whatever it might be you know that allows us to kind of Disconnect from technology and from the world and like give ourselves a gift of uh rest yeah so that's that was the most important thing to me it's uh it's an interesting aspect of rest because it's simultaneously the deepest rest because there's just nothing there and time slows way down you actually lose track of time almost entirely you wake up in the middle of the night you don't know what time is it is it 2 A.M yeah it must be eight o'clock it's like six a.m yeah and then you're like I think breakfast is coming soon you're like maybe you know then you're waiting in your bed you know like uh he's got to become with the food now he may be forgot yeah yeah can you forget the food or is this a test they don't feed you on the second or third day what is going on here yeah so I think everybody imagined that you went right in and you started thinking about football right away right because there's a lot of people waiting with baited breath to hear what your thoughts are about the continuation of your career but you know hearing you talk about it there's actually other stuff that came to the Forefront that actually arose organically from your psyche that you wanted to kind of process and work through so how did the how did the journey start for you well I wanted to have a loose plan uh but not be rigid I want to leave space for anything that was going to come through I know there's going to be hours of contemplation hours of you know on a you know on the yoga mat or meditation or in the bathtub or laying on my bed where I just had time to just think in the quiet in the absolute Darkness um but one little you know nugget that I'd gotten from a friend before I went in was to make sure that you allow the rest to set in before you start to try and figure out the world and so I really uh that first night uh you know I was in bed dinner was at six I was asleep before seven for sure and uh you know had a beautiful night's sleep and then I really wanted to contemplate some things with um with some relationships in my life uh some family stuff and then obviously uh you know career stuff and just kind of let whatever was going to come in come in and uh it did it definitely did there was a lot of a lot of great contemplation the first day and a lot of lessons um around you know how I show up in the world and how I show up to you know in my relationships and friendships and there was definitely some uh interesting insights uh you know around uh you know my childhood and things that happened in my childhood that I was able to to sit with and heal and and then you know I spent parts of a couple of days imagining what it would be like to retire and then imagining what it would be like to continue to play it's uh what I sense and what I feel from just the limited amount that I've seen on you know Sports casting and kind of the General Media is it feels to me you know you're my brother and you know like there's a there's a friendship that extends Beyond even time right and I see you in the fullness of yourself and that's what I care about more than anything so for me thinking about you going into the darkness it's a far different thing than I think what the media wants which is like this is a time where Aaron better be [ __ ] thinking about football the whole time you know it's like they try to reduce you to like a football robot you know and like that's what they want like all right if football robot needs to go in here to figure it out but it's like it's a far more holistic view of you as a human being who just happens to play football yeah you know I think that's one thing they really uh was interesting around this whole last you know few weeks you know I've obviously do the McAfee show and and it's a wide open show you know we talk about a lot of different topics and just about you know really everything is you know is fair game there's nothing that's off limits um and yeah I've basically been saying the same thing since the end of the season I'm going to take some time I'm gonna get away from it I'm gonna get away from the emotion of the season and start to let the you know the off season settle in and then see how I'm feeling and what I want to do moving forward with my future um and obviously that's not good enough because it doesn't create a big enough story so you know then then things are said and made up and and uh unnamed sources and all the you know the common media you know cycle which can be uh draining if you give it a lot of energy which I don't but I think the thing that was interesting to me was just how people so desperately wanted to either be a part of this story and make it out to be that I was going in the dark to figure out the only reason was to go in there and figure out if I'm going to play or not play number one that's not true it never was true you know all I mentioned about it when I mentioned on the McAfee show is I'm going to do it isolation Retreat and I feel like afterwards I'll be in a better place to you know to make a decision about you know what I'm thinking about for the future um and then there was you know people who wanted to be a part of the story again and said oh he's going in on Monday after the Super Bowl and then I was going on McAfee on Tuesday and then the same people are like oh well he must be coming out you know after one day to you know to do the McAfee show I'm like shut the [ __ ] up stop stop with the [ __ ] yeah and then it's like oh then he's going in on Thursday it's like no I'm not and then it's like oh we went in on Monday and he came out on Wednesday he's only in there for two nights no I didn't yeah and I understand that you know much of my life I think has been uh interesting to people because it had been a little bit of enigma at times with uh you know trying to keep my private life uh private because I believed that that was really important and I didn't want to work through problems with my family in the public sphere right as Unfortunately they did at times and so there was this mystery around me and then I you know did uh kind of a preliminary opening to this with the show with the local beat reporter um where I was I think a little more honest and people started going oh okay this guy's you know interesting he's starting to talk about some stuff and then um obviously the McAfee show was showed a different side of me and talking about with you last summer about uh plant medicine I think was um a great opportunity to talk about the things that are important to me yeah um and it's all kind of been a process but it is interesting to see how people wanted to spin this in a certain way there was almost like a negative thing like um why would you want somebody on your team who has to contemplate whether he wants to play football or not you know you want me to talk about you want athletes to talk openly and honestly about mental health and Champion them but when people are taking time to contemplate their future to reset their minds to um to really work on themselves we're going to try and cut that down I think that's my issue with some you know with with some of the media is and really life in general and that's you know I never really do this anymore I used to a lot when it was fun but but I responded to a guy on Twitter uh who was trying who was kind of ripping the darkness retreat and I said one of my favorite quotes which is from Ted lasso and it might not be Ted lasso said it on the show but it was uh be curious not judgmental and I I remember watching that clip on and I love the show and I remember watching that clip and just seeing how beautiful that moment was in the bar as he's playing darts and trying to win for his you know his sweet boss who's been kind of belittled by our former husband and he's parading this young girl around and um and he basically says you know you actually don't know me you haven't taken the time to get to know me and if he did you would have known yeah I played darts every Sunday with my dad I just think there's such a sweet moment about that I think part of my life is some is responding that way like you don't you don't know me yeah but I'm trying to give you a glimpse right I'm trying to because I want I want to be seen right I want you to understand me a little bit more and I want to inspire people as well to have the freedom to go do those things but don't tear it down yeah don't tear it down be interested you don't understand Ayahuasca plant medicine Darkness Retreats fit for service you know anything that we you know that we love to do and talk about you know First Response shouldn't be trying to tear it down right be interested or just let it go yeah yeah you can't argue both sides you can't say you know we need to really pay attention to supporting the mental health of all of our players and and then when players are actually supporting their own mental health you start to criticize them for it you know not recognizing that it is part of that mindset where football is everything and the only thing that creates so many