2018 G3 Conference — Paul Tripp — Session 4

well it was great to be with you in sunny warm Atlanta I'm from Philadelphia it's colder here let's pray together Lord our hope for this moment rests on one thing your promises to us we pray simply that you would do in this time what you have promised and for that we will be deeply grateful in Jesus name Amen well I was at the end of a long busy Tuesday we had four children it was about 11 o'clock in the evening and my dear wife Louella said words to me that I didn't really want to hear she said Paul we don't have anything for lunches for our children tomorrow we had three four children at three different schools I didn't want to get into a cold car and drive to a grocery store at 11 o'clock at night that's exactly what I did I rushed to the store picked up the things that I had to pick up got in my car and as I was at the stoplight at the street at the edge of the parking lot of the grocery store I was overwhelmed with the task of parenting for children it seemed impossible to do all the things we had to do in a given week there are times when we looked at all the things that we were responsible for and it just seemed like it wasn't possible to do it and as I was waiting for the light to go go green I thought about what it'd be like to be single again those simple golden single days now maybe that seems innocent to you but there's a way in which I was bloodlessly murdering my family and that thought of I just want to be by myself and have life simple again so scared me that I pull off to the side of the road tears streaming down my face and just prayed maybe the deep that most deeply theological prayer you can pray God help me God help me God help me now I wish I could say that my story was unique but it's not as I've traveled the world doing practical Christian life material and often talking about the family and parenting I've met hundreds and hundreds of frustrated discouraged overburdened overwhelmed parents some of them are in this room who are in some way lost in the middle of their parenting story and off of these parents say to me Paul what should I do about this or what should I do about that or are there three or four keys to this the three or four keys to that what they think is that what they need is a set of helpful how to's that will simplify this task just just point me in the right direction now they'll think with me what could be more important what could rise in higher significance than to be God's tool on site for the forming of a human soul it's hard to imagine that there to be a calling more significant than that and as I listen to these conversations what hit me was that the gospel the glorious beautiful life-giving life-altering hope giving Gospel of Jesus Christ that we celebrate on Sunday that we say is a reason for getting up in the morning doesn't seem to be the model for their parent team that the kinds of things that parents do the kinds of places they look for help the kinds of places where they seek hope are different then the message that they say is the core message of their existence that parenting somehow isn't shaped formed driven by the gospel my my passion the passion of my ministry is what was said earlier the now wisdom of the gospel of Jesus Christ I am I think that often Christians have a sort of clear understanding of salvation past and and sort of a clearer understanding of salvation future but they don't understand the radical implications the life-changing implications of the now ISM the present benefits of the work of Christ in the here and now that if you understand the gospel in the here and now it literally changes everything that you would ever think about or approach in your life it is really true that the gospel changes everything and if you look at parenting through the lens of the gospel of Jesus Christ there are things that you will understand about your children and things about that you will understand about yourself and there are things that you will understand about your tasks that you could not understand any other way the gospel must be our lens for looking at and understanding everything in our lives including parenting you see what what we actually need is not just a list of how to's what we need is a glorious big picture that gives us direction and hope in the midst of this huge and significant task and I want to just talk this afternoon about one aspect of that gospel calling I want to talk about the identity the gospel identity of parents who our parents what is the position God has called parents to because once you begin to understand that position in God's gospel economy it not only changes the way you think about your tasks but it changes the way that you approach the task of parenting I would like you to turn in your Bibles to second Corinthians chapter 5 or your iPad or your iPhone or whatever weird said off-brand you're carrying now before I look at this passage I'm going to say something about the Bible that you are holding in your hands I don't know if you've noticed this or not but your Bible isn't arranged by topic that frustrates some of you you wish the Bible is arranged by topic so you could put tabs on the end of the page and go to your topic of interest well the Bible isn't arranged by topic because of divine editorial error but because of divine intention the Bible is essentially a grand redemptive story may be a more accurate thing to say is the Bible is a theologically annotated story it's a story with God's essential explanatory and applica Tory notes and so that means to