Welcome back to the Gentleman's Gazette!
In today's video, we'll discuss a few lessons I've learned since leaving my
teenage years behind to give some of our younger viewers some ammunition for
adulthood. In a recent video, Raphael shared 10 things he wishes he had known
in his 20s; now that he's in his 30s and has some hindsight on the matter,
I'm currently about halfway through my 20s and I can safely say that I found
several of those tips to be quite helpful. With that said, our comments
section also illustrates that we've got a number of aspiring gentlemen who are
still in their teenage years so I've compiled my own list of a few things I
wish I had known when I was that age. Without any further ado, let's jump right
in! Tip number one is to start saving money
now while you still have a safety net. Now,
Raphael also began his list with a tip about saving money and at first glance,
you might think that he gave the opposite advice. After all, his tip was
that you can't save your way into prosperity,
however, these points aren't actually mutually exclusive. What Raphael meant to
say is that you can't set yourself up for financial stability or a more
prosperous lifestyle just by pinching all of your pennies and trying to do
everything on the cheek. Rather, instead of trying to save a few dollars or cents
here and there with each purchase you're making, it's important to set aside money
for savings at the outset that you won't be tempted to use when making purchases.
In other words, it's important to make a budget, make savings a part of that
budget, and then stick to the plan you've made. That way, your savings will
accumulate interest and they'll be there for emergencies if you need them but you
won't be tempted to dip into them every time you're making a purchase. Also, it's
likely that as a teen, you're probably still a legal dependent of someone else
and therefore, you're not paying expenses like rent, utilities, and so on.
If that's the case for you and you don't have these expenses, maximize your
savings now. Number two is another financial tip, quality is a better
long-term investment than quantity. As a teen, and like we said it's probable that
you don't have many expenses but at the same time, you might not yet have a
full-time job or any job at all and therefore, not have a great steady source
of income, whatever the case, if your income is limited, not only should you be
saving money but you should also be wise when you do choose to spend it. This
philosophy can extend to any type of purchase, of course, but to relate it back
to the Gentleman's Gazette's central theme of menswear, it's better to have in your
wardrobe core pieces of quality garments that are well-made and will last you a
long time than to have a closet full of cheaply made garments that will wear out
after only one or two uses. Take it from style icon, Cary Grant, who once related a
lesson that his father had taught him. It's better to buy one pair of good
shoes than four cheap ones. And to use myself as an example here, I did buy
cheap shoes for a number of years but only once getting into my twenties and
indeed joining the Gentleman's Gazette did I finally fully internalize the
wisdom of saving up money to buy one good quality pair of shoes. On that note,
be sure to stay tuned for some upcoming content about some of our favorite dress
shoe brands in the $100 to $300 price range
coming soon. Next up, tip number three is that a conventional high school
education is probably missing a great deal of information that you'll actually
need to be an adult in the "real world".
For example, many or most high schools these days don't offer many courses on
basic financial literacy like balancing a checkbook or doing your taxes, home
economics like cooking or garment care, automotive repair or even things like
sex ed and family planning. As such, in order to learn these things, you'll often
have to look outside of school, turn to your parents, grandparents,
or other mentors who could teach you some of these lessons and keep in mind
that they may not even have to be older than you. For example, if you've got a
friend who's a whiz in the kitchen, you might be able to learn some cooking
techniques or recipes from them. As the saying goes "knowledge is power" and by
the way, we've done several videos covering garment care you can find our
playlist on that subject here. Speaking of high school or indeed even middle
school, number four is a social tip almost everyone is probably just as
insecure as you are, if not more so. It's no secret that school social dynamics
can be hard on a lot of teens. You don't have to look any further than TV shows
or movies set in high school to take a look at the interplay and drama between
various social cliques; the jocks, the nerds, the popular kids and so on and in
the age of social media, things like cyber bullying have, in some ways, only
accelerated in the 21st century. So while it may be tough to remember sometimes, if
you are feeling insecure about your personality or your social standing, many
of your peers are probably feeling the same things. If you are experiencing
genuine bullying which, keep in mind, can be both physical and emotional, do seek
the help of someone like a teacher, a counselor, a parent or someone else whom
you trust. But if you're just finding difficulty trying to fit into a certain
social mold as a result of peer pressure, just don't do it.