challenges there's been lots of documentaries about it about what happens after somebody wins a gold medal or somebody wins something where the entire locus of their identity has been placed in the function of what they do and then that's finite that ends there's a whole big ass long life afterwards so if you haven't built different ways Technologies practices to explore your inner Universe it's going to be incredibly hard so like this as a model for being like yeah ball out like when you're playing [ __ ] go for it and that's whether you're playing in front of the big lights or we're playing in the backyard playing hoof like go for it it feels like the big lights it does it does is we definitely talk about it if we probably have more conversations about it way more um but you know I think for me this past season was really you know it was special man it was really really special to be there with you and I just think back to like some of those moments and obviously there's the [ __ ] incredible celebration of the big wins and and all that but there's so many like The Quiet Moments and the hard moments you know like the hard moments before you know before that Dallas game you know in that game I mean if I think of some of the one of the top moments of my life it was everything that led up to that Dallas game and and right after that Dallas game too and and it was just being with you the the man who was also playing football like but being with my brother and uh [ __ ] like like nobody nobody really knows what that's like unless they were there you know yeah I mean uh I was just running through some of the images you know from the season with having you out to so many games I mean you were in um Miami you're in Tampa you came to multiple games at home where else did you come yeah with Miami Tampa and then uh like I think four home games yeah but the you know those moments after the games were and before the games were so sweet but the moment after the Dallas game was was just really really special to me yeah you know to be able to walk out a locker room after the the everything that happened that day I mean reconnecting with Mike in a really really special way McCarthy and my longtime coach and having some really special moments within pre-game and then being down and coming back you know 14 in the fourth quarter winning in overtime and then all the conversations we had had proceeding leading up to that game um and then to share and embrace after the game and just like you know weep it was it was wild it's just one of those special special moments that you just don't uh you're never gonna forget but you don't expect like just has how people can show up for you at just the right time yeah you know yeah I mean leading up to that game that was uh that was a tough stretch you know talking to you on the phone before I got out there we'd lost five straight five lost five straight games yeah you got your hand your thumb your thumb yeah and it was like it was a low it was a low moment and I was like you know I remember we I talked to you maybe Tuesday and then I was coming out Thursday and it was like you know like this is Rock Bottom you know and so the first thing the first is concept that we were talking about was like all right here's bottom like feel it feeling this is for everybody right this is not this applies to this specific situation but feel the bottom and feel the weight of it feel the stableness of actually the bottom and the knowing that like all right you know yeah you could have lost more games than five but five was like already at the threshold of just [ __ ] nightmare material right yeah so it's like at that moment like here's bottom and I think that got us to you know when I got out there and then we started in some real deep you know kind of conversations and contemplations and one of the things that I'd been working through is something I've been tracking my whole life which is there's me and then there's this Force that I call the anti-me that is constantly trying to [ __ ] me up like just finding a way to drag my attention from my highest Focus or harness the voice in my own head my superego my inner judge and just beat me down in a way and so I just started sharing some of my experience about the Journey of you versus anti-u and that really kind of landed for you too as it does with most people because we know that Force it's like it's this inner it's the inner resistance as Stephen pressfield would say or the yitzer harrahs the kabbalists would say they're strong too it's a it's it's the greatest opponent you're gonna face because it knows you inside and out and it knows all your triggers yeah and and how to deceive you and it shows up in a myriad of different ways but it's that for me is that negative self-talk that that sitting on his shoulder saying you know you can't do this yeah you know maybe you should quit you know maybe it's time to move on you don't have it anymore like you're not not good anymore you suck about them you know whatever it might be during those games and then and off the field it's you know just all the negative things you could possibly think about yourself so like putting a name to that was awesome and then just like upping the awareness around that and letting that Force know not today not today not today not today and we we talked about how so in this version of you which like you said it's like a carbon copy of you it is an exact copy of you that knows all of your weaknesses knows all of the ways to talk [ __ ] to you in just the most perfect way and because it has full access to your psyche it's like you make a carbon copy like those martial arts movies where the final contest is is Bruce Lee versus Bruce Lee you know in that kind of contest and you know I ultimately realized that the purpose of that force was to drive Evolution because if you're competing against somebody that's exactly as good as you the only way to beat them is to evolve is to actually become a little bit better and in that moment of becoming a little bit better the force that you know we talked about calling on was the king yeah you know like call on the king the highest version of yourself to which everybody else including the anti-u has to bend the knee when you call the king forward and I remember watching that game from the box and I could tell like oh [ __ ] like the battle is on it was 28-14 and and it was like all right and I could I even though you know I can't they didn't follow you in the sidelines and I have a bunch of close-ups of your face I could feel that that was like that was a place where there was a significant moment of Aaron versus the anti-iron yeah I think it shows up a lot of times in the oh here we go again mindset you know are we getting their ass whooped in various ways over the last five weeks and what's gonna happen this time well we're gonna have this you know punt block or whatever and then this short field and turnover and um but you know there's so much that goes into being able to kind of beat back that Force but at the end at the root of it is very simple it's knowing who you are and reminding yourself of who you actually are and you referred to it which I love as the king you know and reminding yourself who you are in those moments for me allowed me to to win those battles against myself and there was moments in that game where I was banged up and um thumbs broken thumbs Jack those in the game losing the game maybe you know you know they're ready to run me out of town and sit me down on the bench and there was talk about that right yeah and scrapped the season and sit Randall down Sit big dog down maybe put a couple guys who've been banged up on ir and just say hey this wasn't our year and although we lost the next two games I just felt like we needed to get one of this those three in that stretch we had Dallas we had Tennessee we had Philly and that one was a big turning point I think for all of us and you know we didn't play our best game in next week but we played tough and and then we played fairly tough and then we won four straight and gave ourselves a chance but that night was really special for a number of different reasons but most of all um that you know you were there that we had spent that time together and that in those moments of doubt that came up I said hey bro you're really good at this but not today not today yeah mad respect anti-me but not [ __ ] today you guys started to make that run you know to close the gap of you know the two touchdown deficit which I think heard some stats that the Cowboys had like maybe never lost a game when they were up by 14 in the fourth year in the fourth quarter so odds are way against you but there was some force that I could just feel and that's the interesting aspect of of any anybody who plays Sports we talk about momentum and we talk about it as if it's almost like this rational material thing and we also kind of get that it's emotional but it you can feel an energy of momentum you can feel it if you play and if you're really feeling it you can feel the