understand parenting you just can't go to the parenting passages because that's not the way the Bible is organized true to the agree that every passage tells me something about God and something about myself and something about life in a fallen world and something about the disaster of sin and something about the operation of grace to that degree every passage tells me something about every aspect of my life and I think the passage we're about to look at is absolutely essential for understanding what parenting in God's economy about what gospel parenting actually looks like let me begin reading with verse 14 of 2nd Corinthians 5 for the love of Christ controls us because we have concluded this that one has died for all therefore all have died and he died for all that those who live might no longer live for themselves but for him who for their sake died and was raised from now on therefore regard no one according to the flesh even though we once regarded Christ according to flesh we regard him thus no longer therefore if anyone is in Christ he's a new creation the old has passed away behold the newest come all this is from God who through Christ reconciled us to himself and gave us the Ministry of reconciliation that is in Christ God was reconciling the world to himself not counting their trespasses against them and entrusting to us the message of reconciliation therefore we are ambassadors for Christ God making his appeal through us we implore you on behalf of Christ be reconciled to God for our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin so that in him we might become the righteousness of God why is parenting so hard why does that child that you were so excited to bring into your family that you would hold with such glee able to draw such impatience and irritation out of you don't look at me like you don't know what I'm talking about why do simple family tests become so deeply conflictual I mean why does getting in the car become a source of war making once we were my brother and I were fighting about getting into the car in my dad said the whole car is going in the same direction as if I was afraid that the seat I would sit in was going to break off and go somewhere else we were on a family road trip and my brother and I were fighting in the backseat and my dad said I want you to pretend this is a concrete block wall between you we fought for the next 200 miles about exactly where the wall was and then about five hundred miles and I told my brother Mark that I had taken a block out of the wall I could reach through and touch him why does the dinner-table have to be a fight just eat your peas I'm not asking you to do anything dangerous why do you fight sleep sleep is a good thing it's the one time that day no one asked anything of you just shut up and go to sleep after all the bathroom trading why do you pee in the sink why do you keep expecting that I'm gonna do your homework for you why is it so difficult the way you answer that question will determine the way you approach your parenting and that's literally where this passage begins it begins with addressing the problem look at verse 15 and he Christ died for all that those who live should no longer what live for themselves this is what sin does to all of us and so it does it to all of our children sin caused our children to shrink the world down to the size of their wants their needs and their feelings sin causes our children to insert themselves in the center of the universe and make life all about them sin caused our children to believe that nothing is more important than they are sin in its fundamental form is selfishness the DNA of sin is selfishness and sin is self and grand I see sin is naturally rebellious sin is antisocial we should not be surprised that we deal with all of those things our home we should be surprised in the moments where we don't it's sad how many Christian parents are defeated and discouraged because they have an unbiblical view of their children they have unrealistic expectations because they do not take the Bible seriously what it says about what sin does to us sin in thrones our children and dethrones the Lord that's what it does and if you pay attention you'll see this in your children we were going on one of those long family road trips which one experience depravity take a long family road trip you experience not on your children's you'll experience yours and in those days my son Ethan had polyps in his nose and so he would wheeze when he breathed it was a bit distracting some were on the trip my daughter who was sitting next to him said daddy Ethan is bothering me I said what is he doing she said he's breathing not resisting the impulse asked the next question I proceeded to ask it what do you want me to do without hesitation she said these words tell him to stop if you would quit respirating that would help be helpful just die dad you can put him in the trunk we can bury him after the trip and I would be way more comfortable now you have to understand that if that is the problem if that is the thing that you're dealing with that self-orientation that's not first a matter of behavior it's first a matter of the desires of the heart it's rooted in the most central form of idolatry listen the Idol of idols is the idol of self it's the idol of self that that ignites all other forms of idolatry if that's what I'm dealing with you know that I need something more than a neat set of rules and a neat set of punishments I'm not gonna control this thing I'm not gonna regulate this thing I'm not gonna manage this thing it's