3 Tips to Figure Out if You're Nonbinary | @adesso.laurenzo

everybody it's Lorenzo here I hope you're all doing awesome for those of you who are coming over from the tic-tock platform thank you so so much please make sure that you subscribe to the channel and that you like the video below so today we're going to talking about three tips to help you to figure out whether you're non-binary and then I'm gonna share three signs that helped me to figure out that I was non-binary so this is a common question that I get and the one that I got this week was hey Lorenzo um do you have any tips on figuring out if you're non-binary so we're gonna start with that the first piece of advice that I like to give is make sure that you do research make sure that you try to google labels Google definitions try to figure out where you fit in all this because knowledge is power and you will feel more empowered when you can kind of figure think these things out on your own so non-binary for those of you who think you might be non-binary remember that non-binary is gender identity so it means that you don't really identify as a man or a boy and you don't really identify as a woman or a girl you kind of identify in the middle remember we've talked about the fact that gender identity and gender expression is different from biological sex so we are all born with the biological sex it might be female it might be male it might be intersex we're all on a spectrum in terms of our biological sex as well and then of course we have trans folks so there's a lot happening with biological sex gender is something that's completely different and it is something that society has decided as a thing to group bodies so thinking about what non-binary means is important in that sense I was born biologically female and I identify as non-binary would be my example for you guys my second piece of advice to be to try some things out and by this I mean talk with some really close people that you trust and maybe try out some different pronouns um I use they/them pronouns a lot of non-binary folks do use they/them pronouns but not all of them some n bees still use she/her and some use he/him and some even use some more obscure ones like zis ER so perhaps try some new pronouns and see how they fit and if they don't fit after a while go back to whatever you were before if you want you could also try out different names you know experiment a little bit see what feels right see what works for you I would also consider you know different mmm attire or you know different clothing you could try something like that to you and see if your body feels more comfortable in different styles of quotes the third piece of advice that I want to make sure that you all try out is truly putting yourself in some hypothetical situations or maybe in real life experiences when you feel like you've got this gut reaction that something feels off for you for me that was something like bathrooms you know men's versus women's I feel kind of uncomfortable in both of those if there was a family gender-neutral option that is the bathroom I would choose so things like that um when I was a kid as well we would always be grouped into like groups with girls in groups with boys and I never really felt comfortable in either of those groups so definitely be reflecting on those things as you're considering all of this so the three things for me you could say that helped me to realize that I am non-binary first of all I should say that I actually came out as non-binary about a year or so ago so it's pretty recent however I've always really identified in my gut as androgynous or as non-binary since I was maybe like 9 or 10 or 11 years old and it wasn't until recently that I really started looking into the labels and starting to realize oh like this is really who I am like I should use this label because that's me and it just all clicked for me so the first thing that I would say for me personally I dealt with a lot of gender dysphoria and gender dysphoria for those of you who don't know it's basically where you feel really uncomfortable in your body it makes you feel like weird it makes you feel yeah and you just like aren't great you don't feel good and and so for me when I was about 11 or 12 years old I loved my body I was in drogyn açaí loved it and then when my body started changing and developing into this female body more traditionally I started to feel really really uncomfortable and I still have a lot of gender dysphoria around my body now I was an older person I also had to think about like well maybe I'm trans and I imagined that in my head too and I thought well you know for me personally if I was in a male's body I wouldn't feel comfortable with that either and that was a really important turning point for me to realize okay so if I don't really identify as trans I don't identify as female I I only wish that I had this more androgynous female or sight androgynous non-binary body like I had when I was like 11 you know that would have been perfect uh I've been anyways oh well um so gender dysphoria for me that mental physical kind of struggle there number two was a social issue for me where I felt very out of place I felt like I didn't belong especially when I was a kid and people would say oh boys over here girls over here I would be like uh I'm really feel comfortable either these groups I don't know and that was something that was a huge flag trimming as well thinking like I don't really belong in these groups so that's something to think about I did however really like it when people thought that I was a boy I often got misgendered as a boy and even now as an adult people sometimes say sir to me and I love it like and one of those you know things I had to think through as well as okay Lauren you know do you identify as trans or is it just that you identify a little less as female and so hearing those things feels good to you and that's definitely what it was for me cuz I was definitely more in the middle the third thing for sure is um emotions I'm a very emotional person which a lot of you know and so I think being socialized as female being socialized as you have a lot of emotions you're a girl like girls have emotions I thought for a long time like well I guess I must be a girl because I'm a pretty emotional person which is really horrible in itself because again like society telling you like what you're supposed to be higher socialized as a child boys for example aren't allowed to show their emotions and it's really tough for boys they aren't allowed to feel sensitive either so they've got their own slew of issues for me I was dealing with the fact that I thought that well I must be a female because I have all these emotions and then I said as I changed myself and I grew and I developed as a person I realized we all have emotions all over the spectrum and I don't have to be a girl to have emotions so that wasn't I like last sort of really important thing there are lots of other things you know that we're personal for me as well and um for example you know how I dress I love dressing androgynous ly I love it when people look at me and they can't tell if I'm a boy or a girl or like a man or a woman I love that and that's how I really feel like I do it fyz non-binary in that way my biggest advice for all of you is to listen to your gut try not to be super influenced by everybody else's opinions and judgments on you try really really hard to just be authentic to yourself as much as you're able to the last thing I wanted to talk about really quickly is this thing called the gender unicorn I filled out this gender unicorn and I thought that it was super super helpful and helping me to sort of negotiate my own spectrum and if any of you might find this gender unicorn to be helpful I definitely suggest checking it out so there are five different categories with the gender unicorn the first one is gender identity gender expression sex assigned at Birth physically attracted to and emotionally attracted to the first two categories are gender the third category is your biological sex and the last two categories would be considered like sexual orientation or sexuality so for me I've got these five categories the first one is that I identify as non-binary and you can see where I've put all of the red dots on my lines there the second one for gender expression I have a mostly androgynous expression the third one would be the I am a biologically sexed female the fourth one I am physically attracted to I like girls oh that's my answer for that one the last one is you're emotionally attracted to I identify as demisexual so I am primarily first and foremost I am attracted to someone based on emotional connection so that means I am sexually attracted to people with whom I have a close emotional connection first again mostly girls so that wraps up for today we've got the three big tips for trying to figure out if you're not binary and then I shared some of my own experience with you as well please make sure that you submit any questions that you think might be a common question in my Instagram Deion's and I will definitely make some more YouTube's like this I hope you all have an awesome day peace out [Music]

Channel: adesso.laurenzo

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Id: VxvGAH5Xp5U

Length: 8min 34sec (514 seconds)

Published: Wed Jul 01 2020