5 Self-Care tips that ACTUALLY work.

have you ever noticed that a lot of the routines we call self-care can look almost indistinguishable from a high functioning eating disorder yeah me too there's nothing inherently wrong with wanting to eat well whatever that means work out I love all those things I'm obsessed with all those things but they're not necessarily the same as self-care and actually I think a lot of the time we myself included can sometimes package those routines in a way that just becomes like another prison another thing we have to upkeep otherwise we're not doing it right otherwise we're failing otherwise we've messed up the routine the goal they're nice things to do but if you're interested in real self-care it has very little to do with drinking a green juice or getting to the spa it's about self-compassion self-compassion is often hard for me and I bet if you're watching this video it's hard for you so life is feeling a little bit heavy right now and you're struggling to be kind to yourself here are five deep and actually meaningful ways that you can give yourself a little bit of care I hope it [Music] helps okay once again I have accidentally dressed like Hannibal Lecter this happens like once a month one of the most important parts of self-care is dropping your All or Nothing mentality yes I'm talking to you what is the thing in your life that you're telling yourself you have to do it perfectly 100% or else it's worth nothing maybe it's I have to be the perfect parent or else I'm not worth anything I have to be the perfect friend or I'm no friend at all that that new project at work I better Ace it or I've completely failed if if you're watching this video there's a pretty high chance that there are a bunch of ways you're clinging to an All or Nothing mentality and it's a really fun way to abuse yourself All or Nothing mentality has a lot of problems with it whatever your goal is say it's a work goal say it's a way that you want to show up for your family and you've told yourself the only acceptable way to pursue the goal is to do it perfectly it makes it impossible to start and it can actually like paralyze you I think a really good example of how the All or Nothing mentality becomes destructive is with exercise actually with your Fitness routine and believe you me Fitness is a huge part of my self-care it genuinely raises my mood it genuinely gives me endorphins cuz that's science and it genuinely makes me feel better however ever there are still the days where it's the last thing I want to do and only in recent years have been have I been able to make exercise like a consistent routine for me and the way I did that was by dropping my All or Nothing mentality sometimes I get to the end of the workday and I know that getting a little exercise will lift my mood it would be a really nice way to take care of myself but but maybe I also really don't want to or maybe I also really don't have time and if I can allow myself to go do a 15-minute walk that is better than nothing thing so you got to be proud of yourself for like getting a little exercise in and in addition proud of yourself for actually listening to what you need that's what real self-care is it's something you should be really proud of the ability to like actually tune in to what your body needs what your mind needs what your heart needs that day that's actual self-care and you should take pride in it you don't have to get an A+ all the time because nobody can maintain that in any area of their life I'm speaking to myself right now because that's something I think I struggle and think about a lot that you know if I make a single mistake with a friend or if there's ever something I wish I'd done differently that it nullifies everything that is good or it means you're a failure it is a really unkind way to treat yourself but most of all it's a battle you'll never win because no human can get a perfect score 100% of the time if you're looking to do some real self-care think about the areas in which you're telling yourself it's all or nothing it's everything or it's not worth it at all that me ality is incredibly unkind to you and it's just not true I have a bunch of Maroon Five song stuck in my head that I'm not sure if that's self-care or not talk about self- abuse every time I film or record the podcast I get so ridiculously thirsty like I immediately as soon as there's a camera or a microphone I like forg for get about liquids which brings me to the sponsor of can I put this camera down hello which brings me to the sponsor of today's video which is Peak um if you are someone who feels dehydrated all the time which I do you're going to enjoy this sponsor okay I don't know about you but I feel like I'm drinking water all day long and I'm also peeing all day long so it's like something about my body is not registering the fact that like I need to retain the water I need to retain the liquid and then I actually saw a different vlogger I watch who I talk about all the time Rachel raty talking about Peak teas um so I tried it and it's been so effective at keeping me hydrated it's like the it's the liquid I'm drinking all the time now so much so that I asked them to sponsor today's video what I'm drinking right now is the peak BT Fountain it's this guy also the packaging the packaging is so pretty basically basically I just wanted some kind of solution to be hydrated throughout the day especially when I'm filming and recording my podcast shout out to the podcast the peak T's contain electrolytes uh minerals like magnesium potassium these are things that are going to help your body actually