shocking to me how many Christian parents everyday get up and they ask the law to do what only grace can accomplish no wonder they're discouraged no wonder they're frustrated because the tool that they're using does not have the power to do what they're asking it to do shame on us we throw our heads back and raise our hands celebrating the rescue of grace and then we grab ahold of something other than grace when we work with our children now let me be clear here lest you misunderstand me your children need God's law the law does a beautiful job of exposing sin it's one of its main purposes the law is a glorious guide for everyday living but the law has no ability to rescue and transform the heart of your children think of the gospel that we say we believe if all our children needed were rules and regulations if all parenting was about was being a law announcer a prosecutor and a jailer Jesus would not have had to come you see there's a different model in this passage that's the problem the problem is the deep abiding me ISM in the heart of every child the deep abiding me ISM no it's not a word I made it up in the heart of a child so where does that go well the call to parents in this passage the call if you apply this passage to the task of parenting is captured at one brilliant beautiful word Paul's diagnostic is the problem is the selfishness of sin and before I speak about that word I want to give you a couple examples and I want some of the examples this way there are there are two lies that every child coming into the world believes every one you got to get a hold of these lives the first one is the lie of autonomy these are these are right at the center of this me ISM of sin what does Allah lie of autonomy say the law of autonomy the lie of autonomy says I'm an independent human being and I have a right to live my life the way I want to live it the lie of autonomy now the doctrine of creation tells us we are not independent human beings we are created by God for God our lives do not belong to us parents think about this that fight with that youngster over what to eat is not about diet this child has not read the Paleo diet and decided that's the way he or she wants to eat that is about autonomy this child is saying I'm an independent human being you will not tell me what to put in my mouth I do not need you that should terrify you because the the problem is not diet there the problem is not even that breakfast or that lunch or that dinner the problem is that's an expression of something scary in the heart of that child that makes them resistant to your loving provision in your loving Authority that fight over when to go to bed is not because a child has done a sleep study so there's just no concept of what sleep is about and it's it's necessary function and their physiologist I know we need that stuff it's about autonomy you will not tell me when to go to bed I'm an independent human being I have the right to do that those are deep deep things rooted in the heart of this child then make the parenting task conflictual and difficult second lie is a lie of self-sufficiency self-sufficiency says I'm I have everything I need inside of myself to be what I'm supposed to be in to do what I'm supposed to do let me say that again self-sufficiency says I have everything I need inside of myself to be what I'm supposed to be in to do what I'm supposed to do well you know that we were created not for independence but for dependence we are not self-sufficient in fact the pathway of Christian maturity is not from dependence to independence but from independence to dependence joyful worshipful dependence on God self-sufficient is a lie you see that very young you you'll see a little boy maybe he's three or four years old and he's realized that his shoes have laces and a mom or dad ties them and he decides he wants to tie his laces no he now he has no lace illogical understanding in him because he's never had lay cystic experiences himself and so he reaches down and begins fumbling with his laces he could fumble for the next century and never make a bow but you reach down to help him do it he does if you're a parent you know exactly what he does he slaps away your hand because he wants to believe he doesn't need you I don't need your wisdom I don't need your instruction is that the mall recently I watched a mother lecturing her four-year-old son he needed lecturing at this point and he stand like this she's over here start I don't need I don't need your help thank you so what is my what is my function how do I deal with with these things in the life of my child well here's what Paul says to us here's the theology that you understand every horizontal human dysfunction is rooted in vertical brokenness what I said every horizontal human dysfunction all of the horizontal selfish antisocial rebellious things that people do at street level have verticality to them because what's broken is vertical and so Paul says therefore you are my what's the word ambassador's parents if you not to know your position you are placed in the life of your of your children as God's ambassadors now what's the only thing that an ambassador does the only thing that ambassador does that's the single focus of the ambassador is to represent parenting is not about just controlling behavior parenting is not about what I want for my children and what I want to get from my children parenting is not just about getting good grades and getting to a good college and musical ability and athletic prowess and peace on vacations it's not about any of those