energy you know if you're tapped into the game as well and there's something that started to shift and it was like oh [ __ ] like Here Comes Here Comes The King like the king's been [ __ ] bloodied and beaten and the lion has been you know trapped in a corner for a long time but there's a [ __ ] Roar that's ready to emerge in your whole Squad you know kind of lined up behind you everybody would permeated not just you but it was a feeling and and I remember like that feeling of like all right here we [ __ ] go and then it started you know the drive started and scoring started yeah I mean that was a the night that uh Christian Watson will never forget because uh he came out I threw him two dimes and he dropped them both and he was over on the sideline I think kind of feeling sorry for himself and and pissed off and then I threw him a deep ball and he made a ridiculous over-the-shoulder catch ridiculous and then backflipped and was like and here I am and I was like his Christian versus anti-christian had to be [ __ ] strong in that moment and the King Christian showed up yeah [ __ ] day and it lasted the rest of the year yeah and maybe the rest of his career yeah how [ __ ] sweet is that you know so cool but the biggest play that got us going was we had fourth and eight and I had kind of come up with this play during the week that was based off of some stuff I'd seen on on tape where I felt like if we got a three-man stack and instead of breaking out like the team we had watched had done do a couple hand Breakers then we could maybe get Christian free on a deep post and Matt called it in and for that hey you want uh I can't what we call it but hey you want display I said oh yeah yeah and I hit Christian for a touchdown and and that kind of changed things we stopped them we had a nice beautiful long drive uh we got it we went to overtime you know they had a chance in in uh in our territory they were marching down and we're thinking oh man like after all this we've come back like are we really gonna lose this in overtime and yeah well also had a chance to win in regulation you know there was that if I recall correctly like had a chance to kick a field goal like make the right drive and it didn't happen yeah and it was like that was that moment also where the anti-you could have been oh [ __ ] that was it now and now this and now we don't even have the ball first in overtime [ __ ] a yeah but there was just something different about that energy that night yeah and something shifted uh for me obviously some ships are for Christian and you love when it comes together like that I mean those are the games you live for um obviously you want to win championships but at the end of the day you think about the games that stick out or where your backs are against the wall didn't seem likely nobody really believed it was going to happen and then one thing changed and that's life yeah on your back's against the wall you're you're in a dead end Street you know things your future is going to be a certain direction than I think something changes intuition tragedy sometimes and you know wake up to life in a new way epiphany [Music] finally say [ __ ] it I've had enough quit major change you know but it all starts usually with taking ownership of your role in life and saying no no I'm gonna show up as the king or the queen in my life and I'm not going to give in to the anti-may I'm not going to give in to the outside world or any any force that wants to bring me down hold me down keep me down that's when you can step into your power yeah I remember when uh when mace kicked up field goal to win the game like the the joy of that moment for me you know I've had it a couple times in my life I had it when my friend Bodhi won the gold medal I had it when my friend TJ won the championship against hen and brow when Cody no love won the championship against Dominic Cruz these are all my friends and even though that was a middle season game and we didn't know if it was going to ultimately quote matter to the ultimate Arc of the Season that that win for me was like it's this flood of emotion where you're I was so happy that all I could do was just Saab you know because like it's a it's a kind of love that you have for somebody else that you know it's the most beautiful thing and if anybody has an experienced that feeling of rooting for somebody so much like so much that like and not and not trying to Shield yourself and this is this was my commitment to myself in the game like don't Shield myself from the utter heartbreak or the utter Ecstasy of it because there's a way that you can remove yourself and just observe yourself and like that'll be all right you know like no matter what it's going to be fine and you can like put yourself and you can do that as a player or you can do that as a as a fan but to like go in and be like no I'll be wrecked I'll allow I'll have the courage to be [ __ ] devastated or I'll have the courage to feel like the Ecstasy of this and that's that's the way of the warrior poet right like that's the commitment to be no I'm all in I'm pushing all my emotional chips in here and to do that you know in support of your brother or your sister when they're doing their thing it's like it's a feeling that you just can't describe you know it's it's unbelievable and to me it's transcended the Ecstasy of any feeling of anything that I've ever done and again I haven't had like a massive athletic career or anything like that but there's been incredible moments of accomplishment and achievement for me like the moment my book was made on the New York Times bestseller list or anything like that it's always when it's me it's always been like right on like that's cool but then when it's like somebody I love I [ __ ] lose my [ __ ] yeah you know and that was it was just such a such a cool moment and of course like seeing you back at the house and just knowing that we knew we knew the story within the story we knew the game within the game that was happening and it got to play out in this unbelievably dramatic stage yeah you know first of all you know thank you like the way you showed up for me this year is incredible you know and that's what you do for the people you love anybody that knows you and loves you because of that characteristic and I just knew like how much it meant to me and also because how much love we have for each other like how much it would mean to you and so you had already gone home right you had gone back to the house yeah because I was I was long at the stadium yeah and you know this is like you know giving away the ending to my darkness which read a little bit but it was the exact same feeling seen you walk across the the dining room table or the you know from the room you're staying in into where I was at in the dining room um it was the same feeling I got when I opened my eyes out of darkness and that was just an overwhelming sense of Love For Life yeah because I was looking at my brother who I knew was like so proud yeah and also knew how much went into that and how much it meant to me and because it meant so much to me it meant so much to you and there you know we were in ceremony together like we've had incredible deep conversations but moments like that lock in the Friendship for a lifetime for sure and remind you you met your low points like I'm always gonna be able to count on this man to be be by my side thanks bro to the end yeah yeah so all right you're in the darkness and you know you've had incredibly High moments like that that come through the challenge of it you know like you said in the season before like isn't this romantic right like the Romance of the Season you know the pain The Joy the all of this that's something you've been doing for a long time this is a pivotal decision Point you're going into the darkness so open up how you started to think when when you turned yourself from your own inward gaze to heal what you needed to heal to get the kind of rest and that kind of parasympathetic drop and to really Plumb deep and you turned your inner eye to football what started going through your head um on the third day I kind of woke up as usual um brushed my teeth in the real smart way uh you know after eating some breakfast and then kind of getting into my meditation and and and long bath and and it kind of came to me like today you are going to experience your life in the present and in the near future and in the long-term future that you are retired so today you are retired what does that look like what does that feel like and I think there were a lot of uh you know amazing things it came through and and I had to work through a lot too when you you know when you've played as long as I have I think we there's some inside us that wants to say you know I'm going to be totally fine when I'm done playing I got nothing left to prove you know I've I've accomplished a ton in this sport and I have and you know I don't uh I don't need to play uh you know for anything other than in the joy and I'll be totally fine and in retirement I got a lot of stuff going