10 Mistakes ALL Men Make on Dates

it's quite likely that you suck at dates how do I know this because almost every guy sucks at dates how do I know that because in 23 years of experience teaching guys and doing dates myself I've seen pretty much every mistake you can make and I actually made a lot of them particularly early on in my dating career so what am I going to do today I'm going to tell you the 10 biggest mistakes that I see guys make over and over again and these are absolutely tragic errors these are the type of errors that if you make one of them they can turn an otherwise good date into a Never Gonna See You Again date you're probably doing some of these wrong here are the top 10 biggest mistakes guys make in dating foreign dating mistake number one most guys put a lot of time and effort into planning a date they want to take a girl to the most amazing place and show her the most amazing time they want to emulate the dates they've seen on Hollywood movies that everything just goes so perfectly and Angels shower down magic pixie dust on you okay that's a beautiful idea and it's very sweet of you but it's tragically flawed because the very best most amazing thing to do probably isn't right near you and if you do the date half an hour away or an hour away or even 15 minutes away and you both drove separate cars the odds of the date ending back at your place are tremendously lower so by all means go do that amazing thing with the girl you're already dating and she's already your girlfriend and enjoy it but on a first date or on a date before you have consummated the relationship and you're clearly together before that please please please do the date near your place because the biggest thing that's going to get you a second date is hooking up on the first date okay whatever else happens the date is primarily about you and the girl and what happens between the two of you if you can't possibly do the date near your place do it near her place the last thing you want to do is far away from both and especially again if you both drove separate cars it is brutal to have an amazing date and then have it go nowhere simply because you chose the wrong damn location ideally you want the place to be within walking distance of where you live at a minimum you want there to be a clear path from that place to your place that you can execute on a continual basis and it is okay to go to the same place over and over again you can take different girls to the same bar it's completely fine common dating mistake number two Pop Quiz if you have a date at 8 30 PM or 8 30 a.m which date do you think is more likely to go really really well you're right 8 30 p.m why because as human beings there's this cultural expectation that evening is when fun things happen night time is when sex happens it just is culturally more viable at 8 30 PM also the types of venues that are open at 8 30 PM are a lot more conducive to a date right at 8 30 a.m it's like breakfast places at 8 30 p.m it might be bars and other establishments that have more of a sexual adult vibe to them but the fact of the matter is going on the date at the right time of day is absolutely huge also Pop Quiz Number Two if the girl shows up for a date and she has five or six hours as a window or more to see you or if she has half an hour or an hour to see you which date's likely to go better that's right the date where she has more time and so common dating mistake number two is setting up dates that are just not the right time of day or not enough time in the date if a girl wants to meet you for breakfast if it's the only day you can possibly see her you're leaving town the next day and it's the only way okay then maybe take it but under any other circumstances turn it down have the date a day or two later and do do it at a time when something can actually happen between the two of you similarly if the girl says she can meet up with you but she only has an hour you know what unless it's the absolute only possible way you will ever see her logistically postpone it do it another day and by the way when girls have said they only have an hour and I've actually said you know what it sounds like you're really busy let's do it another time when you're free a lot of times they actually get more free right then and there I've had many times a girl says she has an hour I turn down the date and say let's do it when we have more time she says you know what I canceled my other plans now I have the evening free for you so that can actually work right then and there as well but the bottom line is this if you only have an hour to go on the date you're not going to get much interaction on the date you're not going to get far enough along in the courtship process and far far enough along to build connection to have a date that's going to be memorable to the girl that she's gonna consider a really great date and also obviously as men we do like dates that end in sex that's a lot easier when you have more time as well and one is at the right time of day as well okay so we talked already about setting up your dates in the right location how about setting up your dates at the right time and with the right time window like I don't ruin you for all men for like the next two years or something dating mistake number three also happens to be the single biggest mistake guys make with women across the board in all contexts ever which is simply not flirting just having boring platonic conversation over and over and over again until the girl just