Nathan: Hey boss, did you call for me? Boss: Yeah, can you explain to me what you're doing? Nathan: Well, I thought it'd be nice to give the customer samples so they can taste the product before actually buying it. Boss: Taste the product before actually buying.. Nathan: Is it really that bad? I mean it's not like we're losing hundreds from a few samples. Boss: We sell rat poison! Nathan: I mean the kids like it, so.. Hey guys! I hate working and I'm sure most of you do too, but it's something you gotta do if you want to make money and here's the thing, the worse you are at saving money, the more you have to work, and I suck at saving money Cashier: Alright, so you want ten boxes of cookies, right? Nathan: Yeah. Cashier: Okay, cool! And while we're at it, would you be interested in buying Nathan: Yes. Cashier: What? Nathan: Yes, I'm interested. Cashier: I didn't even tell you what I was selling yet. Nathan: I know. I'll take 100. Cashier: *looks down* You want 100 coffee tables? Nathan: You were selling cookies. Why are you selling coffee tables, too? Cashier: I don't know man? So you still want a hundred? Nathan: No. I'll take 200. Nathan: So, how much for the bike? Bike Seller: 50 dollars. Nathan: 50? I don't know, man. Bike Seller: I mean, I guess I could do 40. Nathan: I'll take it for 60. Bike Seller: What? Nathan: Fine, 70. Bike Seller: Why are you going up? Nathan: 100. Final offer. Bike Seller: I mean, sure! Nathan: Alright, here's 500. Nathan: See, I feel like I'm really bad with money because it's something I don't see as super important. I don't see someone with a lot of money as rich. I see someone with a lot of friends and relationships rich So yeah, when it comes to money, I am dirt poor but when it comes to friends and relationships I am... I'm still dirt poor But, anyways, if you're like me and have no money, and hate working, don't worry, cuz I got a bunch of easy ways to get rich fast Sell some of your stuff Yeah, I don't need this. I don't need this. Yeah, I don't need this. But this is my shirt.. Nathan: I'm not selling this shirt. *silently stares at each other* Rob a bank. Banker: Hi welcome. How can I help you today? Nathan: *hands paper over* Banker: "Give me all your money or else" Nathan: Or else what? Banker: What? Nathan: Please, just take my wallet! Banker: No, I don't want your money Random Guy: Hey, are you trying to rob him right now? Banker: Oh, no, sir. He just gave me this note. Random Guy: What note? Give me all your money or else Nathan: Or else what? Banker: Or else what? Random Guy: What, no, I was just reading the.. Other Random Guy: Hey, are you trying to rob them right now? Nathan: Sue someone. Hey, wassup man! Friend: Hey! *high five* Nathan: Ow! Friend: What happened? Are you okay? Nathan: You hit me! Friend: It was just a high five. Nathan: Oh, I'm so gonna sue you! Friend: What are you talking about? You want me to take you to the hospital or something? Nathan: What do you think? Friend: Alright. Let me go start with my car, then. Alright! Get in! Nathan: *fakes shaking hand in pain* *looks at car* *jumps into it* Friend: What are you doing? Nathan: You just hit me with your car! I'm so gonna sue you! Friend: I wasn't even driving! Nathan: Just get my phone, call the ambulance. Friend: Alright, um.. Nathan: It's in my right pocket. Friend: This is a gun! Nathan: Here, let me see that. *shoots* Friend: What the heck? Nathan: You just shot me! I'm so gonna sue you! Scam people. Hi, I'm calling to let you know that you just want a new car, to redeem it, all we need is your name address and credit card number? *phone gets turned off* Hello? Hello? Man, no one's ever gonna fall for this! *phone rings* Hello? Caller: Hi! I'm just calling to let you know that you won a new car! Nathan: Oh my god! Really? I've never won anything in my life before! My social security number is 3 1 4 1 5 9 2 6 5 my mother's maiden name is Mary and my credit card is here somewhere.. Win the lottery. One Lari ticket for the power bowl please. Cashier: Alright, do you want random numbers or do you want to pick them? Nathan: Ah, I'll pick them. Cashier: All right, what numbers do you want? Nathan: Based on previous lottery ticket numbers, we see that the most common winning