on and I got plenty of things I can transition into but sitting in the darkness with your thoughts you know I woke up that morning probably about 3 30 or 4 thinking it was maybe like 8 30 or 9 you know so I had maybe nine hours to win you know dinner was coming where in fact they had you know what I had like 14 hours um so by the time you go through you know your breakfast and uh meditation and bath and stuff you got a good 12 11 12 hours to like just think in the quiet you and your thoughts and a lot of insecurity and fear came up around what retirement looks like um that I hadn't really acknowledged or uh even thought was there I thought I'm fine you know I got you know I got my Foundation I got uh you know philanthropic stuff I want to be a part of I got business stuff that I've been cultivating for years now um I have you know dreams outside the game I want to travel I want to uh you know get my body you know back and not wake up hurting you know and all these different thoughts that I that I thought was like my justification are probably totally fine I got friendships I got you know I got lots of land next to best friends and and Life to experience and and you know hopefully fatherhood and kids and all these different things but there were some deep insecurities and fears that that came up in the darkness around what retirement uh is and and I really had to sit with those and then go to the root of what those are and Trace those back to uh childhood or chase those back to college or Trace those back to early days in the NFL and and worked through those moments uh that came up and and the insecurities and the beautiful thing was by the you know uh probably by what seemed like what now looking back was probably early afternoon you know so after five or six hours of kind of going through that I I found a really nice sweetness and comfort in the reality that I was sitting with that day which was retirement and what that would look like and what wouldn't nourish my soul best where would I want to live who would I want to spend time with what I want to do with my free time where would I want to travel um how would I feel the competitive hole in my heart that this because I played Sports since I was you know six years old so really beautiful beautiful ending to that but a lot of really difficult contemplations around all this insecurity and fear that came up of like what happens when um when they when they turn those when they turn the lights off to your career you know what happens when you're oh when somebody says oh you used to be Aaron Rodgers right I still am right um I think the overarching uh message that that really hit me both days so the third day was retirement the fourth day was playing so the reality that I lived in there is those two days separately was obviously the third day was I'm retired and the fourth day was unplanned um let's I just want to like unpack a little bit of some of those insecurities that come up because you know a lot of people would they always they always like hypothesize the difficulty that a player will have after they're done playing football right like they they project because it's you know again they expect and also the the energy around it is that you are you are a football player and that's what you do and that's you've the entirety of your personhood is reduced to how you perform on the field and so there's a lot of collective energy around that and so people assume that there's going to be an identity crisis they assume that to me when I step down as CEO of on it like are you gonna be okay and I'm like yeah I'm gonna be fine I'm gonna be fine you know I did I did my thing I brought on it to the best place that I could possibly go and it was time for me to step back and let someone else run it and it was also because that happened honestly that actually happened you know right after my darkness Retreat like within within two weeks after my darkness Retreat I handed over the CEO ship of on it to Jason Havey which is the best decision I could have made but I was able to actually think that through in the darkness and see if there was anything else attached to the letters you know CEO you know behind behind my name and to me it was like no I know myself in the fullness of who I am and that doesn't reduce it but the whole world was projecting like how much how difficult that must be for me and in in this case it's you know and that's a smaller version of what of what you were talking about here for you because that was only a relatively shorter period of my life one decade rather than three decades of of football but what was it like what was it actually that the insecurity came up about was it that you were worried maybe you wouldn't love yourself or that other people wouldn't love you or that you know like what was it precisely that that really came up oh that you had to work through I don't think that there was one the one specific thing it was a combination of a lot of things but it was everything from irrelevance to boredom to if I think it's probably this if if not anything it's regret it's uh living a life in regretting making this decision not knowing what could have been what could have been um and the so that's the Fear Part you know the fear is waking up every single day and wishing you know I was retired if I was playing or wishing I was playing if I was retired and the reality I was sitting in D3 was a I was retired so waking up and going what are you doing you should be playing how you know why are you you know why were you so scared of whatever failure or you know [Music] hanging on too long or whatever it might be that you just every single day regretting that decision but the other stuff came up was the insecurity of of okay what am I if I'm not you know I'm not playing like does anybody who am I to people now and not the media like not like not like you know anybody gonna give a [ __ ] what I'm doing anymore like I said about that but about like who am I to people to my to my people you know if I'm not providing a game to come to you know and an experience to have uh how do they look at me now and am I still it's it's the stuff I was dealing with and I am I still lovable am I still interesting am I still worthy to be uh included in community and and included in activities and well people still want me around um which are all brilliant lies from the anti-me yeah for sure because they can hit you on triggers if they go back to Childhood of being a kid who is you know athletic but also really smart so not quite you know they're like super jocks and not quite the nerdy kid and didn't really you know have the you know popularity that uh maybe I wanted when I was you know Elementary School and Junior High because that's such an interesting formal years for us where kids are you know can be really tough time for sure and and then finding my way through life is uh you know as a young person in sports and then dealing with um you know family life and teachers and coaches and obstacles to get to where I was at then the regret of like I put in all that work just to like walk away when I still could play like is that what I really want to do but the overarching theme that came through in both days was an idea that I'd always set up I think is a a way to protect myself and that is that there is life and then there is football and the reason I set it up like that was because I never wanted to be just a football player because I'm a smart guy who went on Jeopardy and won and hosted Jeopardy and I'm interested in all these other things and look how don't you know pigeonhole me is just a football player you know I'm not a dumb jock and I fought so hard for this what seems now ridiculous [Music] way to you know differentiate my life or private life and my career but what hit me in the darkness on both days as I said as a retired player and as a current player was that my life is football my life and football are connected and that's totally okay um I always thought that if that was the case that I would only find my identity in football and then I would never be able to walk away easily and I would never be able to be seen as somebody who was like not just a you know a dumb right you know football player um but football has been my life has given given so much to my life and it's a part of my life so it's connected to my life and there's no difference in my life and my happiness is directly connected to how I feel about football and it gave me such a deep um calm about the decision because I finished those two days with deep love and admiration and blessings in a a retired life [Music] um of fulfilling you know all the needs that I have and spending time with the people that I love and having no regrets about the game and then also a reality of going back and playing but not playing to add a spite uh to to prove something to someone for the money but plan because I fell in love with this game when I was six years old and it makes my life better and I'm happy I'm happy when I'm with my guys and I'm happy when I'm with