33 Minutes of Don Rickles

[Applause] be funny good evening mr. president nice to see you sir and your lovely wife Nancy it's a big treat for me to fly all the way from California to be here for this kind of money and I love the black people we need you people I swear because no Jews gonna make up a train I come out I come out and it's my trademark I tend to maybe jump around a little bit what do you really think about it I think you're making a fool yourself I think Neil Armstrong gur Neil okay yeah now you're down Jason I'm gonna get sick God Almighty get some an injection of something I don't need so was a healthy Jewish come out I can see when the show's over in the hospital when we go on Hunt's we run out of animals we chase her I tell you I was frightened to death but it was a great experience you have two kids two fine sons three oh is that the trailer camp that was there and I have to yeah then I have one in the Philippines but hey the war was on I was low linear for a truck why don't I know you want candy like a dummy I stopped my lovely wife was sitting there knowing that when I die she's gonna come into a lot of money Bob Hope as you all know he's in the back standing there with three soldiers an American flag saying find another war I bring love and I bring peace I've been kindness and warmth I love the black people the bellick people of my life my world they do what they're told we're honoring mr. t why I met this man many many years ago in a 7-eleven store and I said give me your money Chinese right Chinese this girl here if you're not get your eyes fixed the Chinese boat sitting there goes who's Chinese host:20 I say with due respect 28 years ago we did Kelly's heroes and I haven't heard from you since Clint I say it nobody else has said it and I say it from my heart it allows the actor spielberg and all these guys at the table in our we know Clint I know you Clint's idea of a good time is sitting on a pickup truck watching his dog bark [Music] mother Eastwood is laughing knowing damn well you never had so much money in your whole life your son played the bass we sat through that [Applause] [Laughter] now probably your daughter will come up here and do the tango but you know Clint and I know that I have so much on you which I won't say tonight because if I spill it out you're gonna be back in rawhide and now you're in your late sixties live up to it it's over but Clint I understand you're engaged now I don't know if that's official but whatever the story is dear good luck [Music] a lot of happiness dear [Applause] but we had great days together Clint let's have lunch god bless you and I love it Sugar Ray is a great champion sugar we'd ask you to talk but you know the blacks your lips locked anyway uh you don't got a nut yet you don't have enough trouble now you got a twitch man sitting there like a Jew whale and he's twitch it people like Bob Hope he's not Irish that Jewish was that Italian he's not black just all-american guy when he was born he came out of his mother with a flag wrapped around them in an Chile and you're a lovely woman in gorgeous I'm happily married but my wife is ill body dances and tingles my wife's body just lays in the bend of brutal but I gotta be nice just everything's in her name I kicked the black man and you know that baby and you were beautiful to tell they tele is a great Greek and you're a great black man and I'm at you and I say this from my heart on behalf of the Greeks and the Jewish people don't move into the neighborhood oh by the way I I would be I would be amiss if I didn't mention that Bob Hope is here tonight it's good to see you Bob he's here because there's no war on know my item still here Melton wonderful guy 65 years in the business huh 65 years in show business you don't want to walk away it's all over Milton forever cat secretary states here and Billy Graham nice to see you sir this hand is bothering me the way for the first time tonight I met your son oh you did yes he's a wonderful kid oh good yeah gave me a some cocaine oh he did my kid Sammy you're a black man I took a guess if you ain't black you fell into a bucket Eminem subtitle holy got it writing I do good comment do good boy Andy Freddie Prinze was your buddy and we need the Puerto Rican people I quote the grades of the grades the words of a great Puerto Rican Manuel her thesis who said to me in New York Norma coffee where did you go did you take her somewhere did you travel I know you love me take her it's not a door got to walk it into my life but I take that someplace yeah here here Barbara here roll over Hey we were working at the Grand Casino and Kasane outside of Memphis outside how far outside what the hell are you from the travel agency I don't remember casino gambling should remember nobody what are you what are you my guardian I don't tell you where I go xisa 40 million jews I got to be the truant officer here Frank was the security guard and by the stage-door and those they seized you went right out into the casino when you came off with the Shepherd did this isn't too fast for you no no you're looking at you're looking at me like I'm a chemistry set and he used to stand by the door every night and I'd come out we go stand back everybody stand back mr. riggins is coming throw it stand back stand back there was nobody there my wife said to me last night as we laid in bed she said as little thing young and I said baby young is not the point it's what's in your heart right Lucy Lucy put in a home look at the husband yeah I'm delighted that you have a show because you're