things parenting is about representing God's work in the most significant area of brokenness and dysfunction in this child's life because if that area isn't fixed the horizontal things will never work the way they're supposed to work you can't come up with seven how to's that will make your child a person of law you can't come up with three strategies to make your child obey I'm gonna say it this way here's what it means to be an ambassador you have to own your utter inability to change your child I'm convinced that gospel halt for parents begins with hopelessness you have to give up on the belief that there's something you can do that will fix things that maybe volume would help if I just say this a little louder maybe a bigger threat you have to give up on that to know that what the gospel teaches us is that God harness the forces of nature and control the events of human history so that his son would come in a certain time and live the life we could not live and die the death we should have died and rise again conquering sin and death because there was no other way for change to take place inside of us and so I'm not the change agent I'm the representative of the change agent it's not what I want in a moment for my children it's not what I think would solve a problem it's not any of those things it's constantly asking the question what right now is the king of kings and Lord of lords revealing in the heart of my child and how can I be part of what he wants to do in this moment that's gospel parenting you can actually win a battle and lose the war because you're not asking that question what is God revealed what is God working on right now and how can I be part of what he's doing let me give you the model think through what I'm going to say I'll repeat it more than once if your eyes ever see parents and your ears ever hear the sin weakness and failure of your children it's never an accident it's never an interruption it's never a hassle it's always grace God loves that child he's put him in a family of faith and he will reveal the need of that child to you so you can be a tool of his rescue and redemption that's parenting let me say that again if your eyes ever see or your ears ever hear the sin weakness and failure of your children it's never an accident it's never an interruption it's never a hassle it's always grace God loves that child he's put him in a family of faith and he will reveal the need of that child to you he does as an act of glorious love glorious grace so you can function as his ambassador in that moment listen when that happens ten times in a day that's not a bad day that's a glorious good day that's God loving your children and manufacturing into sovereignty this is mind-boggling to me incidents that reveal the Uglies that hard because God loves that child he wants that heart revealed so you can bring the truth and the wisdom and the conviction of the gospel to the heart of that little one that's a good thing that's a sign of God's love it's a sign of his presence as a sign of His grace don't get mad don't say those horrible self-righteous things like I can't believe that you would do such a thing of course you can you're a sinner turn with me to Ephesians six children obey your parents in the Lord for this is right honor your father and mother this is the first command with a promise that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land now pay attention this fathers do not provoke your children to anger but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord now that verse 4 is ambassadorial what God is saying is you do not have the right as a parent to exercise authority anyway you want to exercise it every time listen carefully every time you exercise authority in the life of your children it must be a beautiful picture of the authority of God that's what it means to be a representative let me say that again every time you exercise authority in the lives of your children it must be a beautiful picture of the patient tender never irritated always wise gracious authority of the Lord let me ask you how are you doing you see here's here's the majesty of God's plan God makes his invisible authority visible in the lives of children by sending parents of authority to give authority to children who need Authority let me say it again God makes his invisible authority visible by sending parents of authority to give authority to children who need Authority what a beautiful plan see my my children have a natural rebellion to Authority that don't they don't think Authority is a good thing and so if I exercise authority an irritable impatient name-calling abusive or selfish way I actually harden the heart of my children against this thing that they desperately need God's plan is that my children would see Authority as a beautiful thing as a wise thing as a guiding thing as a patient thing as a rescuing thing so as they as they grow God would alter their hearts and they would become children who actually esteem Authority that's being a representative every time I exercise authority it must be a beautiful picture of the authority of God because I am a representative what does it mean to be a representative it's message methods and character of the king his message his methods his character that's my job description in all of those moments where God in love reveals the heart of my children to me well what I want to say to you now is this if you're saying to yourself right now yeah I can do that I got it I can do that you're missing the whole point of what I'm saying what I've described