7 Sneaky Things Narcissists Say to Get You Back

seven sneaky things narcissists say to get you back by Kim Sayid narcissus rarely ever admit to it but all of your worst fears regarding your relationship are playing out just underneath the radar of your awareness you know that ever-present vague sense of dread you have in the pit of your stomach wondering if they're lying or telling the truth that's your intuition which can cause physical sensations in the body however empathetic and intuitive people sometimes get themselves into trouble by not listening to their intuition which is very common when they find themselves in relationships with narcissists sociopaths and Psychopaths admittedly when it seems the narcissist will go to any lengths to get you back it's easy to mistake their trickery for genuine remorse and a desire to make things work when it's really a calculated appeal to your sentimentality and time to catch you at a weak moment often when you're feeling vulnerable or reflective it is a scheme meant to toy with your emotions in an effort to get you to soften up and reconcile it's called hoovering hoovering is a technique that's employed by manipulative and narcissistic con artists to suck their victims back into a relationship with them by exhibiting improved or desirable behavior it's named after the Hoover vacuum cleaner because the hoovering narcissist not only desires to suck you back into the relationship but will ultimately treat you like dirt verbal trickery used during hoovering we all know to avoid people who appear insane or abusive and not to enter into or maintain intimate relationships with them however narcissus Psychopaths and sociopaths are masters at hiding their personality and behavior abnormalities and their pathological agendas the narcissist in your life employing very specific techniques of psychological manipulation executes ultimate trickery in trying to get you back while keeping hidden secrets that would literally bring you to your knees in this video I map out the most common verbal cons of narcissistic spouse his fiance's and partners of varying degrees of intimacy and the maneuvers they're pulling on you to scam you back into a relationship with them thereby greatly reducing your true chance at freedom and a life without their traumatizing douchebaggery one I've decided to go to counseling after numerous silent treatments disappearing acts and bait-and-switch schemes carried out by your toxic partner you tell them that you can't live this way any longer and give them the much-needed boot they come back later look at you with a straight face and all sincerity and an ounce I've been thinking about what you said I know it's important to you and I want to make this work so I've decided to go to counseling the reality is the illusion that they are trying to make it work and go to counseling is one of the nurses favorite tricks this may be in regards to their anger management issues alcoholism excessive jealousy infidelity or sex or porn addiction and often a combination of all of the above it's nothing more than a way to buy time they have no intention of being honest in the therapist chair and in fact they'll use the opportunity to make you look unhinged using their trip to the doctor's office as a way of learning the lingo to make you look like the unstable one which causes you to further believe that you're the one with problems and feel lucky that the narcissist has agreed to stay with you as a person who loves the narcissist you may deeply want to believe that you're toxic partner is being sincere because you hope that they'll finally go back to being the person they were in the beginning of your relationship they may even secrete a few tears in an attempt to drive home the point but the unfortunate truth is that a large population of narcissists employ this trick and in no time it's back to business as usual and the abuse is much worse you'll be hard-pressed to find a single documented case where a victim of narcissistic abuse has seen a happy ending due to the narcissist humanitarian soul-searching decision to go to counseling in fact it usually ends in the victim needing his or her own therapy because of the tricks and mind games that ensue once they're deceived into the relationship another chance to oh I met then the last time we were broken up I swear I'm not in love with him or her it just so happened that I met them the last time you and I were broken up and now they won't leave me alone I've tried or I was only with them because I felt you weren't totally invested in me the reality is this humdinger is an attempt to have you sweep their infidelity under the rug in hopes that you'll forgive them for just being a person who wants to find love like anyone else it's also the perfect opportunity for them to triangulate Gaslight and make themselves appear sought-after while further wrecking your own self-esteem you may interpret the situation by thinking they're being unfaithful because I'm not desirable enough the new person is probably much more confident than I am and the narcissist likes that or I blew it by breaking up with them and now my chance at true love is slipping through my fingers this scenario is fabricated by the narcissist for the sole purpose of putting you in a situation where you become fearful that you're going to lose them motivating you to do whatever is humanly possible to keep their affections what you don't realize during these episodes is that this pattern will be repeated in numerous ways because narcissus especially those of the somatic and histrionic ilk are always in various stages of relationships with other people further it's entirely possible that you're toxic partner met the new person long before your last breakup 3 can we just be friends they were unfaithful and you found out or they openly admitted to an affair and left saying they were in love with someone else you heard all the reasons why you could never be an ideal partner for them months weeks or even mere days later they come back with a sob story of how they cannot choose they made a mistake and they don't want to live without you in the middle of the discussion he or she turns gives you a pensive look and says I know we can't be together but I care about you a lot and I don't want to lose you completely can we just be friends the reality is let's be friends for the narcissist means let's be friends with benefits don't fall for the let's be friends ploy doing so will land you straight into lala land where you'll spend months if not years tolerating their multiple sex partners disappearing acts and you're making monthly visits to the doctor's office to ensure