fresh you're funny you're great and I want you to know something from my heart I never liked you Howard Cosell I will mention your name only because you have asked for Frank Sinatra would be here tonight but there was too much excitement so he called it off I'm sure she's very active in her social life things like that you don't mean an extra battery I know you're very very date constantly why do we laugh that's right look who became the priest no you're Catholic and I'm a Jew and Sammy you're black I'm sorry [Music] Thank You Don let's have lunch oh gee by all means come on up and see me give me a break lady so welcome to New York did you have yeah are you having fun here oh yeah yeah I got in a car and he was hijacked yeah of course you were cause I went out last night no I worked the lobby I was in the hotel folding newspapers tomorrow remember the words of a great Negro I say that honestly all peoples are alike we are all working you live in my neighborhood I live in yours right Sam right are you crazy [Music] [Applause] Marty I would address somebody get a phone book so you can see me [Applause] Marty when we see all the film's you did none of them were great Darren McGavin you're the night stalkers my favorite show in fact I use that when your show is the night bite when I flew with the wife it's kind of hard being snoop d-o-double-g but somehow some weight keep coming up with funky a [ __ ] like every single day you know I'm deaf I like you very much talent I like you all and I thought I would like you please sit down because we could be married in an hour [Applause] I'd like you to know this is Nell Carter I did I did too had the pleasure of being a guest star on her show give me a break I brought her a lovely gift and she said I'm not talking you man I'm not talking about she's a lovely lovely star you asked keeps calling me on the phone says why is that like I get the bigger lines but when you go to bed tonight try to listen for a clock your Park George is getting smaller and smaller tell him what you told me how you fed up with the black said you don't want him in your neighborhood [Applause] but we need the blacks without them to be no Olympics she said to me Wesson do you know Frank Sinatra and I figured you know to get lucky you know I said hey we're very close very close so she said could I meet him I said don't worry sweetheart I mean you've got and I got up enough security guys with her I said can I speak to Frank and regarding what not they didn't talk like that they had guns now Milton I say this for my heart show business and your life by self BD with your new book love the you know thyself Miller he's old he understands we went old many years ago my wife and I Trump plans just went up and we said we're gonna see the apartments this is your wife Barbara I'm talking about no it's a [Applause] go on the Brooklyn like it's exciting build the bridge on your ass at the Homer Jack Benny is over on the end he didn't want to go for the table Frank I love you combatant even in every new body affected interval t2 Gandhi romantic [Applause] I say this way oh shut up I hate when I when our speed butts in do not good not tap dance I look around this room and just the home of the blacks and let me say free god bless you black people I love you I really do here as your laughing gear I'm sure one of you guys is up in my hotel room robbing me people Phyllis Diller you're a dear friend and I must tell you God bless you God has given you the way you look do not be ashamed of it when you were born you probably hit the wall oh I used to get down in the locker room you know right the Dodgers in the old day Tommy would say diamond oh the best one he said go out to the mound and take the picture out on appreciation it is true and I think I put on a uniform I said Chuck the tummy okay fine don't worry just go out there I walk out to the man in the game huh in the middle of the game no in Detroit how did you get this show I don't know Thomas sorry what do you think it was you just put out hope to god you got the job try Quonset amount big Mexican kids out there mm-hmm and I said give me the ball you can take that egg game what are you or you I said the manager I'm taking the ball yeah you can take the ball back Friday loud do it back and I grabbed the ball with that Harry wendelstedt who does God rest his soul was a great umpire he runs out rips off the mask and he says it's Don Rickles can you get me two tickets to the Dean Martin show look at this wonderful day of Frank Gorshin his whole life is Burt Lancaster Joey Bishop who passed away and wasn't told about it John actually paid for Bob Saginaw birthday party well John's lonely what do i I think you had a game big I don't need that but Bob Saget I think he's one thing he's got beautiful daughters I just saw them in New York uh-huh Sacketts great me is different is that different him on the two of them come to my house occasionally well not to my house that that would be pushing it yeah in restaurants and when I first met with right when I first yes they always ask me what do you think it is girl do you think it's okay and I gotta check these girls out you know right now I'm married 51 years to a hooker oh that's a joke she's backstage now go I don't think that's funny in Youngstown Ohio right what's that town you come from Steubenville why that's better dinero was sitting there god bless your Bob he's got the beard on to know him as a treat he's one of the great actors of our time you ask him the blacks the whites the purpose mostly the blacks remember