7 Times Violence Wasn't The Answer: Commenter Edition

violence never truly solves anything except in video games when it's olds everything except in the handful of special occasions that call for non-violent lateral thinking recently we reminisced about the times when violence wasn't the answer and you came right back at us with lots of non violent nostalgia of your own recalling the times who used your sneaky ways and pacifist tendencies to resolve a conflict thanks for all your terrific suggestions and now get comfy for these further times that non-violence was the answer and the question was how do I not die you see there's this spotted point it haunts an abandoned residence in the Qura Berta woods impossible my brethren hunted down every last spotted white before I was born then it seems you must revise your knowledge of spotted whites for somehow this will manage to survive your Brethren's onslaught as they used to say at my Swiss finishing school proper dinner etiquette will take you a long way Jane now pick up your Easter Fork no Jane that's a salad fork they're all folks but whether you're trying to impress a minor royal or not be torn limb from limb by a ravening ghoul good manners at the dinner table turn out to be just the thing at least they do in The Witcher 3 expansion blood and wine actually does seem like a white Slayer bit atypical but still cauldron should be somewhere around here yes in one question blood and wine you track a gruesome creature known as a spotted white to its lair where it has been tormenting locals and also apparently hoarding spoon spoon pretty ordinary hold I mean sure we all love spoons like this soup spoon dragon table its baby no White's obsessed real collector then when the gross spoon loving monster returns to its lair you have a choice as noted by commenter Camilo Gonzalez who says having dinner with a spotted white in witcher 3 just sit down and have a civilized meal no fighting at the table ha that's right you can either leap from your heroic hiding face and attack your hosts in their own home which rude or you can sit down like a gentleman and have a nice dinner with them because as a well-mannered witcher who knows a trixie curse when he sees one you know the best way out of this fine dining Fandango is to share a meal with the creature and crucially use the correct cutlery which in this case is no cutlery at all we can't use spoons oh that won't work you've been looking for a spoon it would feed you but there's no such spoon we need to eat without spoons what no spoons I give up why stopping spoon lessly you lift the curse on your dinner companion who is magic back into human form with nary a bloody and impolite sword fight over the dining table I'll take you someplace safe that's me I'm pretty sure I could eat dessert with this why are you even paying for that Swiss finishing school well go on take the bloody bag off his head again terribly sorry for what happened before this is small what I had in mind so fresh start introductions are Jay Galle our guest of honor Oh a very gracious host the little monkey his name I still don't know and I of course in pagan men speaking of dining with the enemy you can sidestep so much violent bloodshed in Far Cry 4 just with a spot of being a good guest it's almost worth eating crab stay right here enjoy the crab rangoon don't move I will be right back have you seen crabs they're like angry read sideways spider aliens hmm I say it's worth eating crab but actually you never do get around to chowing down on the oceans freakiest food stuff as commenter M Mitchell suggests a far cry just be a decent dinner guest that's right if by being a decent dinner guest you mean patiently sit and wait while your host excuses himself to go and suppress a local uprising which we do right at the beginning of the game you get taken captive by the tyrannical pagan min and forced to sit at his table while he gets his villany on if no one ever teach you that it's all intuitive text at the table really guys we're not checking for these anymore but after your kidnapper slips off to oversee a spot of brutal torture you can disregard your instinct to escape his palatial compound and get on with the game and instead stick around in the dining room and although you never actually do sample the delicacies you've been served you're polite patience is good enough for pagan min you sir are a gentleman I sincerely apologize we saw terrorists in the area and yadda-yadda the crab rangoon right it [Music] fabulous I actually don't know I haven't tried it yet because crabs look like angry read sideways spider aliens well come on let's go huh oh it's closed in no time at all you're grateful hosts helicopters you to the game's final objective where you fulfill your mother's last wish without a single drop of blood spilled except from that guy who got stabbed over dinner maybe now we can finally shoot some goddamn guns yes that's it mission complete game over karati is still oppressed but mums happy no shots fired and I didn't have to eat crap hey wait what's going on where is everybody those weird monsters they have come to witness the beginning the rebirth of paradise 2 spoiled by mankind what are you talking about God's come in all shapes and sizes the Hindu god Ganesha has four arms and the head of an elephant the Egyptian goddess tolerant has the head of a hippo the arms and legs of a lion and the tail of a crocodile