retain the hydration that you put into it things taught to me by my nutritionist Mom it's true it contributes to keeping your skin hydrated and to your body just being able to absorb water more effectively I got the BT Fountain from Peak as part of their skin Duo there's another another tea it comes with which is the sun goddess matcha these are the two bestsellers from Peak they're bundled together they're two of my favorites the sun goddess matcha is organic ceremonial grade matcha it contains chlorophyll and antioxidants that can help brighten your skin and it can give you a little bit of energy during the day a little bit of boost without like a caffeine Buzz or feeling jittery the tea comes in these little pre-measured pre-measured satchets so it's really easy to know how much you're putting in your drink I take maybe like one to two of these a day two if I'm like filming or recording and it just dissolves into a cup of water I also like it cuz it's not hot it's kind of like having an iced tea or something but with all the minerals and electrolytes Peak also only uses the highest quality ingredients for best results it also has clinically proven ceramides that help protect my Skin Barrier protect the barrier of my skin always please I feel like if I'm not drinking this I'm spending all my time in the bathroom just like a Non-Stop I didn't think I'd be talking about PE that much in this video sorry PE a lot of PE chat right now is peak's biggest sale you can shop and get 15% off with my link plus get a free six piece gift set valued at $200 for a limited time I'm going to put the link in the description click the link Peak life.com Caroline Winkler if you want to try the tea I really recommend it I love it iced I love it cold that's my favorite but I know a lot of people who drink it hot too so you know live your life do what you want to do and then you to peek for sponsoring back to the video anyhow the next tip I want to cover is something physical get you out of your head a little bit I'm not talking about something to do to your body but something you can do with your body because for me I'm very anxious but I've also gone through like depressive phases or whatever the phase you're in that you feel like you need a little selfcare that has brought you to watch this video there's a lot of spinning going on in your head you know you're spinning on something negative that's not nice to you and I think a great form of self-care is to just give your body something physical to do it gives you a little bit even 5 or 10% relief from the spinning that you are doing in your head recently don't want to brag but I've been having a lot of panic attacks never really had that before in my life so it's a cool new fun thing a lot of panic attacks and something that has really helped me is to start organizing if I can get like my breathing and my heart rate to at least like a functional place I will start organizing organizing put the words here pagee in my hand am I holding the word organizing okay let's hit it it's not the worst it's not the worst it could be better though and I also think it's just good to do a purge it's good to do a purge sometimes so I'm going to get rid of stuff I don't need to have organizing this gets you physically engaged it gets your body doing something it gives you somewhere to put your attention whether you're anxious or you're depressed like your mind is spinning and it wants to attach to something so let it attach to kind of a neutral activity and added bonus at the end you can take pride in something you've organized win-win win to me the key with this tip is connection when one of the best actions you can take for self-care is to make sure you are getting points of connection to the world ideally that might be people when you're going through a hard time connection points are the thing that makes that hard time survivable however I found that sometimes connection to a person just isn't available sometimes nobody's picking up the phone sometimes it's the middle of the night sometimes nobody can come over you can't meet up to see somebody there was like a hair stuck to my back that's I don't know what that was sometimes there just isn't connection available at the moment and so in those moments the backup for me is I try to connect to the physical world somehow that can be through going for a walk it can be through meditating or doing a breathing exercise it gets you into something physical but it can also be through organizing to me it really helps me to occupy my body physically it occupies my mind a little bit it doesn't stop the panic attack it doesn't cure the depression but it makes makes it maybe like 5 to 10% lighter and sometimes that is a make or break difference so this is your reminder to reach out make that call send a text tell someone what you're going through they do want to know they do want to hear try to get that connection point and if nobody's available organize your media console I [Music] promise [Music] [Applause] [Music] speaking of making mistakes let's talk about mistakes I was going to paint the living room I was going to paint it a lighter version of these curtains so I did some paint swatches and they're very dark I did a bad job these are wrong this room cannot be this color the point is I messed up I did a bad job so I'm going to paint over these which is a nice opportunity to talk about mistakes I find that when I'm in a period where I'm struggling to take care of myself struggling to do proper self-care there's a lot of Shame there's a lot of guilt there's a lot of self-hatred for me and I realized for myself