WINFREY: It is a wife's worst nightmare. Talk about the ultimate in betrayal. This is David and his wife, Chandra. They've been married nine years and what they're here to talk about affects millions of couples, but few would ever discuss it openly, let alone on national television. Ms. CHANDRA POPE: Our wedding day was beautiful. It was the winter wedding that I always wanted. I had a perfect dress and our families were there and all our friends. WINFREY: Chandra and David had three children and surrounded themselves with great friends. Over the years, one friend in particular became a big part of Chandra's life. Ms. POPE: Kind of, I felt like her big sister. We went camping with her and her husband, and we would have girls' movie nights and just hang out. I trusted her. WINFREY: Five years later, Chandra's best friend moved away. Ms. POPE: When she moved away, I was heartbroken. It was just like part of me had moved away, too. WINFREY: But they didn't let the distance keep them apart. Ms. POPE: I was very excited about her and the baby coming to visit. WINFREY: Despite all the excitement, Chandra noticed that her friend was acting a little strange. Ms. POPE: She almost seemed mad at me, like I was kind of in her way and I was irritating to her. She would be downstairs on the computer a lot or with my husband. They would go off to the store together. And I thought, well, that's fine, you know, they're friends, and I totally trusted it. But still in the back of my mind, I thought, OK, something's not right. I just had a feeling, you know, a gut feeling. WINFREY: Then came the bombshell. Ms. POPE: I just had a sick feeling in my stomach and I thought, `I need to find out what's going on.' And I went and found her diary and read it. WINFREY: And what did it say in your best friend's diary? Ms. POPE: It basically just talked about when her and him would talk online, and it would talk about her feelings for him. And it never, ever used his name, it would just say "he." `He and I met at this time online,' or, `We'll talk tonight at this time.' WINFREY: And did you think the "he" was him? Ms. POPE: At first, I was praying it wasn't. But we live in two different time zones, so she would use terms like, `We'll meet on the computer 7 PM his time.' Meaning our time zone. And that kind of was just like, OK, it's him. WINFREY: Yeah. Him. And did you confront him? Ms. POPE: When I was reading the diary, they were both out together grocery shopping. And I was just sick. And so I called one of my girlfriends to come down to my house and be with me. And it was when him and her drove in the driveway, I ran out the front door and I said, `You both get in here right now. I know what's going on.' WINFREY: Mm-hmm. Were you having an affair with her best friend? Mr. POPE: Yes, I was having an affair with her. WINFREY: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. And did he answer you then? Did he say he was? Ms. POPE: Once they came into the house, they sat on the couch with these blank stares on their faces, and I knew right then, you know, that it was true. But they both never said much, and I was just yelling at both of them. And basically, they both just said, `It wasn't physical. It wasn't physical.' And, you know, `We were trying to work it out. We were trying to see how we could end it.' And I lost it. So I just--I had to leave. WINFREY: You left the house? Ms. POPE: I left the house... WINFREY: Mm-hmm. Ms. POPE: ...with my best friend and--not her, but my other best friend that had come down. We left, went and got my son from school and just took a drive... WINFREY: Mm-hmm. Ms. POPE: ...just till I could remain--like, stay composed, because I thought, you know. WINFREY: Was the friend that he was having an affair with, when she-she'd been away for four months, brought her baby back--was she staying at your house? Ms. POPE: Yes. WINFREY: She was staying at your house. So then what happened to her? Ms. POPE: She spoke to her husband on the phone... WINFREY: Mm-hmm. Ms. POPE: ...and he had asked David to take her out of our house and put her in a hotel. WINFREY: Yeah. Ms. POPE: In my mind... WINFREY: Did she tell her husband that she--what was going on? That she was having an affair with your husband? Ms. POPE: Yes. But I believe she told him it wasn't physical as well at that moment on the phone. WINFREY: Was it physical? Mr. POPE: Yes, it was. WINFREY: It was physical. Mr. POPE: It was physical, yeah. WINFREY: How did it start? Mr. POPE: It started online on the computer. WINFREY: With what? Just... Mr. POPE: With chat, a chatroom. WINFREY: Were you all friends? Mr. POPE: Yes. Mr. POPE Yes. WINFREY: You all had been all friends. POPE: The four of us. Mr. POPE: Yeah. WINFREY: OK. So it started out as a chat. So what were you talking about? Mr. POPE: Mostly about our lives, confiding in each other. WINFREY: Uh-huh. Mr. POPE: I mean, everyone who has this in their life says the same thing, `I confided in her instead of my wife.' WINFREY: Yeah. Mr. POPE: You know, it's a fantasy, you know? But we started talking about `How are you over there in your new city?' `Oh, I don't like it. I don't know anybody.' WINFREY: Yeah. Mr. POPE: You know, `My husband's busy at school; he doesn't pay a lot of attention to me.' WINFREY: When did you start to feel like it was inappropriate? How soon in your... Mr. POPE: It happened very quickly. WINFREY: Yeah. You realized it was inappropriate? Mr. POPE: Yeah. It happened very quickly because we knew each other, and we spent a lot of time together. It wasn't like I was meeting somebody off the road--off the street, you know? WINFREY: Yeah. Mr. POPE: Because they were our best friends and I knew what she was like. WINFREY: OK. Have you thought about it and why you did it and... Mr. POPE: Yeah. Yeah. Prior to coming on the show, we went to--we're going to counseling together. WINFREY: Mm-hmm. Mr. POPE: And I had not really ever understood why I did it until I had a session with my counselor about three days