to you is a calling so high and so great that no one in this room is independently capable of pulling it off a couple things I want to say to you is God's doesn't call anyone to be a parent because they're able but because he's able and he will never call you to a task without enabling you you to do it if God puts a red sea in front of you and he means for you to cross it he'll build a bridge he'll send a boat he'll give you the ability to swim over a part the waters so what you need to do is you need to lay hold of your inability give up on your power and cry out for the help that you need listen good parenting doesn't begin with rescue and our children good parenting begins with God rescuing us from us because in every moment of parenting I need to be parented by the wise Heavenly Father or I have no hope now where's that leave us he leaves us asking this question again and again and again what is it that God is seeking to do in the heart and life of my child in this moment what is he revealed about their heart what is he revealing about himself and how can I be part of the work that God is seeking to do in this moment that sets you on a whole different trajectory as a parent it's not about how can I solve this argument is greater than that you may need to do that it's not just about how can I get my kids to be quiet in the car it's not just about how can I get Susie to eat her Peas how can I help Jim's bedroom to look like less than a bomb site it's out in all of those things the Redeemer who has placed these children in a family of faith is doing something that takes grace to do he's revealing the heart of my children to me and he's doing that because he's glorious and loved he loves these children more than I would ever love them he's more patient with him than I would ever be he's more zealous and continuous than I ever be he will not give up he will not relent he will not get disgusted and walk away he will not slam the door and say I'm done he will not and day after day he'll reveal things to me he'll will manufacture in little incidents in everyday life opportunities again and again he won't stop because he loves my children and in each moment he gives me an opportunity to represent him and has that reverence in him he gives the Spirit of God an opportunity to work in the heart of that child how glorious is that just asked me to give up on my own power and give up on my own agenda give up on treating my children as if they belong to me little indentured servants to make my life easier give up on my endless search for three neat steps to whatever and believe that God is in us and for us and with us and he simply asked of us this won't you represent me my message my character my methods and watch what I can do in the heart of your children when you go home from this conference you'll have another one of those moments it'll happen when kids are supposed to get ready for school and between your children there's global nuclear war or one of your children roll say they hate the meal that you lovingly prepared our teenage son will say something disrespectful and it'll be very tempting for you to scream a condemnation to announce a punishment and walk away does that child need Authority yeah he does or the consequence is wrong yes there are but if all you do is scream a punishment scream a condemnation announce a punch my walk away you leave that child utterly unchanged and you have missed the opportunity that God has given you to get at what's going on in the heart of that child because there's something deeply broken Paul names it it's the me ISM of sin that will create massive rebellion and dysfunction in the heart of that child that you can't solve but you don't have to because you haven't been asked by your Lord to be a redeemer you've been asked to be an ambassador you haven't asked to create change that you can't create you have been asked to alter the content of that child's heart you haven't asked simply won't you represent me and so here's what you do I'm going to ask you to do this well challenge you to do this every morning parents when you wake up be great if you do this before you even got out of get out of bed pray these three prayers here's the first one god I'm a parent in desperate need of help today I'm a parent and desperate need of help I can be so impatient I can be so easily irritated I can say and do things that are selfish and unkind I'm a parent in desperate need of help today second prayer O Lord won't you please send your helpers my way today won't you please send your helpers my way that could be a passive scripture that could be him that could be conversation with something Lord won't you please send your helpers my way I need help listen being an ambassador is counterintuitive it's not the way I think about life it's not the way I naturally live oh won't you send me your help third prayer and won't you grant me the humility to receive the help when it comes if your eyes ever see your ears ever hear the sin weakness and failure of your children it's never an accident it's never an interruption it's never an hassle it's always grace God loves that child he's put him in a family of faith and he will reveal the need of that child to you so you can function as his representative of rescue Redemption and transformation may we be his ambassadors in the lives of our children let's pray

Channel: G3 Conference

Views: 12,875

Rating: 4.9183674 out of 5

Keywords: Paul Tripp, G3, G3 Conference, Discipleship

Id: yiJVF1X0yPI

Length: 49min 9sec (2949 seconds)

Published: Thu Mar 01 2018