the words of George Foreman who said after the Muhammad Ali fight put that down 300 restaurant Dean Martin Frank Sinatra and me you know I was sitting there I'm frightened we're ready to go on for the present you know so Frank says no drinking guys now you understand it load me yeah you got it pally we're not gonna take anything my regulars you know I'm not gonna take no drinks I'm not gonna have anything then Frank goes out of the Roman Dean opens up his coat and there's a row of buoys right in the car there and that night we made Ronald Reagan know he's alive to the black people remember the words of a great Negro Johnson Jones we said in Biloxi Mississippi on a real dummy Jack take a good look at your face you you need surgery must've ran into a cab on an angle stop the band we stopped the band the band it's a wall what's the occasion what's the occasion tell me the occasion who younger II black forget him I gotta try to do a job now 28 hours of entertainers hi Bob Hawaiian I spoke to the home you're gonna sit up Friday look at the astronauts sitting over here Gene Cernan went to the moon hasn't been straight since some of the greats turned out for you K Medford who had a very busy schedule in downtown Hollywood looking for bad apples and the most Hong Kong and Singapore you know what was that like a lot of Chinese guys walking around saying we're Jewish can we get an ID job and hey folks I'm on a roll in the early days you you tried acting first of the Actors Studio right right here in New York well it wasn't an active suit it was too big for that yeah I was at the American Academy of Dramatic Arts which I graduated from and I'm very proud of that and the audience is too and you became friends sounds like a bob newhart turnout you're a lovely woman Rwanda good luck in your plans to go white Connie Stevens the fan market takes a cab you'll be hot in this business Don you must give us an idea how Las Vegas has changed in 51 years you know in my day it was my day when I first thought it out a lot of sand and a lot of guys that talk like a Frank what are you one of the waiter yeah and these guys went to college anyway and they all sat around smelling their guns [Laughter] [Applause] knowing their gun that's right smelling their gun is it anyway no smelling and the guy was a lot of wise guys and then you know everybody was Vito boom boom Charlie ba ba da no you know yeah but it was great because if you wanted a cup of coffee today if you want coffee or eggs you got to go boom four stamps three vice presidents two secretaries right before you get anything and those days doing hey give the kid whatever he wants and then grab his daughter and twist the wrong my left a couple of those guys will be alive and you see me up here like this there are any of those the guys still ahead are all dead that's good thank God because it could be dangerous if you're talking about no chance that dead dead yeah are you sure if they're not dead I got a problem Wow but it's a great night Bob I'm so happy for you really but do us a favor get off the air soldiers that the Navy they're getting tired every time there's a war you're right there in Iran they're fed up they're fighting you go I want to tell you it with your Golf Club it's over I don't set up I swear [Music] charge of this fence or Bhonsle the shorts has a song to get off you nothing [Applause] it's lovely to see ya over here buddy over here you stared at them for no that was so sweet to stand up I guess the underwear stuck that's so sweet if you're really when you get older you know you get that kind of reception here you want to walk away and say why am i with him yeah Filipinos Oh two and a half years twenty half years looking for your uncle Navy World War two big one big one Cebu tackle Obon than guy engulfed Mindanao ah I was there I'll be with you them in her all trees all jungle now big cities wonderful we went up to Manila and the Gulf is still sitting there going am i dead god bless you great country I'm not going back there now catch the scare my cat Canaris what does that mean that means get off my mind [Applause] this is your safe tonight he's working in a lounge in a Sahara and of course he's hilarious and everybody that was anybody in town that meant anything come to watch him people guys would cut that show so they can get out in time to watch him I mean he was the biggest draw and customers couldn't get in they everybody want to see Rickles and one-eyed he gets a guy at the bar they sanctum come here not see like the stick just the ring Nazi Nazi hey Nazi Nazi I'll show you this nothing stand up and the guy stands that Rickles on a stage the stage is seven feet tall the guy stands up and if he stands up he's not on the stage he's I two eyes I written system you want to spit on the Jew abdon you must give us an idea how Las Vegas has changed in 51 years you know in my day it was my day when I first started out a lot of sand and a lot of guys that talk like a Frank what are you one of the waiter yeah and these guys went to college anyway and they all sat around smelling their guns [Laughter] [Applause] smelling their gun that's right smelling their gun anyway no smelling a lot of wiseguys a man you know that everybody was Vito boom boom Charlie Babbitt ah no you know yeah but it was great because if you wanted a cup of coffee today if you want coffee or eggs you got to go woman four stamps three vice presidents two secretaries right before you get anything and those days doing hey give the kid whatever he wants and then grab his daughter and push the