leaves out of like boredom and frustration in cold approach we'd call that the half hour conversation to Nowhere on a date we call it the four hour torture to Nowhere you have to flirt you have to make it man to woman on a date and it's even more inexcusable on a date than another context because the very fact the girl showed up to meet you on a date means she already understands that it's likely to be man-to-woman it likely is a date right the very fact that we call it the fatted communication the event-based communication that you're on a date with the girl says to her this guy's gonna make it man to woman if you then show up to the date and don't flirt and don't show any interest and don't tease and don't you know get physical at all if you don't do these things she's going to think that you are a little wussy pathetic man who does not have the balls to do it and she's going to lose so much respect for you okay you need to make it man to woman it's so frustrating when I see this because I do see it from students over and over and over again and I want to pull my hair out every single time and if on a technical level you don't know how to do this watch literally probably every third video on this channel is about flirting or teasing or man to woman in some way so the information is out there do it make it man to woman please for me and for yourself major mistake number four is an outgrowth of major mistake number three but it's one specific very important outgrowth and it was also my biggest sticking point personally when I learned dating and it was this for about the first year that I was doing game I actually learned how to talk to girls I learned how to get phone numbers I learned how to get dates I learned how to flirt a little bit in like very safe ways but I did learn how to flirt a little bit but the thing I didn't do was get physical specifically I didn't go for the kiss I went on date after date after date and I didn't go for the kiss and I had so many frustrations around this I remember one girl in particular I went on three dates with her they were absolutely beautiful incredible dates the tension was there it was incredible and like there were moments where she was literally like right in my face almost begging me to kiss her and I didn't go for it and then to add insult to injury after it didn't go anywhere with us a few months later I was in college at the time she was dating some guy at my college that was so lame and so pathetic and so much lower value and less attractive than me but I guess he went for the kiss so there you go and this girl was absolutely beautiful too it was frustrating and then the first girl I ever actually did get up the nerve to kiss guess what that was the first girl I slept with now granted I had learned a lot of other things and and that helped in that transition but look you have to go for it if you don't make the move it's very rare the girl will make it for you as nervous as you are about getting physical she's much more nervous because she will be judged much more than you will okay so if you're nervous like five out of ten she's nervous 50 out of 10. okay you have to make the move you can't count on the girl to make the move because that's going to happen very few and far between by the way if the reason you don't escalate is not just because you're afraid but also because you don't know how click the link below this video and you will see an example of me on a date escalating and kissing exactly the way I do it on almost every single date so check that out as well mistake number five actually probably comes from a good place see most of the time when a guy is on a date with a girl he wants her to have an amazing time he wants her to have the best time possible and so he wants everything to go perfectly he wants the menus to come on time and he wants the food to be amazing and he wants the conversation to to constantly be flowing and there never to be an awkward silence the entire time at what ends up happening is the guy looks extremely try hard and extremely nervous and it looks to the girl like he isn't used to being on a date and he's overwhelmed by being with a girl as hot as her and that he cares deeply about her reactions which makes her think he has an agenda or that he wants something from her and it actually makes the girl a little bit nervous and so ironically this idea of trying to make everything perfect and worrying about every little thing makes it the opposite it can make it absolutely awful here's what you need to understand the girl came on a date with you she showed up what does that mean that means that this particular evening she decided of all the things she could do on the entire planet Earth you were the number one choice of available to her so she wants it to go well and she likes you so what you should do you should assume attraction you should assume that she likes you and act accordingly right you should act with a little bit of entitlement and you should understand that for the most part as long as you do the last couple things you flirt and escalate a little bit all you really need to do is not mess it up you don't have to do incredible things you don't have to perform like Feats of magic and backflips and you know you don't have to have the wittiest conversation that's ever existed on planet Earth she already liked you the moment she showed up most of what you're doing is assuming attraction and not messing it up so what's the point relax man chill out she already likes you