11 Mandatory Rules for Dealing With a Narcissist

eleven mandatory rules for dealing with a narcissist by Kim Saeed narrated by Amy boat s stay tuned till the end for your beginners healing toolkit wondering how to deal with a narcissist you are not alone many online blogs and support groups for victims of narcissists have sprouted up over the years as people have realized the damage a narcissist has done in their lives all of this online support for victims of narcissism can bring a sigh of relief whew I'm not crazy but you probably also want practical information how do I deal with that narcissist what do I do can I stand up to a narcissist how to deal with a narcissist dealing with narcissists is challenging you can't necessarily outsmart a narcissist as they tend to be very bright manipulative people who are used to getting their own way however you can use smart strategies to deal with the narcissist and mitigate the damages here are a few strategies to deal with the recalcitrant narcissist in your life number one establish and stick to boundaries with the narcissistic person we often have this unconscious idea that we're held hostage to anyone who wants to talk to or interact with us you can and should say no to the narcissist who's being overly demanding of your time for example if a narcissist is hogging up all your time on the telephone just tell them you need to go hang up if you need to don't let them monopolize your life number two use empathic validation if you need to confront a narcissist empathic validation is a fancy way of saying butter up your criticism with a compliment first in fact criticism for anyone is often best accepted in a sandwich form compliment constructive criticism compliment 3.avoid sharing too much information with the narcissist the acronym TMI too much information is often said jokingly when someone discloses some personal info that may be a bit too personal but remind yourself that TMI with a narcissist is just about anything personal because the narcissist can and will use that against you for example let's say you share with a narcissistic person that you were fired from a job once due to inputting the wrong information into a computer a narcissist is likely to bring that up again often in a nasty way say each time you use a computer or worse they'll bring it up in front of a person you're trying to obtain a job from for don't make the mistake of assuming the narcissist cares don't ever assume that the narcissist has genuine feelings or cares this can be one of the toughest realizations for a kind caring person it can be very hard to believe that another human being is really that cold and calculating we have a tendency to go into denial about this sort of thing but just try to drill this into your head narcissists really don't care 5 no drama let the narcissists games roll off your back narcissists are experts at games and drama the extremely talented narcissist goes even a step further they stir up the drama and then sit back above it all acting like they had nothing to do with it for example a narcissistic mother would stir up a rivalry and animosity between two sisters she'd say one thing to sister one and then another thing to sister too then you as sibling number three gets put in the middle if you confront the mother about this she'll deny that she had anything to do with the drama and then act all aggrieved that you'd even suggest she'd do such a horrible thing try not to get sucked into games like this number six do second-guess yourself with a narcissist you don't need to justify yourself to the narcissist but that's the game they're going to play with you it's all about making you doubt yourself and your perceptions what narcissists typically engage in is an insidious psychological technique called gaslighting on a very simple level it goes like this the narcissist does something selfish and you confront them on it the narcissists then twists this event around to make it sound like you were the selfish one narcissists are experts at reframing reality in a way that makes them look good and you look bad while it can be infuriating and confusing don't fall for it stick to your guns number seven remember with a narcissist it's not personal and never was with a narcissist you really truly are just a pawn in the game of life to them and if it wasn't you who took their abuse it would have been someone else while this may be cold comfort do try to remember that you didn't do anything wrong there is nothing inherently wrong with you or bad about you if you've been the victim of a narcissists abuse number eight do a reality check after the narcissist - spins a story narcissists are typically liars and not only that they're usually good Liars part of the reason for this is that they don't feel guilt in the way other people do so when the narcissist tells you something particularly about someone else that is very upsetting take a deep breath it may not be true at all does the narcissist in your life tell you things that other people are supposedly saying about you things like everyone kept telling me about you but I didn't listen or your friend told me not to trust you check the veracity of the statement before being sucked into the drama remember the story about the narcissistic mom number nine don't try to one-up the narcissist one of the worst things you can do with an ASUS Syst is to try to beat them at their own game don't show off with the narcissist don't brag preen or otherwise try to make yourself look good in front of the narcissist narcissists are the kings and queens of self aggrandizement if you try to compete with them on that level you will always lose now this doesn't mean that you should act like a wilted flower and just slink around when the narcissist is in view work on having a healthy self-esteem and try to be as natural as possible number ten get away from the narcissist while this may not be feasible for the long term if you can consider separating yourself from the narcissist as much as possible if you are still married to the narcissist and have children consider the long-term effects of emotional abuse on the kids it may be the best if you leave however if you do decide to maintain a relationship with a narcissist try to keep some distance get time away from them as much as possible so you can center yourself and get back in touch with reality number eleven ignore the narcissist that'll really get narcissists thrive on triggering reactions from people this is how they gain power of you while you lose control so when the narcissist goes on the attack one of the most effective ways to deal with it is just to ignore them this can be challenging as narcissists have an intuitive way of pushing buttons in people deep breathing and stress reduction techniques can help you keep your cool keeping your cool around a narcissist you may have noticed a theme with the recommendations for dealing with a narcissist that theme in a nutshell is keep your cool sometimes the best way to stand up to a narcissist is to simply remain calm in general you'll do your best if you can reduce your emotional reactions to the narcissist in question this can be very challenging however as the garden-variety narcissist is typically an expert in pushing buttons they have this superpower where they know just what will trigger a reaction in the people around them in order to keep your cool you'll need to work on yourself there are many different ways to do this including seeking help with a therapist or pursuing self-help strategies mind-body techniques such as meditation and yoga can be extremely helpful in reducing the temptation to react to a narcissists antics you can also consider joining a support group where you can commiserate with other victims of narcissists this is especially helpful if you're dealing with a narcissist who specializes in gaslighting ie making you think you are the one to blame for everything when it's really them the narcissist in your life does not have to define you fortunately the more you practice not reacting to the narcissist in question the better you'll get at it soon you will learn how to deal with the narcissist without that person ruling your life the path won't always be easy and you will have moments where you slip up and lose your cool but take heart it can and will get better for more articles on narcissistic behaviors please visit Kim's website let me reach calm subscribe to this channel and don't forget to grab your free beginner's healing toolkit in the description box below

Channel: Kim Saeed

Views: 542,307

Rating: 4.8636756 out of 5

Keywords: narcissism, stand up to a narcissist, how to deal with a narcissist, narcissistic abuse recovery, narcissistic abuse, how to outsmart a narcissist, rules for dealing with a narcissist, how to beat a narcissist, how to deal with a narcissistic husband, how to deal with a narcissist boyfriend, how to deal with a narcissistic wife, how to deal with a narcissist ex, narcissistic abuse recovery channel, surviving narcissism, narcissistic abuse recovery program

Id: SBB1frSKkug

Length: 10min 25sec (625 seconds)

Published: Fri Jan 05 2018