#1 Thing to AVOID When Talking to a NARCISSIST or NEGATIVE Person/Lisa A Romano

hey namaste everybody Lisa hermana here the breakthrough life coach and what I want to share with you today is the number one thing I think we should consider avoiding when dealing with a narcissist and/or an obnoxious or rude person so the number one thing that you want to try to avoid when you're dealing with someone who you believe has narcissistic tendencies or is a full-blown narcissist you want to avoid trying to prove your point now the reason this is important is because we have to understand that a narcissist is generally somebody who does not listen they don't care what you think they don't care what you feel their agenda is very simple their agenda is to be right and to make you wrong their agenda is to find people who mirror back to them this idea that they are awesome or that you know in some cases a narcissist might be somebody who is looking for everybody to feel completely sorry for them and to take care of them you know thinking about a vulnerable narcissist or a covert narcissist somebody who has their all their entire agenda is to get people to believe what they think and to get them to take care of them and if they cannot achieve that and you are somebody who they have have deemed as someone who is not playing by their rules then they will try to intimidate you then they will try to in some cases even hurt you you know they will you know create skip smear campaigns about you they will try to coerce you you know they'll try like I said earlier they'll try to intimidate you you know so the way I think about a narcissist and it really helped me you know when I got clear about this idea that we're all energy and that narcissists carry themselves in a particular way and I see a narcissist as a blackhole somebody who does not know how to generate their own generate their own energy from within somebody who has to exist on planet earth as someone who looks to take energy from others so either they are going to love bomb you and be very charming when they meet you and they're just trying to be as manipulative as they can without you picking up on this idea that they're full of crap and in that way they're hooking you like a fish on a hook and they're beginning to drain your energy they're getting you inside their lair their emotional layer you know and they need other people to generate energy from now someone who is rational is generating their own energy you know they are grounding themselves they're taking care of themselves they're exercising they're eating the right foods you know they're in love with the planet they're in love with humanity and you know they're there they've found ways to generate their own sense of well-being narcissists don't do that they absolutely generate their sense of well-being from other people there are energy vampires so that's why I think the number one thing that we need to avoid when dealing with someone who is narcissistic maybe not completely a full-blown NPD but when dealing with someone who is exhibiting narcissistic traits which is someone who doesn't listen somebody who exploits you or exploits other people exploit others other people's flaws or their emotions somebody who feels entitled doesn't have to play by the rules the rules don't apply to them you know somebody who always has to bring the conversations back to them somebody who does not have empathy for you or your experiences or somebody who is constantly trying to trump your experiences somebody who has to you know every time you have something wonderful to share they have to piss on it you know they have to suck energy from your joy right going back this idea that narcissists are like these black holes they're energetic black holes and their agenda is to suck energy from other people so they can feel better about themselves so what we have to understand is that when you're somebody who generates your own energy and you're taking care of yourself and you're really really trying to stay grounded and you're being self responsible the worst thing that you can do is to engage with someone who isn't interested in anything you have to say now rational people think they're talking to rational other people so if you're a rational thinking person you're actually wanting to understand what this person is having to say but that's the mistake we're making what we don't understand is when you're talking to someone narcissistic traits and/or is a narcissist you are engaging in a conversation with someone who doesn't think that way they're not interested in what you have to say so what has to change is you what has to change is your perception of this person what has to change is your understanding of this person's limitations and so when you discover that you're dealing with someone who doesn't have empathy who doesn't know how to bounce emotions back your way when you're found you've discovered that someone is exploitive you know it does feel entitled is all about themselves you know and kits sucking up all the air in the room or somebody who likes to push you around remember narcissism is about dominance if a narcissist can't talk you into idolizing them then they will try to frighten you or coerce you into obeying them you know and that can be a very very scary situation to be in you know being married to someone like that or you know even having a child who may be like that or a boss you know even a friend right so the worst thing that we can do is put ourselves in the situation where we are trying to prove our point with the narcissist because then what happens is like I said earlier you're somebody who is generating your own energy but when you're somebody who is self responsible for their own energy there's there's a limited amount there's a limited supply of energy that you can generate on your own let's say for 24 hour period you know I'm somebody who who reboots myself and I don't expect my husband or my children to make me feel good about me you know I don't expect my Worth and my energy to come from outside of me I make sure that I generate that energy from inside is a self responsible person but I also know that because I'm responsible for that energy it can get depleted so when I'm engaging with people that I understand are not listening to me I've learned to shut the shut e I do not get into conversations where I'm trying to prove myself to this person because they are not listening and if I put myself in that position where now I'm trying to be heard by this narcissistic person who doesn't give a rat's ass about what I have to say in a very short time my energy may have been up here but it's slowly every word I speak every time I try to convince this person of my point is I'm going to get depleted more and more and more and more and by the time I end the conversation I will be completely drained I'll be fatigued I will be confused and the person that I'm talking to feels better because he's plugged himself into my socket you know and he's drained he's taken all my energy and he feels kind of good so it's important that we understand I think if you think about someone who is a narcissist narcissist or is on the spectrum you know who is severely below the veil of consciousness whose psyche works to ensure that they never go into that shame vault they never tap into the I am not enough they psychologically they just can't do it they have been galvanized against looking within because there's so much shame there now I can have a lot of empathy for that person but I am not having dinner with that person I'm just not because because that person the way that person perceives themselves and perceives life is skewed and I will suffer because of the way this person is trying not to see themselves and so I've learned to like detach myself I'm done trying to save narcissists who have had you know really troubled backgrounds