mistake number six may seem to contradict a few things I said earlier but bear with me I know I told you you have to flirt and you have to escalate and you do but there is such a thing as over escalating there is such a thing as being too obvious and there's such a thing as being too pushy and you don't want to be those things okay so kissing a girl a little bit date is great it adds some spark it has some sexual tension if you just kiss the girl over and over and over again on the date for hours it can actually get stale and kissing can get boring more importantly if you kiss a ton before you take a girl back to your place she's going to feel like going back to your place is specifically going back to your place for sex and she may feel awkward or even [ __ ] about going back to your place so she may not want to do that if instead you'd kiss her a little bit kept a little more tension left a little more to the imagination she might be much more comfortable going back to your place and yes if she's kissing you a lot she's aroused enough to have sex in most cases but that doesn't mean that she's logically decided to do it and that she's completely comfortable with it right girls typically need a little bit of time they need a little bit of comfort and you're pushing things too fast or if you appear to have an outcome in mind that is off-putting okay women do like sex a lot they love the experience of sex in fact they probably get more into it than guys do as far as the experience goes however if they feel like you're not in it for the experience but rather to put another notch on your bed post or to be able to brag to your friends or just say you did it or if you're in it for the conquest into the experience if they get that vibe Vibe they're going to be very turned off and they're actually going to be a little bit scared all right so you want to let it breathe give it time and really enjoy the experience all right that's the way that the girls think about sex if you're thinking about sex the same way if you're on the same page that you are escalating you're having fun but you're not pushing you're not in a hurry right the vibe that I have on dates is as long as things are getting better and better I don't care how fast or how slow it's going I've had dates where I'm back at my place within 15 minutes and we have sex I've had dates where it's 16 hours long and we finally have sex at the end of it I've had everything in between and I've even had times where heaven forbid I've gone on a second date and slept with a girl on a second date or even a third date it can happen sometimes as long as things are getting better as long as the tension is getting better The Vibes getting better the connection is getting better relax as long as it's going in the right direction you're probably gonna be fine common mistake number seven in order to explain this one let me clarify a couple things I said earlier number one I said you should mostly assume attraction on the date you should assume that because she showed up she already likes you I also said it's a problem if you don't flirt at all on the date and these may seem contradictory at first right because if you have to assume attraction why do you have to flirt well you still do have to set the mood you still do have to keep it fun and it's possible that she may be a little like shy or introverted or not ready to open up at the very start of the date because she's nervous you know seeing you she's nervous about expectations um maybe she's nervous that she'll make a bad impression whatever so having it be fun and lighthearted and flirty at the start is very very useful but the majority of the date is about getting to know the girl and her getting to know you that's what primarily a date is about and a lot of guys don't make that transition they flirt a little bit at the start and it works and they just keep flirting and flirting and flirting and flirting and flirting as the only thing they're doing on the day now don't get me wrong you need to flirt throughout the date but it can't be the only thing you're doing right there has to be some depth some content some getting to know you some genuineness on the date because for a girl to want to sleep with you or be in a relationship with you it's not just about attraction it's about familiarity Comfort trust and a little bit of just get getting to know you so you want to allow that to happen a lot of guys get in this cycle that oh I said this thing and she laughed so let me keep trying to be funny and keep trying to get a reaction and keep trying to push a button and it looks very very try hard and it also keeps the date from Ever Getting genuine right if you're just teasing and teasing and teasing that's all you're doing and you never get to know her she's going to leave the day being like wow that was fun but also exhausting and I also know nothing about this guy and she's probably not going to want to see you again so understand that the gamey part of dating the button pushing flirty part of dating to whatever extent it exists is just a means to an end it's a means to the end of developing a situation where she wants to connect with you a situation where she's open enough to connect with you and then primarily your job is to connect and get to know her not just to push buttons the entire night common mistake number eight so I just got through saying that the major thing you're doing on the date is connecting with a girl and getting to know her but how do you do that effectively