my people out there battling working out during the week practicing traveling playing cards spending time with with those people and trying to pass on in the wisdom that I got this reminds me of of a model that uh you know Mark Gaffney talks about a lot and it's a three-stage model and the first stage is pretty tragic and this is where you're just playing football and you're not really thinking about too much at least not consciously you're just kind of playing football and enjoying playing football you get you know we're talking early career stuff it's like holy [ __ ] I'm out here I'm [ __ ] balling like this is great I always dreamed of this you know and it's you're not thinking about too much else other than that it's the pre-tragic it's like the original edemic state before you eat the fruit of the tree of knowledge right and of course lots of interpretations of that myth but then there's the tragic stage where you actually start to realize like wow I don't want to be solely identified with this game of football I need to actually carve out an identity that's separate because I'm aware of the challenges that could come from this you know losing my identity in the game so you create a split Rift between your life and football there's what you do and then there's your work you know and then what I'm hearing you say now is what would be the post-tragic stage which is the second sweetness which is actually having all of the knowledge of the tragic all of the knowledge of what can happen all of the knowledge internally and externally about the game and then the potential to step back in in the second sweetness and go like man I [ __ ] love this game this is this is [ __ ] cool you know and that's the you know that it seems like as you're going into day four and I want to hear about the meditations on day four but it seems like you were able to access the timeline where you could play football in the full post-tragic stage of Consciousness where it's the second innocence where it's just really the love for the game yeah I think it was breaking down that uh uh what I had set up in my mind that I'm not just a football player and when I'd say that you know my life and football are one um what I what I found was I looked around in my life and I said look at all that football has given me even being in this hole is because you know I met you and we connected after you watched me play a game and say how can you not be romantic about football we'd already met each other but we became close after that moment which was when I was deeply in love with football in that moment after beating the Niners an incredible game the reason I'm in this hole is because I met you on a deep level and became Brothers with you looked at my life like uh I have uh three godsends now you know and I'm so thankful for them and their fathers and mothers you know but fathers mostly with who I was friends with all met in some way shape or form because of football um two of my best friends in the world one of them is Randall Cobb who Kate is my my godson you know I met him through football David backdiar is blocked for for me for a decade watching my backside as one of my closest friends in the whole world and somebody I can call on at any time and like hey I need you to cheer me up today with so many days we'd be driving around on that golf cart he got me and just those moments you know football yeah my house money the opportunities people I've met football so like instead of trying so hard to be I'm not just a football player what if I disembraced I am a football player and look at how [ __ ] beautiful it's impacted my life six years old watching Joe Montana drive down the field and win a championship and dreaming and waking up saying I'm all growing up man in this game taught me how to be a man taught me about life gave me some of the deepest friendships that I'll have the rest of my life and some of the most incredible moments and the temperance right like if you want to have a strong blade of your soul and your Consciousness in your in your psychology like you got to go into the forge somehow you need the heat you need the hammer you'd like all people need the forge if you're gonna Forge strong steel if you want that a Tory Hanzo [ __ ] super Katana you know like you have to go into the Heat and the hammering and the pressure applied from football itself of course you can look at it like [ __ ] this is a negative thing but there's also the other aspect of it was like it's a chance to go put your current self into the forge and any weaknesses that are there any cracks will be emerged from the pressure you know pressure always reveals the cracks and it also strengthens all of your positive attributes as well so it's not only the beautiful Parts but it's also the [ __ ] gnarly parts that Forge a stronger self and soul and so you know I can at least see what an incredibly strong Forge football is [ __ ] when I play my rec league basketball with like three fans Vibe being one of them like I'm learning [ __ ] about it's a small little Forge for me maybe because I'm too competitive for playing in Rec leagues but it's a big deal to me and it's like there's a reveal aspects of my psyche I'll reveal I remember there was one time in this past season where I thought I was well beyond this but it's close to the end of the game and close to the end of the game and we were like we were down by one we needed to score and like I had a chance to make it like make a move and take the shot but I thought like oh man like I had that anti-me come up like don't miss the last shot man right so I [ __ ] passed it homie misses the shot I managed to get the rebound and I put it in and it so it like saved the day but I finished and we won the game but I finished and I like I was like quiet but I was like why are you quiet you know horrified like I'm like taking this like a real [ __ ] device yeah yeah made that shot I was like but I know secretly that there is a little voice of the anti-me that came up and and made me a slight little coward in that moment where I said I don't want the pressure of this game-winning shot because what if I miss it and I got to see that part of myself and go like all right [ __ ] like you won that time and it all worked out in the end you know of course it doesn't matter directly but but like I learned something it all matters yeah it does it matters to the it matters to the forging of the blade of who I am you know and even the pressure of a reckley game with a couple fans and a team that you know of course we were [ __ ] giving it trying to win our best that's a that's what makes it interesting is when you give it everything you got but uh it's such a powerful tool to use about life and that's what people who don't play ball or don't play any sport or don't compete I don't think they understand that this is the place where you practice life like this is the place where you start to really learn who you are and how to navigate and that's why like you know when I have kids yeah I'm not going to force them to play any sport but competition is you know if I can impart anything upon them it's like this is a necessary aspect and I'll be leading by example of course they'll see me and Uncle Eric my parenting out today kid's gonna be watching right so just like you know let me win this one so it feels good you know being like you know pretty awesome and then the next time you know we won't he won't come in the game and you can win yeah yeah some version of some version of that same version something like that but you know it's it's this is uh and I learned that from my mom you know professional tennis players semi-finals Wimbledon like she didn't I just it was just in my I knew it like I knew that was in my blood and I wouldn't I wouldn't be anywhere close to the human that I am if if it wasn't for competing full out like I wouldn't know myself I wouldn't know myself at all and I think that's what are your limits exactly yeah exactly so all right so you're building now you're building this kind of internal mental case for [ __ ] maybe I come back so bring us into your the way you started thinking about that fourth day of like all right maybe I'm back how does this look what does this feel like what [ __ ] and I know all obviously the question everybody wants to know what [ __ ] Jersey are you wearing yeah you know lots of those type of questions well you know so day three happens and it ends and it's just super beautiful and I feel great about it and I feel like man I just kind of healed that like insecurities about retirement and you know that it you know I don't need to retire because I'm tired I just retired because that's what serves my soul the best that's what nourishes me the best and that's what you know that's the the next step in my journey I'm feeling just like super great about I wake up in the morning my guy one more day one more night and I'm out you know maybe I'll you know entertain what it'd be like to to play today but we'll see what comes through like I feel great about you know