- Hi, everyone. In today's video, we are going to be sharing what not to say to someone living with schizophrenia. Hi, and welcome back to the Living Well With
Schizophrenia channel. My name is Lauren and I make
videos about what it's like to live with schizoaffective
disorder or schizophrenia. And in today's video, I'm going to be bringing
on my partner, Rob. And he's going to be saying to me things that you should never say to someone who's living with schizophrenia. (laughs) (light music) Yeah, so I live with schizophrenia. - Oh, so like how many
personalities do you have? - Okay, so here's why that's problematic. So people often confuse schizophrenia with dissociative identity disorder or often referred to as
multiple personality disorder. They are not the same thing. Schizophrenia means split mind. It does not mean split personalities. And so schizophrenia is more when someone splits
from reality in some way. It's not multiple personalities. Yeah, so I live with schizophrenia. - Oh, so do they give
you day passes often? - Okay, so unfortunately,
I think this is probably a common misconception that people who are
living with schizophrenia are living in an institution or are living permanently
in a psychiatric facility. And this is not the case. People who are living with schizophrenia can live wonderful, full lives just as anyone else out in the community. So, yeah, I've been struggling with some of my symptoms
a lot more lately. - Yeah, just remember that
it's all in your head. - Okay, this is not a great thing to say to someone who's living
with schizophrenia. Because, yeah, obviously
it's all in your head, but that doesn't make it any less real to the person who's experiencing things. - So what do the voices say? Do they tell you to hurt people? - Okay, so this one's
kind of a two-fold no-no. So first, asking someone
what the voices say is kind of not something
that you should do unless you have a very
close relationship with them and it's already been established that they wanna share that with you. If you just ask someone what
their hallucinations entail, that can be very
triggering and problematic in terms of bringing their
hallucinations into reality and also intruding on their privacy around what they're
experiencing like that. And then going a step further, asking someone if the voices
tell them to hurt people is highly offensive. I think there's this misconception that people who are living
with schizophrenia are violent, or, you know, are out murdering
people or hurting people. And that's just not the case. People who are living with schizophrenia are actually more likely to be
the victims of violent crime than the perpetrators. - So did you get schizophrenia
from smoking too much weed? - Okay, so yes, there is a
correlation that has been found between smoking weed or marijuana and developing psychosis or schizophrenia. However, this is not the case for everyone who developed schizophrenia. I did try smoking weed
twice in my adolescence, but I developed schizophrenia
like years after that. So I don't think that it was
triggered by use of marijuana. And so people can develop schizophrenia without having a drug induced. Now that said, for some people, it is a reality that their
schizophrenia or psychosis was drug induced. But it doesn't mean that that's
just a blanket assumption that can be made about everyone who's living with
psychosis or schizophrenia. - So you must be really creative, right? - Ah. (chuckles) So this is one that people who are living with schizophrenia
get a lot, you know? I think there's a bit of
romanticization going on about people like Van
Gogh or other creatives who lived with a mental
illness such as schizophrenia, where their madness led
to experiencing the world in a different way
which breeds creativity. And maybe, I don't know,
maybe that's the truth for some people. But I think most people who
are living with schizophrenia are kind of just like anyone else. Some are creative. Some are very much not. I am not super creative. I do enjoy dabbling in
endeavors of creativity, but I wouldn't define myself as creative. And so making the assumption that just because I live
with schizophrenia makes me a creative person is not accurate. - Do you think that you'll
ever be able to live a normal life? - So this assumption that because I'm living with schizophrenia I don't lead a normal life or I will never be able
to lead a normal life is highly offensive. I, myself, live with schizophrenia. And I think that, I mean,
you know, what is normal, but I think that I lead a
full and meaningful life. And so to make that assumption
that I can't do that or that I will never do
that is not very nice. I'm having a really hard time
being around people right now. I just feel really, I dunno, uncomfortable being around other people right now. - Why are you acting so crazy? - So, you know, this is
problematic for two reasons. The first one being that it's
kind of gaslighting the person who you're like saying why
are you being so crazy to in terms of making them believe that they are crazy or diluted when they might just be
dealing with a symptom and either trying to communicate it to you or just trying to manage their symptoms. And then also using the
vernacular of calling them crazy is problematic in terms of
being a very stigmatized word to be throwing out someone. - The weather's so schizophrenia today. It's either insanely
cold or it's crazy hot. - Okay, many things wrong with this again. So the first one being using an illness to describe something
that is not the illness. So calling the weather
schizophrenic is not okay. And then also the use of
words such as insane or crazy are highly stigmatizing and just don't land itself well to supporting someone who is
living with a mental illness such as schizophrenia. You're essentially making
the comparison here that people who are
living with schizophrenia are insane or crazy, which are words that are highly insulting. I'm having trouble taking
my medication again. I'm spiraling into thinking
that the medications are poison and that my doctors are
conspiring against me, making me take them and whatnot. - Well, that's the stupidest
thing I've ever heard. - That was hurtful. Saying something that the
other person is experiencing and is very real to them, and that they're struggling with, saying that's the stupidest
