Oh, Butters, this is inappropriate
for you! I'm covering your ears. I'm covering your little ears. (The sound of a pen scratching.) LOGO. Hellooo everybody! It's officially the season of
love, so what better time to discuss one of my favorite facets of storytelling: writing intimacy!
Do you want your characters to come across as close or connected? Do you want it to seem as if
they care for each other, or love one another, or are IN LOVE with each other? That's exactly what
we're talking about today! A quick disclaimer: these tips will be phrased for romantic intimacy,
which is intimacy within a romantic relationship. However, many of them–if not all of them–can also
apply to platonic intimacy, like intimacy within a family or intimacy within a friendship. Intimacy
doesn't inherently mean romance, at least not in all ideations, so just remove the romantic
element of these tips and they can fit into ANY form of intimacy. Additionally, I will be
referencing couples within this video. However, these tips can also apply to polyamory. I'm
breaking down my 10 tips for writing amazing, heartwarming, squeal-inducing intimacy so
that your readers get wrapped up in the relationships you're writing and don't want
to put the book down! Before we get started, I want to give a quick shout out to Skillshare,
who has sponsored today's video! Skillshare is an online learning community with thousands of
inspiring classes for creative people. They've got classes in a range of topics from marketing,
to illustration, to graphic design. And of course, they have classes in creative writing. One
of the great things about Skillshare is it's curated specifically for learning. That means no
ads! The classes are also divided up into little, bite-sized chunks. We're looking at one to
nine minutes, which means they're really easy to fit into your schedule. Plus, they're
constantly releasing new premium classes, so you can up your game all the time! I am both
a student at Skillshare, as well as a teacher. If you missed the announcement, I recently released
a brand new class on Skillshare all about how to self-publish your book from start to finish. It's
a step-by-step guide to self-publishing the right way so you can tackle the process easily and
effectively. I've also got a couple of other classes all about digital marketing for writers
so you can grow your author platform and have an awesome book release! Whether you're looking
to grow your craft or expand on new skills, Skillshare has got you covered! Plus, they're
super affordable; an annual subscription is less than $10 bucks a month. However, I've got
a special deal just for you guys! Stick around until the end of this video to find out what it
is! But first, we're gonna talk about intimacy, ‘cause I said so! Don't forget to subscribe to
my channel! I post new videos on Wednesdays, and if you want to be alerted as soon as I
upload, you gotta ring that bell! That way, you get ALL of my writing advice right away, ALL
the time! It's awesome! And while you're here, check out my number one best-selling dark fantasy
romance series The Savior's Series! We've got The Savior's Champion, as well as The Savior's Sister!
I have them linked below, you should totally check them out! And now on to my 10 tips for writing
intimacy! Number One (1): Know the definition! A lot of people hear the word ‘intimacy’ and think
‘sex,’ and while there is a definition of intimacy that equates to sex, it's like seventh on the
list. The main definition of intimacy is closeness and familiarity. It means an affectionate or
loving personal relationship, or some act or expression of affection. The key words here
are ‘closeness’ and ‘affection,’ so that's what you should be focused on when building intimacy.
On a related note, Number Two (2): Intimacy doesn't HAVE to equal sex. I've heard the advice that
if you're writing romance or romantic intimacy, there absolutely has to be sex. That's some dumb,
incorrect shit. While sex and intimacy are often linked, they are not dependent on one another.
You can experience romantic intimacy without sex just like you can experience sex without
romantic intimacy. The reliance on sex to equate romantic intimacy is actually a really
huge mistake in fiction, because sexual attraction is NOT romance. You're just horny! Calm down. It
may be hot, but heart-wrenching or swoon-worthy? Not so much... This isn't to say you shouldn't
write sex. You ABSOLUTELY can, just don't assume that this is the key to creating intimacy.