and the God of the new religion I just found it is Tim Curry spray no further questions in Silent Hill 3 there's a god who's about to be born and this being Silent Hill it's in the shape of a horrifying half skeleton monster woman always with the horrifying women Silent Hill could it not have just been a teddy bear with the face of a kitten this time worse still it appears that for the majority of the game the heroine a teenage girl called Heather is carrying around the weird gross fetus of that God inside her causing her no end of stomach complaints I'm not saying the whole god fetus thing is unlikely but and we definitely ruled out acid indigestion further complicating matters is a cultist called Claudia who is busy trying to accelerate the whole process by winding Heather up because the god fetus apparently is nurtured by hatred despise me don't you get afraid I do I can think of a few tabloid colonists that might be attempting the same thing the game ends with a confrontation in a chapel and your immediate temptation might be to shoot Claudia in her big dumb face that's a bad move though because it's an expression of hatred as common to Harris hoiding identified if you attack Claudia then the evil God inside you is born and you get a game over instead you have to get rid of it with the magic medicine that was conveniently in your locket all along yay horror games always check the locket refuse to attack Claudia and Heather will swallow the cure she's apparently been carrying around in her pendant for the whole game causing her to throw up the fetus right there onto the chapel floor thinking on her feet Claudia then swallows the fetus in order to give birth to it herself I think someone needs to have the talk with the developers of Silent Hill 3 now when a mummy and daddy love each other very much look just ask your parents still to be fair violence definitely does become the answer shortly afterwards with you not only killing the god but then booting it several times in the head but good measure so yes violence was sort of the answer but it was more of a multi-part question one of us one place you're not expecting to find a nonviolent solution is in Dark Souls where the rule is do violence unto others before they do Guilin son to you or at least do violence to others after they've done a violence on you and you've come back and collected all your souls and had another go when you journey into the painted world of Aramis however you encounter crossbreed Priscilla a half-dragon lady with more white fur than a two-story Easter Bunny fantasize shall be the quite did not and as common term MOOC jethro poverty reminds us I was hoping Luke's experience with Priscilla and Dark Souls would make it here oh that's right Luke murdered her didn t what a monster and you can hear all about it in this video right here anyhoo it turns out that Priscilla is one of the few bosses in the whole game you don't have to kill when you meet Priscilla in this Coliseum looking arena obviously you're thinking here we go time to clobber another boss or in our case get clobbered by one but then she tells you if you want to get back to the real world you only need to hurl yourself off the ledge over there if there has to be stepped into this world plunge down from the plank alternatively if you're like our good friend Luke of outside extra you could lash mindlessly out at this non-hostile character forcing poor old Priscilla to defend herself which proves once and for all that the real monster is you then also all the monsters yeah Luke what does si curse thee thou whatever [Music] a doppelganger is supposedly a supernatural exact likeness of a person often considered to be evil and/or harbinger of bad luck there's nothing in the dictionary I'm reading about them also being a fleshie skinless nightmare who mimics your every move but what do books no books this one doesn't even have any pictures Tomb Raider on the other hand posits the existence of a kind of lara croft doppelganger created with ancient science magic who looks kind of like lara croft if she were wearing a lady gaga esque bacon bodysuit now I know what you're thinking this is exactly the kind of shootable problem for which Lara's twin pistols were invented however it's just like commenter Eagle to 1-9 406 says Laura encounters the skinless doppelganger at Annapolis Island it turns out however it is harmless unless Lara attacks it if she does the doppelganger reflects back a huge bolt of energy at Lara it seems all it does is mimic Lara's moves in the opposite direction indeed shooting bacon Lara is a bad and ineffective idea instead you're going to have to muster all your nonviolent puzzling skills into platforming yourself into position to pull levers and manipulate this musculature model into voluntarily leaping into a fiery pit yeah ma'am I was gonna say what smells like frying bacon but then you had to go and scream then ruin it no it's not fun talk about being your own worst enemy Laura please sorry Threepwood as much as I'd love to be out at sea again I could never serve a captain who wasn't a gentleman and who wasn't my equal I'm at least two times your equal then prove it if you can defeat me in a gentleman's duel I'll join your crew as anyone who's seen Hamilton will tell you dueling used to be the way that people dealt with any kind of social folks pass that's their pistols at dawn it also appears to be the only way to convince