- So I have a job. It's a weird job, I get, I get in strange situations in my job. I get exposed to things. I'm often there when the Big Guy's up to something ridiculous. Like, for example, did you know that for every snake on Earth
there is one snake dick. And at first it might think, well, yeah, that makes sense, but, but actually, you know, only
half of snakes have dicks. And that means, that every snake that
has a dick has two dicks. And that's a true fact about our world. That's the kind of
information I run across as I'm doing my job. And that job is to eliminate distraction. And you seem like distractions. (soft music) You know, the tails on
a swallowtail butterfly don't serve any aerodynamic purpose. (players laughing) - I feel very threatened all of a sudden (players laughing) - They're there because birds
need something to grab onto when they're trying to kill a butterfly. And they're designed to capture
the attention of a bird. And that bird will grab onto
that tail and it will break off and the butterfly will be free. That is how I imagine my work sometimes. Something things have to go. I do not think that you are the tail of a swallowtail butterfly. I think you might be the butterfly. - I only, I only caught half of that. (players laughing) Justin looks and says, I'll tell you anything you want to know. (players laughing) - All right, so, eyes can't be itchy. The membranes around the eyes are innervated with itch
receptors and pain neurons, whereas the eyes themselves
only have pain neurons because of course, evolution
is strongly incentivized to prevent you from scratching your cornea with your fingernail. So your eyes are never actually itchy. People say my eyes are
itchy, but they're not. They're not actually itchy, it's just the membranes around your eyes. Did that make you feel better? - What do you do with
'em once you grab 'em? - I say in his ear, I say, hi, I don't know if we've
met before, but I'm the Fix. Did you know that more than
half of the bones in your body are in your hands and feet? - Oh no.
- That's the most threatening thing I've ever heard. - And legitimately, your fun
facts are fucking nightmares. (players laughing) - Imagine if someone said
that to you with like... - As he's holding you. - You see the guy just
goes, "Fucking kill me, man. Fucking just kill me, man,
fucking kill me, dude." - Well, why are you trying to hurt us? - I suck, man, kill me.
(players laughing) I'm bad. - I need you to answer the question. - I don't know, dude. - Remind him of the fact again. - Whenever somebody says, "I'm gonna break every bone in your body", I think, that's ridiculous. It'd be way too much work. But I could break half
the bones in your body. - No, no man, no way.
(bones snapping) He's just snapping his own fingers. (players laughing) - Did you know... - My heart starts beating faster . (players laughing) - The urethra contains taste receptors. - Ew, ugh.
- Taste bud like structures. - Bro, slow down, what? - I'm gonna tell you, eagles, when they grip onto something, they actually have to
flex a muscle to ungrip. So a eagle can hold onto something so hard that even after it
dies, it never let's go. But you are not an eagle, you need to let go of whatever this is. Mr. Bishop, you're looking lovely today. Did you know that most of the pyramids on Earth are in Sudan? - [Player] Huh? - You like my facts, right? - See, he looks at you and says, how does that help us, Fix? - Anyway, I killed the kid. (players laughing) If you don't mind me
saying this, pelicans... (players laughing) have three stomachs, and one
of them's just for bones. You know, it's really
easy to detect an acid, but it's not easy to detect
the presence of oxygen or carbon dioxide. But when carbon dioxide meets water, like it does in our blood,
it creates carbonic acid. And that means that our bodies can detect the presence of carbon dioxide, but not the presence or absence of oxygen. (bell dings) So as we live through our lives, if we are deprived of oxygen, we have no idea that that is happening as long as we are breathing
out carbon dioxide. But if we are not breathing in oxygen, we just go to sleep and we die. But if we allow the CO2
to build up, we panic. We flail, we break, until finally we die. And I look at, I look
at this guy and I say, Did you know that people
can have constipation so bad that it will back up and
impact their vagus nerve? And as they are finally
eliminating that impacted stool, it can have an effect on
the nervous system so great that they forget who they are. It's called constipation related amnesia. A woman in Tokyo forgot who
she was for eight hours. - Shit yourself stupid.