where I'm at and then yes I go through my breakfast and bath meditation I'm like laying in bed going what if I did play this year and so I went through that whole thing and you know I love football I I always have I used to say is my favorite sport when I wasn't even allowed to play it yet I'd be playing basketball baseball soccer and people would say what's your favorite sport say football of course football we didn't even play it's like yeah but it's my favorite I'm gonna play at some point I'm gonna be a quarterback and famous story that we told last time a famous for me but you know that crazy uh food appreciation teacher at Cal who told me I never amount to anything in the league um you know there were some people along the way who definitely helped you know yeah with inspire me to like oh yeah well let's see about that huh yeah see who's laughing last but so there's always sources of inspiration to uh to that but when you have that deep deep love for the game um it's not that hard to to start that idea in your mind oh yeah yeah I want to love it first and foremost that's great how would I want to and why would I want to play and what are the reasons for playing don't feel like I have anything left to prove for the most part I mean you say that but there's always like but you know I could still prove you know one thing of course yeah it's it's you and you transcend it but includes yeah yeah I don't feel like I have any left to accomplish like for people like show you like hey I can do this you know like where I got to win another Super Bowl so people you know think it's you know think of me in a you know higher sense like no I don't I don't need to do any of that yeah I love playing and that's a good enough reason but what's going to make it most enjoyable you know what do I love about the game competition of course you know laying it on the line but all the other stuff that goes before you know the mental game Monday to Saturday the discipline um the little advantages you try and gain through diet or sleep meditation or acupuncture whatever it might be that you you're doing and I've done a number of different things over the years to try and like I'm gonna try this and see if this works or this works these herbs or this tea or this whatever it might be that you know this diet you know I'm going to eat vegan this year I'm gonna eat to you know um paleo or I'm gonna try different things for different advantages but but the root of it is you want to be you want to be the best yeah I love competing and you want to dominate and but what makes this sport special is the people it's people it's a people business people win championships you know I know teams get the credit for it but the people win the Championships you win championships and you have success with great people and look back on my career in 18 years and some incredible incredible friendships some amazing characters that I've played with and some great friendships that I've made and I thought a lot about what made our best teams best what made them The Cut Above the other ones and it was a group that was super connected that really truly enjoyed each other and that's what teams are always trying to replicate is how do you you know how do you create that environment um I think there's a lot of different ways but you have to allow for leadership on a football team to take control of the locker room and to to uh to set the parameters and the goals and then you have to have it wrapped in accountability there has to be accountability because that is life there's accountability for actions there's accountability for decisions that you make and true accountability there's two types of accountability in my mind and I've seen in football one is real accountability and the other is forced accountability so Force accountability is that there's environment that exists where people will only do enough to not get in trouble so they're not put on a decision actually they're just doing enough so they won't get fined here yeah they'll you know spend you know 20 minutes in the sauna to you know make their weight instead of like you know actually changing their diet to eat better to make weight they'll make sure they're at this point at the right time or going through their workout set at just the right time or and just getting their stuff done instead of you know no when we're in here we're gonna actually get our work done we're going to be on time to meetings we're gonna take notes and means there's two different ways of doing it one is you know one is [ __ ] and I've seen a lot of that in the league yeah where the environment is created where accountability is is forced and and there aren't ramifications usually in that for breaking that accountability and nobody's worried about breaking that eventually so that's how teams derail and coaches does that start with I mean obviously that type of accountability is led by example it feels right so like you play you play a big part of that by actually leading with your own internal accountability but it has to be it seems like it has to be it has to Encompass the coaches the coach the coaching staff organization the whole organization like all the way top to bottom there has to be a coherence of a mutual agreement of that accountability and then what about trust because it seems like that's another key element too it's accountable trust is a part of the other type of accountability right it's a real accountability where I'm going to trust I'm going to create an environment where my players my team can flourish um But ultimately it's on them every single day they have a decision to buy in to what we're doing but in real accountability they're involves obviously trust but it involves Free Will and a decision but when involves free will in a decision if you want to be real accountability it has to involve consequences where if you do not adhere to the accountability as defined by this player-led team or this team or this locker room or this trip or whatever it might be then you are there are consequences for that so then people know I can do whatever the hell I want but there are consequences right how does this happen a lot of times you win a lot when you win a lot it cures a lot of things it covers up even more things so we've had a lot of success for a long time in Green Bay right but there's been definitely years in those 18 where um you know after you go through stretches of winning where some of that accountability starts to lack some of that structure Lacks but it's all on the it's ultimately all on the players and the coaches and the setup of of that accountability to allow for people to make a decision to buy and in the best teams that we've had 2009 2010 uh 2014 probably 2020. you know we had player-led teams that had enough great great dudes coaches and players who said here's the options we're going to come together we're going to spend time together we're gonna we're gonna believe in each other but we're going to get our work done and we'll understand that everything that we do matters and we're on a decision you [ __ ] up yeah latest time you're fine no questions asked you know yeah you do some that brings negative attention to the team you know then there'll be ramifications you know recently I went through saw in my own medicine Journey recently I was getting some Bodywork from a really talented body worker as I was in my medicine Journey which is become kind of a part of a practice that I have understanding that the body the Soma carries a lot of both karmic trauma and you know in this case it really felt like karmic trauma and she was working like Rolfing Style with her elbow between between my ribs and my back in a place that I've never had worked that intensely and she just intuitively was guided to it and I went into this state of like again I'm on I'm on medicine Academy and cannabis and I go into this state where I see myself in the heat of battle just swarmed by Orcs let's say you know if we're going for Middle Earth analogy but swarmed by Orcs And I just have my sword pulled Wars Bane is just singing and I'm just but I'm getting [ __ ] overrun and I look to my left and right to see Legolas and Gimli and whoever else might be there my [ __ ] Brothers and they weren't there it's like where are you where and I just started saying and I get emotional thinking about it I was like where are you like where are you like here I am in the I'm in the [ __ ] Fray I'm taking shots I'm bleeding and we know that this is the path like we have to make it through this and they weren't there in this karmic replay of this wound and to me of course Sports is still Sports it's not fighting New Yorks but it's a way to feel that and access that kind of feeling and I think the real accountability is not because you'll get punished as a deserter like it's not like yes the Spartans yes if you deserted you were dead so accountability like you said fines whatever that's that's the framework but for sure the reason why the Spartans didn't turn and run is because they loved each