that you haven't contracted an STD it's easy to believe the narcissist when they come around pretending to have second thoughts about the whole thing when in fact they've realized that someone else would eventually try to win your heart and that sure as hell isn't going to happen if the narcissist has anything to do with it it's also a wonderful facade for their public image considering how admired they must be to be able to maintain friendships with past partners just imagine their chorus line during the smear campaign yeah I just stayed friends with her because I felt sorry for her even though she's telling everyone how abusive I am voila the Good Samaritan in action for I knew you weren't right for me after your heroic efforts at absorbing the narcissists explosive outbursts and smoothing spackle over the gaping holes in your relationship the narcissist ends things by smugly announcing I knew you weren't the right person for me reality this trick seems counterintuitive because on the surface it seems the narcissist is discarding you but in most cases this move is a ploy to keep you in the discouraging cycle of trying to prove your worth and win back their love so you strive to redeem yourself resurrect the relationship and hope for a positive outcome you toe the line you become the poster child for obedience you hold out for the golden days to reappear but what are the narcissist thoughts regarding the resurrection of the relationship the narcissist isn't feeling grateful that the two of you have reunited as far as they're concerned your Herculean mission to win them back is proof of their supremacy and magnetic desirability in the narcissist mind your operation to win them back is because you are clearly dependent on them emotionally and the narcissist will seize on your feelings of vulnerability and fragility to the fullest following a mechanical reconciliation phase they will immediately seek to manipulate and exploit you five I'm sorry for hurting you and I vow to make it up to you this is a favorite ruse used globally by narcissus of all types the general exception being the cerebral narcissist that's because the narcissus partners are typically of the cooperative empathetic tolerant altruistic and forgiving type and the narcissist has no qualms about exploiting these traits to the nth degree when the narcissist shows up with flowers jewelry and tears on bended knee for effect his or her compassionate partner turns into putty forgetting all wrongdoings and imagining a better future which usually includes growing old together and holding hands while walking through the park reality unfortunately the narcissist thinking is entirely different from yours in regard to reconciliation their thoughts are usually centred on how they're going to hook up with the side supply now that you've thrown a monkey wrench into their routine by demanding to be treated with respect 6 I love only you narcissists are notoriously unfaithful therefore they often try to make it appear as if they have no control over the fact that they are a sex addict or bad at being monogamous they're only with other people for fun the only person they really love is you you're the only one that accepts them warts and all and offers them a place to come home to at the end of the day a place to fall and help all their worries go away it's you and them against the world they confess that they're messed up maybe a little bit crazy but it's because you're so connected to them that they love only you don't they always come back to you don't they sleep in your bed reality persuasiveness and charm are the primary traits of narcissists and Psychopaths there's no doubt that you are unique and special but the narcissist doesn't appreciate those things in you what they're working towards is keeping the number of his or her admirers high the more people they have adoring them the better and they're telling their other partners the same thing 7 I've had an epiphany they were driving to work and suddenly it occurred to them the two of you were meant to be together it all became crystal clear in a matter of seconds they don't know how they didn't see it before in fact the two of you should really get married and the sooner the better the reality is no amount of sharing your pain will cause a spontaneous character transplant on your partner's part or induce the divine epiphany where the Angels touch down and instill keen insight into your narcissus brain as to how much pain they've caused you dropping them to their knees in the posture of a repentant sinner it just won't happen the doomed nature of toxic relationships decrees that as much as you might wish differently you'll need to get to a place of acceptance that your relationship with the narcissist will be no exception to the rule moral values do not come into question when narcissists are desperately seeking to hook you back into a relationship they will shamelessly try to pick up right where they left off with no regard to the emotional or psychological harm they caused that triggered the original breakup you will never be in control of your self-esteem or your emotions as long as the narcissist is in your life even a seemingly innocent act or comment on their behalf comes with a high price there is a motive for every single thing they say and do breaking no contact may give you temporary relief but the long-term effects would be harmful if not fatal if you go back to them you cannot gain genuine relief from the very person who hurt you breaking up with a narcissist equals cutting them out of your life completely without giving them a chance to explain themselves because whatever explanation they would give you would only be another manipulation if you enjoyed this video please click subscribe for more you can also find many more resources on healing from narcissistic abuse on kim Syed's website let me reach calm or on facebook let me reach with kim saeed you may also like kim's book how did you know contact like a boss available on Amazon and an audiobook form on audible.com

Channel: undefined

Views: 2,619,492

Rating: 4.8353977 out of 5

Keywords: How Narcissists Trick You, Narcissist Wants Me Back, Narcissist Return Cycle, Hoovering, Inside the Mind of a Narcissist, things narcissists say, things narcissists say to get you back, things narcissists say and do, things narcissists say to keep you around, narcissistic traits, am I with a narcissist, am i dealing with a narcissist, surviving narcissism, narcissistic abuse recovery program, narcissism expert, narcissistic abuse life coach, how to spot a narcissist

Id: 2Xy222pgZ_o

Length: 13min 54sec (834 seconds)

Published: Wed Nov 09 2016