To paraphrase another old saying, "insecurity loves company". If you can be
true to your own identity by following your own passions and interests, your
mental health will likely be better overall. This point actually dovetails
into two others on my list and the first is number five, you're not going to be
able to please everyone and you shouldn't try to. In the same way that
your peers might have certain expectations for you about how to fit
into a social group, your elders such as parents, teachers, coaches, and so on might
also have communicated to you some expectations for
ways your life could turn out. Remember though, the one person with ultimate
control over your future should be you. Now, this doesn't mean you should
outright refuse the advice of your elders or rebel just for its own sake.
Far from it, in fact, if you can use the advice of your elders and mentors to
your advantage, so much the better. Just remember that if you have different
ideas for what you want your future to be than your parents or other mentors do,
it's important to have open and honest conversations with them to determine how
to best set yourself up for future success. Tip number six also relates to
the point about social insecurity, you don't have to hang around with a group
of people you don't like just out of a desire to fit in. Having a group to which
you feel you belong is a natural human desire. After all, even if we are more
introverted by nature, we still like having a community to return to for
support when we need it but therein lies the key point, if you find yourself
hanging around with people who don't support your choices, your identity, or
your future plans and they're just taking advantage of your desire to fit
into some group, you would do well to move on. Alternatively, it may be the case
that you were close to someone as a young child and considered yourselves to
be good friends, however, as time has gone on, you may have become very different
people and grown apart. If you find that maintaining a relationship like that
isn't beneficial for one or both of you, it may be time to part ways in a polite
fashion. Polite is a key word here, if you do find that it would be beneficial
for you to leave a social group or exit a relationship, you should always try to
do so without hostility. Burning bridges can come back to bite you especially if
you find that it would make sense to reach out to someone again in the future.
Be polite, be honest, and try to move on that way. On the subject of social
dynamics in school, you've probably heard the old line at some point, high school
doesn't last forever. While I do agree with
this sentiment, in so far as the hierarchies and drama of high school
stop mattering once you're an adult, there is also a flipside to this because
we now live in the age of social media; your teenage choices can follow you
around for much longer. With the internet, everything is online now and it can live
forever if it's archived. Now, I'm not saying that you shouldn't try to have
fun or that you can make adventurous choices but just remember that whatever
you post on social media can follow you around. It's a fact that in today's
business environment, many companies ,both large and small, will take a look at
your social media profiles in addition to your conventional resume and
references so you should not only be careful about the kinds of activities
you engage in in the first place but also what you eventually post to
social media. You've probably heard of the so called
"grandma test" for this which is to say that you shouldn't post anything on
social media that you wouldn't want your grandmother to see. This extends to
videos, pictures, texts, tweets, you name it! If you use social media in a curated way
to present your best self to the world, not in a way that's showing off or
bragging but just in a way that makes you look professional and true to
yourself, your twenty-something self is going to thank you when they're looking
for a job a life partner or anything else. Number eight is another quick tip
on social media, while everyone is trying to present their best selves on social
platforms, remember that everyone does have their own insecurities and their
own challenges and you shouldn't judge yourself by the standards of other
people's social media profiles. Remember that by and large, you're only seeing
what other people want you to see on social media and that nobody truly lives
a perfect life. You can certainly be inspired by other people but if you're
constantly comparing yourself to what they post on social media, it's only
going to get you down. For tip number nine, let's jump back to my earlier point
about making decisions for your future as there's an important distinction to
be made here. While you aren't too young to have any idea what you want, you are
still allowed to not know what you want. Remember here that life is a journey and
everybody figures out their own personal path at a different time. Many teens exit
high school feeling like they have to go to college or that they have to major in
a certain field, for example. This is likely the first point in your life at
which you'll be making significant decisions about how you want to shape
your future and while it's definitely okay to feel like you have a solid idea
of where you want to go and to tell others about it, it's also equally okay