numbers 18 However, in this case, it doesn't matter what the most common number is because the winning numbers are always random So, if we use the parabola the Sun multiplied by the Trajecotry of the light rays that come out from it we can see that Newton's law does not apply to the weight of center mast Thus meaning x equals negative B plus or minus the square root of... Cashier: Sir? Nathan: I'll take 69 69 69 69 Become a Youtuber. Yeah, um, that one's not really working right now, so, um... *long pause* Panhandle. Please, I'm trying to save up for a new Lamborghini. Ugh, I've been here for hours and I've gotten nothing! How did you get so much? Ging Ging: So many bumps out here... Invent something. Has this ever happened to you? Man, it's so cold in here! I wish there was a way for me to distinguish between real friends and fake friends so that I don't get used and thrown away like trash. Well, if so, then we've got the thing for you! Now introducing the fake friend detector! Simply hold this device facing towards your friend. And if it beeps that means they're fake Friend: See, I told you I wasn't a fake. Nathan: Yeah, I'm sorry I doubted you man. I'm so glad the thing exists. Detector: *beeps when pointed toward Nathan* Friend: Wait, why is it beeping? Play who wants to be a millionaire. Host: Hi, I'm here today with Nathan Doan Nathan, Are you ready for Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? Nathan: Yes I am. Host: Alright, first question! We're gonna start with an easy one. What is 10 plus 2? Nathan: *laughs* I thought you said this would be an easy one. This is so hard! Host: *laughs* Well, I'm sorry! Nathan: *laughs again* Like, I'm gonna lose the first round! Both: *laughing* Nathan: Can I phone a friend? Gamble. Why are you guys all staring at each other like that? It's kinda scary. *tries to stare and act cool Gambler: Flush Nathan: Why wouldn't you flush? It'd be gross if you did your business and left it there. Everyone: *stares weirdly at Nathan* Nathan: You guys wanna play Monopoly instead? Get close to someone so you can be in there will. Mr. Parker: *coughs* Thank you so much Nathan for taking care of me. Nathan: No problem, Mr. Parker. Anything for your Ferrari, er, I mean you, anything for you. Mr. Parker: Can you help me take a bath? Nathan: Help you take a bu.. I'm sorry, what? Mr. Parker: Help me take a bath, and I'm gonna need to take a dump too. So, wipe my ass for me. Nathan: Hold up. I'm thinking this is worth the Ferrari. Mr. Parker: Ferrari? Nathan: Oh, no, I mean.. Mr. Parker: I don't even have a Ferrari. Nathan: You don't what? Mr. Parker: I only have 2 Lamborghinis and a Porsche. Nathan: You wanna take that dump first or you wanna take a bath first? Borrow money. (and never give it back) Friend: Did you run out of money? Nathan: Yeah... Can I borrow $30,000? Invest in a company. So, what are your guys's ideas? Entrepreneur 1: Well, we're starting a company called Google, we're gonna create, like, a search engine Nathan: That's stupid, next. Entrepreneur 2: Well, we're Apple, and we're gonna make these devices called MacBooks, iPhones, and Nathan: Next. Entreprenuer 3: Bing. Nathan: Is a million dollars good enough for you? And lastly, start a business. *places cookies into oven* Boss: Hurry up, we got cookies to make! Gary, how are the orders coming along? Gary: Um, we've sold 95 boxes of cookies in the past two days. Boss: That's not enough! Worker: Um, sir, I accidentally put the wrong ingredients in that last batch of cookies. Boss: Wrong ingredients? Can we still sell them? Worker: Well, they turned into coffee tables. Boss: How the hell did you manage to make coffee tables out of cookie ingredients? Worker: I don't know. Boss: How many coffee tables did you make? Worker: Um, 200. Boss: 200... Gary, while you're at it, try selling coffee tables too! Gary: Who's gonna want coffee tables with their cookies? Boss: Beats me! You better sell all 200 by tomorrow. You're both fired. Gary: That's impossible!! Nathan: Hopefully you guys will be able to make some money off one of those methods, probably not though. You're, you're probably better off working at McDonald's, honestly. But anyways, thanks for watching guys. I'll see you next week! *outro*