the elegant pirate Edward Van Helden to join your crew in the curse of Monkey Island as pointed out by commenters Shaboom oh who says Monkey Island 3 where you have to go for a banjo duel instead of a pistol duel and you later take the pistol anyway since your opponent is just so darn good at playing the banjo that's right I'm getting monkey island into another list that you can't complain because it's a commenter suggestion so my hands are clean fan hell kid is not super keen to join your pirate crew because he just doesn't think you have what it takes to be a great pirate which considering that up to this point you've stolen pretty much everything you've come across that isn't nailed down is pretty unfair anyway this is the past and as such social Barb's like this cannot go unanswered which is why what you need to do next is slap Van Helden in the face with a glove and challenge him to a duel now there's a challenge to the field of Honor arriving at the field of Honor you are given your choice of weapon from a fine selection of dueling pistols choosing a firearm however always leads to you losing van Helghan is in his own words the greatest duelist in the world and can shoot your gun out of your hand every time in the world the only solution is to reject the tools of violence and instead embrace the tools of art and creativity or since those aren't available why are these now the contest becomes a lot more even as it turns out that Van Helgen is a match for his close namesake Eddie Van Halen in the banjo stakes and surprisingly so is guy brush all you have to do is follow Edwards playing which is much simpler than trying to shoot him accurately with a 17th century flintlock pistol look I take you back we just go back to shooting each other it turns out we can because no matter how good you are Edward is always better unless you go right back to embracing violence again and shoot his banjo today wha you shot my banjo of all the lowdown tricks I never heard of anything so low you are a pirate after all I'd be proud to join your crew truly once again we have learned that the nonviolent path is the correct one unless it doesn't work in which case you should go straight back to violence mad lessons are hard until Dawn's one of those games were if you don't react quickly extremely bad things can happen like when you accidentally slip off a pipe ten minutes ago and your girlfriend gets her jaw ripped off no all the time you fail to grab your girlfriend if she hangs over the edge of a chasm and receive a stern telling off you know I'm unlucky to be alive no thanks to you geez I tried to grab you good effort Matt I'll do better next time the promise you know it's worse because she's not angry she's just disappointed the point is the game conditions you to react to QTEs quickly and basically without thinking too hard which is fine just as long as the game doesn't switch up the rules on you which is obviously exactly what it does during the part of the game set in an abandoned sanatorium in this section of the game you play a sexy teen number three Mike who I personally think is giving Mike's a bad name by being the annoying one in every horror story who thinks that a jump-scare prank is hilarious yeah intelligent driven persuasive and super basic and no I didn't jump actually you jumped open the door to the sanatorium and a ferocious wolf will leap out at you prompting a QTE react to that QTE and you boot the wolf square in the face if only red riding-hood had thought of that wolf kicking is somehow the wrong course of action though as common to mark Liddell points out until dawn as Mike don't kick the angry wolf who bursts out at you in the chapel and he'll become your friend with the possibility of heroically sacrificing himself you later in the game yes if you resist the urge to hoof the wolf in the snout he becomes your bestest pal accompanying you for the rest of your journey through the sanatorium you'll even leap in front of your grouse cannibal enemy if you're too slow on a QTE look on the bright side though although you messed up a QTE and the wolf died at least you can say you didn't kick an innocent animal in the face unless you messed up that QTE as well oh sorry I didn't see you come in thanks for watching this video about the times that non-violence was the answer your suggestions and excellent one was there thanks for those if you want to watch more from us up here we've got a video about sir jokes we didn't get until much later in video games just went straight over ahead cuz it was a rude joke or a reference we didn't get down here's the video from outside extra which the one I was talking about earlier with Luke where he did the terrible thing in Dark Souls it's about decisions we regretted in games so check that out as well and we'll see you next time

Channel: outsidexbox

Views: 1,014,755

Keywords: funny, funny things, list, 7 things, worst, best, times violence wasn't the answer, non-violence, non-violence in games, boss fights, Tomb Raider, Tomb Raider Anniversary, doppelganger, bacon lara, the witcher 3, blood and wine, spotted wight, spoons, far cry 4, pagan min, secret ending, crossbreed priscilla, dark souls, pacifist, curse of monkey island, monkey island 3, banjo, edward van helgen, silent hill 3, god, foetus, fetus, heather, claudia, until dawn, wolf, spare, kick

Id: qJgQAga6EoU

Length: 19min 13sec (1153 seconds)

Published: Thu Oct 25 2018