A Hardly Helpful Hades Review

greetings traveler few Tales are told of Hades whose very name inspires fear and penitence reminding us of the inevitable fate which we all share I however mean to tell you such a tale listen carefully this video will probably contain some flashing lights every hay has its Deeds [Music] greetings again resident misshapen chair and primarily 100 orange juice video maker here really stepping out of my comfort zone for this one my friends call me chair which you most likely do not have permission to do I know exactly what you're thinking oh yay another roguelike indie game what separates Hades from the rest of the Endless Deluge of roguelike deck building visual novel MMO Souls like solitary confinement simulators that's easy being an absolutely god-like piece of media because it has a fishing minigame chair isn't this game old in maldino as a 177 year old man I take offense to that it is but there are still people left on the planet who've never played it which is a crime it is depressing to think that there are still sad sacks who are yet to play a good video game in Hades you play as Hades son zagreus the zagman is the peak Lambda male who talks mad [ __ ] and gets hit but in an endearing way so much so so that his Charisma allows him to date every single person in his vicinity nobody of any gender identity is safe from the zagonator I a heterosexual male will put him on my list of people who I am gay for fun faked fact did you know that asexual has an asterisk next to it with an explicit exception for zagreus trust me I have an ace friend and she would agree with me I know some people will assert that I cannot claim to be straight if I have at least one person who I am gay for to which I say I tell you my sexual orientation and you can keep your speculations to yourself that's for me to figure out by reading more volumes of this also proves that everyone in ancient Greece is possibly gay I can't confirm if they said no homo off screen at any point what I know for certain is that I like cat girls especially if they're vanilla you know what almost say there is nothing gayer than liking women Hades follows a simple plot zagreus wants to escape the underworld to meet his biological mother he found out that he had a biological mom by reading a note from her in his father's desk that didn't reveal that information whatsoever until the narrator accidentally said that tidbit out loud despite being originally mad at Hades and nicks for not telling him he was adopted he quickly gets over it as NYX helps him try to escape like a true Yakuza title Hades is a game about teenage angst Rebellion channeling Darkness climbing the Tower of Tartarus and beating the previous Final Fantasy XIV rate tier and beating Xenoblade Chronicles 2 all in one sitting to find zagreus's real mommy not to be confused with his adoptive and possibly even more Mommy Mommy that is night itself whatever you say my queen Hades himself like all non-abusive parents sends hordes of Undead soldiers to prevent zagrius from trying to speak with his biological mother in breaching Court agreements about visitation rights God bless the American legal system Escape attempts are defined by which semi-sentient Titan slain infernal arm you choose such as not a katana a long stick offensive Shield the Archer class Monk and my personal favorite weapon from Greek mythology gun all of which can be further augmented with three unique aspects and one hidden aspect as you deepen your bond with the lore of the game and learn the sweet cheat codes from The Whispers of one of the characters I almost forgot to mention Hades is tough as nails and gives you the option to further remove the milk for all of us lactose intolerant losers but you can also put on little [ __ ] baby mode for accessibility a nice feature for those who want or need it but I already know that a game has to feel like I am being ruthlessly punished for my unaccounted sins that Spike deals of adami mommy to enjoy myself in order to make taking damage a spicier experience the only way to heal is by drinking stagnant water from a crusty Fountain very healthy or finding abandoned Happy Meals and pottery on occasion assuming that you invested in the littering mandate I don't believe there are any chicky nuggies in there so I'm sorry Lucy but I guess you're going to have to stick to infant games like Elden ring yeah thanks chair you know you used to be my hero man I chose Samurai and falcon I just wanted you to be proud of me be using me for a bit in one of your videos and [ __ ] on my ability to play video games now that's a sin I can't forgive so listen I'm going to shove the tree sentinel's dick so far down your throat that your ass can taste the Fret not though by repeated head bashing you can slowly Channel more dark eyeliner to grow stronger gaining more Health more strength the ability to regenerate slightly after opening doors and most importantly the prowess to use the dragon's heritage thus after only a few shoddy attempts you will finally have the strength and knowledge to actually make progress and fight the bosses of the realm the first of