so to a certain extent facts do matter like she does need to know some facts about your life you need to know some facts about her life but what really matters is she needs to get to know the vibe of you and what it's like to interact with you and ideally this should be done with you in a high value role okay so think of it this way a date in a way is a little bit like a job interview and during a job interview one person is usually selling themselves to the other person more than it's going back the other direction right if you're applying for a job you're usually selling yourself as a candidate more than the company is selling itself to you in most cases now it might be good job interview strategy to flip it on his head a little bit and it's also very good date strategy to flip that on his head most guys when they go on dates they're interviewing for the position of her boyfriend you want to flip the script around and have her interviewing for the position of your girlfriend What's this called something called qualifying her right so it's a really good idea to going into the date have an idea of what you're actually looking for in a girl what kind of girls do you like do you like girls that are really smart or do you like girls that are more kind of like fly by this in their pants and adventurous do you like girls that are really sporty and hit the gym or you like girls that are relaxed and and just chill and go with the flow um do you like girls that are hyper ambitious and have a career or do you want a girl like in the long run that would stay home and raise kids what is it you're actually looking for and then going into the date you're actually finding out if this girl fits that role if you're in that position of qualifying her and she's Chasing You Chasing your affection chasing your approval those kind of things the whole vibe of the day changes to a much more favorable one in terms of the girl getting attracted to because as human beings if we get something we didn't work for we typically don't value it but if we work for something and get it we value it tremendously more so in qualifying the girl you're giving her an opportunity to work for you and you're giving an opportunity that if you approve of her and if you become her boyfriend or even if you have sex with her it's a win for her it's an accomplishment for her and therefore it feels so much better to her in fact I would go so far as to say that the single biggest type of communication the single biggest objective on a date in terms of what the conversation is it should be you qualifying the girl that is the biggest thing that needs to happen on any date and if you're confused about exactly how to go about qualifying a girl there's an example of how I do it in the video that I mentioned before so you can check that out there as well common dating mistake number nine I want to tell you some specific places you absolutely should not take a girl on dates a little spoiler these are some of the absolute most common places guys take girls on dates because most guys just don't have a clue okay first one biggest one might surprise you dinner do not take a girl to dinner on a date if you can avoid it it's not the absolute end of the world if you do but it's not really particularly helpful why okay number one dinner is a a long event that you don't have a lot of control over the timing of let's say that halfway through dinner the sexual tension is really high and you'd love to take the girl home but you still have your main course to come and dessert and it's all been ordered it's a little bit weird and clunky and try hard to be like let's get out of here and go you know go home right now it doesn't really flow and then by the time you get you know half an hour an hour later and all that's been finished maybe the sexual tension is dissipated maybe she feels full and unattractive because she feels like she ate too much food who knows but it's not the absolute best scenario also a lot of times at dinner you're not sitting in the ideal arrangement to have physical contact or to um to kiss the girl even right maybe if you're sitting across the table from her at dinner it's very hard to do more than just like touch each other's hands the escalation is on pause it's it's held up by this event that is dinner and then it can actually actually to get quite a bit worse and then I'll tell you one of the worst dates I was ever on was a dinner date where I didn't know this was a very high-end Steakhouse and they actually cooked your steak for you at the table I did not know this but the entire date every single time I started getting intimate with the girl the waiter came over and had some little thing you want to do about the preparation I'm like we I just want to tell them to just [ __ ] off like I don't even want this dick anymore just leave us alone and let me talk to this girl because every single time is getting intimate here comes the waiter to interrupt us again really really brutal um that was an extreme case but the point is dinner is just not the best date another date that really sucks as a first date is taking a girl to a comedy club or to a lesser extent a movie why because the major purpose of a date is for you and the girl to interact and get to know each other and to have chemistry between the two of you if you're at a comedy show she's not interacting with you she's interacting with the comedian if you're at a movie She's Not interacting with you she's interacting with the movie screen now at