(players laughing) - My job is that is hyper fixation. And so sometimes when the
big guy gets really obsessed with stupid stuff, I'm around. I find out things like
that, isn't that neat? Can you take a deep breath for me? (Brennan squelches) - And he just in front of you and he goes, I think you wanted me to shit? I don't know, you're so frightening. I still took a shit, everyone shit! everyone who works for me shit now!" - Everyone take a deep breath,
I said, take a deep breath. - "We gotta do it now, you gotta do now. He runs over and you
see he hits a big button and everywhere, all over Mentopolis, everyone driving with
the cops, everyone else, you see claxons going all over. There are very few emergency systems that the city has put in place (players laughing) that are basically like air raid sirens. - Where is this going? - (imitating sirens) And you just hear, We are shitting, we are shitting. We are shitting, the big guy is shitting, we are taking a shit. - I do not wanna be on the
sidewalk underneath the lines. - Do you wanna know
facts about your bones? - Okay.
(players laughing) - You catch up with me whenever you want. - I just tell her so much about bones. Bones are actually living. And do you know that the reason we produce blood inside of our bones is because it's one of the places that's safest from UV radiation? Just fun facts. They're not scary. (players laughing) - Um, that's fascinating. Did you know... (players laughing) Did you know that there
are some species of birds that have a secondary
pouch in their esophagus or in their digestive tract
where they actually contain, refered to as a craw, that has
stones or other hard material to help break up food matter before it passes into the
rest of their digestive tract. - There are also some
birds that can produce a kind of nutritious
substance that they'll, instead of regurgitating
the their own food, they will produce a kind of milk. It's almost like lactation,
but it evolved separately. Gives it a case of convergent evolution. Pigeons do it. - See, did you know that pigeons? (players laughing) - Let's go, let's go, let's go, come on. - I feel like I'm watching chess. (players laughing) - You quickly realize you have
all the time in the world. (players laughing) Did you know that woodpeckers
have a tongue bone called a hyoid bone that
wraps around their brain because the pounding into
the tree can, of course, you know, that needs
to protect their brain from the impact of that
powerful feeling of, you know, smashing into
the wood of the tree to, you know, devour their common meal items, which of course are
grubs and larval insects. - I didn't know, I didn't know. - Can I do a snoop check to
see how horny the Fix is? (players laughing) - And I say nervously,
there are some salamanders that feed their babies their own skin. Uh, I gotta go.
(players laughing) Can I flick 'em on the forehead
a couple of times and say, You know, you can't hum while
you're blocking your nose. You know, you can't hum while
you're blocking your nose. Give it a try. (muffled humming) Where are the key holes? - Mr. Fix!
- Roddy! - He gives you a big hug and he says, did you know that the black
mamba has been observed at top speeds of 12 and
a half miles per hour at its fastest slither? And that at that speed it
would almost certainly catch even some of the fastest
humans on the planet. - I did not know that. - Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
- I love new facts. - Even faster people would
probably not have the stamina because the resting or average speed is seven and a half miles per hour, which is faster than the
human average of six. And that's for healthy adults. - You know so much stuff. - I made a drawing of
a reticulated python, which is actually the longest, did you know it's the
longest snake in the world? It's not the biggest, the
biggest is the Anaconda, but the longest is the reticulated python. - You know what the longest
animal in the world is? - No, what is it? - It's the bootlace worm. - Is that a reptile?
- It's a worm. - It's not a reptile, but
it's still a cool fact. - But that's close, that's the cool fact, that's pretty close. (players laughing) - Clearly not interested.
(players laughing) - Honestly, interacting with kids, whenever you interact with kids, there needs to be one
moment where you're like, and here's something too. And the kid just glazes
over and is like, whatever. - I'm sorry, wait, wait. Sorry that's not a reptile. - Lemme make, I actually wanna make sure, I believe the reticulated python is the longest snake in the world. - Boy, if you get this wrong. - I don't have that one in my head. - Get in the comments!
