10 Reasons Why Narcissists Get Married and What Narcissists Look for in a Narcissistic Supply

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what do narcissists look for in a victim how do they kind of run a little test before they decide who they're into how do you narcissists view marriage that's what we're talking about today a queen being calm let's get started my name is Angie I can fit in on this channel they offer free daily video coaching to help you discover understand and overcome an hour so cystic abuse and toxic relationships I like to call it toxic relationship rehab that sounds good to you hit that subscribe button and let's pick going so why do narcissists get married anyway I mean the fact is obviously we know they have a fear of commitment some of them they have a fear of all this other stuff so what causes them to go ahead and get married why do they marry because they get something out of that deal they get supply why do they remarry so quickly after they discard their supply well part of that is to prove that you meant nothing to them and part of that is they think if they remarry after they divorce you out of the blue that everyone will think that you're the flawed one and not them how does a narcissist really see marriage well one of the things that our narcissists see is about marriage is that it's an opportunity to control the person they're marrying they can have control of the person they can have control of the money they can have control of the assets they can have control of the feelings of that person the life of that person everything about that person plus we already know the narcissist tend to latch on to and that's many times not always but many times they like to entrap someone they like to make sure that it's hard for you to go away from them that's part of the reason they get married they want to make you commit before you see their true self that's why they get married so fast once the narcissist gets you to marry him or her they know that you've taken a vow you may share children you may share a home you may share money you may share all these things all of these things lead to you being stuck to them it being harder for you to get away from them they've sucked you in that's why they do it so fast that's why they do it so completely narcissist into everything when it comes to commitment for this reason one of the biggest and potentially most surprising reasons that narcissists get married is because they don't want to be alone they can't stand to be alone if they have to be alone they might actually have to look at themselves and they are made of salt like that narcissus tend to be verbally abusive they tend to be liars they tend to Gaslight you and try to make you think you're crazy they stalk you they steal from you they smear you they endanger your health just by being in your life because they're so abusive sometimes sometimes they get married because they want to steal from you without legal repercussion sometimes they get married because they see themselves as I need to breathe I need to make children because if I make children that I'll have this legacy and people will love me forever sometimes they get married because of a status thing they want to have a hot person to carry what you know to have on their arm and make everybody think they're amazing of course they will then turn around and treat that person like trash in private marriage offers sort of a private haven for a narcissist to be their true self they can be horrible to their wife or husband because that's somebody that can't run away very easily so this way when they're out in the world they can be a nice kind awesome to be around person and at home they can treat you like crap and if you have kids phone they'll probably treat your kids like crap too you have to understand the narcissist always has a motive they always have a reason for doing exactly what they're doing when you are in a relationship with a narcissist and you see that oh my gosh they've rushed me into this relationship you got to know there's something in it for them they're not doing it because they love you because narcissists really aren't capable of loving people in a normal human way maybe my money maybe they want Fame maybe they want power who knows whatever the reason for getting married is it's not because they love you and that's the part that sucks narcissists see marriage as a means to an end as a means to get their supply needs met narcissists are always so concerned about their image that being married might just be something they think they're supposed to do they need people more than the average person they need someone to literally be their narcissistic supply which is someone they suck all the energy from in order to appear normal they use you they abuse you they scream at you yell at you usually as an emotional dumpster but again it's not about love for a narcissist it's about getting their needs met I is that securing attention that's the narcissist primary goal in life that's what they need they literally need your attention to survive so if they marry you you get stuck with them as far as they see it they're addicted to that attention they need it desperately there's almost nothing they won't do for it and that's why I think narcissists get married so quickly and that's how I think they see marriage what do you think you doubt me well if you know a narcissist why don't you ask them what do you love about me what do you love about your spouse nine times out of ten they're gonna say I love the things that you do for me not I love things about you personally I love how you rub my back I love how you take care of the house I love how you take care of the kids I love how you bring home lots of money whatever it is it's never gonna be about I love that you're so smart I love that you're so attractive I love that you're so sweet and kind to everybody that you meet it might be I love that you're hot and all my friends are jealous but it's not gonna be anything about you personally it's always gonna be how you affect them that they like you or love you for try it test it you'll see so I'm gonna go over a few traits that narcissists typically look for when they're dealing with finding a new victim all right let's just go right through shall we when the first qualities a narcissist will look for in a victim is someone who might have some older ability someone who has had previous experiences that were negative in the human field let me just give you an example from television okay if you've ever seen this show called How I Met Your Mother there's a character on the show played by Neil Patrick Harris called Barney Stinson this character while he's hilarious and I can't deny enjoying him because he's so outrageous and because I know in real life NPH is gay and he plays such a good womanizer on the show this character though is the epitome of a narcissist so one of the things that Barney Stinson looks for a woman is what daddy issues he looks for a woman who has been broken had issues in the past because of something with her father or whatever and then he comes in and swoops in and does his whole a narcissistic love bombing thing although his are shorter shorter efforts usually because he's a womanizer so the thing that you have to know is that people who are attractive to narcissists often have some underlying issues like that parents issues or they've been bullied in school or something like that and this has caused them to become very sensitive people and has caused them to want to please the people they do care about and often because people who have been treated this way may find themselves kind of downgrading too from what they could have that makes any sense so when nurses to see someone who is vulnerable emotionally because of previous abuse as someone who is easier to glom on to and they can you know sort of temporarily help raise that person's self-esteem while at the same time in their minds kind of getting in on somebody who's really too good for them but they think they're the victim things they're not too good because they've been abused and taught otherwise that make sense because we doubt our worthiness it's because we don't believe that we