and I know why you're a narcissist and let me save you those codependent days of mine are over I no longer want projects okay I want synchronicity I want serendipity I want peace I want abundance and I want flow so dear ones dear when Stan once please understand me healthy people generate their own energy their self responsible and they've learned to not even complain about that they just know that you know the more energy they put into themselves the more they're gonna line up with abundance of peace and prosperity outside of them they've gotten beyond blaming people for why why this and why that I mean I am all for pinning the tail and donkey and understanding why we are the way we are but at one point we've got to take responsibility for whatever's in our mind whatever's in our heart and then we have to use the ability that's happened to the creators that we are to change it to change it so if you're on that path and you're in this place where you're learning to generate your own energy and you're learning to identify the Lions the Tigers and the Bears in your reality and you're beginning to say hmm you know my best friend of 32 years or my best friend of 12 years like never listens to me like never sends me a card for my birthday or a text my birthday but we got to go out for the weekend for her birthday or you know my boss is is completely minimizes me and tries to humiliate me and feels entitled to exploit me and get me to stay five more hours after my day has ended you know so when you are identifying narcissistic traits in people try to remember that one of the goals is to not try to prove your point because what we have to do instead is we have to figure out one of the boundaries for this relationship you know what are the boundaries for this working relationship do I want to work for this company do I want to work for this person you know what else would I'd like to do do I want to be this person's friend how much of myself am I going to invest in this relationship you know is this a relationship that I want to continue investing in at all you know what am I gonna do with this relationship with this person this narcissistic spouse of mine who is working feverishly to convince me that she or he is this fabulous person and I can see that dr. Jekyll and mr. Hyde I know the truth what am I willing to invest and not invest in this relationship so we look at it from a very logical and rational place rather than a very naive place right and not naive you know not being you know trying to be critical of anybody but those of us who are rational and who have come out from being codependent which be more rational you know if you're someone who's trying to understand other people then and very often times we naively thank everybody that we're talking to is like us isn't everybody trying to understand what the other person saying no that blew my mind I thought everybody was rational I thought everybody cared about recycling I thought nobody would throw a bag of McDonald's out a car window on a off a highway I didn't this is really growing up when I realized there are so many people that thinks so differently that abuse animals that don't care about the earth that don't care about recycling that don't really care about how other people feel I mean it blew my mind but it also helped me reorganize the way I think it also helped me become more conscious and more realistic about the way the world really operates so not everybody is gonna think like you dear one not everyone is going to sit down and have a heart-to-heart and really try to understand the person that's sitting across from them there really are people out there that are emotional predators that are spiritual predators and some of them some of them do know it and a lot of them don't and I think the ones that don't know they are emotional and spiritual and physical and sexual predators the ones that think they're right the ones that think they're entitled to treat people this way are the most dangerous in my opinion because very often times they are the most convincing because they're so convinced that they're right and that you're wrong and that they have a right to treat you this way so I hope this video has helped some of you think a little bit more well think a little bit more open-minded ly about dealing with someone who's a narcissist and at the end of the day it comes back to us it comes back to us setting boundaries it comes back to us doing our work it comes back to us realizing that we are enough and that we don't need this person's validation and it comes back to us being able to hold ourselves accountable for how we show up it comes back to us learning how to hold on to ourselves and stay in our own skin and even though it gets a little rocky when you stop giving in to a narcissist it comes down to us learning to figure out what we want versus what we don't want taking accountability for what's in our life you know and the energy that we bring into our life and tolerating it comes back to us and so just remember dear ones when you've identified this idea that you're dealing with somebody who is not listening try not to get into the place where you are trying to prove your point because it is exhausting you will be beating your head up against a wall you are best basically being toyed with like a cat with a little tiny mouse narcissus loved to engage with other people they'd love to see us dance with exhaustion they'd love to make other people infuriated they walk or they walk away feeling very very empowered when they're able to upset another person so try to avoid that pitfall try to avoid that that cliff try to try to avoid from falling into that trap and just hold on to yourself acknowledge what's happening inside of you and decide how much of you you want to give to this relationship or this conversation and then remember to reground yourself remember to generate your own energy remember always to love yourself just love yourself and what I mean by love yourself just take care of yourself as if you were parenting a child take care of yourself as if you were your own inner child love yourself the way a healthy Divine Mother Energy and divine father energy would love you protect yourself the way a divine father energy would male energy would protect you and do this a little bit every day just really unfold yourself in unconditional love and you will notice that your tolerance for people who do not listen will really really decrease and you will be able to set boundaries a lot quicker it's a process here once it's a process process so I just want to say thank you for watching and thank you for being so awesome and for those of you who don't know I have a monthly membership site full of resources and tools and workbooks and assessment sheets and meditation and affirmations and courses you name it it's in there and I will be relaunching a couple of my programs very very soon and I will leave the links below so thank you so much for being here and also check out my Facebook page you can follow me on insight timer and on Pinterest you can follow me all over the place do one if you want to so namaste dear ones and at vows to the love and the life that is absolutely in you bye for now [Music]

Channel: Lisa A. Romano Breakthrough Life Coach Inc.

Views: 492,905

Rating: 4.92976 out of 5

Keywords: narcissist, narcissistic abuse, narcissistic abuse recovery, child of narcissist, narcissistic abuse symptoms, narcissistic, how to talk to a narcissist, talking to a narcissist, how to deal with negative people, codependency recovery, lisa a romano, #1 thing to avoid when talking to a narcissist, lisa a romano narcissist, lisa a romano covert narcissist, lisa a romano codependency, how to deal with narcissistic people, narcissistic abuse youtube, lisa a romano boundaries

Id: DTST_fq318Q

Length: 16min 46sec (1006 seconds)

Published: Wed May 09 2018