thing you've ever heard is not only diminishing the struggle that they're experiencing, but also kind of insulting
the person while you're at it. I'm really struggling right now. - Have you tried taking a bubble bath or maybe getting some
exercise or eating some fruit? - So this is something
that kind of irritates me about current conversations
around mental health and more specifically kind of the toxicity around current understandings
of what self-care means. I think that there's this idea that self-care involves bubble bath or treating yourself to some
chocolate or a glass of wine. It's not really helpful
to put that onto someone who might be struggling quite severely with their mental illness. I think more appropriate
means of self-care are things like taking your medication, staying socially supported and socially connected with other people. I guess exercise and nutrition are good, but they are not be-all end-alls for how someone can be reach
a point of wellness again. And so making suggestions like
this when someone is sharing that they're really struggling
with you is highly dismissive and a little patronizing. - Wow, you don't look schizophrenic. - What do schizophrenia look like (laughs) is my first question to this. And, you know, I think
that this is something that plays out a lot
in the comment section of our YouTube channel, where people are saying
things along the lines of you're too pretty to be schizophrenic, or you look too well-dressed and whatnot to be schizophrenia. And that's ridiculous, you know? I'm a person just like anyone else. I can look any which way and still experience schizophrenia. And there is no specific
look to have a schizophrenia. I think probably the picture
that people have in their head if someone who's living with schizophrenia is someone without a home who is unkempt. And these things can be realities for some people who are
living with schizophrenia, and I don't want to take away from that, that sometimes people who
are living with schizophrenia do fit those stereotypes. And sometimes people who are
living with schizophrenia have a hard time keeping
up with personal hygiene. I definitely struggle
with that at times too. You guys are seeing me in my best moments and that's not what I always look like. However, I do think it is still
important not to stereotype a group of people just
based on the illness that they live with into pigeonholing them
into a certain look. - So you're crazy, yeah? That must mean you're great in the sack. (Lauren laughs) - Okay, that's only funny 'cause it's coming from my partner. Don't say that to anyone, please. I don't know why there's
this narrative within society that crazy chicks are great in bed, or, you know, the crazier... And it's very gendered, you know? It's primarily geared toward women. And not only is that sexist, but that's also ableist
in a weird, twisted way where you were making the assumption that just because someone
struggles with a mental illness means that they are wild in a sexual way and that's highly offensive. Don't do that. - So how many times
have you been arrested? - Making the assumption that someone who's living with schizophrenia
has a criminal record is not okay. Sometimes when someone
is in a psychotic state or a compromised state or whatnot, they can get wrapped up
in trouble with the law, but that's not something that
is a universal experience for people who are living
with mental illness. On this topic though, I would like to make a quick statement that I have been taken by the
police in handcuffs before. I was doing absolutely
nothing wrong or unlawful, but the way that the current
mental health system operates is to kind of treat people who are dealing with mental
health crises as criminals. I don't know why I was handcuffed and put in the back of a
police car for multiple times when I was just at the psychiatrist
office letting him know that I was struggling. And so he called the police
to take me to the hospital and somehow I ended up in handcuffs. But, you know, those
are two separate things, that society views people who are dealing with mental illnesses as
essentially criminals. And that's just so not
okay on so many levels. - Wow, you're so brave. You're a real inspiration. - So this is kind of along the
lines of the way our society is really into like disability porn. So let me explain that
concept a little bit where when we see someone who is functioning in a
different way from us, has some form of disability, we immediately expect
from them to be brave in terms of facing their
illness or difference. And we expect them to be
an inspiration to all of us who maybe aren't experiencing that. And that is problematic, you know? They're people, first and foremost, and they're just managing an
extra illness or challenge. And it doesn't automatically
mean that they're so inspiring for living with this, because it's just, they're living with it. Now, people often say this
to me on our YouTube channel, and I don't want to like be
insulting to those people because there is a bit of a difference. I am coming on to the internet and sharing vulnerably about
experiences that I've had and difficulties that I faced. And so maybe when someone is doing that and is being vulnerable and sharing about the challenges
they faced and overcome, that can be seen as inspirational
or brave or whatnot. But when you just, you
know, blanket statement say that they are an inspiration
just for the simple fact that they are living with an illness is a little bit offensive and
a little bit patronizing too. All right, so thanks so much
for coming along with us on that ride of things
not to say to somebody who's living with schizophrenia. Do not worry. Rob does not say these things
to me regularly or at all. But thank you for acting out
what not to say to someone who's living with schizophrenia. If you wanna see more videos from us, make sure to subscribe. And also if you wanna help support the creation of these videos, make sure to check out the
link to our Patreon page in the description below. Thank you so much again for watching. And as always, wishing you and
your loved ones good health. See you in the next video. Bye. - Bye. - Should we hug it out? - Yeah. (Lauren laughs) - You still love me? - I love you. Don't say those things to me again. (bright music)