(players laughing) - Yeah, reticulated python,
okay, we're good, we're good. - Did you know that
there are some reptiles that have a light sensing
organ on the top of their head so they can sense shadows that might be coming from
something that's coming for them. It's like a third eye. - As you say that you
watch as that appears on Ronnie's head and he goes, (gasps) there's a shadow downstairs. - Oh my God. - That gave me fucking goosebumps. - Ronnie, you're terrifying.
(players laughing) - And I'd like you to know that there's little creatures in the sea that make little lights, and they're quite pretty little lights. You can ask officers Juan de Veve, he'll tell you he likes them. - (chuckles) And its C'est Magnifique. (players laughing) - And it's a little strange that those little critters
would make those lights, 'cause why would they? They only make 'em when
they get disturbed, and you think that that
would cause attention from little fishes that want to eat 'em. But here's what happens. Those little fishes,
when they suck 'em up, they glow so bright, and now
that little fish is glowing. There's a little target on its back. See, that little fish ain't
the only fish in the sea. - Shit. - Go ahead and make a menacing, make any kind of check you want. Make whatever check you wanna make. (players laughing) Oh my god. I rolled a one, oh no, I got plus two. - You got plus two.
- So that's three. - So he's gonna make his sturdy
check here, you got a three. - How about, Well, I mean look, I don't wanna actually him.
- Okay. - I just, after I said that I punch him. - [Brennan] Oh, you punched him. - Which is the same check for
me, so I still rolled a one. - So, he's gonna roll his sturdy. He rolled a three. Unbelievable.
(players laughing) - Oh my god. - He rolled a three. - Just flick him in the forehead. - And then, yeah, he already
has sustained a heavy injury. So, Fix, you go cock back. He goes, wow, that's really interesting. (blows thudding)
(Brennan groaning) - I've stepped back.
(players laughing) - I heard that you might be
thinking of a name change. Did you know that the North
Pole is actually a south pole? Because when you look at a
compass, it points north. But the North Pole of the
compass is what's pointing north and north poles point to the south poles. So when we go to the North Pole, it's actually the South Pole. I think maybe you also aren't exactly what you've
been calling yourself. - It's not enough for this.
- Everybody get their pens out - Write that down.
- The South Pole. - It's very nice to see you again. Did you know that diners
and the history of diners actually originate from
dining cars on trains? And the very first diners were actually dining cars of trains that
had been taken out of service and were used stationarily as restaurants 'cause they were cheap and affordable. - Fix just looks at her. He can't think of any facts. (players laughing) Like ostriches have a
penis that doesn't have, it's not like a true hole, like it's not like a full flesh
tube with a hole through it. It's got like a channel that you can, that like actually has a split. So it's just like a
fold and it's like this where there's not actually a full close and the semen runs down that. If you're curious.
- Thank you. - I've never had a Chili
Cheese Frito before. That was my first one. I like it. - Would it be like if
human babies ate hair? - It'd be like if human babies ate skin. Hair's really not an easy thing to digest. - That's true.
- Keratin, yeah. Just like chewing on fingernails. - Although, breast milk is
just a variation of blood. Like it's actually, it
is essentially blood, but it doesn't have any
heme in it and other stuff. But it's like the same processes. - That's like the pathway
through which it evolved. 'Cause everything's based on
some preexisting structure. So it's just like you're
just bleeding the good stuff outta your nipples.
- Basically, yeah. Wild. Wild. Having a baby-
- Not these nipples. - Has given me like a, oh, here's some other new weird shit to learn about. - Yeah.
- Yeah. - But, the original evolution, like pre, there's pre nipple lactation, so platypus lactate, but
they don't have nipples and they just sweat it out. Just like comes out of
a patch in their skin, they just sweat milk. And their baby's like. - So do the babies like lick their skin? - [Hank] Lick it up,
yeah, they lick the skin. - Australia is-
- It's not really Australia. - Now, this is Australia's fault. - In Australia that is just beyond the comprehension of mortal man. (players laughing)
- Yeah, it's really weird.