ago, four days ago... WINFREY: Uh-huh. Mr. POPE: ...and we determined--and I--I'm--freedom-- I felt I was in a box in my marriage. WINFREY: OK. So here are some things that you said on tape to one of the producers, why you think you strayed. Mr. POPE: I felt like I wasn't heard in our marriage a lot of the time. My wife felt like she needed to get control of me because I was uncontrollable. And she was right to a degree. I just felt like I was always, you know, compressed when I wanted to expand. This other person made me feel like what I felt in my mind and the feelings I had were legitimate. WINFREY: So she made you feel good? Mr. POPE: Yes. WINFREY: Yeah. She told you things you wanted to hear about yourself. Mr. POPE: Mm-hmm. WINFREY: And she helped your self-esteem and made you feel better about yourself? Mr. POPE: Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah. WINFREY: Essentially, that's it. Mr. POPE: Yeah. WINFREY: And your wife wasn't able to do that? Mr. POPE: Well, I got to be honest with myself here, I'm a very selfish person. I come from a family where I--my mom and dad are the best mom and dad that I could have--anybody could ever have, but I always got everything I wanted no matter what. WINFREY: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mr. POPE: Anywhere I went. In schools, everything, I always had--felt like I had control of situations, right? WINFREY: Mm-hmm. Mr. POPE: And so when asked why I wanted to come on this show and talk about this, you know, I said I want to control myself. I do want to be controlled. Because, you know, I want to expand doesn't mean I shouldn't control myself. There should be some discipline in my life. WINFREY: Yeah. Mr. POPE: And I didn't have a lot of discipline in my life. WINFREY: But this isn't even about discipline. It's about where you stand morally, where you stand ethically, where you stand--see, I--you know, I really appreciate your candor and--you know, because it's so difficult to get men to even talk about or even think about. So I give you credit for that... Ms. POPE: Yeah. Mr. POPE: Yeah. WINFREY: ...to think about why you did it. Did it ever occur to you in doing it how painful and hurtful it would be to your family and to your wife? Mr. POPE: Absolutely not. WINFREY: Never did? Mr. POPE: Absolutely not. WINFREY: And so--this always amazes me, because I've talked to men who've done this before. But not even a thought? Mr. POPE: I mean, a few times. I--before this happened, I mean, this has been a real moral bomb in my life. WINFREY: Mm-hmm. Mr. POPE: Hindsight's 20/20. WINFREY: Yeah. Mr. POPE: I'm a church-going, Bible-believing person, you know? WINFREY: So where does this fit in which Bible? Mr. POPE: It doesn't fit. Ms. POPE: Yeah. WINFREY: OK. Yeah. Mr. POPE: That's the problem. WINFREY: Yeah. Mr. POPE: It doesn't fit at all. WINFREY: OK. Mr. POPE: It morally hurts me. I said to my wife last night, it feels like cancer. WINFREY: Feels like cancer to you. Mr. POPE: Feels like cancer. WINFREY: OK. Tell me, where did you all have sex? Mr. POPE: In our house. WINFREY: Mm-hmm. Mr. POPE: My wife was there. WINFREY: While your wife was there? Mr. POPE: Upstairs. Yeah. WINFREY: While she was there? You are selfish and bold. Mr. POPE: Yeah. WINFREY: Yeah. Selfish and bold. Had you all been having sex with each other while--during this stay, the visit that she'd come back? Mr. POPE: The third day in was the first time we became intimate that way. WINFREY: Yeah. Mr. POPE: And then the fourth day and the fifth day. It ended on the fifth day. WINFREY: Uh-huh. Mr. POPE: Yeah. So it was three times that it happened. WINFREY: That you were having sex in the house with your wife... Mr. POPE: No, no, the one time. Sorry. The one time in the house with my wife there. The other time was in a vehicle. WINFREY: Mm-hmm. Mr. POPE: And the other time was when she was leaving. WINFREY: When she was leaving? Mr. POPE: Yeah. WINFREY: After you've been found out? Mr. POPE: Oh, yeah. Yeah. WINFREY: OK. Appreciate your honesty there. In working with a counselor, you concluded-- you were saying that it's about your freedom? Mr. POPE: Freedom is a bad term. WINFREY: Yeah, I think so. Mr. POPE: I don't know--yeah. WINFREY: Especially for somebody who's married. Mr. POPE: Yeah. WINFREY: Mm-hmm. Mr. POPE: That's what I'm talking about. WINFREY: Yeah. Mr. POPE: Yeah. It's about pride for me. I got a pride issue that I got to deal with, and that's why I believe I got to come on here. WINFREY: Mm-hmm. Mr. POPE: Because in front of however many people that are going to watch. WINFREY: Mm-hmm. Mr. POPE: I'll be accountable to some degree, you know? WINFREY: Mm-hmm. Mr. POPE: And not many people get this opportunity, so I want to... WINFREY: So this, for you, is about accountability. Mr. POPE: Uh-huh. WINFREY: Here's what David had to say about his regrets. Take a look. Mr. POPE: There were times where we said online to each other that we cannot do this. We cannot pursue this, you know? There's too much at stake. Our relationship with God is going to be in rough shape if we do this. And we love each other like, as families. My wife loved them. I loved them, both of them. Not on, you know, on any weird level, but, just, you know, on a relationship level and vice versa, you know? He was my best friend, and today I still get teared up because I miss him. You know? It's the worst thing I ever did. And I say to my wife, I wish we could just wash it all away and hang out with them again, you know? Because it wasn't worth it. WINFREY: So her husband was your best friend? Mr. POPE: Mm-hmm. WINFREY: Yeah. And so, have you talked to your best friend? Well, first, let me just say this, I have a best friend, Gayle King is my best friend, everybody knows that, and this would be impossible to happen. So when people say, `Oh, my best friend. This is my best friend, best friend,' you then need to reassess what that person was, because this cannot happen with a best friend. Cannot. Cannot happen.
