3 Ways to Beat a Narcissist at Their Own Game

hi it's Alma certified life coach and I am back with another video today's video was very important for me to make because I made a video last week um about when the narcissus leaves you for dead to just play dead and what playing dead playing dead entails um and a lot of people have difficulties kind of understanding why it's important to stay calm so I thought it was important for me to do this video to kind of put the things that I'm saying into context right because sometimes the context is important and so today's video that I want to do is three ways to beat a narcissist okay three ways to actually beat them so come and take a walk with me on this journey of healing and let's talk about this together [Music] okay great so I just want to tell you all thank you again for supporting the channel please subscribe if you haven't subscribed already and if you have I thank you so much for your continued support I don't want to talk too much so I'm gonna jump right into today's topic which is three ways to beat a narcissist um I felt it was important to do this video because like I mentioned earlier so many people either in the comment sections or they email me and they always say you know um ah you know I'm so angry and I'm upset and they kind of feel like not outing the narcissist or being calm is actually allowing the narcissist to win when in fact it's quite the opposite right we know that when people hurt us when people embarrass us when people offend us our first reaction usually emotionally is to want revenge right you want that person to hurt in the same ways that you did that is completely normal right however it's just not the best strategy when dealing with a narcissist and so three ways to be the narcissist the first question you really have to answer for yourself is do you want to fight or do you want to win because those are two there are two completely different strategies when you answer that question so the first question is do you want to fight or do you want to win and if you want to fight then this is not the video for you because I don't have advice in that area I chose not to fight okay but I did tell myself that I want to win and so I will share with you what I did now this video really goes for any narcissist in your life this strategy works whether it's a boss because I used it on my boss my ex boss thank God and I also used it in the relationship that I was in so the first way to narcissist to reiterate this again and again is to stay calm okay the first thing that you need to understand when dealing with a narcissist is that they have every move that you're going to make already played out and mapped out and what kind of emotional response they're going to get from you when they inflict a particular thing onto you or when they implement their strategy on you they already know how you're going to react to it right because they're looking for certain emotional responses from you because they're trying to trigger you what you need to understand when dealing with a narcissist is that they have this whole game plan strategized and the only way you are going to be victorious in this is to stay calm stay calm because like I said before I said it in another video I can't remember the title of the video right now but I mentioned that when you lose your cool right and you lose control and you break down and you start getting angry and playing into their game the narcissist wants you to lose control so they can gain control of the situation right because now they controlling you and they're manipulating you emotionally right so when you lose it you lose your cool and you start to flip out and you start to engage with them they've taken control of the situation now you're out of control and they take control right and when you are out of control you are reacting right you're reacting to a situation instead of responding to a situation and when you react to a situation you're coming from an emotional place right when you respond to a situation you're coming from a logical place so you first have to understand that there's a difference between reacting and responding right so you need to stay in control of your emotions you need to stay in control of your faculties so that you can logically think out how you want to write engage in this conversation or engage or not to engage right so that's the first part of the strategy is to stay calm when you're calm you think clearer and you can also map out how or strategize how you want to handle this particular incident right that's the first thing the second thing is do not engage don't engage and I feel like I'm reiterating this again as part of the strategy but this time I'm going to explain why when you engage with the narcissus you are actually participating in the plan that they already mapped out they already knew how you were going to respond to this emotionally they already knew how this was going to trigger you before they did it so when you respond when you engage right then you are playing into the strategy and it is very likely for you to lose your cool when dealing with them don't engage the reason that I say this is because that is part of your strategy when you don't engage you throw them off their game they they don't get it it's almost like with the gray rock right I did a video on grey rock because they do thinks it to really conjure up certain emotions out of you what to get you this to just start to behave in certain ways and when you don't engage they're thinking to themselves wait a minute I've done this at least seven times in the past and every time I do it she does this and then once he does this I do that and then it kind of followed the breadcrumbs and their plan is achieved but when you don't engage it throws them off they they they get uncomfortable they can't control you they realize they can't manipulate and control you and so they don't know where to go next this is where you want them this is right where you want them where you are unpredictable okay where you are unpredictable because you've been B in certain ways for the past eight nine months year year and a half two years five years twenty years you've reacted in the same way every time they trigger you in a certain way well now this time you're not and when you don't they don't know what to do and when you throw them off their game that's right where you want them so that's the second right in three ways to be the narcissist the third and the last way to be the narcissist is to use the law against them there are laws in place against harassment there are laws in place against abuse and so what you do is you use the law against them keep records keep records of conversations keep records of meetings if this is a boss right keep records of emails my former boss never liked anything in writing he never liked a paper trail well I made sure that all of our conversations were recorded not by phone but I'm just saying in an email well asked her our conversation dot dot dot dot and I would list and I would say you have to say to yourself listen when you know that you're in a fight for your life or a fight for your reputation you can't engage with fists right especially if this is a professional arena um but there's a way to engage with the law so you keep emails you keep voice messages write voicemails if especially if they're being very abusive and intimidating in phone conversations or messages that they leave you you keep text messages right and you don't need to let the narcissist know that you're keeping records you just don't because it's for your protection I never say that you need to do these things to try to destroy another person that's not how I live right I'm not gonna keep emails and keep phone conversations on people to try to destroy them later on no but if people our or if a person is actively lying against you threatening you threatening your career threatening your reputation then you need to quietly disengage and keep records and so I'm gonna keep this video nice and short three things stay calm right so first answer the question do I want to fight or do I want to win and when you've decided that you want to win and sometimes winning simply means walking away with your reputation not having anything really tangible or not having anything monetarily right to walk away with but walking away with your dignity walking away with your reputation if you want to win right you decide that and then secondly you don't engage them you actually disengage because this throws them off this is not what they expect of you they want you to lose control so that they can gain control of the situation and then lastly keep the law on your side use the law if necessary because you will need it in the event that this goes south so I want to tell you please do three things for me at this time like if you liked this video subscribe to the channel and please comment below so again thank you for taking this walk with me on this journey of healing and until next time take care

Channel: Progress Through Process

Views: 40,237

Rating: 4.9127908 out of 5

Keywords: 3 Ways to Beat a Narcissist at Their Own Game, NPD, narcissist, narcissism, narcissistic abuse, gaslighting, progress through process, narc abuse, abusive relationships, toxic relationships, toxic relationships knowing when to let go, abuse

Id: 4O5MZFl_MT4

Length: 11min 51sec (711 seconds)

Published: Sat Mar 03 2018