which are the furies and I definitely never misread that ever featuring Meg the lady with the whip if you're looking for more punishment I have no idea why I like her so much or why I have this cute plushie that can summon her defeating her will lead you to asphodelo Savage which is the easiest part of the game even though I like standing in magma simply completed by destroying the bone Hydra defeating learning will lead you to Elysium and despite its relative height in the Underworld Elysium is the [ __ ] of the universe containing sentient fecal matter such as these stupid [ __ ] explosive meowing chariots or these stupid [ __ ] big annoying chariots or best of all the shield boys the strongest enemy in the entire game the correct way to beat the shield boys is to find every single ability that goes through armor because I am a coward but more than anything else an exploiter in this aspect it's okay it's all made easier by the fact that you have to kill their wandering Souls after killing them or they'll regenerate and you have to do it all over again only to finally fight Theseus who is the actual hero and main character of Hades and his friend austerius then go through the playground infested [ __ ] with bomb shooting pots and give Cerberus a nice Pat because he's a good boy and finally you escape oh of course don't you understand the cycle of abuse that you are perpetuating by abusing your own son glad that I'm your father and not the Titans the way [Music] this fight is relatively slow but Haiti's attacks give you boiling which makes you take even more damage so it is very easy to melt if you aren't try Harding and keeping track of the additional enemies and explosives on the ground thankfully I have never died in a video game you really thought killing me would make me die [Music] [Applause] [Applause] [Applause] first try didn't even choke now to go to the only thing better than heaven the beach is that zagreus's Mom [Music] well just got to do that a few more times you really thought you had to beat the game only once to get the story what is this a toddler mobile game like Neo all I can say is that each attempt is as Extreme as you want to make it all the characters will remember your previous battles and slowly become closer friends through repeated combat well Theseus will still treat you like a demon no die just kidding of course about combat being the way to form bonds Theseus will always hate you though which is why we like him instead in your attempts at climbing the super aggro Crag you can find bottles of nectar on the ground to get closer to people you wish to court with you hand them bottles of this nectar to participate in the dating Sim half of the game where you can romance only three people I lied to you earlier in the video and it will happen again you can befriend everyone else though with the plethora of likable characters supergiant games could at any point in time release a gachapon dating simulator for this title and immediately become the wealthiest people in human history just like dare taught me except all drugs especially if they are free and from strangers your choices of romantic partners are megura who I've already talked about the cold and distant sundaray of than which is of course short for jonathanatos and dusa who is best girl together you can have a relationship with all three of them at the same time because gods are known for having multiple partners unlike human beings and that is Canon and just like how people who dislike dusa are not real getting further into all relationships with your Olympian residence is necessary if you want to get the true ending so make sure that you stock up on nectar in later runs or just buy some with useless items from the shop once you unlock all the upgrades that required keys but also save up that sweet sweet Ambrosia to really get to Mac's friendship I'll spoil it for you it takes 10 wins to reach the credits where Hades will pretend that he didn't lose while back at home in front of his loyal subjects although with many repeated victories rumors of your Feats will start to spread and you can break through and finally start to make amends with Hades and move forward as a family now couldn't all of this have been solved with some reasonable communication instead of trying to escape hell every single time yes but that would also make it a bad video game besides when was the last time a Greek god made a good decision I'd say this is very faithful to Greek mythology that I totally knew all about before playing Hades but repeated attempts to escape would get boring if it was just the same thing over and over again and that is where you are right you see Hades is a game about picking a God and praying praying that they give you blessings that are good and not the [ __ ] ones ah I can feel it again it's time for another character Cliff Notes Edition Athena is the first person that you meet to bless your Escape attempts a nice lady who lets you reflect projectiles while promoting rationality she gives you the best Dash augment in the game Uncle drinks likes to party and get crunk so much so that the fumes from your