11 Signs Of BETRAYAL Trauma

foreign [Music] so in this video we're going to be talking about 10 symptoms of betrayal trauma if you don't know who I am my name is Jordan hardgrave I am a certified trauma and resiliency life coach and recovered former trauma sufferer who is on a mission to help you become trauma free so you can feel normal again and enjoy your life so if that is you make sure to subscribe also smash the like button and watch all of the video Until the End if you want to help us on our mission to reach 1 billion people with this message of trauma education and healing betrayal trauma occurs when someone you trust violates your trust in a major way that seems to come out of nowhere and it can lead to trauma which is a state of nervous system overwhelmed because you may have never experienced such a high level of stress before you don't have coping strategies that are sufficient enough to mitigate this level of stress because it's just so overwhelming I mean betrayal has to sting more than any other hurt that I've personally ever experienced so another reason that it can lead to nervous system overwhelm is because betrayal oftentimes has many layers to it it could affect your job it could affect your marriage it could affect your relationships your social life it could affect your reputation there's just it also can affect your family Dynamic whether it's your immediate family or just distant family whatever it can have a lot of layers to it it could be a betrayal by a romantic partner it could be a friend a family member a boss or a co-worker a religious leader or figure I'll tell you that one of my most extreme traumas that I ever went through that actually led to years of trauma was from me putting my faith in a religious leader that I just looked up to more than anybody in the world and whenever they betrayed me it was absolutely devastating because of just all the years all the history that I had with this person which is why you should never put your faith in another human being but that's a lesson that sometimes we have to learn the hard way it also could be a government or authority figure really anybody that you placed a very high level of trust in that ended up violating that trust in a sudden significant way when this betrayal trauma happens it leaves you feeling completely overwhelmed shaken confused angry and so many other emotions and behaviors and that's why I want to do this video let's talk about the first symptom of betrayal trauma fear when you first learn of the Betrayal one of the first things that you may experience is fear your body may start reacting like you're in danger and your body goes into fight or flight response your heart may start racing your breathing may start elevating your thoughts may start racing and your body may feel like it's been flooded with a surge of energy which is really adrenaline and until you've had a chance to figure out all the details of how to move forward after this betrayal your brain may try to protect you by assuming the absolute worst case scenario when things may actually not be as bad as it seems so your brain may start to catastrophize number two is racing thoughts your mind will most likely be scanning through your entire history with that person and reinterpreting that history through the lens of this recent betrayal you may look through emails or old text messages trying to connect past Behavior with the present betrayal you may then realize the signs of betrayal or concerning behaviors were actually present all along but you didn't see it or didn't think that it was a big deal at the time and that leads to the third symptom that you may experience which is shame you may find yourself saying statements like I'm such an idiot how could I have not seen the signs right before my very eyes or how could I let myself believe all of these lies and you may spend very long periods of time beating yourself up but you shouldn't you should forgive yourself because especially if you were dealing with somebody that is very manipulative especially somebody called covert narcissist which is somebody who operates in the nine traits of narcissism but they're very conciliatory about those nine traits and unless you're trained to see them they can really deceive even the most intellectual smart person and it happens very often but it doesn't have to be a covert narcissist it could be all kinds of people that are just very covert and they're very good at hiding things and it's okay forgive yourself because it could happen to anybody the next symptom is anger you may find yourself full of Rage because you suddenly realize that that person that you put all of your trust in wasn't trustworthy and you remember entrusting them with all kinds of personal things maybe personal information or maybe you trusted them with your own personal safety or the safety of your family there's all kinds of things that you trusted with them that it turns out they were never actually worthy of that trust and it makes you angry because they violated something that's sacred whenever you give your trust is somebody that should be something that is treated with honor and they actually treated that trust as garbage numbing so because you're feeling so afraid and so stressed and so ashamed and so angry you may end up participating in vices that you either never participate in or don't participate in that often this could be things like drinking alcohol gambling drug use smoking cigarettes overeating or even sexually related behaviors and the reason that you're seeking to numb is because you're overwhelmed with emotion and it's thrown off your nervous system balance our nervous system is always trying to get back into balance whenever things get off track even if getting back on track involves doing unhealthy things like drinking smoking all the things that I just mentioned but these coping mechanisms can provide temporary relief from the pain but they can't heal the pain and oftentimes come with their own consequences that only add to your stress so what's actually better to do is to allow yourself to fill the emotion without judgment and don't try to numb it because these feelings will pass these emotions will pass but if you keep suppressing them they're going to get stuck in your body and they're just going to play on a loop over and over again like a broken record it's very important that you allow the emotions to Peak and then come down that is how the body processes emotion it's like waves of the ocean but if you keep suppressing it you're interrupting your body's natural ability to process emotion so you can move forward if you are currently struggling deal from trauma make sure to check out our new free Master Class called the five shift steel from trauma which also includes an invitation to apply to work with us to help you become symptom free there is a link in the description