12 (Stoic) Remedies For Feeling Lonely Or Depressed

I think this idea of the stoic is having no emotions being emotionless having no heart it totally misses it it was actually the act of expressing the gratitude that was a gift to him I try to remind myself constantly that this moment is enough that is the path to happiness and great stoicism doesn't exactly come off as the happiest lightest philosophy and there's a good reason for that life is hard life is difficult life can break our hearts other people can break our hearts and and all of the stoics experience this they experien depression and loneliness and pain and grief and anger and isolation and not being appreciated all the things that we struggle with the stoics struggled with in markus's meditations that's what you're seeing you're seeing the most powerful man in the world struggle with his emotions struggle with feelings of anxiety and frustration and isolation and self-doubt and try to work his way through it and yet amidst this Darkness the stoics understood as Marx RS would say in meditations that are our soul is dyed by the color of our thoughts our life is dyed by the color of our thoughts so if we only focus on the negative if we don't have tools or strategies for dealing with what life throws at us we're not going to end up in a good place so if you're lonely or depressed or tired or frustrated dealing with emotional issues this video is for you I'm Ryan holiday I've written a number of books about stoic philosophy I've spoken about it to everyone from the NBA to the NFL sitting senators and Special Forces leaders and what we're going to talk about in today's episode is stoic strategies for dealing with life's difficult situations and the difficult emotions it brings up and I think you're really going to like it senica said that the Mind must be taken on wandering walks he said otherwise you'll break you'll be too tense I totally agree I try to start my day with a walk and I try to end my day with a walk I don't even consider it exercise although it is that to me it's putting the body in motion it's slowing the Mind down I'm getting outside I'm connected with nature maybe I'm having a conversation with someone else that I care about and even though I'm moving I'm getting closer to a place of Stillness walking to me is a magical cure all so if you're not walking every day you're not as happy or as healthy as you could be so listen to the STS and take a walk there's a famous stoic story cleanthes is walking down the streets in Athens and he hears this man talking to himself criticizing himself berating himself and Clen stops him and he says you know remember you're not talking to a bad person I think one of the things that loneliness does this sort of vicious cycle where because we're away from people we don't feel good about ourselves because we don't feel good about ourselves we isolate from other people this stoic idea of being kind to yourself being a friend to yourself it it not not just lessens the burden of that loneliness but it also makes it more possible for you to put yourself back out there first off I I like I just like the idea of clean's walking up to someone who's clearly lonely who's clearly not having a good time who's clearly very hard on themselves and like a brother like a friend reaching out and just saying something to him I like that but I also like what he actually said the message there I think when we are down in those depths when we're in Dark Places when we have isolated when we do feel disconnected from people we have to remember that we're not bad people and how we talk to ourselves matters and the decision to treat yourself like is not a good decision there's a line by the band The Head and the Heart and something like Until You Learn To Love Yourself that door is locked to someone else which I think is beautifully said like if you don't think you're worthy of friendships or relationships or connection or love how is anyone else going to see that in you so it starts by realizing you're not talking to a bad person you're not a bad person it starts with as senica says being a better friend to yourself I imagine you wanted this thing for a long time you wanted to be successful you wanted to be famous you wanted to do great work to break out and that happens what does it actually feel like to get there was it a delivery on all your hopes and dreams and expectations or was there a little bit of a let down yeah it's interesting cuz this became front Page News a week or two ago cuzz I did I think Bill Mars podcast and I was talking about this idea of suffering and you know the human struggle for happiness finding happiness I mentioned like I spent a great deal of time on the office really unhappy of course it was misquoted and taken out of context and said rain Wilson miserable on the set of the office rain Wilson spent the entire office unhappy you can Google it it's it's it's incredible how the media works headline after headline after headline making it seem like I'm this ungrateful miserable the fact is is that no matter how well things are going for us as human beings we have a tendency towards anxious discontent and my my daa my suffering my anxious discontent on the side of the office was you know I wanted to be a bigger movie star I had a crack at doing a bunch of movies they didn't turn out very good and people didn't really watch them and actually some of them they are pretty damn damn good but people didn't watch them and they didn't work at the box office and okay that's fine but at the time I was just pulling my hair out like ah damn it I want this movie deal and why can't I have this and why can't I have that and how come he's getting offered this and I'm not and you know envy and pettiness and self-seeking again I'm so grateful for that test cuz I look back on it now I'm like you you were on the that was the you had it all you had it all it was the greatest job ever why couldn't you have just enjoyed it more and I wasn't I wasn't a spring chicken I was you know I I got cast in the office