other to a point where like they would never if they saw [ __ ] Leonidas looking and some like that moment of Shame is far worse than Death Or Worse far worse than death so it's that kind of bond of like I wouldn't dare sell this workout short or this practice short because I love my brothers and I'm gonna go to battle for them with them to the [ __ ] end 100 percent and that's exactly what I'm trying to say is it those teams that love each other had that deep knowledge that you know what everything we do matters because I owe it to the guys yeah on my right on my left in that locker room in that huddle because they're all counting on me and what greater tragedy than to not be there for your brothers yeah when you're needed um and I don't think it's you know I don't think it's uh it's specific to one organization I think businesses have the same issues when you have 16 sustained success for a while you start to think like well we're in autopilot this is what's going to happen all the time and you start letting Little Things yo this is this is it can happen to an individual as well not just not just an organization I mean we we have this I think we have this Collective sense of the wrongness of when a player steps out of that and you know that a player is just there for their own stats and they don't actually give a [ __ ] about the team and about their brothers that are out there playing like everybody has this sense like this is fundamentally wrong and I think it's from thousands of years of you know our ancestors no matter what ancestor you come from you've been in battle you've been in war you know our ancestors stretching back to [ __ ] Atlantis and before right like the Deep everybody's like oh he said Atlantis whatever it's [ __ ] look at Graham Hancock and figure it out call it what you want but there was old civilizations everybody's gonna have to deal with it and [ __ ] keeps getting older it keeps getting older it keeps getting older shout out to Graham and Randall and all the Anthony West all the people who are out you know Illuminating this but for thousands of years this has been a part of us and in this kind of it's like a microcosm of what that would be like and we know that it's wrong when someone chooses self over the team well because we know that person goes out by themselves in our war party either he's dying or we're dying yep so you just innately know like this is [ __ ] up that something bad's gonna happen here right yeah and that was the idea of the Phalanx where everybody locked Shields if one person retracted their Shield there was a hole and that hole was then vulnerability for everybody yep right and that's the that's the idea as soon as one person breaks out you know you lose that coherence that actually makes you powerful as a team yeah so so if you're going to play again you're going to want to find a situation that that is [ __ ] alive right because otherwise [ __ ] it yeah and you know it's it's never like you don't have a list of 32 teams and go okay look this team has that and this team has this this team doesn't have that and this team may have that it's every year is such an interesting fascinating Journey because you don't really know what's going to happen you have ideas and you there's always you know I felt for years and years and years there was really about you know seven or eight teams that could actually win it every year every now and then there is a wild card that would you know come up and and make some noise or win kind of out of nowhere but most of the time you had a good feeling as you went into the off season then training camp and even preseason like okay you know I think you know these teams in the AFC are going to be really good in these teams in it so you're gonna be really good and it's probably going to be one of these eight teams probably that that does it and I don't think that's really changed I mean there's definitely a lot of parity in the league but ultimately every year I think there's you know maybe as much as as many as 12 but more like probably six or eight teams that you feel like really should win it unless something terrible happens injury-wise or uh they should be be in the mix so you want to be one of those teams and I feel like you know damn near every year you know in Green Bay we we were that team we had a chance definitely since 2009 you know we had a chance to uh to win it all we you know fortunately and unfortunately only won it one of those times but um but those are things you just can't measure you can't measure how the chemistry comes right together you can't measure how people play on last year's contracts or first years of new contracts how rookies step up how uh veterans you know find a role and people Embrace their role how new coaches step up like we had last year with Rich Versace our special teams coach who totally changed culture like that if you thought something could happen like that but you never knew the type of impact that you're like that can have and that's the beauty in the game it could happen the opposite way too you know you lose certain uh certain players or certain coaches and those rolls or voids aren't filled uh then it can definitely take from the team yeah and I've seen that over the years too you know and some of that is you just can't get anything about it guy gets hurt or maybe a guy gets the opportunity to go coach somewhere else or you know things change promotions there's been obviously uh you know Mike Sherman was my coach my rookie or he got fired a whole new staff came in Mike McCarthy was there for 13 years he got fired after that new staff so there's been turnover but um it's always about the people yeah so who are those people that are going to create that environment uh that's best and then also you know like yeah I'm under contract with the Packers for sure so if I decide uh to play like uh first is a conversation with them you know where are you guys at like honestly like um I've been there 18 years and and I have so much love for Green Bay in the organization I mean 18 years it's a teenager but like the second last year of being a teenager you know that's yeah think about how you felt at 18 and all the lessons you learned and driving and dating women and finishing high school and just you know that's what I did in one city playing there um and learn I got there I was 21 years old you know now I have you know gray hair and gray on my beard and started 15 seasons and know the city inside and out and my favorite places and a ton of people outside the facility who are I call friends and um amazing Indian food in Green Bay oh by the way good surprising shout out to India we hate that probably thank you guys incredible man unbelievable yeah it's and if for those of you who don't know where it is it's a in the where the Hooters used to be there for a long time and I have to admit I don't even say it one time in 2006. India bavan I gotta say it's probably an upgrade it's a yeah it's definitely an upgrade it's uh phenomenal but uh yeah any man I missed that place yeah that's incredible sure that was like every Friday or Saturday was India Baba definitely when you were in town oh yeah we went we went deep we went deep so if you had to if you had to say right now and I know this people are probably hoping that this podcast yields this concrete decision this is the this is what I'm doing I know what I'm doing but it feels like very much there's still a process and also conversations that you need to have conversations with Green Bay in a in a sense of what other what other opportunities are out there that actually get you really excited gets you fired up yeah I mean I think people have to first you know I don't know when they're going to see this but we're like 48 hours getting out of the dark and actually getting my eyes back so you know 48 hours ago I was in the dark and you know now I'm out but uh it's been a lot of time reflecting out of that and journaling and [Music] um trying to really adjust back to this reality even though there's only four days but so much happened during that time and there's just so much contemplation out of that because there's really four separate days and many different topics um I think as much as anything before they've they've felt like uh one scary option and one uh unknown that's what that's what the two the two felt like now that's not how I would describe them before I went to Darkness right but in the darkness of realization was one option was scary and one was unknown and which was which the scary was uh retirement and the unknown was um going back and playing and what does that mean is that Green Bay is that somewhere else if that's somewhere else you know what is it like being somewhere else and now it feels like there are two very uh beautiful options um that both feel really nourishing and um special and that it's just life and life is about making decisions and Live in Your Great Name story and going through the ups and downs of the journey because that's what makes the best stories the best stories aren't