a movie it's possible to get a little bit physical but on a first date in particular where she may be nervous and that may not be you know the the expectation for her that's likely it won't happen it's likely you're just gonna be sitting staring at a screen doing nothing movie date and kind of hooking up when you already know a girl maybe that's fine but for a first date or again a date before you have an existing relationship probably a very bad idea because you're not really fundamentally interacting with her fourth date that I really really hate is Starbucks or a starbucks-like venue a venue where it is not all that special brightly lit at any point someone might bring their child in so it's not really appropriate to get physical oftentimes this goes along with doing the date at the wrong time of the day like you're doing a lunch date or something like that it's just not a conducive environment it's just not very good now is it the worst thing in the world no can you do a date there that works yes oftentimes if you did if you were forced to do a date like that what you want to do is make that the start of a date and then go somewhere else right maybe you could meet for coffee and then go for a drink and now you're on a real date that you would have liked to have been on in the first place so it's not the absolute end of the world these particular dates although the The Comedy of movie dates are pretty damn bad dinner and and the coffee date um you know it's not the absolute worst but it's just not ideal and you have a choice when planning the date to just not do these things if you have to do a coffee date at least go to a coffee shop that has a good Ambiance or go take her for like to like a little tea house that has like a good little you know a little kind of elegant Corner that you guys can be in and have a little bit of privacy or something like that okay control the logistics of your date they will control the mood of your day and definitely make the date a situation where you and the girl are interacting with each other that's the most important thing that's happening on the date period so we're finally there number 10 but this one is a big one if you want a date to turn into a relationship at some point you are going to have to take the girl home whether it be your place or her place ideally yours in most cases you're going to have to take her home it's unavoidable it's a move you're going to have to make so guess what you gotta get up the balls and you gotta go for it so many dates end with you meet at a bar you meet at a restaurant whatever and then at the end you're like oh I had a great time I had a great time let's see each other again great well you know the best way to get her to see you again have sex it actually is but even if you don't end up having sex if you take the girl home the fact that she came to your place got comfortable there had a good time you weren't creepy you weren't weird it makes it more likely she's gonna feel comfortable and come back the next time but regardless let's say you do hypothetical thought experiments you do that first date you're like oh I had a great time it was great let's see each other again then you do the second take you're like oh I had a great time let's see each other again how many times do you think you can do that without taking the girl home before she's just like this guy has no balls or how about I've been dating this guy for a month and I haven't had sex what the [ __ ] I gotta go get go get laid I'll go get on Tinder in the meantime like what the [ __ ] all right you have got to make this move at some point so get up the balls to do it um and again this is one where it is a combination of the the balls to do it is the combination of just doing it and getting over the fear that is a big part but there are techniques to it and again if you want some examples of the techniques of taking girls home I have it in the video that I've mentioned earlier that's linked um I also have it in other places on this channel so there are ways to learn how to take the girl home but you have to do it it's not avoidable okay again I mentioned this with the escalation where the girls unlikely to do it for you even more so with taking you home the girl is unlikely to do it for you there has to be really really bought in for that to happen and if you wait for that you're going to be losing the vast majority of great dating opportunities that come your way so look you are the man in this relationship it's your job to lead she's unlikely to do it for you if you want things to go well at some point you do have to take her home so that's 10 huge mistakes most guys make if you're making these mistakes stop immediately if you haven't made these mistakes don't start um if you have questions about any of this content comment below I'd love to hear your feedback I'd also love to hear any questions you have about dating in general beyond that I have a new course coming out on online dating of which of course a big part is dating um if you're interested in that kind of content and want to see more of it be sure and like And subscribe so you don't miss out on any of it that's going to be an epic epic program about everything dating and everything online dating can't wait for that to come out all right thank you for being here see you on the next video

Channel: Todd V Dating

Views: 320,395

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Id: 6Y2QmbPeH9Y

Length: 23min 50sec (1430 seconds)

Published: Wed May 03 2023