there's a lot um a mentality of like I only deserve love or Compassion or kindness um if I've been perfect and the fact is that I've never been perfect and I'll never be perfect and I actually will continue to make some mistakes so if you're sitting there as you listen to this whole talk about self-compassion and you're saying yeah yeah yeah Caroline like I understand some people deserve self-compassion but I've actually done something bad I've actually done something wrong I've actually hurt people so I don't I can't give that to me let me say saying also me also most people you know you don't deserve compassion because you've never done anything wrong you just deserve it end of sentence and when you do feel like you have done something wrong I think one of the most important parts of self-care is saying to yourself it's okay to just choose to learn from this it's okay to want to make a change this is so hard for me you can like recognize a mistake maybe a way you failed someone maybe a way you hurt someone hurt yourself you can recognize that honestly and also just choose to learn from it just choose to make a change I did things differently in the past I don't feel good about it and now I'm going to make a change as opposed to I did things in the past in a way I don't like and so I don't deserve anything good or so I can never do something better or so I don't deserve any kindness or generosity like the fact that you've made a mistake doesn't prove anything it doesn't prove the negative narrative you're committed to writing by yourself it doesn't prove that you're bad it just proves that you're human I want you to look at yourself in the mirror and say it's okay to just choose to learn from this and we move forward it's also really important to always remember to paint in clothes that you actually like this is like my favorite new t-shirt so I'm painting in it and every time I paint I'm like surely this time I won't get any paint on my clothes [Music] surely okay I feel like I need to acknowledge that there's a chance I'm PMSing right now there's a chance so is this an emotional video maybe did I cry watching the golden Bachelor yeah yeah I did just the trailer sometimes I'll go through these periods where I don't cry for like 3 months you know I'm like oh my God I don't need to cry ever that's so cool of me and then the next day I'm crying in the gym at the cable machine this is a true story yesterday at the gym I just started thinking sad thoughts actually I was writing notes for this video on my phone and I just started Weeping at the cable machine doing leg Kickbacks weeping I absolutely ruined the workout of the nice gentleman standing next to me I was weeping I tried to put my head down and just cover and just cover my face with my hair so that you couldn't see but then there were Splats of my Tears hitting the mats so are you [Music] impressed that's going to need a second coat so now we're just going to sit and watch this coat dry that's J we're not going to do that we're not going to do that just pretend I did a second [Music] coat I used to have a dresser here next to my fireplace um it was nice for a little entryway dresser but I needed more storage in my bedroom so I moved that to my bedroom and I needed a new dress are here and I just got one from Facebook Marketplace for a really good deal so we're going to style it and I'm going to talk about the fourth tip for a little bit of selfcare okay first I'm going to get the dresser though cuz I'm pretty excited about that oh god wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow are you kidding me are you kidding me are you kidding me okay are you kidding me number one is this dresser a little too big yes it is but am I going to keep it forever I think so so did I get it for $150 yes I freaking did this is an 18th century dresser I'm very excited we're going to style it but first we're going to chat if you're in need of a little self-care and you're struggling to do it I would bet there's a bunch of ways that you're being a little inflexible with yourself a little cruel a little ungenerous with yourself so first let me say you need to be nice to you okay and secondly if it is hard to be nice to yourself if it is hard to have compassion for yourself this is a little trick that my a longtime therapist taught me she also wrote this book called The emotionally exhausted woman I can't not call it this book it talks a lot about like true self-care when you're emotionally exhausted emotionally depleted I'm going to link this book this is an amazing book a trick she taught me a little hack is to visualize a person you feel very tender and protective of somebody that you think deserves the world that you would give anything to anything they do you could give a compassionate lens to it visualize that person for me it really could be any one of my siblings it can be somebody that you just want to protect and keep close what Grace would you allow them what flexibility would you allow them what like understanding and compassion would you allow them and then in those moments where you know maybe you messed something up maybe you made a mistake maybe you have a regret when you're trying to figure out like exact how cruel and harsh you actually are allowed to be to yourself visualize that person you're protective of instead if they made a mistake which people make mistakes how would you look at that mistake for them it's a lot easier to give that to the person you're really protective of than to give it to yourself and I think while you're learning to like give that to yourself that this kind of like cous route can