I was 38 I think when I started playing Dwight you know so well into my 40s by the last several years I I was in a much better place you know it was kind of earlier on year 3 4 five right in that area of the office but yeah I had I mean it was it was beautiful it was a great group of people and a beautiful job and nice pay and we got along great and I was playing one of the great TV characters of all time and lots of doors were open to me and getting being invited to festivals and hotels and this and that and the other thing and just enjoy it getting nominated for Emy like Revel in it it doesn't get better than this it really doesn't like oh you you're a TV star but oh you need to be a a movie star we want more we're we're never satisfed [Music] satisfied being a kid from California my Ranch here in Texas seems enormous right anything more than a small backyard seems enormous but of course when I zoom out and look at it from a drone or I've flown over it in an airplane a couple times it suddenly gets really really small in meditations a handful of times Mark serus talks about zooming out and taking Plato's view he wouldn't have been able to get up as high as we did but he also had his Empire was also one that stretched almost the entirety of the known world and yet he tried to remind himself how small this really was talked about how the edges of the Empire with little armies fighting over it were like ants fighting over a piece of food talked about when you zoom out from the moment that you're in and you see the larger history the larger context you realize that this has been the same thing happening over and over and over again that's the famous biblical verse about how one generation comes another goes but the Earth abideth forever The Sun Also Rises that's where Hemingway gets the title there it says the sun goeth down and hastens to the place where he arose the idea is that everything in the world has happened before right babies have always been being born born people have always been squabbling over things people have always been fighting over things people have always been lusting over things people have always been stupid people have always been ungrateful people have always been afraid they've always been here they've always been doing this that's the perennial theme even of meditations not only is Marcus frees talking about it but he's illustrating it right you read the pages of this 2,000-year-old book and you see that as much as Humanity has changed as much as the world is different it is also exactly the same the Rhythm of Life continues even if technology disrupts even if world events disrupt and we have to find a way to take solace in this to take humility in this to get some clarity and perspective from this we have to zoom out we have to realize that the things we think are very big are actually quite small and then the things that we think are quite small are actually Timeless and connect us to All Humans who have ever lived that's why we zoom out and take a bigger perspective most of the exercise that I do is very solitary I like running I like swimming I suffer by myself which is great that's how I like to do it but there is also something special about suffering with other people doing hard things with other people sanica talks about doing this cold plunge to start the new year there's things that have existed for hundreds of years polar bear clubs where everyone gets together and they do something really hard and challenging with each other one of the best ways to find community Community is around the things that you struggle to do by yourself CrossFit Gyms great communities martial arts great communities races or physical challenges Spartan races Warrior dashes doing really hard things with other people is a way to pull people together there's a great line from Marcus Reas where he says we're like soldiers storming a wall so what if you slip and you have to ask a comrade for help nothing helps you realize that you're all in something together when it's something that each of you is struggling to do by yourself so I think facing discomfort is great generally facing discomfort with other people is how you quickly become a member of a tribe this is what 12-step groups what recovery groups have been doing for also like 100 years people at the Rock Bottom when they need help when they are struggling coming together and learning how to be part of an organization that isn't a top- down organization we're going to tell you what to do but a collective a community-driven organization where you're all coming together and you're getting comfort from each other as you do uncomfortable things [Music] together so yeah a stoic is strong a stoic is brave but they're not a superh human they're not invulnerable sometimes they need help like all of us do and that's where today's sponsor better help comes in I've been to therapy I go to therapy I've done couples therapy I've done individual therapy I've done virtual therapy I've done all of it because there's been times in my life when I needed help and that might be you right now better help's mission is to make therapy more accessible and more affordable and this is a really important Mission because asking for help finding a therapist the more difficult it is the less likely people are to do it with better helps easy to use platform you can find the right professional therapist for you in as little as a few days and if you don't fit with a therapist which is common you can switch to a new one at no additional cost without stressing about insurance who's in your network or anything like that join over 4 million people who've used betterhelp to get better to live a better healthier life click below or go to betterhelp.com stoic supporting the sponsors helps the show and it also gets you 10% off your first month at Better Health senica had this word emia which he said is the sense of the path that you're on and he said not being distracted by the past that crisscross yours especially from those who are hopelessly lost ooh it takes an