wrong my luck a couple of those guys will be alive and you'll see me up here like this Oh are any of those guys still mad are all dead that's good thank God because it could be dangerous if you're talking about no chance they're dead yeah are you sure if they're not dead I got a problem Wow good seeing you Donna do you like the California life of course my hunting dogs we have a big estate the wife keeps running on the ground saying we're rich were rich it's it's a it's a wonderful life it was better than Miami and two rooms with my mother rest her soul lifting up the curtain and saying do you have a girl in there no it's a great life you got to come out here Larry as soon as you can chip in and get a jacket you know I don't know where I'm looking I'm talking to a blank screen you're over there I don't know where I'm talking to I feel like I'm char a Charles without my organ what do you think of our Studios in Los Angeles I think they're cheap and they should be painted that area well I walked into new offices one big drape and a hundred people sitting in a desk going they're all days Larry do yourself a favor walk away from this you don't need it nobody gets CNN in California a little German guy in the cellar is still trying to read Hitler he's going I think I got Larry King it's a little little cellar darn you're heading am i right are you getting gray yes Larry I'm getting older doing shows like this what how many years do we know each other at least 18 19 started me in the old days in New York Basin Street East right at 4:00 that's right you hung around New York ran to every club in town Buddy Rich is your idol in as well we've made a few rounds yeah you buddy rich in all those days ed you weren't there then you you're in Jersey with your wife saying one more taffy and how's Victoria life it's got a lovely wife eleven eleven years old I found it yesterday in the parking with my Eddie I married a nice conservative Jewish yet lovely girl some wolf or or whatever she don't like to bring up the age but it start to show neck to start that hang a little bit I'll tell you this look at us people in the balcony you could have been sitting at Bob's table but you didn't want to chip in that's it that's it the tune is Caballero it's not a holiday tsunami good evening Don how are you buddy Frank this is one of the most exciting nights I'm in a tux Ed's in a tux George Burns god bless you the senior man and this man did not figure you were big enough to dress up high personally I'm fed up that I'm dressed like this what's the last time I was it was in Brooklyn when carmine gone Bernardo said widows gone now Italians please don't phone in I am a Jew and you're Italians and we're all working for one cause to find out how this girl got to look like that daddy I feel great before you before you jump all over me from the lowly [Applause] I wanna tell you that I'm so happy about the success of your show I really a thanks you're deserving thank good show funny thing that's a funny joke thanks coming from you too Frank I appreciate and I've gotten a lot of shots pretty to coveted CUDA Johnny Carson they've all made shots at me and with fun and with love and I'm delighted because I think we have a great group of kids I love the kids on the show they're wrong I didn't a dick Slattery we've added as a fine captain and the ratings came in this week and it seems America is finding us and we're delighted I'm glad for you I think it's I think it's about time actually got time what else is know Frank well I'll tell you what's moving the following see what Frank if I may say friend cuz you've been singing and dancing and just breaking it up out here with Frank they always make it like gangsters Italians the gangsters Jews have all the money that's a fact they always make it like Italian guys and the right the Irish writer always the politicians Carole George George up [Applause] don't let 81 years I can see my mother now god bless from Florida going don't make fun of the elderly [Applause] boy I'll give you 500 you don't even have to stay with I love him and I known so many years and he's a great man and I never liked and was in the Marine Corps when the planes were attacking Pearl Harbor he was going to the Queen are we back John hurry back hurry back when I asked you that very honest question I want an honest answer shook who is your boy well who is your favorite male singer honest yeah dick Haines [Applause] Dick Haymes I've never I've heard you with the modern ears of the Paramount who was annoyed I watch these spots the Mills Brothers notice how I pick black guys because they make up my bunk that's a joke you black people I must tell you Frank it's all over for you Frank you're you always say to me no easy says with warmth and love he's just made I'm stopped at the age age is how you feeling I can hear my mom my darling wife who's not even in the audience your wife farmers in the audience I spotted her because she's loaded like this the jewelry [Applause] [Music] [Music] [Music] but when a willing victim who is committed love criteria is killed and the greatest [Music] [Music]

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Views: 702,019

Rating: 4.8339152 out of 5

Keywords: best of don rickles, don rickles, comedy, rickles, roasts, 33 minutes of don rickles, savage moments, thug moments, roasting people, bob hope, don rickles roast, don rickles letterman, don rickles conan, don rickles afi, insult comedy, comedian, best of, laugh planet

Id: 0marsAlILyM

Length: 33min 32sec (2012 seconds)

Published: Tue Jun 09 2020