attacks by themselves will skip intoxication and cause lasting hangovers with no medication Aphrodite is the god of lust love much definitely lust she will make enemies knees weak and palm sweaty or just outright have them simp for you with her super ability Poseidon will make it so that your abilities have insane knockback which might sound pointless but slamming enemies into lockers does an imperial [ __ ] ton of damage and should not be overlooked Zeus gives you lightning attacks who could have seen that coming which gives them additional AOE chain lightning damage Artemis is the best boom delivery waifu and there is also a cold-hearted bit Hermes just kind of does his own thing but side hustle is one of the strongest Buffs in the entire game and other helpful Boons come from God of War Ares which inflict Doom you can also get a Little Help from your friend in the form of the literal primordial God of chaos who will attempt to help you with crooked deals and last but most importantly you can be extorted by the hands of capitalism by Karen who will trade Peter Piper Pizza tokens in exchange for various Wares curious that I would choose to partake in capitalistic exchanges while being critical of it but I can also get the billionaire trade that lets me gain passive damage equal to five percent of my hoarded wealth the real dragon's Heritage don't forget about further augmenting your playthrough in the middle by enhancing your weapons with Daedalus hammers or by buying upgrades for the contractors who have to keep rebuilding all the rooms that you destroyed with every escape attempt my favorite fake choice to make is the one where you get two gods for the price of pissing off one don't ever challenge Aphrodite with the insane amount of upgrades to permanently gain by playing if the game is getting too easy you can always turn up the heat the best way to gain heat is by making the bosses harder and seeing all the unique phases that they have to offer thankfully since the game that you are playing is Hades it will fully acknowledge what you are doing with the pact of punishment and call you a masochist for wanting to get beat up so badly and thus the difference between you and I traveler you play games to relax after a long day's work I play video games to feel pain where do I get the sign The Pact of punishment in real life extreme Theseus will ride around on a golden Chariot with dual Gatling guns which is much easier to deal with than his normal form because he doesn't have the stupid [ __ ] [ __ ] and yes you can finally fight Hades himself at his Peak with how many caves he burns through right before fighting you at the top he probably has an entire Wardrobe full of them that's uh actually canonical to the plot well that wasn't too bad oh and the game only gets better when having multiple booms together from two different gods causes them to strike up a friendly conversation in the middle of your run and give you a Duo skill that combines their powers together that is all just scratching the surface of the insane level of depth and flavor text that you can get in every single interaction imaginable even with the few hours I have in the game I haven't seen close to everything it has to offer in terms of Polish I didn't even mention the bonus characters that you can find within the Labyrinth and the fact that the acorn is the best equip in the game and that there are multiple quest lines in order to repair broken relationships and bring happiness back to those who have already passed it's okay though all of this was already predetermined by the fates that you would find all of this out for yourself just like how you'll play the fishy minigame and try the extra hot playthrough so that you can get gilded statues of your best friend Skelly all of this Probably sounds like nonsense but Hades remains one of my absolute favorite the roguelike genre and continues my love of everything that supergiant games manages to create a story of friendship and overcoming a cycle of abuse by beating the ever-living [ __ ] out of everything in sight I played a metric [ __ ] ton when this game was initially released and then I suddenly stopped and I honestly couldn't remember why oh yeah it was because I was only playing it and not doing anything else in my life it's an instant classic that I find myself wanting to come back to and do another run the combat is as smooth as a nice gin the music is perfectly supportive the art is gorgeous The Meta jokes are on point and the voice acting is top-notch to Boop like I said it's a god-like piece of media if you have an addictive personality I am not responsible for ruining your life but at least you'll play a good video game before you spend the rest of Eternity in the Underworld although it has no Katana and no cat girls one out of 10 because I couldn't look do so in the eye and give this game a zero now let's get out there and always choose to hang out with uncle drinks [Music] thank you

Channel: Misshapen Chair

Views: 12,375

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Id: op45y4_OycQ

Length: 15min 46sec (946 seconds)

Published: Wed Nov 30 2022