immense amount of discipline I think also confidence just like sort of self-awareness to go like here are the things I want to do here's when I want to do them and like not really paying attention to what other people are doing or everything that's coming into your inbox it takes all those things right if you're not too caught up in that chase and in your own ego and everything you actually learn to like really settle into the fact that you intellectually grasp oh I'm not comparing myself to what Ryan's doing whatever he he just did like he's on his own path and you you find that it doesn't make you go like what about me I did do that at 25 and like now when I hear about that I don't go like like what what am I going to do you know basically nothing lasts that's the very stoic idea in meditations Markus says Alexander the Great and his mule driver the same thing happened to both they were both buried in the same Earth there's that Latin saying sick Transit Gloria right all glory is fleeting we think that if we become famous or popular or important right that says something about us it makes us Immortal but it doesn't you're you're eventually inevitably invariably forgotten nothing lasts it doesn't matter you could be the biggest thing in the world and then one day you're not suddenly you're not one of my books uh Stillness hit number one and then you know what happened the next week someone else was there right I've had a good run but it'll go away eventually and inevitably invariably always does so what does matter then the Stokes would say just just being a good person doing good work focusing on what you control that's [Music] it nobody is more unhappy than the person who's never gone through adversity sakica says he says because they've never been permitted to prove themselves that's something I try to remind myself when stuff gets hard when I run into a bunch of obstacles in a row when it doesn't turn out the way that I want it to go I'm going hey this is an opportunity this is a chance for me to practice the virtues that's what the stoic say the obstacle is the way it's a chance to practice virtue to to practice Excellence but more importantly it's a chance for me to prove myself if only to myself yes of course I would have liked it to go the way that I wanted it and I might feel a little unhappy that it's not that way but I'd be more unhappy if I never got this chance if I didn't get this practice if I didn't get these reps with things not being the way that I wanted them to be so I embrace that opportunity I do the practice willingly I take the rep and I get better for it and ultimately happier for [Music] it the most beautiful writing that senica did he wrote these four essays that are called his consolations and their him consoling people who have lost someone in one case it's his mother who lost him he's being exiled I think this idea of the stoics as having no emotions being emotionless having no heart it totally misses it it's about not being overwhelmed and ruled by or destroyed by those emotions but it's certainly not stuffing them down and pretending they don't exist sometimes it's about using the mind to understand here's why you're feeling this way this way is not rational this isn't a good way to feel and then I think in other times you've got it all perfectly worked out in Your Head and the Heart needs to come and overwhelm that and be like it's more complicated there are people involved like we're talking about with formlessness it's sometimes it's one sometimes it's the other in meditations Mark cus talks about being the rock that the waves crash over and eventually the Raging Sea Falls still around that idea of Stillness of being present of locking in to me it's everything that's happiness it's also where great work where that flow State comes from uh it's where Joy comes from it's where connection comes from it's where gratitude comes from so just lock in calm down it doesn't matter what's happening in the outside world slow down lock in let the waves crash around you and eventually everything will quiet down you will quiet down and you will do what you need to do in this very moment don't seek for things to happen happen the way you want them to happen but want them to happen the way that they have happened wish for them to have happened the way that they did that's epic T he obviously precedes n by a couple thousand years but n had this idea of amorfati right amorfati it translates to a love of Fate instead of needing things to be a certain way instead of Simply accepting them as they are n and epic say that human greatness human happiness is in loving things as they actually are saying this is the way that it's supposed to be this is wonderful that it is that way it was chosen for me and this isn't even necessarily to say that you just accept the world as awful and unjust and you never try to change it but you say no no no it was set up this way so I could be who I am capable of being inside of it that's what this reminder of it means to me Marcus really talks about how what you throw on top of a fire is fuel for the fire that turns it all into flame and brightness that's what we're talking about amorti means that you Embrace Life as it is you Embrace situ situations as they are instead of fighting them instead of running from them instead of resenting them even instead of just tolerating them you love them that is the path to happiness and to Greatness every day I send out one stoic inspired email the hundreds of thousands of people all over the world if you want more stoic wisdom in your inbox you can sign up at Daily stoic.com it's totally free can unsubscribe at any time we'd love to have you daily stoic.com [Music]

Channel: Daily Stoic

Views: 81,684

Keywords: Stoic, Stoicism, Ryan Holiday, Ryan Holiday Stoicism, Daily Stoic, Ryan Holiday Interview, Ryan Holiday Stoic, Ryan Holiday Daily Stoic, Stoicism TED talk, marcus aurelius, marcus aurelius meditations, ryan holiday podcast

Id: PRDxK8p77qw

Length: 17min 41sec (1061 seconds)

Published: Fri Feb 16 2024