you know the most incredible high and everything went your way and no it was like can you believe this happened after this and this and this and then this happened and then we overcame this and then we overcame that and in in that story the great story there's mistakes there's regrets there's sadness there's joy there's frustration there's sorrow there's heartbreak there's elation it's all part of it it's all part of life and my life has been football for as long as I can remember and I'm [ __ ] damn proud of that and you know you're still nasty yeah I saw something from Alan Lazard and I really appreciated what he said someone asked him what he thought about you as a football player and he just goes is the best player to pick up a football ever period and I know a lot of people might disagree with that claim but he's someone who's been your teammate and been with you and and you know I think there's that feeling like [ __ ] a like and I can say like when we compete and stuff like there's no like you still got your [ __ ] you got your fire you got your body you still got the skills so it's not you know even though the anti-me voice might say like I don't know sometimes but I think you do know that you still [ __ ] got it and that's also like another one of these factors it's like man I can still [ __ ] ball no I've been doubted before and like honestly I felt in the first year that Matt was here miles and Green Bay in 19 I felt at times like a game manager like it was just I didn't quite understand what we were doing at times on offense and my job is to take care of the football and I did you know I threw four interceptions and 26 touchdowns and we were 13 and three but I felt like there was so much more and you know then they drafted my replacement and then I want to be P choice and I throw you know 85 touchdowns and nine interceptions in two years and obviously there were some changes that happened on the team and the coaching staff and I didn't have my best to your plan and there's probably people that think I'm done I thought I was done you know before I became coven MVP twice so again there'd be plenty of inspiration down that road yeah but I have a great piece about it I did not have without the darkness so I'm really thankful for that experience um and the stuff I work through it's all connected like it's all one big through line life and part of that is relationships and friendships and experiences and football yeah so if you set a kind of timeline for yourself where you know like all right one way or another I'm gonna make a decision by this point or are you still leaving it kind of with uh with some leeway well I think it's best for anybody who has an interest in this to make a decision sooner rather than later you know I remember you know when farv uh before he retired you know there were times where it was in April and May and he still you know we weren't sure if he was going to come back because he didn't come to any offseason program and and then in 2008 he actually did retire in March and then kind of said no no actually in June after OTAs I actually want to come back and play and then that's when you know I've been traded to the Jets and you know there's obviously a lot of tension that summer but um for for everybody involved directly and indirectly it's best for a decision earlier and I feel I feel really good about um about the conversations that um that are going to be had that have been had with the important people in my life yourself included that help to orient me but I'm not looking for somebody to tell me what the answer is all the answers are read inside me and I I touched many of them and definitely the feelings on both sides during the darkness and I'm thankful for that time but um you know it's a very uh there's a finality to the decision and I don't make it lightly I don't want to drag anybody around look I'm answering questions about it because I get asked about it um I'm talking about it because it's important to me if you don't like it and you think it's drama I think I'm being a diva whatever and just tune it up that's fine but this is my life it's important to me and I'll make a decision soon enough and we'll go down that road and be really excited about it yeah brother well you know for me as you know really in many in many ways your my best friend in the universe you know and I know we haven't known each other for the lifetime that usually causes that to happen but it's that type of energy and I have some other best friends in the universe too you know that you've become friends with as well Eric and macad and you know some of the other friends that you're getting to know more like Kyle and all you know the whole crew in the Posse of course and there's for me it's I just really I want you to be [ __ ] happy and there's a timeline where we get to spend instead of the Season we get to go travel around the world and do some wild [ __ ] going to ceremony and see some amazing places and start some fun projects and then there's another timeline where I'm coming to see you in some City and maybe we're eating Indian Bhavan or maybe we're eating some [ __ ] hakasan or maybe we're eating some other thing you know like whatever that might be there's both of these timelines and for me I have just absolute equal excitement about both because I trust you to make the best decision for you and I wouldn't want to make wouldn't want you to make any other decision than that and uh so I'm [ __ ] I know everybody here is like man I was over there I would [ __ ] say and say like it's gonna be this team or this team or this team and I'm doing it or not but uh but you know if you care about Aaron and you care about actually putting the human before and before the player which is important you know then then I think you gotta care about taking the time to make this best decision for you which will ultimately yield the best decision for whatever team that you're in because if you're unreconciled if you're halfway in and halfway out that's the only decision that would be a disservice is to is to play but you didn't really want to or not play but you really did want to and you really could you know so this is a sacred period of time and uh I'm eagerly waiting with big baited breath and excited about both [ __ ] options so I'm right here with all of you who are trying to figure out what this man's going to do and uh from a different perspective you know obviously is such a close friend to you but you can also say like I'm not you know being queer right now and I've told you kind of off camera yeah exactly if I can talk about it today but yeah you know what's going on right now yeah no I'm I'm enjoying I mean listen you know this is a special weekend because you know there's a really really special individual who was born thank you my brother my Pisces brother um so we're celebrating you and I don't want to upstage you know your birthday with some big announcement about like my future so that's priorities bro yeah fair enough my brother fair enough well it's an honor to share this life adventure with you and I know that like we both know in our bones that you know one day we're gonna be old men you know still smoking cigars scrapping scrappings [ __ ] scrapping Till The Bitter End and having having a great time and a great life and and to see that both choices yield this great life and uh it's a beautiful place that sets me at ease to know that you know my friend Aaron is going to be happy no matter what you know and that's uh that's what matters most to me yeah I appreciate that what I saw in both the third and fourth days was I saw myself my full self at the end of that Journey on the one side and I saw my full self at the end that Journey on the other side I wasn't missing anything I was fully myself in both those timelines and that was a really sweet thing to experience yeah that's how it is brother to the end to the end to the end thank you everybody for tuning in we love you guys Aaron is there any final words you want to share before we bounce out of here and continue this weekend's Adventure all right let's party let's [ __ ] go let's [ __ ] go much love everybody thanks for tuning in peace thanks for tuning in to this video make sure you hit subscribe follow me at Aubry Marcus check out the Aubrey Marcus podcast available everywhere and leave a comment let me know if this video resonated or what else you would like to hear from me in the future thank you so much

Channel: Aubrey Marcus

Views: 230,302

Keywords: aubrey, marcus, aubrey marcus, optimized, personal journey, darkness retreat, green bay packers, darkness retreat aaron rodgers, darkness retreat explained, aaron rodgers darkness retreat, aaron rodgers news, Aubrey marcus pod, aubrey marcus podcast aaron rodgers, aaron rodgers, aaron rodgers retirement, aaron rodgers darkness, rodgers darkness, aaron rodgers packers, darkness retreat dmt, aaron rodgers retirement news, aaron rodgers news update, green bay

Id: k9rJ4jPyhTY

Length: 96min 16sec (5776 seconds)

Published: Wed Mar 01 2023