are good enough or that we are worth anything but they are able to get to us it's what makes us vulnerable to narcissists the next quality that I'd like to share with you is how when a narcissist is trying to choose a victim they're looking for someone who is gonna be dependable someone who's gonna always be ready to help them anytime they need it so people who are prime choice victims they're people who tend to be joiners or helpers they you know if they see somebody in pain they want to help that person and that's unfortunately something that an empath naturally does when you're an impact you've naturally want to help anyone that you see who needs help so a narcissist picks up on that another thing that we are that might shock you is a lot of us have a little bit of perfectionism in us and now we might not have perfect this or perfect that but there's something about us that is perfectionist ik and one of the most common perfectionist areas that we have as people who are attractive to narcissists are our perfectionist so our perfectionism Falls where we need to help people in a perfect way so we might often keep kind of a low profile we're kind of the behind-the-scenes people and a lot of times we don't want to overshadow our friends and colleagues we want to lift them up we don't want to stand in front of them this of course brings me to my next point which is they want someone who will take personal responsibility for everything even things they and do and someone who will work really hard for them so they're looking for someone to be responsible hard worker someone who will always comply with whatever assignment they get from the narcissus so they might test you in little ways like they might be like oh here's 20 bucks go to the store and get me this side of the other thing and if you go don't worry about it I got it number one you pass the little narcissus test because you're willing to sell your own money number two you don't even think about the fact that they just asked you to go to the store when you just told me you worked all day in your backyards know what I'm saying so that kind of stuff and then the last quality that I'm going to share with you today is kind of surprising but it's true and it is above average intelligence yeah they look for the smart people how about that and on the same token they look for good-looking people now I know you're like I'm not good-looking well you know what you are good-looking and and even if you don't think that you're good-looking if someone does the point is they narcissus look for very smart intelligent bright lights they look for people who are very skilled very trained very focused people who you know have enthusiasm people who are passionate people who have a lot to say a lot to do people who other people are attracted to okay narcissus don't want to be with someone who can walk around you know looking freaky or scary or weird they want to be with someone who makes them look good and if you have high intelligence and you have you know a cheery personality and although you're perfect for a narcissist so I know you're sitting here you're going oh I'm tired all the time and I'm exhausted I'm depressed and sad and I don't do my hair anymore or whatever well that's because you're with a narcissist honey you have to give yourself a minute and you have to think back to what you were when you met the narcissist they may have taken you from feeling really good about yourself to feeling really bad about yourself but somewhere inside of you there is a person who is beautiful and bright and intelligent and smart and ready to move forward in her life or his life and if this is you this is why you were chosen by the narcissus you have to remember narcissists are always looking to feed their ego they want attractive people they want to get a prize or a trophy person they have very little respect for weakness and honestly they have no interest in someone that just anyone could get their hands on they want someone that they have to reach up to get they don't want to reach forward they don't want to reach down they want to reach up do you understand what I mean narcissists are always looking for a better supply even when they found someone amazing that's not your fault it's nothing to do with you it's not that you're not a good supply it's just that maybe you have too much independence for them too much self-respect the narcissist needs other people too the envious of the person they obtain as their supply that's why a lot of times they come on real strong in the beginning and they offer you this romance like you've never seen before it's the love-bombing face and that's why a lot of times when you get with a narcissist one of the one of the things that you hear over and over again is oh my god they're too good to be true because they are my friend so once the narcissist picks their target they'll stop at nothing until they get that person the bigger the challenge the harder the work and the more they trash you the more they tear you down the more once once they've obtained you they're mad at you for making them work that hard if you're a hard-to-get type of person here's the biggest thing the ultimate ego boost for a narcissist is to take someone who's independent and self-sufficient strong and make them completely dependent completely controlled of course if you dump the narcissist after all of that it just makes them try harder and every single time they convince you to take them back it's sort of like another little notch in a little narcissus belt just remember you don't deserve it it's not your fault now that you know how a narcissist test their victim you know what you need to do to fix it don't you what you need to do is have confidence love yourself unconditionally and accept nothing less than you deserve you don't know what to do serve sit down and think about it for a while and try to figure out what your deal-breakers are in a relationship what will you accept what will you not accept don't ever rush a relationship if you can avoid in the future rushing into relationships rushing into commitments rushing into marriages you may be able to avoid narcissus altogether that's not a guarantee but it certainly is a start because if you take the time to get to know someone well enough to know for sure that they are not going to be good for you then maybe you can save yourself the trouble of accidentally burying a narcissist I know if I had waited a little while longer and gotten to know my narcissist a little bit better I wouldn't have been in that situation but I married him after only five months of knowing him it was the wrong choice and that's why I made this video today because how did narcissus view marriage they view marriage as a permanent source of narcissistic supply you deserve better than that my friend and so do I this leads me to the question of the day and the question of the day is what do you think how do you think that narcissus view marriage let's talk about it alright that's all I've got for you right now as always thank you so much for being a part of my day and a part of my life and hey thanks for letting me be a part of yours it really does mean a lot to me make sure you take a look at the links I'm leaving for you here and here and hit that subscribe button if you want to learn more about narcissistic abuse and recovery and check out the links I left for you in the cards above I'll see you soon
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Channel: Angie Atkinson
Views: 50,857
Rating: 4.9301219 out of 5
Keywords: why narcissists get married, narcissists in relationships, narcissistic personality disorder, toxic love, toxic relationships, angie atkinson, narcissist, codependent, manipulation, cluster b, codependency, marriage, married to a narcissist, signs of narcissism, codependency recovery, heartbroken over a narcissist, relationship problems, toxic relationship, idealize your partner, unhappy marriage, insecure, feeling insecure, psychology, self help, narcissism, in love with a narcissist
Id: 5jUM-h7zXmY
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Length: 14min 24sec (864 seconds)
Published: Wed Apr 25 2018
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