to not have any idea what you'd like to do and to seek help. Keep in mind also
that even if you think you have things all figured out, your experiences in
college, vocational school, the military, or a first job after high school may
make it clear to you that what you thought you wanted wasn't the right fit
after all and that's okay too. As I said before, have honest conversations with
mentors or others you trust and don't be afraid to re-evaluate your life choices
if you feel the need to. On that note, another way to figure out the path that
your life will take is to try new things and be okay with the possibility of
failure. In other words, tip number ten is that making mistakes is a natural part
of life and not attempting things just because you fear failure will only leave
you stuck where you are. Of course, I'm not saying here that you should
intentionally put yourself in harm's way or go out and make a bunch of rash and
irresponsible decisions, what I do mean is that only through the process of
trial and error, just by doing the work of life to try new things are you going
to learn with the greatest degree of certainty what your strengths and
weaknesses are and how to move forward accordingly. And on the subject of
weaknesses, tip number eleven and our final tip for today is one of the
biggest, speaking from my own personal experience, it's always important to
set aside your pride or your fears about other's perceptions of you and to ask for
help when you need it. This point is probably best represented by just having
me tell you about some of my own personal experiences in school. I've
always loved to learn and I was a model student even from a young age. School
wasn't really that difficult for me in my early years and I didn't have to put
in a lot of work to get good grades but this would come back to bite me later. I
had developed poor study habits from not having to work too hard and once I
reached late middle and early high school, I hit a wall because my
procrastination habits had caught up with me. However, because I was too
prideful to seek help from my teachers, I didn't want to not be seen as the smart
kid, I didn't seek help and that's when I experienced my greatest period of
academic difficulty. It was only after going through a few poor semesters of
school and by having my parents force me to seek help from my teachers that I
finally was able to course-correct. And guess what? Old habits die hard because I
did hit another similar academic wall in college. That time around, I was able to
seek advice on my own and not have people force me into doing so but with
this said, it was still hard for me to swallow my pride and set aside my fears
about what others perceptions of me were in order to seek the help that I needed
to graduate, which I eventually did. So here's the lesson to take away from my
experiences, asking for help is not a sign of weakness, it can actually be a
sign of strength. Once I opened up to my teachers and professors and let them
know about the difficulties I was having, I was happy to find that they wanted to
help me and that having me succeed was actually part of their job as educators.
In my case, I was told that I didn't need to doubt my intelligence only that I
needed help with my time management skills and my follow through. When I was
able to set aside my self-image, I learned that I didn't have to worry
about not possessing my good qualities only that I could rely on my network to
help me boost things that were lacking. In summary, it's okay to need help
because those who care about you will want to provide it. So hopefully, you
found this list of eleven things helpful to you even if you're already past your
teenage years and remember, you're going to be spending most of your life in
adulthood so if you can do things that will set yourself up for success in your
teenage years that will be key. Just don't forget to also have a little bit
of fun along the way. in today's video much of my outfit is
made up of garments I've had since my teen years underscoring the point that
with proper care many garments can last you a good long time my sport coat
features a herringbone weave and is charcoal in color though it also
includes shades of brown I'm wearing it over a plain white shirt that has a more
traditionally styled point collar and barrel cuffs this is a shirt that I've
had in fact since my days in high school Speech and Debate my tie is vintage in
fact I received it as a gift from my grandmother and it's one of my favorites
in my collection it's burnt orange in color and it features a repeating
geometric pattern in navy tan and off-white my plain black pleated
trousers are almost 15 years old in fact I've had them for so long that
before I learned how to alter my own garments my mother let out the cuffs at
the end after all my legs had gotten longer but my waistline had stayed the
same size my socks are also plain black in color
as is my belt which features a silver buckle and my shoes which are cap toed
derbys my other two accessories are from Fort Belvedere today my boutonniere
is an orange exotic Caribbean flower and my pocket square is a brand new design
it's a wool silk blend in a color we're calling antique gold ochre and it
features Paisleys in buff red and blue you can find both this brand new pocket
square which also features a contrasting stitch around the edge
and the boutonniere in the Fort Belvedere shop here