And DEFINITELY don't assume that you HAVE to write sex. There are plenty of reasons a ship can
abstain: asexuality, personal preference, comfort levels, age. Maybe it's way too soon. Maybe it's
inappropriate for the target audience. Maybe it's not at all relevant to the story. Basically, sex
is fine, but intimacy doesn't have to be sexual, and it's not intimate if all you've got is sex.
Right, Butters? Number Three (3): Create a bond. Intimacy is impossible without connection, and
connection relies on a strong bond. This means it's not enough for your characters to simply know
one another or share long glances across the room. A bond goes deeper than that. It relies on shared
experiences and feelings. It relies on a sense of common ground. The easiest way to create a close
emotional bond between characters is to have them share vulnerabilities or vulnerable moments. You
see this a lot in fiction because it's effective. Maybe they're sharing life or death situations.
They're both running from the same guy and having to save one another's lives. But it doesn't have
to be life or death stakes; it can be as simple as them sharing their trauma from their past or
their tragic backstories. Sometimes they bond over a shared insecurity. Maybe they're both being
bullied at school or they're struggling at work. Without moments where all parties share an
unguarded version of themselves, there is no sense of closeness, and that is pivotal for creating a
bond. Focus on powerful bonding moments and the intimacy will be much easier to write. Number
Four (4): Understand your characters. Everyone expresses and receives intimacy differently.
There are many people who consider sharing deep, personal stories intimate. However, I personally
don't mind sharing personal stories of my own volition. It's not an intimate expression for me.
What about you? You don't mind sharing kisses! No, you don't! On the flip side, some people are
super touchy. They don't mind hugging and cuddling people. To them, it's not a big deal. I, on the
other hand, find physical touch very intimate and I am only comfortable sharing it with certain
people. Like Butters! Your characters should be the same way. They should be just as varied as
the real world. As you create your characters, you should get an idea of what they would consider
intimate and how they would react to certain forms of intimacy. Is sharing personal information
a form of intimacy to that character? Why or why not? What about physical touch? What about
flirtation? What about sex? Everyone is different based on nature and nurture, so figure out where
your character exists on the spectrum that is human individuality. Number Five (5): Show, don't
tell. Telling absolutely has its place, but when you're trying to build emotion, SHOW...don't tell.
Intimacy is an area where it's imperative to show, because your content will only come across as
intimate if the readers can FEEL the intimacy. You can't tell the readers, "their relationship
was intimate," and have it automatically translate into warm fuzzies. If anything, they're gonna
feel ripped off. If you're ever at a loss on how to show intimacy, think about how intimacy is
shown in real life: through words of affection, body language, and of course, physical touch.
Something as simple as an embrace or tucking a strand of hair behind someone's ear can get
the job done. And of course, kind gestures, or displays, or even facial expressions
can go a long way in expressing intimacy. Never underestimate the power of a soft smile, or
flushed cheeks, or a grand display of affection to get the job done. On a related note, Number Six
(6): Avoid 'felt.' One of the easiest ways to show as opposed to tell is to avoid writing the word
'feel' or 'felt.' That's not to say you should never use it; it ABSOLUTELY has its moments. But
if you are constantly telling the reader how a character feels, you are destroying the sense
of intimacy. If you catch yourself writing, "she felt so close to her girlfriend," you are telling,
and there are a handful of superior ways you could SHOW this moment instead. For example, maybe she
could reach out and hold her girlfriend's hand. Maybe you can describe the weight of uncertainty
being lifted from her shoulders, or the ease of being in her girlfriend's company. Maybe this is
the perfect opportunity for their first kiss. "She felt so attracted to her." "She felt a bond to
her." "She felt desperate to be with her." All of this is telling, and all of it sucks. Number
Seven (7): Use your five senses. Using your five senses makes readers feel transported into the
scene, and that is very important for intimacy. If your character is involved in a particularly
intimate exchange–again, this does not have to be sexual–think about what their senses are tuning
in to. We're familiar with comforting smells; smells that make you feel safe, smells that
remind you of something or someone you love. Maybe your character is cuddling with their
partner and smelling the coconut scent of their hair. Taste is great, especially if they're
kissing. Sight is always relevant; you can use it to describe their partner's body language or
facial expressions. For hearing, obviously, you can use dialogue, but you can also describe
the way the character is talking. Is it breathy or excited? Is it soft or tender? Or, they could
simply be lulled by the rhythm of their heartbeat or their steady breathing. And of course,
touch is so important to building intimacy, as is the reaction to touch. Goosebumps, shivers,
relaxation, ease. All of this matters! Tap into your five senses and bring those intimate
moments to life. Number Eight (8): Get inside your body. This is another tip I give often when
it comes to writing emotional content, and it is especially relevant for intimacy. Think about how
intimacy physically manifests itself in your body. How you physically feel when you're with someone
that you share a close, personal bond with. And understand these feelings are going to be
different for specific people and for specific levels of intimacy. Maybe when a relationship
is new, the character's heart is pounding, their face is hot, their breathing is short and
quick. But in an older, lived-in relationship, maybe being with their partner creates a sense
of peace and ease. When they see their partner, all the tension and stress in their body releases.