below dissociative symptoms and behaviors so in addition to numbing your body through various ways you'll also most likely consciously participate in dissociative behaviors that are designed to just get you out of your body and really just out of the present moment in general your life is very overwhelming as well as your body is overwhelming whenever you go through betrayal and so you may find yourself escaping into things like social media Netflix gaming Etc you also may become so emotionally overwhelmed that you begin to experience depersonalization which is filling out a body or derealization which is feeling like you're living in a dream world the personalization and dualization are incredibly scary but they're not dangerous they're actually trauma coping mechanisms that are designed to help you disconnect from the pain of the overwhelming emotion happening in your body and just the chaos happening in your life they're uncomfortable but they're not dangerous and they will resolve themselves once you are out of this state of traumatic stress emotional numbness you may become so overwhelmed that your body decides to just shut off your emotion entirely this is also a trauma defense mechanism that is very scary and makes life very cold and very difficult to live whenever you don't feel any emotion good or bad but this symptom like depersonalization and realization is not dangerous and it will resolve once you are out of a state of traumatic stress reap playing the moment of betrayal in your mind so you may find this movie in your head of the moment of betrayal just replaying over and over and over again you may find yourself going over every single detail and you're just in shock it's almost a form of denial it's like did that really even happen not trusting anyone so sometimes whenever we experience a level of overwhelming pain or overwhelming emotion connected to a specific category our brain will actually collapse that entire category as a defense mechanism to prevent us being heard of the future our brain will basically say anything connected to in this case people is a threat especially as it relates to trust I can't trust anybody all people are going to hurt me and what that translates into is whenever you try to connect with somebody in the future your brain is going to be saying things like who's gonna hurt me next Who's Gonna betray me your brain is going to be expecting a betrayal and that's why people start to perceive threat around intimacy is because they're afraid that the past trauma of being intimate of trusting somebody and then getting betrayed and traumatized is going to happen again but even though this is what your brain is going to tell you what I will tell you is it's most likely not going to be true there's always the risk that somebody May betray you but you can't forfeit ever connecting to anybody ever again because then you're forfeiting the dopamine in the Fulfillment the joy that comes through secure attachment relationships so don't let your traumatized brain rob you of ever experiencing the joy of relationships in the future you just need to be very careful with who you connect with but again you're always going to have to accept that risk the Betrayal could happen with anybody avoidance of anything that reminds you of the person so you may find yourself becoming highly anxious when you experience any sensory data that is similar to the person who betrayed you it could be seeing people that look like them or maybe the car that they drove or maybe being at the places that's used to go to whenever you were connected to them and because this is so distressing you may find yourself avoiding that sensory environment entirely or the sensory environment or the sensory data whatever it is it could be a song it could be just one specific piece of sensory data and that could really start to have a negative impact on your life if the things that you're avoiding are a healthy part of your life and not only that but whenever you avoid things your brain assumes that that thing is dangerous so if what you're avoiding is healthy and normal and you avoid it you're confusing your brain into believing that this thing is dangerous and now the barrier the gap between you and a healthy normal life is just going to get bigger and bigger and bigger the inability to forgive so you may try your very hardest to forgive that person but no matter how hard that you try it just seems like you can't let go of what they did to you and you're also afraid that if you forgive you may end up being betrayed again in the the future but the truth is forgiveness is essential and it doesn't mean that you're excusing what they did it also doesn't mean that you're ever going to allow that person access into your life again you can simultaneously forgive recognize that what they did was absolutely terrible and completely remove them from your life forever depending on how severe the situation is that is actually acceptable if somebody completely betrays you violates your trust it's okay to have a boundary that you're not going to allow that person back into your life that doesn't mean that you're hateful it doesn't mean that you're anything you're just wise so you just say it out loud and I don't suggest you say this directly to the person you can if the relationship is kind of okay but if there's active hostility active aggression you probably don't want to say this directly to them but you don't need to say it to them directly in order to truly forgive you just say it out loud I forgive you insert their name and it's done forgiveness is an act of the will and you must do this unless you want to walk around full of resentment bitterness anger all of those things if you're currently suffering from betrayal trauma I want you to know that I've been where you're at I know that it hurts but know that you can heal you can move forward but you need a strategy that's why I've created the free Master Class the five shift still from trauma make sure to check that out and once again also click like comment below if you've ever suffered with betrayal trauma maybe you're going through it right now maybe you've gone through it before just to show people how common that this is and especially if you've healed from this make sure to comment below to give people some hope that they can heal as well that is it and I'll talk to you soon my friend

Channel: Coach Jordan Hardgrave

Views: 199,903

Keywords: #betrayaltrauma, #relationshipgoals, #trustissues, #loyalty, #cheater, #liar, #infidelity, #betrayed, religious trauma, #hurt, #pain, #brokenhearted, #heartbroken, #grief, #loss, #love, #tears, #sadness, #disappointment, types of trauma, betrayal trauma, narcissistic abuse, mental health, complex ptsd, partner betrayal trauma, sexual betrayal, post traumatic stress disorder

Id: WYBCGnYI4_w

Length: 12min 36sec (756 seconds)

Published: Mon Oct 31 2022