be a way of kind of getting there in the meantime when you're being starved of self-care you're probably run to the ground you're probably like at wit's end you're overworked or you you're in that feeling sometimes I have that feeling where like I can't keep my head above water I feel like I'm drowning or I can't see anything so it can be really hard in that state to see reality to see what is true to see like the truth of your actions the truth of what you deserve as a person I find it can get very very difficult and it helps me a lot to visualize somebody that I would allow any amount of love and goodness and Grace and understanding too because you deserve the same whether or not you're able to see it right now with a friend a child a sibling really anybody you can visualize with a future or a past version of yourself but the point is be nice to you okay I like to think this goes without saying but I know somebody out there needs to hear this real self-care is taking the time and the energy and the space to seek out the professional support that you need that could mean counseling that could mean some alternative type therapy maybe it means medication for you I have no idea what you need this is what I'll say you have to talk to a professional and figure out if that's right for you which I am not one if you've been curious about you know getting professional support I will share my personal experience with you I feel like I've been on all sides of the anti-depressant anti-anxiety like medication medicate not to medicate situation I've been someone who was unmedicated and probably needed it I've been in a period when I was unmedicated and didn't need it I've been in a period where medication made a huge difference I've been in a period where medication certain medications did nothing for me I feel like I've seen all of them so it really depends but when I was pretty depressed when I was younger and unmedicated I tried a bunch of medications and nothing seemed to work nothing seemed to work you're doing that thing where you're like H is this a thing am I feeling different Is this different I can't tell and then tried like a last Stitch medication for depression and it was like somebody turned the lights on it made such a big difference I remember I was in college I remember like crying on the phone to my mom saying I can't believe I almost just went the rest of my life without knowing that this was an option because if you seek out a therapist or if you're trying you know medications both take a lot of patience it's not a quick fix you have to be like internally motivated and committed to finding something that works for you which why I'm not going to name my medication cuz it's a very personal fit I spent many years off of medication again that's going to be a personal fit that you have to talk to your doctor about and currently I'm seeking out medication again and I haven't found something that works for me right now it's kind of a slog it feels deflating it doesn't feel like I'm going to get any answers and I'm going to do it anyway I'm going to do it anyway for the same reason that you should persevere in finding support for yourself whatever that support looks like when you're in a tough space and you're low on self-care and your low on energy and emotion the last thing you have energy for is like seeking out support whether it's support from your friends a professional medication management whatever the thing is that's the time it's hard just to seek it out but if you're really having a hard time and you really are interested in you know having a new experience pursue it anyway commit to it anyway even if it feels like it might not go anywhere I'm going to do it anyway it's not feeling that hopeful for me right now and I'm going to do it anyway so the same that you can sit there and look at me and tell me as I know so many of my subscribers who are so loving and supportive would tell me that it's worth trying to figure out something that helps that it's worth pursuing it say the same to yourself okay I'm not going to end this video crying if you want more support I mentioned the book by my therapist that is really great and I'll be damned if I don't mention my podcast if you enjoyed this video you should check out my podcast because we talk a lot about self-care therapy working through emotions I started with my friend Jess uh because we needed an emotional therapeutic outlet with a friend I've had a lot of subscribers write in and tell me that they like to put the podcast on just when they're like Home Alone they're doing chores if you're ever like feeling lonely and you need just like a connection point the podcast is just like a chatty friendly place where they lift you up I would definitely check out the podcast and most importantly I would commit yourself to finding support whatever that looks like whether it's in your community professional or otherwise maybe just carving out some more time and space in your day the same way I know you would look at me and tell me that I deserve to find that look at yourself and give that to yourself I appreciate you guys so much you get me through the days and I'll see you [Music] soon okay okay see these are all picture nail holes from me just hanging a million things in the wall sometimes I just cover them with paint look at this look at this crap instead of filling them properly sometimes just paint over them it's not correct call the police see if I [Music] care

Channel: Caroline Winkler

Views: 463,061

Keywords: decor, interior design

Id: 2V8BZ2uT7tc

Length: 24min 41sec (1481 seconds)

Published: Sat Nov 25 2023