These sort of descriptions not only illustrate the intimacy between the characters, it also creates a
visceral and immersive experience for the reader. Number Nine (9): Pay attention to dialogue.
Intimacy, whether it's platonic or romantic, will change the way characters relate to one another
and especially how they speak with each other. I speak to my fiancé completely differently than how
I speak with my family or my friends, and I speak to all of them in a totally different way than
I speak with people I have zero connection with. Different kinds of intimacy create different forms
of communication, and I'm not just talking about terms of endearment or flirting. Obviously, I
don't call my friends 'baby.' Obviously, I don't flirt with my mom. But there are some things
I feel comfortable talking about with Cliff, but I don't feel comfortable sharing it with other
people. There are some things I go to my mom for specifically, and there are some jokes I only
make with my friends. This is the same in fiction; every intimate relationship is unique. Using
The Savior's Sister as an example, Tobias is very protective by nature, but he's a lot more
willing to be soft and vulnerable with Leila. He's also goofier and more sarcastic with his friends,
which is something a lot of people can relate to. Think about how intimacy affects your character's
personality, and thus, how it will translate into the dialogue of your scene. And Number Ten (10):
Know when to turn it off. Intimate relationships are not ALL heart flutters ALL the time. Sometimes
couples, friends, and family fight. Sometimes they disagree. Sometimes they've got shit to do. That's
not to say that intimacy completely disappears, but sometimes I really need to work, so I tell
Cliff, "Hey baby, I'm sorry, but I gotta write this scene." And then I ignore him for an hour.
The point is if it's all walking on sunshine all the time, no one's gonna buy it. That's not to
say you gotta throw in abuse or gaslighting to keep things interesting. Please don't do that!
Don't get it twisted, that's NOT what I'm saying. I'm just saying if the character is dealing
with the death of their mom or the impending doom of the universe, this may not be the
time for them to be twitterpated or horny. Save the intimacy for times when the intimacy
makes sense. Your readers will thank you. So that's all I got for you today! Thank you SO much
to Skillshare for sponsoring today's video! Again, like I said, I'm not only a student at Skillshare,
I am also a teacher. It is the perfect platform if you want to hone your skills or create entirely
new skills. Skillshare is super affordable, but right now the first 1,000 people who click the
link in the description below will get a free trial of Skillshare Premium membership! That is
a FREE TRIAL of Skillshare Premium, so you can try out their classes for free! Including
my classes...I hear they're pretty awesome! But only the first 1,000 people who click
the link will get it, so get to clicking! Do it now! You'll thank me later... Don't forget
to subscribe to my channel! I post new videos on Wednesdays, and if you want to be alerted as SOON
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Facebook, and BookBub–and of course, you can tweet me @JennaMoreci! Bye! (Flippant Male Voice)
Hey! Everyone! I'm Flynn! I fuckin' love myself! So if you love me, and you don't mind a
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